How does a guy make himself feel good inside, when he knows he’s a loser??

[The Backward OX]

Genetics plus 75 years of life have combined to make me realise I’m a loser.

I don’t like that feeling.

In simple terms, I’m socially inept and physically clumsy.

I have nothing to show in return for having breathed the air of this planet for 75 years. There won't be anything they can say about me when I'm gone, nothing they'll want to engrave on my tombstone.

I’m curious to learn how I can make myself feel okay about myself during whatever time I have left.

[nothuman]

OK mate....I'll bite......how about self acceptance ?

[ButterflyWoman]

Now that you can see your own self-image (i.e., the way you see yourself), you can start to change that. You could start with looking at your good qualities. You must have them. Are you clever? Funny? Good cook? Good gardener? Good with animals? Can you play some instrument? Are you nice to strangers? The list goes on and on. If you can't think of any "big" ones to start, go for "small" ones and build from there.

Whenever you catch yourself thinking, "I'm a loser" or "I'm inept" or some other negative thing, think, "But at least I'm nice to my dog" (or whatever), and maybe a couple other things, "and I make a nice cup of tea, and I don't fart in public". Whatever.

Eventually, you'll find more and more things about yourself that you like. It can take a while to get there, but just keep at it. There ARE good things about you, probably a lot more than you've considered. You just need to recognise them.

As for the negative things, they may or may not be even true. You'll have to reassess them periodically. As you feel more and more positively about yourself in general, your view of your negative traits will also change in interesting ways.

[Brutha]

Isn't the fact that you can use the internet a lot better than a lot of other people in your age group something?

[FreedomJoyAdventure]

How about starting by writing down a list of EVERYTHING you've ever done right, no matter how small?

And then see how man wins and successes you can rack up in the time you've got left?

[fantasydreamer]

well you must have loved somebody in your lifetime? and they loved you back? if you were able truly share love in your lifetime and show that to these people, that would make a difference in their lives and that in itself would make your life meaningful because you were able to influence people's lives and that would create a seed for the future, like a ripple effect.

on the more practical side, you can help out a charity or a cause, even just one person in need, it's not too late to give something of yourself and that way, by helping people you will have contributed something to the world and you will feel good about yourself.

[Bongza]

Look at what you are best at or ask people around you to tell you what they like about you, and you will start to feel good about yourself.

[Vaganova]

You lived to be seventy five...

There are plenty of people who would want to know what you did and how you did it. Seriously. Whatever lessons you learned in life, write them as a book and stick 'em up there.

Market it right, and people will read it.

There's a story in everybody. One of my most interesting conversations with somebody was a chick who was in her eighties (I think?) and we talked for two hours about how she used to work at a call center. Weird thing was, it was interesting!! It was where she met her hubby.

You've got stuff to share, now's the time to start sharing it, and you'll make a 'not loser life' out of anything you want.

[Bradshaw]

Hi OX,

First, as another poster already hinted to, the question in your thread is flawed. If you know, or believe, that you're a loser and you believe all the nonsense social baggage that comes with having that title attached to you, it's going to be very difficult for you to feel good about yourself. If you try to feel good inside while still believing you're a loser, it's like pouring water into a cup with a hole at the bottom. It's only going to work momentarily.

The problem is all in your head; It has nothing to do with other people, the relationships you've had, what has happened in your life or whatever external things you can think of. It's literally all in your head. You already know this—it's just a matter of using any of the processes available to you to release the belief that you're a loser, which is a belief that is not even yours!

The “I'm a loser” belief that lots of people have is very insidious because it is created through comparing the self to other-selves. Thus, it is an almost impossible belief to defeat using its own rules because there is always someone who is better than you at something. It's a hopeless proposal unless you become the greatest at everything in the world—and even then you must not ever slip, make a mistake or a faux pas. It's a constant uphill battle--not exactly the happiest life, is it?

And this is the great trap of the “I'm a loser” belief. It cannot be defeated through external actions. You cannot make yourself great in order to release this belief. There are tons and tons of millionaires who are not happy and feel like losers because there's always someone better than them. There are guys who have wonderful, gorgeous girlfriends and they're not happy and feel like “losers” because there are even more beautiful women. It's a never-ending battle of comparing, comparing and comparing some more. It's exhausting!

What causes you suffering is not anything external, but it is the very nature of the “loser” belief. It was created by comparing yourself to other people, and so it stays there, on the background, constantly comparing yourself to others. If you perceive someone else to be worse or inferior to you, you feel good, and if you perceive someone else to be better or superior to you, you feel worse. It can also be more general—if you feel your peers, colleagues, friends have a better life than you, this belief causes you to feel worse.

It's a mental virus that, if left alone, will cause much distress. It's so insidious that you will often find yourself hanging around people who don't really appreciate you and will, indeed, treat you like a loser. It also has other side effects such as creating habits of reading dark, negative stuff and things that make you feel like a “loser”. It will also make you engage you in habits and things that you perceive to be “loserish”. Once the belief is ingrained into the subconscious, it becomes self-sustaining. It runs on auto-pilot.



The solution is to remove/change the belief. There are several ways to do this, but nothing ever happens until you meet the following requirements:

• A willingness to learn and change.
• The realization that your thoughts are 99% of the problem, and actions are 1%.
• An understanding that this belief has already become deeply ingrained in your subconscious.

Willingness to Learn and Change
To even have the ability to learn and change, you must at least momentarily realize that you don't know everything and that you're wrong about many things. Then you open yourself up to new information and skills.

It also requires effort, which immediately plays on how much you believe you can achieve things and how confident are you in learning the ropes. The common “loser” belief and its spinoffs will immediately try their best to discourage you from trying to learn and change—and you must have the willpower to power through the nonsense. Reach deep within your soul and realize that at the deepest level you're a great spirit; a great human being; and there's nothing you can't achieve or do. Focus on your heart, and despite the poisonous thoughts your mind is sending you, you will be able to take action. Remember, courage is not having no fear; It is acting in spite of fear. It's going to be uncomfortable to stretch yourself, but if you want to transcend this, you must summon up the willpower and do it anyway.

Your Thoughts are the Problem
This is the main key. The problem is not in the outside, it's inside. Everything can be fixed on the inside. Personally, I'm physically clumsy. I also got a girlfriend while being the most socially inept guy in the universe and she found it cute, and at this moment in time I have all the friends I could ever want and a girlfriend. It's all in your head! Repeat: It's all in your head, it's all in your head, it's all in your head...

The thoughts are the source of the problem. You've thought negative thoughts so much that they've become unconscious and automatic. The only to change this is to walk a different path and start ingraining new beliefs while ignoring and paying no attention to the old beliefs. Let them fall away. They don't serve you anymore.

The Belief is Already Ingrained
Realize that your thoughts and beliefs are inaccurate. The neural pathways in your brain have been trained and trained time and time again with the same faulty beliefs and patterns. They must first be changed—and they can only be changed if you are able to learn and change. And what do you change? Your thoughts, of course.

You've been walking down the forest path called “I'm a loser” for a while, so it's going to take some time for you to create another path in the forest—this can only be done by walking down that path over and over until you become unconsciously competent at it. I'm not selling you anything here, so I'll say it outright: It will probably take effort, willpower, and it will likely be difficult. But difficult is not impossible. You can do it.
-
Now, despite what many people would have you believe, this is usually not something that you change in a single moment of inspiration, although it happens sometimes, but even then you usually have to put a lot of groundwork before getting that single moment of inspiration.

Go deep within yourself and stare at that “I'm a loser” belief. Then appreciate it, thank it, feel love and positive emotions towards it, and release it. Repeat this process everyday in the morning and at night.

Bit by bit, you will be programming your mind to stop going down this forest path. Your brain will feel less and less inclined to follow the beaten path, but be warned, the belief will resist at first. In fact, it's when you first start doing these processes that the beliefs and fears all come to the surface. This is why an initial surge of willpower is very important—it can power through those initial fears and insecurities.

After some time, something very interesting happens. Every time your “loser” belief comes up in real life, you'll recognize it immediately and it will start to not resonate with you. This indicates that you're letting go of it.

Now is the time to program something new into your brain. You can use the exact same process, but this time you are creating a new pathway—a new way through the forest. Beliefs like “I'm awesome”, “I'm pretty cool” or “Hey, I'm allright” are some of the possibilities. It's important that you pick something that you can actually believe. If “I'm awesome” is too much of a stretch, go for “I'm allright”. You can update the forest path later on if you desire, but now its important that you make progress as soon as possible as it will motivate you to change in greater and greater ways.

This process is variable—the above is just a recommendation--because the processes and actions are not what matters most, it's the consciousness behind it. If your thoughts and emotions are aligned, you'll take the right actions anyway.

Good luck.

[Curious cat]

^ what he said great post Bradshaw.

I particularly like the part about realising that you don't know everything and maybe even anything. when you know you don't have the answers, it's easier to open yourself up to change. This was how my own mental shift happened and it has been life changing (for the better).

I highly recommend 'a new earth' by echart tolle; "Don't let a mad world tell you that success is anything other than a successful present moment.”

[Andrew Gubb]

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

Genetics plus 75 years of life have combined to make me realise I’m a loser.

I don’t like that feeling.

In simple terms, I’m socially inept and physically clumsy.

I have nothing to show in return for having breathed the air of this planet for 75 years. There won't be anything they can say about me when I'm gone, nothing they'll want to engrave on my tombstone.

I’m curious to learn how I can make myself feel okay about myself during whatever time I have left.

Why do you need an engraving on your tombstone? What does the future matter? Is there any way you can change things for yourself right now?

[hamix]

Who in these scenarios is the winner/loser:

- International soccer players who lack anger management/balanced emotions? (Google Wayne Rooney vs. Montenegro)

- Politicians who promise change, but end up not doing so?

- Famous TV actors who hold interviews of literal verbal diarrehoa?

Loser is a wholly relative term.

[jacob tudor baruch]

The fact that you've made it to 75 years is proof that you're a winner. You may want to write books, articles, or posts teaching everyone the secrets of how you did it.

[The Backward OX]

Perhaps the word “loser” was misleading. I was just trying to keep it simple. Perhaps I should have said “unfulfilled”.

[Ken Benjamin]

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

Perhaps the word “loser” was misleading. I was just trying to keep it simple. Perhaps I should have said “unfulfilled”.

The big question here is what would fulfill you?

If you don't know that then you can't start now. If you do, then what's holding you back? At 75, it's now or never and you've got not much to lose trying.

If you don't know, I'm working on a system to teach people how to find and follow their bliss but it's a bit much for a forum reply so I'll just give you some ideas to start:

Figure out who you are:

Do a personality test, like those at Personality Tests and Type Profiles and read up on your type and a couple of opposite types so you see what different folks are happy with.

Follow Steve's How to Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes

Think about things you love to do and why you love them, write it all down.

Read my latest post on WisdomWebsite.com: How To Find Your Deepest Desires In Your Favorite Movies. (works for books, too)

Find the common themes here and figure out what you can do that has as many of those important traits as you can.

Be creative here, think outside the box. Maybe do two or three things to get your needs met and become fulfilled.

Oh, and shameless plug, sign up for my mailing list. I'll have lots more coming about how to follow your bliss, whether your 75 or 17.

Steve's got a ton of excellent resources to help move you forward and overcome your fears once you figure out what you would like to do.

Good luck and happy insights.

P.S. Anyone who's willing to ask everyone here how not to be a loser is already a winner in my eyes. That takes guts.

[C33]

Go to a pet store, buy a bird that has been living all its life in a cage. Set it free. Watch it fly.

Start conversations with strangers and tell them about your life. Ask them if they sometimes feel like a loser and I'll bet you the conversation to follow won't be a boring one.

At 75 you don't have anything to prove to anyone, and you have a lot to share. You can be as rebellious or quirky as you want to be. Have a new adolescence. Have a three quarter life crisis. You can experiment and get out of your comfort zone.

You are not a loser, you just think you are a loser, as many people do when they try to match a certain age with a certain type of experiences.

[Philemon]

Well, reading the OP I thought, this guy is certainly humble and open-minded - how else could he post such an honest, personal question?

Sitting here, reading the other thoughtful posts, I've had to think carefully about what I might be able to offer to the discussion. And in that thought, I'm reminded of my great-grandfather.

He was a simple man--said little, did little that was noticeable. Mostly, in the ten to fifteen years I knew him, he did little more than lounge in a chair, slowly smoke pipes, and fiddle with a toothpick. Even into his 90's, he always took the stairs. But here's the main thing I'm reminded of - he always seemed content, and if you asked how he was doin' today, he always replied, "Well (emphasized eyebrows and twangy voice), I'm still here, aint I? Certainly can't complain about that."

He lived to be 96.

I'm still quite young, plenty of wisdom to learn and grow with here. But I know that in some of my hardest times, I remember my great-grandfather. I remember how content and happy he seemed, and it had nothing to do with any material possessions or lifetime achievements. He was just happy to be present on this earth. When I can get myself in that frame of mind, I am totally fulfilled. I'm working on maintaining that feeling during the harder times.

I wish you blissful awareness in your journeys, OX.

[RonSouther]

Osho,
You have recently said that most of humanity is vegetating, not living. Please explain to us the art of living so that death may become also a celebration.


Man is born to achieve life, but it all depends on him. He can miss it. He can go on breathing, he can go on eating, he can go on growing old, he can go on moving towards the grave – but this is not life. This is gradual death from the cradle to the grave, a seventy-year-long gradual death. And because millions of people around you are dying in this gradual, slow death, you also start imitating them. Children learn everything from those who are around them, and we are surrounded by the dead.

So first we have to understand what I mean by life. It must not be simply growing old. It has to be growing up. And these are two different things. Growing old, any animal is capable of. Growing up is the prerogative of human beings. Only a few claim the right.

Growing up means moving every moment deeper into the principle of life, it means going farther away from death, not towards death. The deeper you go into life, the more you understand the immortality within you. You are going away from death; a moment comes when you can see that death is nothing but changing clothes, or changing houses, changing forms. Nothing dies, nothing can die; death is the greatest illusion there is.

For growing up, just watch a tree. As the tree grows up, its roots are growing down, deeper. There is a balance: the higher the tree goes, the deeper the roots will go. You cannot have a tree one hundred and fifty feet high with small roots; they could not support such a huge tree. In life, growing up means growing deep within yourself – that’s where your roots are.

To me, the first principle of life is meditation.

Growing ? Changing ? Death? ? Osho Online Library

[nishu]

you can work for your physical appearance but you cant work your mental status toward yourself if you feel like that.
change your attitude an be positive and then fight the situation.

[Bonadea]

Maybe we could help more if you told us more about yourself...

Married, kids, job, hobbies. What have your learned in your 75 yrs, how can you use that? Can you help younger people find their way? If you're still healthy, can you help older people who aren't.

Do you like animals, do you like fixing things (feeling you don't like that one), do you like keeping people company?