Fighting social network bullying.

[C33]

Do you feel bullied into participating in social networking? A majority of people in my company, have started to use Facebook as a way to keep others informed of what is going on in the company.

It has gotten to the point that some key information is being shared on personal social networks.

Most people have had Facebook access removed, but some people who are friendly with people in I.T have kept the privileges or found a way to get around the restriction.

The fact that you do not participate in social networking is held against you as being anti-social.

A small nucleus of girls have been spreading nasty gossip and using every tidbit of information to destroy the reputation of valuable, hardworking individuals who don't have time for this kind of childish pursuit.

I thought I was going crazy and being paranoid listening to my instinct that told me right away these popular people were nasty, butI have fortunately found a few others who have noticed the problem.

One of us had to send a group email to debunk a rumour of her leaving the company.

Undermining people's abilities, destroying reputations, vehiculing damaging gossip about people ( sometimes sharing information about people's intimate problems), have become a way of being. These people (alas in majority women) don't even look at what they are doing as wrong. They just feel everyone should be using the same weapons and it's all fair game.

It seems that you have to participate in social networking so that you can, at least, be kept in the loop of what people are saying about you to do a preemptive strike.

In general, I find the whole Facebook thing a very destructive tool that fosters mental illness. One of these individuals is so emotionally damaged and insane that you wonder how she is able to keep her job.

The bullying goes beyond destroying reputation through the social network, the bullying is to force people to sign up to those networks just to be able do defend themselves or getting informed about key elements going on in their corporation.

[elucidate]

That sounds completely nuts!

I've never felt pressured to join as such, though technically I was forced to join by this woman who thought she was helping me but I really didn't ever want to join facebook.

This woman could not really conceive of anyone NOT wanting to be on facebook, since she thought it's the beez kneez, and it became too much of a chore to attempt to explain to her all the many reasons I did not want to join, so I just let her join me, and give me some of her 'facebook friends' (which later caused the end of the friendship)

She was a Dominatrix though, so it was hard to disobey her.

But no, I can't say I've ever had the issue you seem to be having with it. There are no people from where I work on my facebook page...just people from here and a few good friends in my town whom live in isolated areas...which is why I keep the account, so they can contact me if they need to, if their phone is lost or broken or whatever...

I honestly don't know if I'd know what to do if I were in your situation? I'd probably leave the company and put myself around better quality people for one.

[James81]

I have one rule: live my life in such a way that when people gossip about me, nobody will believe it.

Worrying about what people might be saying behind my back is a huge tempting trap to fall into, but mostly a murky pit to climb out of when you are in it. So, I personally set aside that nonsense and live my life on my terms. I'll deal with gossip if and when I become aware of it. Otherwise, it doesn't exist and I treat other people the way I would want to be treated.

[James81]

One example of what I'm talking about in terms of reputation. When my ex and I split, she spread a rumor or was implying that I had hit her and/or was abusive. I had a woman that I hadn't talk to in years callme and she told me what my ex was saying, and she laughed and told me that she laughed in her face at how ridiculous that was. She knew, as do most that know me, that I'd hardly harm a fly,let alone hit a woman.

Let your reputation do the talking for your gossip. Work hard when you are working and don't be brought into other peoples control dramas.

[October]

Originally Posted by C33

It has gotten to the point that some key information is being shared on personal social networks. [...] The fact that you do not participate in social networking is held against you as being anti-social.

The Facebook madness has indeed reached these proportions, I could bring up similar examples from my own life. Countless times I missed out on some crucial information which had been shared on Facebook, countless times I was met with a look of bewilderment upon stating that I do not use social networks and countless times I was implied that something must be "odd" with me for not wishing to use them.

Other than finding social networks to be a distraction I do not need to add to my life, I also have an issue with gossip that goes on there and generally find the atmosphere to be unhealthy and prying. So far I have not given in to the pressure of creating a profile just to be able to be in touch with what is going on, but the pressure is definitely there.

I believe that ignoring those networks and not taking part in gossip may be your best option. As far as missing out on crucial information related to job is concerned - if it was not published on the official website of your company or sent to your official email, as far as you are concerned, it is as though it did not exist, because you cannot be blamed for not knowing of something which was shared in a private communication. That is the attitude I take when faced with questions how come I did not know of something which was shared on Facebook - Facebook can be a popular means of communication, but it is still not professional and official means of communication, so I could care less. And the gossip, the further you are away from it and the less you know, the better, otherwise you will only become paranoid and irritable. Live your life with your maximum private and professional integrity and people will doubt the gossip they hear about you anyway, and you will spare yourself some stress by ignoring it all anyway.

[CoolBee]

Before facebook was so widespread, it was the weekly p**-up in the pub that was the 'social glue'. In my last full-time post, if you didn't want to (or couldn't for, say, medical reasons) participate in getting blind drunk once a week you were 'not a team player' and definitely suspect.

In another company I worked in, it was Friday lunchtime squash games - naturally for reasons to do with club membership confined to male members of staff only.

And in many large companies, the 'smokers on the doorstep' network is the SINGLE most powerful network in the whole company crossing all levels from post clerk to CEO and a lot of decisions get made there.

Wherever you work, there will be something like that operating (maybe unbeknownst to you!) and in your company it seems to be facebook.

People should be careful because more and more of what is posted on facebook becomes visible to other than those who were intended to see it and unless they keep permanently 100% on top of the privacy settings and changes, and google themselves (or set up a google alert) regularly, they could be in a for a big surprise! Same goes for a lot of other forums.

[James81]

Originally Posted by October

The Facebook madness has indeed reached these proportions, I could bring up similar examples from my own life. Countless times I missed out on some crucial information which had been shared on Facebook, countless times I was met with a look of bewilderment upon stating that I do not use social networks and countless times I was implied that something must be "odd" with me for not wishing to use them.

Other than finding social networks to be a distraction I do not need to add to my life, I also have an issue with gossip that goes on there and generally find the atmosphere to be unhealthy and prying. So far I have not given in to the pressure of creating a profile just to be able to be in touch with what is going on, but the pressure is definitely there.

I believe that ignoring those networks and not taking part in gossip may be your best option. As far as missing out on crucial information related to job is concerned - if it was not published on the official website of your company or sent to your official email, as far as you are concerned, it is as though it did not exist, because you cannot be blamed for not knowing of something which was shared in a private communication. That is the attitude I take when faced with questions how come I did not know of something which was shared on Facebook - Facebook can be a popular means of communication, but it is still not professional and official means of communication, so I could care less. And the gossip, the further you are away from it and the less you know, the better, otherwise you will only become paranoid and irritable. Live your life with your maximum private and professional integrity and people will doubt the gossip they hear about you anyway, and you will spare yourself some stress by ignoring it all anyway.

The question I have for both of you is this....

Do you also question whether email is a good form of communication at your job? Do you also question whether the phone is a good form of communication at your job?

Probably not. Why? Because you are used to those. Those have become an integral part of your lives. But gossip can (and is) spread on both email and the phone...and it's been spread on the phone for a VERY LONG TIME now.

It's not the social network that is the problem here. If you see that a large portion of employees are conveying critical information to doing your job on a social network, then it sounds to me like you need to remove the "fuddy duddy" from your rear ends and create a social network just for work communications. LOL (Please don't take the fuddy duddy comment too seriously...I'm just being a bit tongue in cheek there.)

In all seriousness, if I knew that I was missing critical information by not being on the social network, then I would create one for the sole purpose of friending only coworkers and communicating as such.

Again, it's not the program/communication tool that is the problem here. It's the people behind it, and I guarantee that these people would gossip if there was no social network.

I also guarantee that most people *know* who the gossipers are. Most normal, rational people can spot a drama-monkey and know not to take certain people seriously. You don't have to worry about chronic gossipers because the only people who take them seriously are usually other chronic gossipers.

And, well, if the majority of your coworkers are chronic gossipers...then what does that say about YOU and your choice of work? Remember, you are responsible (not at fault or to blame but RESPONSIBLE) for the experiences that you have created.

[October]

Originally Posted by James81

Do you also question whether email is a good form of communication at your job? Do you also question whether the phone is a good form of communication at your job?

For the sake of full disclosure, I am a full time grad student, so the inconveniences I have had related to the lack of Facebook might have been orders of magnitude less problematic than the inconveniences full time and long term corporate employees might have had. I also find that it largely depends on one's field of work, as for some types of business it may be more essential to be frequently at disposal outside of working hours and have some kind of means for communication for larger groups of people at once (in that respect, Facebook is a lot more convenient than phone). However...

There is a huge difference, if you ask me, between an explicit mutual agreement between all parties, at work, that Facebook would be a legitimate means of communication (which would then be attested by adding one's Facebook profile to the list of the information one may be contacted for business purposes) on one hand, and assuming it to be so without that explicit agreement on the other hand. As to your question, I do not have a problem with being communicated with using any official means of communication, be it an official email (i.e. company or university email provided for me, NOT my private email), a phone number which I have listed for all to know and see that I may be reached using it, or EVEN a social network, if the company agreed to creating special business profiles for all to communicate this way (but then those profiles were to be used exclusively for business, separated from one's private social networking, and you bet people would be careful about what they write). It is not that I have a problem with one means of communication or the other per se, that I am okay with phone but not with internet, but that I have a problem with the intrusion into my private life and de facto forcing me to obtain professional information via private communication.

In my eyes, this is not that much different than sharing such information, say, on a weekly Sunday mass, or posted on a local library notice board. You could say that it is always my choice and my responsibility whether I shall attend the mass for the sake of information only, or stop by a local library once a day for the sake of information only, but it does not change the fact that the information is misplaced into a setting where it does not belong. I think professional information should be conveyed exclusively using official means of company communication and that people should not be blamed for the lack of information due to not being a member of a social clique (whether a church one, a library one or a social network one).
If Facebook is "legitimized" as an official means of communication in the company, then I agree it is my choice to agree to the terms of work or not, to take it or leave it, but if it is not, then I still expect the relevant information to be communicated to me using whatever I listed officially as my contact information.

[Fred Tracy]

Wow, I've never heard of Facebook being that damaging. That's a terrible situation to be in.

In general, I tend to ignore gossip and petty matters because they're just a waste of time. If I were you, I would completely remove yourself from knowing anything about what's going on with Facebook at your company. If people try to tell you, tell them you aren't interested.

I doubt you could actually lose your job just because you aren't gossiping or defending yourself on Facebook. Cultivate some selective ignorance and see what happens.

At the very least, you'll be much more at peace.

[NoJobRob]

Write a letter to the bosses at your job and have everyone who is concerned about the situation sign it. If you guys outnumber the "Facebook clique", then I'm sure the boss will see things your way. The mob rules, and all that...

[C33]

Just to make things clear: our company has prohibited Facebook access . Some people still have FB privileges on the company laptop, most use their iphones to access.

To give an example :I am replacing this girl who is on maternity leave. I was the last one to know she had her baby officially but knew from her email to our boss. She asked him for the information to remain confidential, so I told no one. She knows I have access to my boss' inbox. She also knows the length of my contract is conditional to when she decides to return to work.

When asked about the birth:I said I had no idea, to protect her privacy. Soon the information was disseminated via her cluster of friends who directed people to her FB page. I appeared not to be in the know and not worthy of her confidences.

Personally, I don't give a hoot about her personal life, but not knowing something like that can be construed as not being in the know professionally.


Of course, the information can be disseminated in other ways, what I find a bit sketchy, is to imply that, your choice to not be on FB is a choice to not be informed.

This is all very immature, which is why I have chosen not to inform management and mind my own business. It doesn't impact my work per se, but it does impact the way I feel at work.

One of the risk managers is aware there is a communication problem that will impact business.She also knows who are the people involved in retaining information. Unfortunately, nobody wants to be the whistle blower, so things are left as they are, until the negative impact can be proven in metrics.

[C33]

The Facebook madness has indeed reached these proportions, I could bring up similar examples from my own life. Countless times I missed out on some crucial information which had been shared on Facebook, countless times I was met with a look of bewilderment upon stating that I do not use social networks and countless times I was implied that something must be "odd" with me for not wishing to use them.

Other than finding social networks to be a distraction I do not need to add to my life, I also have an issue with gossip that goes on there and generally find the atmosphere to be unhealthy and prying. So far I have not given in to the pressure of creating a profile just to be able to be in touch with what is going on, but the pressure is definitely there.

Couldn't be more in agreement.

I find the atmosphere unhealthy.

Once on a first date , the guy mentioned he looked me up on FB, using my first name. He thought it was unusual enough to get a hit. What was scary is that he shared that information.

Not only that, but I suspect he used the excuse he needed help on his resume to get a hold of my email address, so he could use the FB email search feature.

He texted a few days ago to ask how I was after 7 months. I had told him I was not interested in seeing him in no uncertain terms and had no further contact. What was even creepier is that he didn't re- introduce himself.

I find that compulsive use of FB as a tracking device creepy and immature.

[newkaren]

Originally Posted by C33

Couldn't be more in agreement.

I find the atmosphere unhealthy.

Once on a first date , the guy mentioned he looked me up on FB, using my first name. He thought it was unusual enough to get a hit. What was scary is that he shared that information.

Not only that, but I suspect he used the excuse he needed help on his resume to get a hold of my email address, so he could use the FB email search feature.

He texted a few days ago to ask how I was after 7 months. I had told him I was not interested in seeing him in no uncertain terms and had no further contact. What was even creepier is that he didn't re- introduce himself.

I find that compulsive use of FB as a tracking device creepy and immature.

I'll google a guys name before we go out on a date. I'll also want to check out anything else he might have told me. I want to know who I am meeting up with. and that he has been telling me the truth, if I find out he is lying, I'll often cx the date. I don't have the time or energy for games.Tho finding someone by first name only on facebook would be a lot of work.

[CoolBee]

About being searched for on FB - I have blocked myself from being searchable by name or email address and I use a different email address to sign in than that known by any of my friends.
Unfortunately, I do have an unusual real name which you don't need FB to find stuff.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by James81

I have one rule: live my life in such a way that when people gossip about me, nobody will believe it.

LOL; I live my life in such a way that when people gossip about me, it will be only the tip of the iceberg...

[C33]

LOL; I live my life in such a way that when people gossip about me, it will be only the tip of the iceberg...

That's a good one!