Jealous of my pretty Friend who thinks shes is the best in everything

[sweety]

Hey!
so, i have something bothering me.. im a women,and i have a friend, same age as me, she is very pretty and gets lots of attention,i always got jealous of her, but this time what bothers me more is the fact that she thinks that she is the best in everything, actually she always get what she wants and is very spoiled by men,she is very snob and sometimes treat people bad,she also cheat on her boyfriends,and treat men bad, sometimes she open up with me,which makes me feel better about her when i see that she also has her problems and insecurities
She is a good friend, but i cant stand to see how golddigger she is with men and how arrogant she is,also bothers me the fact that she always get the attention when we go out..so i feel stupid for being a good women who never take advantage of people.. because she blinds people with her beauty and take advantage of them ( men) so it makes me annoyed that men always go for her even if she is arrogant with them, feels like being a beautiful good girl who dress normal clothes doesnt pay off and being an arrogant ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ with vulgar clothes works better with men. Apparently.

And even good guys and nerd guys go for her ( the type of men which i thought that would never be interested by her)also have to include that her personality isnt special and she has only girly interests like makeup,fashion,shoes etc,We are just friends to talk about men and love,besides of that we cant have a conversation. And yeah i know these men she attracts are mostly low quality men.. but some of them fall in love with her and let her abuse of them asking for money and other things

At one point i got so mad that when she was flirting with some guy,i gave him hints that she has a boyfriend ( she does! and cheats all the time) I feel stupid,because i was clearly jealous,she got angry with me after that, i don't know if i should keep going out with her,but she is in my friends circle so i will see her anyway anywhere i go out with my friends..i wish i could just not care and not feel bothered about her presence

[OptimistPrime]

Well, here is how I would look at the situation:

She and all the men that she mistreats are coming together for a reason. In some cases, maybe that's exactly what a guy wants. The qualities they find attractive in her outweigh her negative behaviors, and they see it as a "fair trade", so to speak. In other cases, where they end up getting hurt by her, perhaps it's to teach them a life lesson about what qualities are really important for them to look for in a woman.

Also, it might help alleviate your jealousy to work on letting go of the belief/fear that you're being stupid or ineffectual by not exhibiting the same behaviors she does. Personally, I find women like (you describe) yourself to be much more attractive than women who are like (you describe) your friend, and I'm sure there are many other men who feel the same way. Resenting the fact that there are a lot of men attracted to women like your friend just draws those types of men to you like a magnet. (Or, if that sounds a little too "woo-woo" for you, let's say that the men you encounter like that take on an outsized level of importance in your mind/imagination when you have negative feelings towards them. )

[Harmonium]

I think you should focus more on yourself and doing your own thing than putting energy into being jealous of your "friend". If you can't do this while still being her friend, then perhaps its better to stop seeing her, and allow yourself room to develop into who you want to be.

[Curious cat]

It can be difficult to admit when you are jealous of anotherso I applaud you for your courage.

From an outsiders's perspective, it sounds like you are allowing your jealousy to harshly judge your friend. There isn't anything wrong with having girly interests - you need to be reasonable. She is entitled to live her life the way she wants and you need to be able to accept her if you want to genuinely be her friend. If you can't accept her for who she is then perhaps distance yourself and allow the griendship to dissolve naturally and without incident (unless you want a final 'show down', which I don't advise). If you are both in the same social circle and you won't be able to avoid her indefinitely then just be polite when you see her but keep your interaction to a minimum.

It sounds as though deep down, this woman represents things that you want and her presence threatens you, and you resent her for it. You need to dig deep and find out why, because the emotions she invokes in you really has everything to do with you and less about her. If you can identify why, then you can start working on your issues and gain personal growth and in time can achieve peace with yourself.

Change is hard but it is achievable. Good luck!

[rawxstasy]

I like what Curious Cat said. I'd also add that society has kind of made her into the person she is. Beautiful women have people running after them and fawning over them and that can make them think they are better than they really are so that's maybe why she treats people so bad.

I can't imagine that she is very happy with herself right now. Just be yourself - don't try to compete with her and try not to feel bad if the men give her the attention. Remind yourself of your good qualities. You will find a man who finds you attractive and loves all aspects of you - not just the outside. That is the kind of man you want. You wouldn't want to be with these men that find her attractive.

[C33]

Beauty is a mask that can hide very ugly things. It sounds like your friend has men treating her as property and don't value her very much for who she truly is.

You want to be in the limelight too, and enjoy the attention. That's very normal.
It's hard feeling ignored when you know your own value. However, hanging out with that type of woman is great for weeding out men.

In fact, I once met a boyfriend while clubbing with my drop dead gorgeous girlfriend. Funnily, it was when I was doing the thing that makes me feel beautiful, which is dancing. I immediately took him to meet my friend, as I knew he might switch interest. I wanted to make sure he was truly interested in me.
He was.

It's the way you carry yourself and the belief you have in your own value that will ultimately make people notice you. Do things you are good at. Surround yourself with people who do things where they are valued for their talent, not their appearance.

Unless your friend is a model, she is not making money with her beauty, she's just getting a lot of low quality guys to pay for a few dinner dates. What is she getting out of her beauty?

She might have better opportunities, career- wise, she might always have a man to do things for her ( which can be nice when you have a flat tire) or buy things for her. Accept that she has her triumphs and go for yours.

Don't wish you could share the limelight with her, get your own. You don't have to be a secondary character in someone's life. Be the star of your own life.
Don't live vicariously through her. Don't get jealous of her. Get inspired by what she does, and if you want what she has, then mimic her and see how you like the life you get.

Be a good friend to her or don't be her friend at all. If she is the type of person who needs to brag about her conquests to her friend, and constantly talks about herself and how great she is, then she is not a good friend.

[OptimistPrime]

Originally Posted by C33

She might have better opportunities, career- wise

Do you mean like having the option of pursuing a career as a model, singer, etc.? Because I was just reading an article about how attractive women may be less likely to get hired for a regular job.

[hamix]

Use your feelings to propel yourself also. Jealously IMO is not a true human emotion (it's a function of personality IMO), but it should be used to better our own lot, as it were.

[C33]

Do you mean like having the option of pursuing a career as a model, singer, etc.? Because I was just reading an article about how attractive women may be less likely to get hired for a regular job.

Interesting article ! However, I think that the reality is that most people will hire an attractive person, no matter the gender.In general, women are rewarded for being decorative. The lowest positions like receptionist or admin assistants are filled with attractive women.

I agree with the article that most HR personnel being female, they might not give a chance to a pretty female. The article mentioned discrimination when a picture was attached to the C.V.


Apologies to OP for veering away from the subject at hand.

[Kronique]

Originally Posted by Harmonium

I think you should focus more on yourself and doing your own thing than putting energy into being jealous of your "friend". If you can't do this while still being her friend, then perhaps its better to stop seeing her, and allow yourself room to develop into who you want to be.

i agree with this. you should develope yourself and be a bigger person, who isn't as petty and shallow. you have so many ways to grow and be a big person, you should build momentum. if anything just let this drive you to be a n accomplished, woman with GOOD INTENTIONS. why do girls always have to categorize themselves as either wimpy and not good enough or the greatest, but totally un-noble.

both of those things are horrible stereotypes that have to go. you should focus on yourself. jealousy isn't going to feel good or make things work for you very well.

[Ken Benjamin]

Read up on different personality types.

Your friend is what Dr. David Keirsey would call an Artisan (I call them party-animals). You're probably not the same type.

I wrote an article about this which you might find helpful:

The Power Of Personality Testing - Understand Yourself, Understand Everyone Else

Besides, what's to be jealous of? If you wanted to focus only on looks, dress trashy, and hook up with a different guy each night, what would stop you? I'm guessing you don't. Let your friend do what she does best. You, go do what you do best. If you follow your own heart, it might be your friend who is jealous of you in 10 years (just don't expect her to say so).

[Clint Cora]

Jealously is not a good thing to have but irregardless of that, I think you really have to determine if this is going to be a mutually, healthy friendship. Sounds like it's not from where I'm sitting. If you have mutual friends, okay, I can understand that you socialize with her while with others at the same time. But as far as socializing just with her, I don't really see where the benefits are with this friendship. As you can appreciate, friendship should not be this way.

So you may want to consider spending time with other people who will be more healthy satisfying friendships. Why punish yourself in the meantime with friction?

[hamix]

Jealousy is a socially constructed emotion. Why does x person holding more mean that others must respond? Isn't it the case that jealousy/envy results from seeing something others have that we personally value?

[Curious cat]

Originally Posted by hamix

Jealousy is a socially constructed emotion. Why does x person holding more mean that others must respond? Isn't it the case that jealousy/envy results from seeing something others have that we personally value?

Please tell me about your childhood and how your parents raised you so that i can do the same for my son, such words of wisdom!

[Ken Benjamin]

Originally Posted by hamix

Jealousy is a socially constructed emotion. Why does x person holding more mean that others must respond? Isn't it the case that jealousy/envy results from seeing something others have that we personally value?

Well said, we need not respond and by not responding we are elevating ourselves above our pre-programmed genetic nature.

Here's the biology of the situation:

Competitiveness is a major component of reproductive achievement. There is a biological reason that success leads to more reproductive opportunity which is, thinking back to ancient times now, this: Successful hunters and successful gatherers (men and women respectively) were able to have more and healthier children.

That's a very short lesson in evolutionary psychology but it explains the nature of jealousy. When you see someone else having more than you do, your pretty friend in this case, you see her reproductive opportunities elevated above yours. All of this presents itself in the emotion of jealously and consciously as envy. (And no, you can't control it. I also don't care that you're not thinking about babies. Your biology is or you wouldn't be interested in guys at all.)

The problem is, we're not on the plains of Africa hunting and gathering any more. Our modern living situation confuses various forms of success and our ancient brains don't really know the difference. It may well be that a better mate is one that is less 'successful' in some respects but say, kinder, smarter, or happier, just to pick some examples.

Don't be jealous. I know you'll feel it but let it pass and think about what's important to you. Maybe competing to be the best on your own personal terms is the right path?

What do you think, would being the best you possible be attractive to others? I bet it would.

[Bonadea]

I'm guessing it's bothering you in part because it's make you feel less worthy.

I'm not sure how to put this.....

I would rather have 1 or 2 people who really value me for who I am as a person, then 100 people who only value me for my looks.

That's probably going to be one of her lessons in life, something revolved around that.

Your lessons are different.

Maybe if you look at it like that and just keep enjoying her for the things you enjoy her for.

I'm guessing you two are on the younger side? 20's?

[dbranch]

People like that will have their fun for a little while but things always catch up. You can try to intervene but chances are you will just end up messing up the friendship. You best bet is to probably find a new best friend who shares more of your qualities and keep your friend as a friend but don't spend so much time with her. If all shes doing is bothering you and hogging up the attention then its probably better to just hang out with someone else.

[nishu]

well for jealously you can not do any thing but why to jealous you cant be her and she cant be you so why jealous.

[Bunterhaperton]

Looks are only temporary, real beauty which is who you are as person, never fades.

Just because she is is pretty looking, doesn't mean that she is an all round good person. I think alot of the time, she is only getting desired for sex and nothing else, which in my opinion is rather disrespectful. Sooner or later she is going to feel that she is being looked upon and treated as some kind of disposable object and not as a permanent and respected person. Unless, she meets someone that is interested in her as a person and respects her as a person and does not consider sex as a necessity or importance in the relationship.