How to win over these people

[vothiquynhyen]

Hi,

I have a pretty long story. I had depression, a serious one, when I went abroad to study in Singapore. It was due to the first broken love. Due to my depression, I couldn't concentrate or study. My prof asked me the reason and I told him what I had been going through. He said he was also diagnosed with bipolar and he sympathized with me. All the people that I had ever known in Singapore sympathized with me.

But I couldn't study any more due to sorrowfulness and the lack of concentration and interest so I dropped out of the school. You know, when I came back to Vietnam (you know, the socialist country with awful services, fake products and a dictatorial government bla bla bla..) and I informed people about my depression, what did they think? Most of them rumored that I was crazy. They did actually say I was crazy, insane, "not stabilized". I was so shocked. During the whole time that they rumored about me, I was in deep desperation, I cried, I felt so lifeless. And they were so cruel. They discriminated and looked at me in a different way. Even now they are still so so. I realized that only in my hardest time can I find my true friends, the rest is either cruel or "couldn't care less". That's what I experience in my "home country".

Now many of them still discriminate and treat me as though I were an insane person who doesn't know how to talk, how to communicate. They simply ignore me even though they are considered to be my neighbors, next of kin relatives.

What can I do in this situation? I'm no crazy person. But I keep being bothered by these nasty stupid people. I know I should just ignore them and do my stuffs, but sometimes it is so hard.

[Carri C]

sometimes those closest to us understand us least well. see what you can do to find a support group, a therapist or some likeminded people who you can be comfortable being with to talk things through safely.

depression is not to be taken lightly. there are many ways to treat it - spiritual, emotional, physical and chemical. please prioritise your mental health and everything else will sort itself out in time.

[Curious cat]

Hello, you know i wondered if you are vietnamese based on your username.

I haven't suffered from depression, or have ever been close with anyone who has experienced it, but i do know about vietnamese gossip and ignorance! Of course not all vitnamese people are like this but most of the ones i have come across are just as you've described. And i've had lots of dealings because i am vietnamese myself, and it's an incestuous community here in sydney.

There is a family friend that i know of who suffers from depression and my parents don't understand it at all. So i can appreciate what you must be going through. I'm not sure that i can offer any substanial advice but can you seek out a counsellor where you are? You can't ignore their nastiness, but can you try to keep contact with them to a minimum, so you don't give them a chance to make you feel bad?

Vietnam is a beautiful country. I am going to have to visit there one day

[Curious cat]

I just re-read your title and thought i'd add that i don't think it would be healthy or a good use of your time to try to win over people. Their perception of you is based on a lifetime of experience and their own belief system. They can change but only if they really, really want to. And usually this change in mindset requires a life changing event, or some equally significant cause for them to challenge their current belief system. And unfortunately based on your post, i don't think you will be able to influence them enough to bring about any change in them.

[vothiquynhyen]

Hi Carri and Curious-cat

Thanks for your advice. I feel much better when I share it here and receive helpful advices and sympathy. I actually can't find a single therapist that will do treatment sessions here. You know, most psychologists here only offer what is called as advice, not therapy and if I go to a hospital, I only have chance to speak a few sentences with the doctor then he will give out prescription since the hospitals are all crowded and there isn't much time for each patient.

I think the best option is just to concentrate on my things, try to master my emotions, try to deal with my depression.

I find it hard to find like-minded people here since most of them just don't know what the heck a depression is and they speculate to the best of their ignorance.

You know, at a wedding, when I got up to get something to pour the left-over into and get new food, the person sitting next to me just pulled their chair away from me as though I had some infectious disease, then they whispered something to the person next to them. For God's sake, I wasn't doing anything wrong at all.

Now I often feel angry when I know that they are discriminating me, looking at me with an attitude, or even trashing me. I read about the Law of Attraction from this forum and I learned that anger is better than depression because at least when I'm angry, I try to control something. When I am depressed, I feel so helpless and lifeless.

When I feel angry, I often want to get back at them, want them to experience it to know what I have been going through, to prove that I'm not crazy. I know its not right or wise to think or do so, but sometimes when I feel angry, I just can't help thinking so.

[Clint Cora]

Unfortunately, depression and all other types of mental health issues are sometimes not viewed the same way by different cultures. In your case, you probably can't 'win' over those people if they have had so much long existing views about mental health.

Your best bet is to seek the best health professionals there who can help you. Don't bother to even try to explain to those other people who you already know will not be supportive. Stay away from them if possible or at least decrease your exposure to them and increase your time spent with those who are more understanding.

Good luck

[Moriarty]

Sorry you're going through such a hard time, but I'm wondering if all your trauma is making you a stronger and better person for it?

[rawxstasy]

I used to live in South East Asia. I know what you mean about people's attitudes about mental illness. If I were you, next time you feel someone is making comments about you or having a bad attitude - I would say rudely, "what?" "what's the problem?" "is there something you want to say to me?" I bet they will just be to shocked to even respond.

Also since you know now how people react toward depression in your country, I would keep that information to yourself until you know someone better.

Here is a book that can help you overcome depression. "The Sedona Method" It helps you to release feelings without being overwhelmed by these feelings. Some places don't ship to Vietnam - if you are having trouble ordering the book - I can help.

[abcbac]

Don't worry about making these people understand. Carry on with your own life and carry yourself with confidence. Don't let them affect how you feel. Its not their life. I know how you feel. I come from a very conservative culture and sometimes people are just not going to understand certain things like they do in more liberal countries.