Do you expect people to justify their own beliefs/attitudes?

[hamix]

how human beings tick interests me. I find it common that, if expressing an opinion, people may often question forcefully why one thinks/feels that way. is it due to insecurity, since one is being an iconoclast?

It's like if a person says "I don't like animals, and don't see the point in pets" or "I don't like children" or "I don't like sports". Even if these standpoints are expressed in a civil and non-confrontational way, others may take offence and seek to berate the other.

Is it healthy emotional management to get offended at what others say, if expressed in a calm manner? This doesn't often occur to me, but I do find that if persons are berating/scathing of something I enjoy/like, then I would get offended. I guess in life, it's often how we say things that is key and not what is said.

[apsinvo]

I admit in the past frequently questioning people on issues that 'irritate' me, particularly religion. There are a number of religious types in my own family and I have previously sought to over question and denigrate their beliefs by repeatedly asking, "but it's all just blind belief isn't it?", "surely it's all just a book of fairy stories?", "surely you can see that it's all just circular logic", "surely the fact that I can not disprove a wild assertion does not automatically prove the opposite", "no, I wouldn't rather follow a set of illogical 'rules' just in case." etc, etc.

Ultimately, I *know* that there is no 'answer' that will logically and justifiably allow organized religion make any sense to me. The part I'm missing is that big jump called blind faith, however it did not stop me from going at it over and over.

Regrettably I have to concede that I think it was just a petty mechanism for strengthening my own set of beliefs and way of living rather than anything else. I've tried to work on that and question my own way of operating rather than succumbing to the need of poking big holes in other people's belief systems.

[OptimistPrime]

Originally Posted by hamix

I find it common that, if expressing an opinion, people may often question forcefully why one thinks/feels that way. is it due to insecurity, since one is being an iconoclast?

When I react strongly to someone else expressing an opinion, it's usually because I feel threatened by what they're saying, yes. If I don't have an emotional investment in wanting them to be wrong (for whatever reason), I can usually approach the task of asking them why they hold that opinion in a more friendly and easygoing way.

Originally Posted by hamix

Is it healthy emotional management to get offended at what others say, if expressed in a calm manner?

In my opinion (no pun intended), no. Even if that which someone else says in a calm manner is truly offensive (e.g. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I think that you're a piece of human refuse. No offense." ), I think true emotional mastery allows one to process what they're hearing without flying off the handle.

The key is getting to a place where you don't get offended in the first place, though; not to a place where you repress all of your hurt feelings when you have them. So I think that, until you get to that point, you need to honor your feelings when they do get hurt.

[ZephyrusX]

I think this behaviour can stem from insecurity. I have felt threatened by what people said in the past and reacted accordingly. I think the behaviour can also stem from simple close mindedness though. The intention of the speaker isn't necessarily to denigrate the person due to insecurity; it is simply a lack of comprehension and an inability to step outside his/her paradigms in order to consider another perspective. I've done that in the past as well. I'll say things like 'that doesn't make the slightest bit of rational sense' and explain why while failing to realize that the perspective never had anything to do with rationality to begin with or draws its rationality from a totally different mindset. Regardless of the intention, however, the result is often the same; the person you are speaking to feels disrespected and threatened, which may send the conversation spiralling out of control.

I suppose both behaviours are self-centred in a way as they fail to listen to the other person as an autonomous person and uses personal experience as a reference point to evaluate information. Is this what you mean by an iconoclast? I sometimes think people have a tendency to make everything about themselves, which diminishes our ability to consider 'the other'. I'm not sure if it is possible to consider 'the other' from a totally detached perspective though.

Originally Posted by hamix

how human beings tick interests me. I find it common that, if expressing an opinion, people may often question forcefully why one thinks/feels that way. is it due to insecurity, since one is being an iconoclast?

[Ken Benjamin]

Originally Posted by hamix

how human beings tick interests me. I find it common that, if expressing an opinion, people may often question forcefully why one thinks/feels that way. is it due to insecurity, since one is being an iconoclast?

It's like if a person says "I don't like animals, and don't see the point in pets" or "I don't like children" or "I don't like sports". Even if these standpoints are expressed in a civil and non-confrontational way, others may take offence and seek to berate the other.

Is it healthy emotional management to get offended at what others say, if expressed in a calm manner? This doesn't often occur to me, but I do find that if persons are berating/scathing of something I enjoy/like, then I would get offended. I guess in life, it's often how we say things that is key and not what is said.

You started in just the right place stating that you're interested in how humans tick.

That's just the thing to study. I'd start with some personality type research. Maybe start here: The Power Of Personality Testing - Understand Yourself, Understand Everyone Else.

Once you start to see how different personality types view the world you can start to accept them for their quirks. They might still get on your nerves but at least you'll know why.

If you follow the link in the article there is a free test you can take to get your basic type. I'm guessing you're an Idealist based on your sensitivities and iconoclastic nature but maybe I'm all wrong. It would be interesting to find out.

Just remember that whatever someone does, thinks, and considers to be correct and true is RIGHT and everything else is WRONG. That challenge to our world view is a hard thing to cope with. Learning helps.

Some of us just are better at knowing this about ourselves and we express it using the Platinum Rule.

Best wishes and keep being iconoclastic,
Ken

[Tanemon]

Originally Posted by apsinvo

I admit in the past frequently questioning people on issues that 'irritate' me, particularly religion. There are a number of religious types in my own family and I have previously sought to over question and denigrate their beliefs by repeatedly asking, "but it's all just blind belief isn't it?", "surely it's all just a book of fairy stories?", "surely you can see that it's all just circular logic", ...

I'm curious, you wrote that there are "a number of religious types" in your family, and it sounds like they've put themselves forward to debate you, save you, or assert their beliefs on/to you. Are these individuals all of the same religious sect or commitment? (e.g., Catholic) or do they disagree among themselves, as well as with you?