any advice? My one weakness in emotional mastery

[TheFlyingMan]

Hey guys!

I've been off on training myself for positive and happy thoughts. Negative thoughts were my weakness, and I've switched around to majorly happy thoughts. Most of my negative thoughts were of past insults and betrayals (from ex-girlfriends, for example, even though those were more than a year ago).

THe only time I start thinking about these things (and can't stop) is when I am stressed at work. When I am at work, and things aren't going well - bad clients, or work that I hate doing, then all these things bring back bad thoughts for me. It's like I'm interjected them in the middle of my work thoughts - "I need to call James (flashback of memory) - I have to reply this email (bad flashback)" and my mood just spins downwards and I get angry for no reason.

These only happen once in a while, I used to get angry a lot, but nowadays these events only happen once every few weeks. I just had one today, and for the life of me I don't know why this happens.

Before anyone misunderstands, the stress is fine sometimes. I don't get like this everytime I am stressed at work.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

[TimDineen]

Just relax man. It looks like you are well on your way to feeling how you want to feel all the time, but your mind still has habits that are hard to break. Give it some time to let go. Keep moving in the right direction and those thoughts will keep fading until one day you will realize that they are altogether gone.

There is no time time limit and there is nothing to be concerned about. Keep practicing, and keep moving yourself in the direction you want to go. Eventually you will learn.

[InJoy]

Originally Posted by TimDineen

Just relax man. It looks like you are well on your way to feeling how you want to feel all the time, but your mind still has habits that are hard to break. Give it some time to let go. Keep moving in the right direction and those thoughts will keep fading until one day you will realize that they are altogether gone.

That is fantastic advice. I hope you listen to it.

One (easy) tool you can use when you are in one of those stressful situations and an unwanted thought pops into your head is this:

Notice (without judgment) that you've had a negative or worrisome thought. Immediately counteract it with a positive thought. It can be anything positive. "I like that shade of green." or "I love my dog." or "Hiking this weekend is going to be so fun." Then go on with whatever you're working on until you have another negative thought, then repeat. (Repeat even if the next negative thought comes right away.)

If you get into that habit (following every negative thought immediately with a positive one) it breaks the cycle that gives you the inaccurate impression that you "can't stop", thus revealing some of the power you have over your own mind. It also neutralizes those negative thoughts and creates a new, creative habit. It might also have the nice "side-effect" of reducing your overall stress level.

[RT Wolf]

You might consider learning reframing (its an NLP) concept. So things like, remember the incident and mess around with it until it doesn't affect you anymore. So make everyone hear in a mickey mouse-type sqeuky voice or soemthing. Our memories are essentially reconstructed everytime we remember them, so you don't just remember them, you can change them.

Alternatively, you could look into things like The Work or Sedona Method.

[Wit and Itch]

Another way of dealing with negative thoughts from past is:
Accept the fact that you create your world, and you always did.
You created unpleasant events in your past in order to grow into a person you are now.
If you had it any other way you would be different person now.
Past is gone and there is nothing you can do to change any of it. All you can do is focus on today so you can build more pleasant future.
When you have a bad moment at work, think why you are creating that bad moment, and create a better one.
Everything starts from you. It is not bad client, it is you, so change it, smile a lot.

[TheFlyingMan]

Thanks a lot for all that guys...yes I was just wondering why it only popped up while I was stressed out about work/$ and not anything else. Thanks again!

[InJoy]

Originally Posted by TheFlyingMan

Thanks a lot for all that guys...yes I was just wondering why it only popped up while I was stressed out about work/$ and not anything else. Thanks again!

My best guess is that you have some specific thought pattern when you get stressed at work that triggers these other thoughts. Just the fact that you noticed it might have contributed to the problem in that you probably have come to anticipate it on some level.

That same anticipation can help you recognize when you are doing it and shift your thoughts in a timely manner. You'll have this licked in no time.

[TheFlyingMan]

cool. Much thanks for the support

[Gary]

I don't know what your process has been, but with all this attention and focus on the positive you may have left the shadow side of your ego effectively buried. That is until you get tired and stressed in which case your conscious mind is no longer able to keep the lid on. All the negative you have been holding back comes out.

When you get your energy back you force your mind to focus on the positive again until you tire.

To be free of the roller coaster it will be necessary to identify and change the core beliefs behind the persistent negative thoughts and emotions. Sometimes this is called shadow work.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by TheFlyingMan

Thanks a lot for all that guys...yes I was just wondering why it only popped up while I was stressed out about work/$ and not anything else. Thanks again!

Don't underestimate the role balance plays in your life. Sometimes when we are over-tired, not eating or resting properly our perception is distorted.

For example think of a cranky child who hasn't eaten yet or missed his afternoon nap. He acts out until the parents tend to his immediate needs. Once fed and put to bed he's wakes up in a totally different frame of mind.

[TheFlyingMan]

Thanks everyone...Gary, it's interesting as I picked up a new book today and it mentioned exactly what you just did - that I have to get to the core of things...can you recommend any shadow work resources?

[Alchemiss]

I found Debbie Ford's shadow work helpful.

Debbie Ford - The Shadow Process - Feature Article on Shadow Work

[Gary]

To find and change the core beliefs, including the ones lurking in the shadows that sneak up on us do the Self Mastery course on my website.

Lots of practical tools and exercises to dig in and find out what is going on in the subconscious, and then dissolve it.

If you make an honest effort, and don't get your money's worth, I'll give you a refund.

[JohnPlace]

I learned to overcome Anxiety. But before I did, I too noticed that stressful situations would trigger negative thoughts of all kinds. It's the nature of the disorder I suffered from.

If I had a stressful day at work, I would come home and start obsessing about all kinds of things, including the placement of furniture -- things you can't even imagine.

I don't know if you are suffering from traditional anxiety or not, since I'm not a doctor. But if you are interested in my experiences, my latest blog entry contains more detail. Good luck to you.

[TheFlyingMan]

Thanks again guys

Gary, John Place, I'll check out your links now.