What now?

[Roi]

Hello, first of all I want to say that I found these forums today, and I'm really impressed with what I've found (positively of course), it is really shocking to find a place where people debate so openly and seriously about their feelings!
I found this website because I am looking for some answers to my situation, and I can't seem to find them anywhere. I'm a really closed up person, but I like all the stuff that I've read today, so I decided I'll explain my situation to you guys.
I'm 23 and I'm on my last university year, so I'm on a kind of tough moment of my life, because I have to make big decissions soon, and I don't think I'm in the right "mood" to make any decission that will affect my whole life right now.

The word that best describes how I feel right now is "disoriented". I don't really know how to start so I'll just go ahead with it:

Almost 3 years ago I got into a big depression, probably coming from a big dissatisfaction on my life, I had a tough distance relationship, I was studying something that I really hated but I was good at, so it was double bad, because I didn't find any challenge on it, or interest. As a result from this depression, I broke up with my girlfriend, I destroyed most of my familiar relationships through lying, and I lost control over myself. Locking myself up in my apartment, refusing social contact and gaining so much weight in the process. My weight got to be 130 kG (286 pounds).

Anyway, thanks to my family I got to realize how destructive my situation was and decided to change it. I decided to start exercicing at a gym, get back in touch with friends and find healthy hobbies (music playing). It's been almost 3 years now, I've lost 116 pounds (54~ kg) through a huge amount of personal effort on healthy diets and physical exercice; attended a lot of music courses and now I'm kind of skilled with my guitar (it kind of became my only activity, so I learned pretty fast) and made myself a group of friends again. During this time, I didn't feel very happy, in fact I felt very lonely, but I focused all of my energy on losing weight and told myself that that was the reason I felt so alone.

But now after I've achieved all of the goals (I can play the music I love, I got to have a nice physical appearance after so much exercice and care, I get good results in my studies), I still feel as alone as the first day. I kind of have the feeling when you put all of your hopes on a goal, and once you reach it, you just don't feel any different, and you think "I thought this was going to change my life but it didn't, so what now?"

I refuse to think that this feeling has happent to me only, so my question is: has something like that ever happent to you? Do you have any advice for me?
Have you ever deposited all of your hopes on an achievement that didn't end up changing your life as you expected? What did you do then?
Thanks in advance for any comments you may think of.

[tomtomtom]

I dont see what your problem is at all. I dont know what you mean by being happy you seem like your in a good situation. The weight loss is not going to make you happy just based off the weight loss, though it was a very important thing to do, it will make your life much easier. You are in your last year so your gonna get a degree which is huge. You seem to want challenges, so just set a new goal, its not like you were gonna lose the weight then die, you have many more things to do. Just graduate, wheel some girls with your gutair, have a good time that should make you happy. You dont have to make any decision, people dont really make decisions they are not that intelligent, you just do something and see what happens, you have no idea where the road will take you. So graduate get a job and take enjoyment out of hobbies.

[Keast]

Is it kind of like a lingering depression? Like you're going with the flow of life waiting for happiness to pop up and it had yet to rear it's head? You need to find more of what you like, surround your life with anything that interests you or makes you feel something positive. For me, my depression stays at bay while i'm motivated and interested in what i'm doing. the problem is when the depression makes you lose interest again eventually...

[Traikan]

Onward and upward!

Regardless of what you decide to do, take a moment and consider what you've accomplished, (especially the weight loss, shedding that many pounds is not an easy task!) and focus on the skills that let you do it. Your persistence, focus, and determination, all those good things that turned it from ideal to reality.

Take some time to introspect, experiment and figure out what appeals to you, and then know that you have those skills at the ready for whenever you set a new heading.

I'm reading into this a bit, but it sounds like you enjoy making progress toward your goals more than achieving them, and that's not a bad thing. It just means you'll feel restless until you find a new challenge to tackle.

[carpediem]

Congratulations on achieving those goals. You should feel very proud of yourself, if nothing else. Doing all that seems like a really nice turn around I enjoy hearing about.

A lot of times we may do things and expect everything to change magically after they are done, but that's not how life works. Most of the time you have to find the change in yourself. So you still feel alone, well, none of those goals were about not feeling alone. Maybe that should be your next goal.

Oh, and I think having a group of friends and being at peace with yourself [like not feeling alone, satisfied, etc.] is two different things imo, even though that must sound strange.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by Roi

Have you ever deposited all of your hopes on an achievement that didn't end up changing your life as you expected? What did you do then?
Thanks in advance for any comments you may think of.

yes our ego's want more and more and more ...................................Satisfaction-Rolling Stones - YouTube


so how do we become 'satisfied'?
Be in the present moment

Eckhart Tolle stated -" You are present when what you are doing is not primarily a means to an end (money.prestige,winning) but fulfilling in itself,when there is joy and aliveness in what you do .


so in other words when you are working towards a goal -feel joy in the process -and when you have 'achieved' that goal look back and appreciate the joy you felt in the doing

[Roi]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts I really apreciate it!

Traikan, I see what you mean when you say I enjoy more working on a challenge than achieving it, maybe it is because in my life I always needed to have something appealing and chalenging to motivate me everyday, and now I feel like a lack one.

Keast, yeah its totally like that, when I decided to give my life a complete turn, I thought of all the pieces of my life that I wanted to change, and what goals I wanted to achieve on that matters; so when I finally made it I expected everything to just be wonderful. Maybe I just focused on the things that I wanted, not the ones I needed.

Tomtomtom, I know it is hard to see for most people what my problem is, because my life looks, and is, so much better than before, but it is not enough yet, since I don't feel fullfilled at all.

Carpediem, what you said totally makes sense, havinga group of friends doesn't mean not feeling alone, and maybe that should be my next challenge, but I'm afraid it's not a single person challenge, as the ones I took before, at it is much more complex and implies a degree of self-knowledge that I'm not sure I have.

These days I've been trying to force myself into having a possitive attitude but some things happent around me that escape my control and were a bit tough. Anyway, when I decided to change, I also tried to be a better person, be more aware ofothers needs and care about my friends, and sometimes I know that I expect too much of people, so when they disappoint me I get a real bad mood. I know I can't expect my friends to always act the way I think is best, but I simply can't avoid feeling that way.