The need to be loved and understood...a very nice read!

[RonSouther]

The desire to love and to be loved, the desire to understand and to be understood are very instinctive, very natural -- but very binding, imprisoning. That's why, even if for a few moments listening to me -- if you can forget these two desires, in that transcendence you will find the ultimate in joy.

I have been misunderstood perhaps more than anyone else ever, but it has not affected me, for the simple reason that there is no desire to be understood. It is their problem if they don't understand, it is not my problem. If they misunderstand, it is their problem and their misery. I am not going to waste my sleep because millions of people are misunderstanding me. If I was concerned about being understood they would have driven me mad. But they have not been able to even scratch a little bit.

All their misunderstanding is their problem. They are suffering from it, they are paying for it. Why should I be bothered by it? I have said what I felt is true. I have said it, not to be understood -- I have said it because I wanted to share. If they are not willing, it is up to them; I cannot force them.

But both these desires -- to understand and to be understood -- are together. Unless you understand, you cannot drop the desire to be understood. Once you understand just the simple existence of your being, both disappear. There is nothing more to understand, and there is no question that anybody should understand you.

And the same is true about love.

The moment you understand what love is, you experience what love is, you become love. Then there is no need in you to be loved, and there is no need in you to love. Loving will be your simple, spontaneous existence, your very breathing. You cannot do anything else; you will be simply loving.

Now if in return, love does not come to you, you will not feel hurt, for the simple reason that only the person who has become love can love. You can give only that which you have. Asking people to love you -- people who don't have love in their life, who have not come to the source of their being where love has its shrine -- how can they love you? They can pretend. They can say, they can even believe, but sooner or later these things are going to... it is going to be known that it is only a pretension, that it is only acting, that it is hypocrisy.

There may not be an intention to deceive you, but what can the person do? You ask for love, and the other person also wants love. Both understand that you are expected to love, that only then can you get love -- so you both try in every possible way to take the posture of love. But the posture is empty. And both are going to discover it, and both are going to complain about it against the other, that it is not right. From the very beginning it has been two beggars begging from each other, and both have only empty begging bowls.

Both are pretending that they can give, but their basic desire is to get. If you don't have it, you cannot give it. And those who have it -- this is to be understood very clearly -- those who have found the source of love within themselves are no longer in need of being loved. And they will be loved.

They will love for no other reason but simply because they have too much of it -- just as a rain cloud wants to rain, just as a flower wants to release its fragrance, with no desire to get anything. The reward of love is in loving, not in getting love.
And these are the mysteries of life, that if a person is rewarded just in loving people, many will love him. Because by being in contact with him, they will slowly start finding the source within themselves. Now they know one person at least who showers love and whose love is not out of any need. And the more he shares and showers his love, the more it grows.

The same is true about understanding. If you are close to a person of understanding you will see that he shares; sharing is his joy, it is not his business. He gives wholeheartedly, knowing perfectly well that he will find many doors closed in his face, but his understanding is deep enough to understand these people who misunderstand him.

They are miserable. They are afraid to let his understanding reach them, they are afraid of his light. They start closing their windows and their doors. They are afraid of his presence. They will condemn, they will create confusion, they will create rumors, they will create lies; they will do everything to prevent this man's light, his understanding, his insight from spreading. And the reason is that they are afraid.

This man's presence is a great fear to them. In his presence they become suddenly naked -- with all their jealousies, with all their miseries, with all their pain, with all their wounds. In his presence they cannot hide. Before his eyes they are as if before x-rays which will penetrate to their deepest core and reveal all they have been somehow hiding from the society, and creating a certain good image. They are just the opposite within.

I have never been hurt by any misunderstanding. It was part of my understanding that it is going to be so, and once you are free of the desire to love and to be loved, you will love; but it will not be a desire, it will be an overflowing energy. And you will be loved, but it will not be an expectation, it will be a surprise.

Once you understand just yourself and you have gone beyond all kinds of misunderstandings, your light is so clear and bright, your certainty is so absolute, that the whole world can condemn you but it will not in any way hurt you. It will simply create more compassion and more effort to make these people somehow come out of their darkness and see the light.

And one thing is certain that you mention -- that once both these desires are calmed down, one feels in heaven. One really is in heaven.

One has always been; it was just that one was getting disturbed by small things and forgetting the immense beauty and joy the whole existence is ready to give to you -- and without any price. It is just yours for the asking.

From the book "Beyond Psychology"

[sharshar89]

Originally Posted by RonSouther

From the book "Beyond Psychology"

Seriously I doubt how a person can get unaffected despite being misunderstood all the time..and how a person can be happy without being loved. The idea of that paragraph is great but the question is how to get there..is there any mortals who actually got there besides monks and nuns?

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by sharshar89

Seriously I doubt how a person can get unaffected despite being misunderstood all the time..and how a person can be happy without being loved. The idea of that paragraph is great but the question is how to get there..is there any mortals who actually got there besides monks and nuns?

I hear you....it's annoying not being "heard" but then impossible to "hear" each other because of how limiting language is. For example the word "water" is not water, not the real liquid. That word only is revelant if you have had an experience with water. And you can't drink the written word.

The greatest love I can see is to be able to love yourself, or to love being alive, which is all the same. In my own life, I'm really content alone, in a silence environment. It is sad when I have love to share and no one to receive it and it is a joy when that love is received.

But until you can be happy alone, you won't be able to truly and purely love another because mixed with your love are conditions that the other must meet to keep you from feeling lonely. So first comes the need to know self, which allows you to love self, which allows you finally to love and be loved.

How to get there? That's my greatest frustration. Everyone can spot the ideals because we've all sensed loving moments. And we've all seen the ugliness of ego gratification. So we readily see the imperfections and the perfect ideal but no one knows the path.

For me the path has been to seek sharp perspective that challenge my beliefs about self (ego) and about life. That person needs to be free from beleifs to be able to do any good. To replace one belief with another is a waste of brain cells. That path is arduous because in a world of believers, you will find yourself alone and judged harshly.

So this all depends on what you want? Do you want the crowd to give you a false sense of security and knowing? Or do you really want to know? You can't have both.

[theuprising]

Originally Posted by sharshar89

Seriously I doubt how a person can get unaffected despite being misunderstood all the time..and how a person can be happy without being loved. The idea of that paragraph is great but the question is how to get there..is there any mortals who actually got there besides monks and nuns?

O.o, you do know all the feelings we have are in our heads and are our doings? Suffering is a choice.

Your instincts may be screaming to be loved, but you can still be like "♥♥♥♥ you instincts" and buy into else something different entirely. That is, if free will exists at all.