I wish I were white

[CroMagna]

I'm really embarassed to admit this but I'm at my wits end with this issue, so I decided to step up, have courage, and expose my vulnerabilities to my family.

I don't like being a black woman. I feel like black women are a disgrace. I find them to be loud and not caring about the volume of their voices because they just don't give a rat's ass about how anyone else feels scraped emotionally when they hear those loud voices. I find them to be extremely mean, meaner than mean. I feel that they're rude, disrespectful, obnxious bullies.

I think they're good looking and successful. I think they're well dressed and innovative. It's just the attitude I can't stand.

I'm gentle, passive, and sensitive. I'm also intellectually-minded, analytical, and tend to have unorthodox views about various issues. This has made me a huge target for black women's torment.

Growing up I was bullied by black girls (and some boys) in middle school for having oral sex. I was bullied before that for being an "oreo", so it may have been a coincidence. Then in college I was bullied by young black women for being a pathetic love-lorn virgin. So I felt screwed either way. There was a lot of negativity in college. Black women just exuded negative energy. They would complain constantly about the dating scene, about body image, and bicker over little things all the time. I gradually became depressed and screwed up academically.

When I got into the working world, I was bullied at work by a black female boss. She would humiliate me constantly. Her voice was loud and abrasive and she was unapologetic about it. For example, I left fruit in the fridge and she shouted in front of everyone "remind me never to go to your house." She fired me, then called me apologizing saying it wasn't my fault and begging me to come back. She said everything would be cleared up the next day. So I went back excited. But at the meeting, she embarassed me again. She said it was all my fault because I look disheveled, I bump into people without saying excuse me, etc. She ran off a laundry list of my flaws in front of the entire office. I felt humiliated. I gradually developed paranoid schizophrenia. Now I hear voices of loud black women my head harassing me, and of all the dozens of coping strategies I've tried (switching religions, mindfulness, distraction), the only one that seems to be working is to tell myself that I will stay away from black women. Almost the tribulations in my life have come at the hands of other black people and the liberals who love them.

A couple years ago, I read The End of Racism by Dinesh D'Souza. It said that racism is the ideology of intellectual and moral inferiority that is innate. It said prejudice is an invented term to hide the fact that stereotypes are on average true. It said racial profiling is a form of rational discrimination against certain types of blacks (hence "racial profile"). I thought that was a stroke of genius. He said if blacks gradually pull themselves up by their bootstraps and focus on adequate nutrition to boost IQ, the last remaining remnants racism will end and blacks will triumph. I found the book extremely inspiring and I was so inspired that I enrolled in post-baccalaureate program towards med school to become a psychiatrist (unfortunately I suck at bio). I went to a message board called Sisternet on Delphi Forums and shared my findings in a thread called "Post your controversial opinions here". At that time I didn't have any friends and was looking for a sisterhood. I had just graduated and was still interested in joining a black sorority in an alumnae chapter for the sisterhood and stepdancing. I thought I would make new friends because they live in the DC area. I told them that racism is virtually non-existent in America, that although they're minorities also, Asians and Jews don't need affirmative action, and that racial profiling is rational discrimination. Keep in mind that these are college educated women. I was attacked by the entire forum, called a racist b*****, a dumbass, a weirdo, and told that rational discrimination is an oxyMORON, emphasis on the term moron. I actually cried, even though I was at work. I said "I don't understand. Everytime I reach out to my sisters, I end up feeling hurt." They said "no you knew EXACTLY what you were doing," "oh well get over it!" and "Sisters?? It's sisTAS." and "I smell khaki lol." I vowed never to talk about racism in a forum of blacks ever again and to not worry about fostering dialogue or other academic lies, or ever work together with other blacks to help another black person pull themselves up by the bootstraps or ask them to help me pull myself up by my bootstraps ever again. To this day, it screws with my wanting to be a therapist, because I would be helping other blacks pull themselves up by their bootstraps (and sometimes getting yelled at apparently).

Reading that book led me to a website called American Renaissance Magazine (American Renaissance). It's a racialist website that posits that blacks are on average less intelligent, that blacks are on average more psychopathic and aggressive, etc. There's a bell curve with Asians on one end and blacks on the other. So Asians are the most mild-mannered while blacks are the most aggressive, with whites in the middle. Blacks are the most uhh, well endowed, Asians the least, whites in the middle. Asians are the smartest, blacks the least intelligent, whites in the middle. The pattern is always, always, the same. It's also against affirmative action and against illegal immigration. I find myself agreeing with a lot that's on that website or at least finding their information worth atleast taking seriously.

So now I wish I was white. If I were white, I wouldn't have to be visually associated with this mess. I would be part of a more suitable race. Who I am on the inside (gentle, intellectual, sexual) would match the outside. I don't really have a problem with black men, moreso the women. Today I was watching Dr. Drew's Lifechangers and there was a forum on interracial dating with all blacks. The women were at each other's throats insulting each other and being loud, abrasive, angry, self-righteous, and boastful. Only the self-proclaimed "oreo" kept her cool. Coincidence? I think it's so unfair that the righteous suffer while the wicked prosper.

Is there a way I can just drop the racial label of black? Can I call myself white? Can I pass for Latina? Can I avoid black women? What would you do?

Thank you in advance for being open-minded and caring.

[Acting Like Godot]

Well, your wish is kinda futile because you are not going to be able to change the colour of your skin.

What you can do is aim to be the kind of person you want to be. If that means being very different from a "typical" black woman, well, so be it.

And let other women (black, white, Asian, whatever) do their own thing and be whoever THEY want to be. It's not your responsibility, is it.

[Criseyde]

Hmmmmm.

Cro, that American Renaissance magazine looks like white supremacist garbage to me. I wouldn't read stuff like that if I were you. There are a lot of explanations for the IQ/test score stuff that make a lot more sense than "blacks aren't as smart as whites" -- stereotype threat being HUGE among them.

I have interacted with lots of people from many different races and I have never found that members of one race were any smarter or dumber than members of other races. There are cultural differences in the way people learn and the *things* people focus on learning, but cognitive ability isn't limited to your skill at memorization or your ability to rotate a 3d object in your head.

Anyway, I can kind of relate to the rest of your post. I'm mixed Indian/white and for a long time I sort of wanted to just be one or the other. I didn't know which one I wanted to be, though. I didn't like a lot of things about Indian culture, but I don't think I've ever had the experience of being "white" because nobody thinks I am, and a big part of whiteness in America is racial invisibility (in most areas of the country, anyway).

But the happier I became with myself, the less I cared about my race. I cared about it the most at a time when I was also feeling very pressured to do "what Indians do" (go to med school) but I wanted to do something that white people do (anything other than med school, lol). I had this huge conflict between what felt like two separate parts of my self, and I projected those onto the parts of my ancestry and the groups associated with them.

So I'm going to go ahead and make an assumption here. I think you're projecting your own stuff onto other black women. I believe that you were bullied in school, and I think being bullied can cause people to really hate and doubt themselves. However, the fact that you were bullied by black kids probably doesn't mean anything about race.

Beyond that... well, there are nasty stereotypes about black women. There are nasty stereotypes about all women, and I don't like myself very much when I believe them (I've even thought I'd rather be a man... ). So I can definitely see how believing nasty stereotypes about black women would cause you to feel really ashamed. Believing, for example, that blacks are the least intelligent race...

If I were you, I'd try to work on getting rid of some of those limiting beliefs and seeing if it changes the way you feel about black people as a whole.

[missbhaven]

There is the saying we hate in others things we hate most about ourselves.
While you may work at our own level of morality, reflections of what you believe will be evident in the world around you.
From one of your paragraphs it seems you rather be white because it appears to have a happy medium in regards to your beliefs. What you really maybe lookingfor is that happy medium within yourself. There will be times when you may need to call on the "black"n"negative"/ aggressive side of you.
Which makes me think of another quote said often here, "What you resist, persists." That meeting would have been a prime example of pulling on aggressive behaviors to pool your own strength and standout ground rather than passively accepting an aggressive putdown. You resist these aspects of yourself because they are viewed as negative yet your passive nature keeps drawing you in a situation leaves you feeling negatively.

No one is asking you to fulfill the stereotype, but to resist or reject those aspects which you associate with something as prominent as skin color could be a cause for such anguish.


I am reading Seth the nature of personal reality. One of the major things he talks about with beliefs is not to accept all as firm truths and facts but merely an ASPECT OF REALITY.

As I was growing up, I was told I had the Mariah (Carey) syndrome which was "the poor misunderstood mixed girl". And that's how I think you feel misunderstood by both races and simply searching for that happy medium within yourself.

[Andrew Wilcox]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

What would you do?

First, I would avoid people who are loud, rude, disrespectful, obnoxious bullies. Get them out of your life! Move! Get a different job! Do whatever you have to do! Get them out of your life!

Second, I would dress in a way that reflected my inner personality of being intellectual, gentle, and sensitive. (Librarian maybe? ^_^) When I meet someone, the way they dress, the way they talk, the way they move and interact with people makes a far greater impact on my perception of them than their color. ...though to be completely open and honest I do have to admit that rich chocolate look can be very delicious

[ZephyrusX]

Ha! Come hang out in library school with me Cro.

Originally Posted by Andrew Wilcox

Second, I would dress in a way that reflected my inner personality of being intellectual, gentle, and sensitive. (Librarian maybe? ^_^)

I think your views on black women reflect your own experiences more so than anything else and I think that the belief that you need to escape your blackness is nothing more than a projection of your feelings of powerlessness. I don't think everyone is going to see you as any more intelligent, gentle and sensitive if you all of a sudden turned white over night (that might make an interesting idea for a novel...). Its nice to blame our problems on something that is beyond our control; it dispels any notion of self-responsibility. But it is just an mechanism for escape, in the end. Perhaps it is racism and oppression at its worse - the self-internalization that you are powerless because of your race?

That is not to say that there is no racism; there is. But all you can really do is connect to the people who will treat you as the human being that you want to be - intellectual, unorthodox, sexual, gentle, sensitive.

Come hang out in library school. We are all wildly sexual. Really.

Originally Posted by Cro

Is there a way I can just drop the racial label of black? Can I call myself white? Can I pass for Latina? Can I avoid black women? What would you do?

[sharshar89]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Well, your wish is kinda futile because you are not going to be able to change the colour of your skin.

What you can do is aim to be the kind of person you want to be. If that means being very different from a "typical" black woman, well, so be it.

And let other women (black, white, Asian, whatever) do their own thing and be whoever THEY want to be. It's not your responsibility, is it.

She could bleach herself. You are wrong.

But I don't think that is going to help anything

[Andrew Gubb]

Well, racism definitely does exist in America...

That doesn't take away from the fact that generalisations can be true in general.

That, in turn, doesn't take away from the fact that generalisations are often used to justify hatred. People also fall into the trap of taking their generalisations as a global truth of the people they're talking about.

I think the "black culture" is actually full of aggressiveness and I couldn't stand it one bit as a sensitive person to live in those areas. That's my unpopular opinion of the day. (There are whites who grew up in the black culture though... maybe it's better called a ghetto culture, except that it has concepts that relate to blackness).

That's not to say, though, that I haven't met some awesome black people. Actually, in Europe the black culture doesn't exist as such so black people either have the culture of their country of origin or of whatever European country they live in. Nothing wrong with either of them.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

Come hang out in library school. We are all wildly sexual. Really.

I often wanted to be a librarian...because I love books of course.

[Curious cat]

Originally Posted by sharshar89

She could bleach herself.

Mj found a way didn't he?

Cro, i am so sorry for all the nasty stuff that has happened to you. However, i don't believe that self-hatred will serve you well. It is possible to move away from racial stereotypes, just take a look at Oprah! And besides, i think the bottom of the barrel type of woman you described exist across all races.

There are alot of indian immigrants here in Australia, and i find most of them to be very well educated, polite and classy. Nothing like what you described at all. I know indians (from india) are classified as Asian, but you get my point.

Anyway, i hope you feel better soon.

[scotthegeek]

I think your guilty of over generalizing. Sure there are loud black women but you will find that in all races both men and woman.

I wish I was not born premature had learning disabilities was bully and abused. When I say things to myself like know one could ever love me or want me that a over generalizing its true that things are harder for me that the average person but that an overgeneralizing too. Ask yourself are these belief 100% true?

If you hate all black woman and that means you hate yourself and that where your problem lies in my opinion. I staring to build a network of people that care about and its helping change my view about myself. I have also read a book about self compassion because self esteem is to often linked with complement.

Amazon.com: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are (9781592858491): Brene Brown: Books

[RonSouther]

You skin is black.

Your mind is whatever culture has been programmed into it. That's what you're really complaining about...the black mind in the terms you described it.

But if you identify yourself as black instead of simply human then you're allowing other blacks to define you. You identify yourself by race but you don't want others of the same race to give you a negative image of yourself.

To escape that you have to escape the need for your ego. Your black ego isn't working for you, so you want a white ego instead but you can't change your skin color so you're stuck with the black ego.

But, hello, what is the color of your true being, your consciousness? We all have experiences with people of other races, religions, ages, genders, and nationalities where we come out thinking..."wow, that person is just like me!". That's an indication that your true being isn't any of these divisions.

As far as I'm concerned, you're a fellow human being. I'm sad that you think you're black because it's making you feel unworthy. You are worthy and I know and I want you to know it too!

Then you will just realize that all these people around you are in the same boat as you...trying to find their self image through the opinions of others. So when they are trashing you, it's about them feeling better. By finding your true self, you escape the ego race and the comparisons stop.

[auburn]

Cromagna,

As a non-stereotypical Black, you're always going to represent various things for various people. You may be berated and rejected by regular black people for what you seem to represent, for being ''too white''. For Whites, you'll be berated for just being Black and you'll bring up confusion when you don't conform to their expectations to what being Black means. They'll say things like ''you're not like other Blacks''.

I believe the best way to deal with all this is to develop a strong identity. You be yourself without ANY apologies.

You don't have to reject your identity as a Black woman. You don't have to be a stereotype or reject being Black. Nobody can point the way to you but maybe you can find models in other black women who look like the kind of woman you want to be. I know they exist. They may be famous or else you will meet them on your way, as I have. Quiet, intellectual and very intelligent black women exist. Non-stereotypical, smart Blacks who were berated from both sides of the color line and who chose to be themselves exist.

You can find your way and grow strong in your own identity as a Black woman and flip off the people, White or Black, who don't accept you the way you are.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by auburn

Cromagna,

As a non-stereotypical Black, you're always going to represent various things for various people. You may be berated and rejected by regular black people for what you seem to represent, for being ''too white''. For Whites, you'll be berated for just being Black and you'll bring up confusion when you don't conform to their expectations to what being Black means. They'll say things like ''you're not like other Blacks''.

I believe the best way to deal with all this is to develop a strong identity. You be yourself without ANY apologies.

You don't have to reject your identity as a Black woman. You don't have to be a stereotype or reject being Black. Nobody can point the way to you but maybe you can find models in other black women who look like the kind of woman you want to be. I know they exist. They may be famous or else you will meet them on your way, as I have. Quiet, intellectual and very intelligent black women exist. Non-stereotypical, smart Blacks who were berated from both sides of the color line and who chose to be themselves exist.

You can find your way and grow strong in your own identity as a Black woman and flip off the people, White or Black, who don't accept you the way you are.

I like this post.

Become an example for all these black women who act the way you hate.

[guthrio]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I'm really embarassed to admit this but I'm at my wits end with this issue, so I decided to step up, have courage, and expose my vulnerabilities to my family.

I don't like being a black woman. I feel like black women are a disgrace. I find them to be loud and not caring about the volume of their voices because they just don't give a rat's ass about how anyone else feels scraped emotionally when they hear those loud voices. I find them to be extremely mean, meaner than mean. I feel that they're rude, disrespectful, obnxious bullies.

I'm gentle, passive, and sensitive. I'm also intellectually-minded, analytical, and tend to have unorthodox views about various issues. This has made me a huge target for black women's torment.

I was bullied before that for being an "oreo".... Then in college I was bullied by young black women for being a pathetic love-lorn virgin. So I felt screwed either way. There was a lot of negativity in college. Black women just exuded negative energy. They would complain constantly about the dating scene, about body image, and bicker over little things all the time. I gradually became depressed and screwed up academically.

So now I wish I was white. If I were white, I wouldn't have to be visually associated with this mess. I would be part of a more suitable race. Who I am on the inside (gentle, intellectual, sexual) would match the outside.

Is there a way I can just drop the racial label of black? Can I call myself white? Can I pass for Latina? Can I avoid black women? What would you do?

Thank you in advance for being open-minded and caring.

CroMagna,

You have questioned, "Is there a way I can just drop the racial label of black? Can I call myself white? Can I pass for Latina? Can I avoid black women?"

To answer your questions succinctly, the answers are all YES!

.....but those answers are not the solution.

Why ? Because though....

....we may look at the world, each other, and ourselves, WITH our eyes.....

.....we actually SEE the world, each other, and ourselves, THROUGH our "eye"-deas (ideas) !

....consequently, we don't see others according to how "they" are.

We see (and judge) others according to how WE are.

This explains HOW others can perceive and deride you, for simply BEING YOU....because of the narrowness of the ideas through which THEY perceive THEMSELVES.....when you tell them ABOUT yourself.

For you to ask yourself, and those in this forum, whether YOU should "change yourself" to "fit into" someone ELSE'S views of what YOU want to be.....is to abrogate your power to CHOOSE YOUR OWN IDEAS.....or to CREATE YOUR OWN LIFE....AS YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE IT !

For you to EVEN CONSIDER that YOU are doing something "wrong" in wanting to, as you said, "be gentle, intellectual, sexual...." means that somewhere along the line, you have accepted an erroneous idea that to be so.....is somehow incompatible with being "acceptable" according to what these OTHERS believe is "right", for YOU, in particular.

Consider the implicit idea contained in the words: "change myself". What you are really talking about "changing" is your IDEA of who you are. If you can "change yourself" into what you consider to be the result OF the change, that should tell you that what you were BEFORE the change.....is just as much under your control as ANY OTHER DECISION in your life. Isn't it ???

That means that the "fitness" of any idea ABOUT yourself has ALWAYS been.....and ALWAYS will be....under YOUR control......

IF YOU ARE BEING CALLED NAMES BY THESE OTHERS, they're really saying, "You better be who WE tell you to be....OR we'll MAKE you wish you had conformed to OUR idea of who you are.....by punishing YOU with our acute displeasure and derision OF you....until you conform.....as we do!"

There is a disempowering word for this mindset, isn't there ??

WHY then, would you EVER consider allowing those with such a mindset to degrade your power to determine your own identity just to please those who would GLADLY see your power so weakened.....just so THEY can feel good about THEIR OWN misplaced sense of powerlessness and lack of individuality ???

......WHATEVER their ethnicity ????

To the obvious burning question "What does all this have to do with your desire to be white?"....I offer the following counter question....

What does any of that have to do with Who you really are?

Our Creator did NOT create human beings as Romans, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Catholics, Protestants; Hindu, “untouchable” dalits, orthodox, secular; light skinned, dark skinned; believers, infidels, saved, unsaved or any other designations or philosophies that we associate with these OR ANY OTHER names. Such designations, erroneously believed and acted upon as if relevant, only serve to hide the truth that our Creator created each one of us AS HIS VERY SPIRIT AND IMAGE.

As thus created, neither the Divinity of your Being, nor the Divinity of anyone else's Being need bow or subordinate Itself to any belief or faith made in man's ignorance of His Own Divinity.

As author Baird Spalding says in the reference, ”Becoming aware of yourself as a spiritual being, offspring of an infinite spiritual system and one with all the powers and capacities within that system, is the very essence of attainment. To grow from the present state of awareness of himself as a material being and into the consciousness that he is a spiritual being contains the full secret of man's attainment.' Man's nature cannot be reversed for he always remains a spiritual being. He can only reverse his notion of himself. Instead of doing this, he should reverse his mistaken idea that he is a material being and retain the truth that he is a spiritual being created in the image and likeness of God."

We are all created as the Spirit and Image of the Creator, Himself.....like unto Him.

IT IS WE WHO MUST REALIGN OURSELVES with the immutable, perfect principles of our own Being, instead of believing that GOD, Who lovingly created each and every one of us, will somehow become a "respecter of the person" we designate ourselves as, or by believing that He will show favor OR disfavor to the religion or philosophy that we choose to immerse ourselves within or that we think we can "convert someone else to or from".

Again, we are Who the Creator is in Spirit....not subservient adherents to whatever religion or philosophy we profess to include ourselves.

That's how we were ALL created..... by the One Who loves us so much that He has given us His Own power....

.....to love Him and EACH OTHER back.....by ourselves.....for ourselves....by OUR choice.

Though WE may have forgotten Who we, and each other, we are yet Sons and Daughters of the Most High.

We are supposed to REMEMBER....and act accordingly, through the power our Creator gave to each and every one of us in our own right as Spiritual Beings when He created us ALL........than act as if invoking the name of some religious faith or performing some ceremonial rite in any religious faith's traditions....or wishing we could be some other color.... could possibly add anything to the inherent God-given Divinity of any of us.

If I succeed in getting across just ONE idea in this response to your excellent question, let it be the following:

The ONLY thing we have complete authority TO choose is our IDEAS !!

OWN YOUR OWN IMAGE !!

YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED OR FORCED TO ACCEPT ANYTHING OR ANY IDEA ABOUT YOU THAT YOU, YOURSELF DO NOT BELIEVE.

YOU HAVE ALL POWER OVER THE IDEAS IN YOUR OWN MIND !!

YOU ALWAYS have the last word ABOUT what you accept or reject.....because it is your INTERNAL dialogue that does the choosing.

.....and it's upon YOUR own dialogue that you act.

Don't believe me ?

What are you thinking about what you just read?

That's your internal dialogue deciding the yea or nay of this post's relevance to your question....do you see?

You ALWAYS have the last word to accept or reject information or "advice".....whether its source is inside you or from outside you.

As an aspiring therapist, you understand that the techniques you apply to your practice CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY without correct input and output (i.e. information !)

Your INPUT (ideas you tell yourself) must be correct and TRUE so that your OUTPUT (the ACTIONS you take BASED on those ideas) meets the needs of YOUR life.....NOT someone ELSE'S perception FOR your life. Do you see ?

This is about G I G O !

NO DIFFERENT THAN HOW YOUR OWN MIND WORKS WITH THE IDEAS (information !!) YOU ALLOW TO PASS through IT !!

WHAT YOU ACCEPT AS TRUE.....is what counts....

That means what you tell YOURSELF....not what you are told.

Finally.....

Through Intelligence you discover that others are LIKE and UNLIKE yourself.

Through Wisdom you discover that you can only BE yourself.

For some, it takes a lifetime to discover that THAT has ALWAYS been true.

How long it takes for you to discover this....is up to you.....

It took several readings of your excellent narrative (which I've obviously truncated) for me to realize that the true problem is encapsulated, not in your questions....but rather in your signoff phrase....

"It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you're not." -JT Eberhart

Why not love Who you are rather than hate who you are not?

Consider this alternative view as well:

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life's about creating yourself."
- George Bernard Shaw

Hope this helps.

Source(s):
Life and Teaching of the Masters of the Far East
Volumes 1 - 6 by Baird T. Spalding

Ideas Are Always Free

[Maya2066]

Although I agree with you partly (about the loudness and aggressiveness of Black women in the U.S.) it never crossed my mind to wish to be of another race. I'm a quiet, sereine Black woman and I feel very comfortable with who I am. Maybe it's because I don't generalyze. I happen to not have any Black women friends and it's ok. Just be proud of who you are, the richness of your ancestry and the fact that you are a child of God, striving to grow spiritually. That's what really matters.

[Andrew Brunelle]

I'm sorry about what happened to you. As a white male, I don't have anything against black people or black women, and I find some of them hilarious. Many of them are mean-spirited, but the same can be said about any other race.

There's a book I'd like you to read called: Why Do All the Black Kids Sit Together in the Cafeteria? I had to read it for a college class I took years ago. I hope you can find it helpful. And then there's Chris Rock's famous routine that I won't talk about here, but I'll link to it:

Chris Rock - Black People VS. Niggaz (Bring the Pain 1996) - YouTube

It's funny, but also very insightful...although I can honestly say I can't relate to some of it, me being as pale white as they come.

[cheesedip1]

I have nothing against any person of any race. I respect all. But I do remember hearing a while back that they took Bill Cosby off of television because he was saying that his "race" needed to get their ♥♥♥♥ together.

[taylor]

Sorry CroMagna, you're going to get flack from time to time for being different. That's just how it goes.

Someone advised having a strong identity and I think the strongest identity is to have no identity. Just let all attacks and criticisms occur without trying to defend yourself or protect a self-image. Attacks are a great way to learn to become "centered in your own energy" rather than at the affect of other people's words. I actually like getting attacked because it helps me become more centered.

Some of my really smart black friends growing up were "whiter" than even the privileged white kids, and they would almost exclusively hang out with whites. However, it was kind of weird to see them with other black kids because they hand nothing in common but their skin color and the other black kids would give them a hard time for being different, for being "white". I got along much better with black kids than they did.

I don't think there's a solution to this but patience. Black American culture is changing slowly but surely, mostly by people like yourself separating themselves from it and choosing something different. It's going to take so much time though it's hardly worth concerning yourself with. In the mean time, just do what you want and remember "haters gonna hate."

But seriously, if you want a more peaceful life drop all of your expectations of people. Let loud people be loud, mean people be mean, hateful people be hateful. It's not a problem unless you resist it and want it to be different. What would Buddha do?

[theuprising]

you don't like the cultural stereotype that many black women fall into, and that's fine. I don't like my own culture. The thing is, why the heck do you have to buy into it (unless you are around people who expect you to act like that, in which case it can cause tension. They will try to categorize you if you don't fall into the "norms" pay no attention to it and be who you want to be, they can live in their world of boxes).

[Mariana Trench]

I used to wish I was a dude. Not because I actually wanted to be male bodied; I'm not transgender, but because I had internalized sexism to a degree that I hated other women and my femaleness, as well as certain aspects of my femininity (somehow I still held onto the idea that I should look like a Playboy model 24/7).

I'm not and wasn't petty, materialistic, dumb, bitchy, weak.

But that's what women were, right? Bah, I'm not like the others. "I'm a good one. I like adventure movies, classic rock, and climbing things. Good boy stuff." The cultural disgust for all things 'sissy' was very deeply ingrained in me. I was a female misogynist. (and this is partly while I'll argue strongly that misogyny isn't the natural state of men, or just 'their perspective', but cultural programming that they may not have to face as urgently as I did. The other reason I'll argue that is because I know so many awesome men and those sorts of ideas are an insult to them. Okay...that's a discussion for another time.)

That's a miserable way to live, self-hatred. Everyone is who they are, and it's a tragedy to let narratives about what they are make them hate that.

Please don't listen to the people that tell you you should hate yourself, and who make up bulls^&t reasons about why. You know for a fact, by being you, by living as a black female, that that in itself doesn't make one any of these negatives things you seem to think it does. Don't let them make judgments about the people around you for you either.

I'm still looking back on how I got out of the thought processes that had me biased against other women and despising aspects of myself, but they're not coming to me right now. I may make a post later if you'd like to hear it.

[theuprising]

Originally Posted by Mariana Trench

I used to wish I was a dude. Not because I actually wanted to be male bodied; I'm not transgender, but because I had internalized sexism to a degree that I hated other women and my femaleness, as well as certain aspects of my femininity (somehow I still held onto the idea that I should look like a Playboy model 24/7).

I'm not and wasn't petty, materialistic, dumb, bitchy, weak.

But that's what women were, right? Bah, I'm not like the others. "I'm a good one. I like adventure movies, classic rock, and climbing things. Good boy stuff." The cultural disgust for all things 'sissy' was very deeply ingrained in me. I was a female misogynist. (and this is partly while I'll argue strongly that misogyny isn't the natural state of men, or just 'their perspective', but cultural programming that they may not have to face as urgently as I did. The other reason I'll argue that is because I know so many awesome men and those sorts of ideas are an insult to them. Okay...that's a discussion for another time.)

That's a miserable way to live, self-hatred. Everyone is who they are, and it's a tragedy to let narratives about what they are make them hate that.

Please don't listen to the people that tell you you should hate yourself, and who make up bulls^&t reasons about why. You know for a fact, by being you, by living as a black female, that that in itself doesn't make one any of these negatives things you seem to think it does. Don't let them make judgments about the people around you for you either.

I'm still looking back on how I got out of the thought processes that had me biased against other women and despising aspects of myself, but they're not coming to me right now. I may make a post later if you'd like to hear it.

I hate things men do biologically/culturally and don't hate myself and I hate things women do biologically/culturally, yet I wouldn't hold it against a specific person I've just met. Because everyone has a choice, free will, you can buy into the nastiness or choose not to.

And I won't tell you things about girls that are good as a pick me up to you, because you aren't REALLY a girl, no one is. Its an act.

[Mariana Trench]

Originally Posted by theuprising

And I won't tell you things about girls that are good as a pick me up to you, because you aren't REALLY a girl, no one is. Its an act.

[ZephyrusX]

I'd be interested in hearing the post.

I agree that misogyny is cultural programming and it can effect plenty of women. I have negative attitudes towards femininity as well, and although they have alleviated a lot, I still associate femininity with weakness. I still largely self-identify as being masculine. (On the other hand, people keep saying I am cute! Meh... Ok... I am cute ).

I don't know how one can get over their cultural programming. I think, in my case, it is simply a gradual process where I am open to questioning my assumptions via multiple mediums. Sometimes I get insights watching movies.

Originally Posted by Mariana Trench

I'm still looking back on how I got out of the thought processes that had me biased against other women and despising aspects of myself, but they're not coming to me right now. I may make a post later if you'd like to hear it.

[Agota]

I'll start by saying that I'm a white female, which obviously is a surprise to all of you

I can get where are you coming from in regards to black women, because many of them really are loud and rude, probably it's the effect on ghetto culture. However, it would be a mistake to think that ALL of them are like that, especially when you yourself are a mild-mannered and intelligent black woman. Maybe it would be a good idea to drop those loud and rude women out of your life and expose yourself to black women who are well-mannered and intelligent? You just have to figure out where to find them. This should break your negative association.

I don't think that people will perceive you one way or another only because you're black (that's aside racists, but they're idiots anyway so why care about them). I mean, most people make assumption based on your race, but those assumption generally don't last long if they're not proven by your behavior. I do have some negative associations with black women and with Indian men in general, but when I meet an awesome black woman or an Indian guy, I drop those assumptions because they're wrong in regards to that individual. I really don't think that someone would be able to think that you're stereotypical ghetto black woman who's rude and loud longer than five minutes when your character is very different from that stereotype. The only negative effect assumptions like that might have in your life is that it might be slightly more difficult to get in contact with people who have those assumptions (..for example, if two guys, one white one Indian would ask me out and I wouldn't know them, the white guy would get the date easier than the Indian guy..but this only goes for a first date..).

Also, are you familiar with Law of Attraction? There's a very clear pattern in your life in regards to black women: wherever you go, they seem to torment you. This makes sense from LoA perspective, since you have so much resentment towards black women. Maybe the reality would change if you'd intend to meet awesome black women instead of those rude ones?

[Agota]

Originally Posted by Mariana Trench

I'm not and wasn't petty, materialistic, dumb, bitchy, weak.

I had something similar going on and I also had a very strong limiting belief that men like weak and stupid women, therefore I'm clearly doomed. I somehow thought that in order to keep a guy, I must make myself weak and pretend to be less smart than I actually am. I think that many girls go through something like that due to social conditioning they experience in their childhood and adolescence.

I also had issues with pursuing spiritual path as a woman, because in many religions women are viewed as inferior in regards to spiritual development. I've also met quite a few men who were pretty advanced, yet still held negative beliefs about women, considering them to be inferior simply because of female rebirth and less capable for serious spiritual practices. What helped was having my teacher (who's male and wasn't impressed at all with all my negative thoughts on the subject of female rebirth) tell me that ultimately there's is no difference whether you're male or a female, hearing a very respected Buddhist lama say that ultimately there's no difference and reading His Holiness Dalai Lama's take on that.

Originally Posted by Mariana Trench

I'm still looking back on how I got out of the thought processes that had me biased against other women and despising aspects of myself, but they're not coming to me right now. I may make a post later if you'd like to hear it.

It would be interesting if you'd remember it and share it

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

I don't know how one can get over their cultural programming.

You can come to my country and work in my office.

Sitting in my office, I have a Korean, an Australian, four Americans (one a Jew and another an Italian by descent and another a black guy), a few Indians, a few Singaporeans, a half-German half-Filipino, a Dutch lady, a Polish guy, a Brit.

Also we have perplexing characters like this Chinese chap with a Vietnamese name who was born in Vietnam, grew up in Australia, worked in Germany, speaks German, married a German lady and acts German.

If you harbour prejudices, after a while you will get too confused to harbour them. There goes the programming.

[Agota]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

You can come to my country and work in my office.

Sitting in my office, I have a Korean, an Australian, four Americans (one a Jew and another an Italian by descent and another a black guy), a few Indians, a few Singaporeans, a half-German half-Filipino, a Dutch lady, a Polish guy, a Brit.

Also we have perplexing characters like this Chinese chap with a Vietnamese name who was born in Vietnam, grew up in Australia, worked in Germany, speaks German, married a German lady and acts German.

If you harbour prejudices, after a while you will get too confused to harbour them. There goes the programming.

This is hilarious!

[Mariana Trench]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

You can come to my country and work in my office.

Sitting in my office, I have a Korean, an Australian, four Americans (one a Jew and another an Italian by descent and another a black guy), a few Indians, a few Singaporeans, a half-German half-Filipino, a Dutch lady, a Polish guy, a Brit.

Also we have perplexing characters like this Chinese chap with a Vietnamese name who was born in Vietnam, grew up in Australia, worked in Germany, speaks German, married a German lady and acts German.

If you harbour prejudices, after a while you will get too confused to harbour them. There goes the programming.

I love this post.

[lyricslair]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I'm really embarassed to admit this but I'm at my wits end with this issue, so I decided to step up, have courage, and expose my vulnerabilities to my family.

I don't like being a black woman. I feel like black women are a disgrace. I find them to be loud and not caring about the volume of their voices because they just don't give a rat's ass about how anyone else feels scraped emotionally when they hear those loud voices. I find them to be extremely mean, meaner than mean. I feel that they're rude, disrespectful, obnxious bullies.

I think they're good looking and successful. I think they're well dressed and innovative. It's just the attitude I can't stand.

I'm gentle, passive, and sensitive. I'm also intellectually-minded, analytical, and tend to have unorthodox views about various issues. This has made me a huge target for black women's torment.

Growing up I was bullied by black girls (and some boys) in middle school for having oral sex. I was bullied before that for being an "oreo", so it may have been a coincidence. Then in college I was bullied by young black women for being a pathetic love-lorn virgin. So I felt screwed either way. There was a lot of negativity in college. Black women just exuded negative energy. They would complain constantly about the dating scene, about body image, and bicker over little things all the time. I gradually became depressed and screwed up academically.

When I got into the working world, I was bullied at work by a black female boss. She would humiliate me constantly. Her voice was loud and abrasive and she was unapologetic about it. For example, I left fruit in the fridge and she shouted in front of everyone "remind me never to go to your house." She fired me, then called me apologizing saying it wasn't my fault and begging me to come back. She said everything would be cleared up the next day. So I went back excited. But at the meeting, she embarassed me again. She said it was all my fault because I look disheveled, I bump into people without saying excuse me, etc. She ran off a laundry list of my flaws in front of the entire office. I felt humiliated. I gradually developed paranoid schizophrenia. Now I hear voices of loud black women my head harassing me, and of all the dozens of coping strategies I've tried (switching religions, mindfulness, distraction), the only one that seems to be working is to tell myself that I will stay away from black women. Almost the tribulations in my life have come at the hands of other black people and the liberals who love them.

A couple years ago, I read The End of Racism by Dinesh D'Souza. It said that racism is the ideology of intellectual and moral inferiority that is innate. It said prejudice is an invented term to hide the fact that stereotypes are on average true. It said racial profiling is a form of rational discrimination against certain types of blacks (hence "racial profile"). I thought that was a stroke of genius. He said if blacks gradually pull themselves up by their bootstraps and focus on adequate nutrition to boost IQ, the last remaining remnants racism will end and blacks will triumph. I found the book extremely inspiring and I was so inspired that I enrolled in post-baccalaureate program towards med school to become a psychiatrist (unfortunately I suck at bio). I went to a message board called Sisternet on Delphi Forums and shared my findings in a thread called "Post your controversial opinions here". At that time I didn't have any friends and was looking for a sisterhood. I had just graduated and was still interested in joining a black sorority in an alumnae chapter for the sisterhood and stepdancing. I thought I would make new friends because they live in the DC area. I told them that racism is virtually non-existent in America, that although they're minorities also, Asians and Jews don't need affirmative action, and that racial profiling is rational discrimination. Keep in mind that these are college educated women. I was attacked by the entire forum, called a racist b*****, a dumbass, a weirdo, and told that rational discrimination is an oxyMORON, emphasis on the term moron. I actually cried, even though I was at work. I said "I don't understand. Everytime I reach out to my sisters, I end up feeling hurt." They said "no you knew EXACTLY what you were doing," "oh well get over it!" and "Sisters?? It's sisTAS." and "I smell khaki lol." I vowed never to talk about racism in a forum of blacks ever again and to not worry about fostering dialogue or other academic lies, or ever work together with other blacks to help another black person pull themselves up by the bootstraps or ask them to help me pull myself up by my bootstraps ever again. To this day, it screws with my wanting to be a therapist, because I would be helping other blacks pull themselves up by their bootstraps (and sometimes getting yelled at apparently).

Reading that book led me to a website called American Renaissance Magazine (American Renaissance). It's a racialist website that posits that blacks are on average less intelligent, that blacks are on average more psychopathic and aggressive, etc. There's a bell curve with Asians on one end and blacks on the other. So Asians are the most mild-mannered while blacks are the most aggressive, with whites in the middle. Blacks are the most uhh, well endowed, Asians the least, whites in the middle. Asians are the smartest, blacks the least intelligent, whites in the middle. The pattern is always, always, the same. It's also against affirmative action and against illegal immigration. I find myself agreeing with a lot that's on that website or at least finding their information worth atleast taking seriously.

So now I wish I was white. If I were white, I wouldn't have to be visually associated with this mess. I would be part of a more suitable race. Who I am on the inside (gentle, intellectual, sexual) would match the outside. I don't really have a problem with black men, moreso the women. Today I was watching Dr. Drew's Lifechangers and there was a forum on interracial dating with all blacks. The women were at each other's throats insulting each other and being loud, abrasive, angry, self-righteous, and boastful. Only the self-proclaimed "oreo" kept her cool. Coincidence? I think it's so unfair that the righteous suffer while the wicked prosper.

Is there a way I can just drop the racial label of black? Can I call myself white? Can I pass for Latina? Can I avoid black women? What would you do?

Thank you in advance for being open-minded and caring.

I'll give it to you short and sweet.. Why do you have to label yourself a color? Try being you... However if you really have to have a color attached go to Home Depot and get yourself color coded... They can match and name any color... then go by that if you feel the need. A friend of mine is coco caramel.. There is only one race of humans on this planet.... the human race comes in different colors ,shapes and sizes... its fabulous. Be yourself...from your post , you sound fabulous so be that.