The Good and Bad in Life

[trishikarao]

When I was younger I was told that your life is filled with good and bad things. If something bad happens good would follow, and after a success more challenges would arise. It made sense as a grew up, noticing this pattern to be true. Yet in a sense I took this life lesson in a pessimistic approach. Whenever something good happened in my life I was always haunted by the fact that something bad was approaching. I couldn't enjoy the good stuff and spent most of my time dealing with the bad. This really made me ungrateful and fearful. Furthermore, when I watched all those movies where family members died and the main character struggled to get back on their feet, it always scared me that someone important to me would pass away and nothing would ever be the same. I never really lost anyone important to me so I was always tormented by the fact that my luck would soon expire.

Right now, I still struggle with this belief even though I now know that good things and bad things happening aren't as directly related to each other as I used to think. However, whenever something good happens especially, I feel rather overwhelmed as if I'm at the top of a roller coaster and the only way forward is down. I talked to my friend about this about a year ago and she told me that she personally enjoys the good moments as they come and go which again makes me think I should simply be more grateful. Yet, I get so caught up with what will happen next that it is rather difficult for me. Am I thinking about the future too much? If I am, how do I stop? How can I be more grateful instead of fearful?

[Ken Benjamin]

Originally Posted by trishikarao

When I was younger I was told that your life is filled with good and bad things. If something bad happens good would follow, and after a success more challenges would arise. It made sense as a grew up, noticing this pattern to be true. Yet in a sense I took this life lesson in a pessimistic approach. Whenever something good happened in my life I was always haunted by the fact that something bad was approaching. I couldn't enjoy the good stuff and spent most of my time dealing with the bad. This really made me ungrateful and fearful. Furthermore, when I watched all those movies where family members died and the main character struggled to get back on their feet, it always scared me that someone important to me would pass away and nothing would ever be the same. I never really lost anyone important to me so I was always tormented by the fact that my luck would soon expire.

Right now, I still struggle with this belief even though I now know that good things and bad things happening aren't as directly related to each other as I used to think. However, whenever something good happens especially, I feel rather overwhelmed as if I'm at the top of a roller coaster and the only way forward is down. I talked to my friend about this about a year ago and she told me that she personally enjoys the good moments as they come and go which again makes me think I should simply be more grateful. Yet, I get so caught up with what will happen next that it is rather difficult for me. Am I thinking about the future too much? If I am, how do I stop? How can I be more grateful instead of fearful?

Maybe it's tied to this idea that there is a relationship between good and bad things happening. You really need to discard this notion. It simply isn't so.

Your moods and attitudes are as much about what you think as anything else. I'm not saying you create bad events (i.e. someone dying) but how you handle it or whether your spend mental energy worrying over it will bring your mood down.

For gratitude, focus each day on what is good in your life. Maybe make a list.
Start with:

"I am willing to ask for help when I need it."
"I have identified a limiting belief and need to change it."

Even consider making a list of what is bad and then start working to improve those things. Write down your progress starting with that you took the first step.

I really think getting rid of this idea of 'luck' having anything to do with anything will help. The bumper sticker has it right: S*** Happens

Some of it is good, some of it is bad.

[WisdomDome]

Look, of course good things and bad things happen. There's definitely no rule stating that when something good happens that something bad will follow, and vice versa.

You need to look at the "bad" experiences as positive experiences. If you take them and learn from them, really break them down and understand them for what they are - they're just lessons. Whether it's from a "higher power" or not, sometimes it's easier to find something to learn or grow from regardless of the experience. Looking at things this way not only extracts the positive from the "negative", but it also makes things a lot less stressful because you're turning something "negative" into something positive.

Stop concerning yourself so much with what COULD happen and just focus on what IS happening. So it may not last forever, but you surely will find the good in whatever situation that you're in after time - it's human nature to be resilient and make the best of any conditions that we're met with, sometimes it just takes time.

Examples:

Your relationship ends, you're lonely. Lesson? Learn to love yourself and your company, learn to be more independent.

You lose your well-paying job and have to wash dishes for minimum wage. Lesson? Perhaps you became too arrogant or too wrapped up in material life, maybe you need to learn what it's like to struggle and appreciate things more.

The lesson isn't predetermined, it's for you to know and for you to learn and experience. The same thing could happen to 500 different people and they're all going to learn different things from the same experience.

So stop seeing anything as bad and look at it as an opportunity for growth!