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| Emotional Mastery Emotional intelligence, addiction and recovery, grieving, loss, fear, anger, guilt, resentment, frustration, anxiety, depression, happiness, joy, love, kindness, forgiveness, self-acceptance, confidence, escaping the pit of despair, EFT |
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10-12-2011, 02:13 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Texas
Posts: 1,855
  |  :( Very Sad.
My family Boxer got hit by a car and died this morning right in front of my daughter while she was waiting for the school bus. I've only had one other dog that I was really attached and I never imagined I could love a dog that much again, but here we are and I can't seem to collect myself.  My biggest concern is for my daughter because he was her best buddy. We live in the country and there are no other kids around her age, so she and the dog were doing everything together and I mean, EVERYTHING, to the point of me having to make sure the bathroom door was shut when she was in the bath or he'd jump in with her. And now she had to see him die so horribly. What's really eating on me, besides him dying of course, is that I am the one who let him out this morning because it was raining and he was having fun running around in the rain. He ran up to the road by Emma and I called him back, but he wouldn't come to me because she was up there. At first I thought, Eh, he'll be okay. He waits with her for the bus almost every morning and just stands in the driveway and then runs home as soon as the bus pulls up. But then when I saw how crazy he was acting in the rain, I went inside to get my shoes and rain coat on so I could go get him, came back out and started up the driveway, and that's when he got hit. My daughter was beside herself. He actually probably would have lived if I was right there to get him, but another car drove before I could run up there and hit his head, which killed him. If I had just not been a wuss about the rain and gone to him with no shoes or a coat, he wouldn't have died. It was just horrific and I feel so bad for my daughter because she was standing about 15 feet away watching. She knows she has to stay far away from the road while she waits, so she said she felt guilty that she didn't go get him. I told her not to feel that way, it wasn't her fault, and I never want her to run into the road for any reason at all. She went to school, which was her choice, but I feel like I should have kept her home or something. Of course, here I am, an almost 30 year old woman, bawling and squaling off and on over this dog so I thought I'd write this out to help cope a little. Now I have to figure out what to tell my younger two, but luckily they're only 2 and 3 so they'll probably take it easily. Geez, how do I help my daughter cope with this? I've lost pets before so I know I'll get over it and I know she will eventually too, but I still feel SOO bad for her. I wrapped him up in a blanket and gathered his toys, so my plan is to clean him up and give him a little funeral with all of his stuff when everybody is home tonight. Does this sound like a healthy decision concerning my children? Should I just bury him before she gets home so she doesn't have to see or should I let her be part of it since he was more hers than anyone elses? |
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10-12-2011, 02:31 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 40
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I'm sorry for your loss, that's horrible she saw it, I actually teared up reading this. I know kids are resilient little things but I'm not sure what you could do to help get her through this, that's an image in her head that'll take a while to heal. Don't let her feel any energy off you that may make her feel like it's your fault, or let her know the what if's. If she's young enough to realize it was just a horrible accident and not something you could have prevented that'll be even more worse for her, she might become angry. If you and your family are religious maybe you could talk to her about God and his plans for every creature, or if you believe in reincarnation you could talk to her about his spirit living on in something else. Don't beat yourself up over it, you aren't guilty of anything, you could never have had that dog and this wouldn't have happened, but he was a big part in your child's and I'm sure a good part. Thank God nothing happened to your daughter and didn't run after him on impulse. Right now she might need her space or need more attention from you, coddle her or not, if she doesn't want to talk about it now she might want to open up in a few months. And again, sorry that you and your family have to go through this. |
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10-12-2011, 02:39 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Mississauga, On Canada
Posts: 1,502
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I'm so sorry for your loss as I'm a long time dedicated dog owner myself. I'm not a child psychologist so if you are really concerned about your daughter, you might want to consult an expert to help your daughter heal. As for the dog funeral plan, I think it's a good idea since it teaches your daughter something about the realities of life and if you could somehow use it to celebrate the life and time your Boxer had with your family, then it just makes everyone appreciate life more. From a dog world point of view, as you might know, dogs being hit by cars is unfortunately not that uncommon. So although you are an experienced dog owner, perhaps there are still some lessons to be learned here for both you and your daughter. It's a bitter lesson for sure but for your next puppy, I would certainly suggest more higher level training particularly on recalls. You might want to consider taking a higher level of precautions as well to ensure that something like this never happens again. These might be a bit strong especially during this difficult time but I'm sure you will get the same from others in the dog world. My thoughts are with you and your family. |
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10-12-2011, 02:45 PM
| #4 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Texas
Posts: 1,855
| Quote:
He doesn't really understand it at all and thinks that if we bury him in the grass, he'll feel better and then he can show Red his Halloween costume after we go get it today. Gosh. Man, this SUCKS!!!!!!!! Red would go in and wake my two younger kids up every morning so when my son got out of bed this morning, his very first words were, "Why didn't Red come get me from bed?" I do feel so incredibly silly being so upset over this dog. You're right, though, I am so grateful that my daughter didn't run out to the road and get hurt. I'm so proud of her for being so smart because I know that when I was her age, I probably would've run out there. She's just a really, REALLY smart little girl with very good sense and I'm so thankful that it was just the dog and not one of my children. We just had our yard fenced about a month ago so my younger two wouldn't run out to the road. They have a horrible habit of running in that direction, so our only option was to fence them in. Maybe this can be a good lesson for them to understand how dangerous the road is. I do know they are old enough to understand that a car in the road is what did this to puppy. Gosh, well, I guess I'll just wait and see what she's feeling like when she gets home and if she wants to help bury him she can, if she doesn't she won't have to. | |
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10-12-2011, 02:53 PM
| #5 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Texas
Posts: 1,855
| Quote:
What's really bad is we just put this fence up and I had the thought in the back of my head this morning that I should keep him in there since it was raining. However, the kids play out there and he likes to use the restroom in a completely separate part of the yard that's wooded where I'd RATHER him go so they don't step in it, so I went against my own intuition because I didn't want to put the effort of picking the dog poopie up. Gosh. I was being such a bad pet mommy this morning. I guess when you have that routine and everything has seemed fine for so long, you kind of begin taking things for granted. This is what we did every morning. He hasn't seen rain in a LONG time, though, because we've been in drought and I think it just made him nutso and excited. | |
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10-12-2011, 02:55 PM
| #6 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: N.E. Wisconsin
Posts: 3,473
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10-12-2011, 03:13 PM
| #7 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Texas
Posts: 1,855
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10-12-2011, 07:06 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,885
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I'm sorry that this happened. I don't think it is silly at all to care a lot for an animal companion. We lost our dog about a week ago too due to terminal illness and things are slowly getting back to normal. There is nothing weird at all about grieving for someone that you love. If you haven't already buried the dog, I think it would be a good idea to allow your child to attend the funeral as it will allow her to say final good byes and for her to process death in a healthy way as opposed to hiding from it. That is just my opinion though. Your little girl sounds very brave and healthy though for bringing up her own feelings of guilt. I remember when I was young and something similar happened (our dog got hit by a car), I couldn't express my feelings to anyone. So long as she expresses a desire to speak about the subject, I think it is a good idea to encourage her to talk. *hugs* |
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10-13-2011, 01:39 AM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 31
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A very awful and sad experience. The child is suffering deep pain. But they are resilient and they will push it in the back ground for now. But it is later on that you will be asked, what and why it happened. Clearly this will be one of her formative experiences. She will remember it as one of those intense moments that she had to experience in life. Obviously she needs to be free to talk about it now. To express it. To express her sadness, her hate at fate and her fear of these possibilities. The worst thing that could be done is to tell her to get over it. That this type of things happens. No she has every right to feel her sadness. She has every right to feel her fear and to know that her father is there for her. And of course, you have every right to be shocked by the whole experience. There is deep sadness there, very very deep. Because that dog, was in fact ... wonderful. |
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10-13-2011, 01:42 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Down the infinite rabbit hole
Posts: 1,575
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I'm really sorry for your loss. You're not being silly. Animal companions become a real part of our lives, a part of us. Losing them, especially unexpectedly and in traumatic circumstances, is painful. Allow yourself to grieve.
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10-13-2011, 05:39 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Texas
Posts: 1,855
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Thank you so much, everyone. You are all so kind. Yesterday was a pretty busy day, considering, and my son began running fever so I couldn't really get back on with time to respond to everyone. So I want you to know that I appreciate all your sweet words and support here. It really has been a little more difficult than I could've imagined it would be.On a better note, I think it was much easier on my daughter than on me or my husband. We had our little funeral and she cried. She said she loved him and missed him and then the kids gathered rocks to lay around his gravesite. Since fall has come, it's a good time here to plant roses and fruit trees, so next week after the ground has settled some more, I'm going to get some pretty roses and a peach tree to plant out there. He used to pluck the peaches of my other trees and I would get so mad at him for pulling the nice heavy ones off, chewing on them, and then leaving to waste. So I suppose that's a bit of a guilt penance. Plus I need a new peach tree. LOL. As soon as the funeral was over and the rocks were gather, I was helping my husband clean up back there then went inside and found my daughter online looking at boxer puppies.  So I think she's ok. We will get another one day, but my husband and I just can't deal with another right now so my daughter will have to wait. I don't want to bring another one in, especially not one that looks like him, and then not be able to get attached to it like I was to Red. (I didn't name him...lol...I wanted to call him Elvis.) I think it's been so hard for me because I was his caretaker. I mean, the whole family loved him dearly, but I did the potty training, the baths, the feeding, the vet trips, and he slept beside me at night. I took him outside. I bought his toys. He was like a little baby for me that would never grow up. He was my companion when my husband isn't home, which is very often, which is also going to be hard, especially at night when the kids are asleep and I'm alone. Then add on top that it was pretty much my fault that he died and it's even more upsetting. I feel so guilty.Seriously, I just never imagined EVER being this upset about a dog dying. I've had other dogs pass, but it's NEVER been this hard, not even when my heeler I had for years and years died. I didn't even realize how attached I was to Red until this. I just keep thinking he was really happy the whole time he was with us. He was treated like a human, pretty much, had lots of toys and treats and lots of fun. He was spoiled rotten, everyone loved him, people would volunteer to babysit him when we went on trips, etc., so he lived a really good happy life. No dog could have asked for better. No people could have asked for a better companion. So at least he's all good memories now. Even the pee and poop stains he left behind from when he was a puppy weren't too bad to remove. Even my brand new shredded couch cushions that I had to attempt to restuff and stitch back up seem like a little love reminder. lol. With all the good things he was and did, I would rather have a thousand shredded couch cushions than have lost him, so I'm grateful that he was ours while he was alive. Just a wonderful, amazing dog.
Last edited by momo3bur; 10-13-2011 at 05:50 PM. |
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10-13-2011, 05:48 PM
| #14 (permalink) | |
| Banned Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,885
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It does sound like he was a wonderful dog. Thanks for sharing your loving memories with us. I hope you don't beat your self up too badly with thoughts of guilt *hugs* Quote:
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10-13-2011, 05:57 PM
| #15 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Down the infinite rabbit hole
Posts: 1,575
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All living things die. The best you can hope for is to love, to be loved, and to be remembered fondly when you're gone. With animals, I think the best we can do for them is do our best to give them a happy life. Sounds to me like Red had all of that. |
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10-13-2011, 06:08 PM
| #16 (permalink) | ||
| Family Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Texas
Posts: 1,855
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He was a wonderful dog and I do have many fond memories of him. I'm trying not to beat myself up too badly, but I think this is just one of those things that will have to pass. Quote:
Yes, and we did our best to give him a happy life. He was a very privaledged puppy, indeed.
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10-14-2011, 09:34 AM
| #17 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 961
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10-15-2011, 03:05 PM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Chandigarh
Posts: 174
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I know what it feels when a loved one dies. I am glad you've got great support here from nice people. "When such moments come, they are of tremendous significance because in these moments, awakening is possible. When your child dies, it is such a shock; you can awaken in such a shock; rather than crying and wasting the opportunity. After a few days the shock will be shock no more: time heals everything. After a few years you will forget all about it. By the end of your life it may look as if you had seen it in some movie or read about it in a novel. In time it would have faded and faded so far away that only an echo..............catch hold of it right now. This is the moment when it can help you to be alert, awake. Don't miss the opportunity; all consolations are ways of missing opportunities." "There was a Sufi fakir by the name of Junaid. His son, whom he loved dearly, was killed suddenly in an accident. Junaid went and buried him. His wife was astonished at his behavior. She expected him to go mad with grief at the death of the son he loved so dearly. And here was Junaid acting as if nothing had happened, as if the son had not died! When everyone had left, his wife asked him, "Aren't you sad at all? I was so worried you would break down, you loved him so much." Junaid replied, "For a moment I was shocked but then I remembered that before, when this son was not born, I already was and I was quite happy. Now when the son is not, what is the reason for sorrow? I became as I was before. In between, the son came and went. When I was not unhappy before his birth, why should I be unhappy now to be without a son? What is the difference? In between was only a dream that is no longer." What was formed and then destroyed, is now no more than a dream. Everything that comes and goes is a dream. Each wave is but a dream; the ocean is the reality. The waves are many, the ocean only one, but we see it as so many waves. Until we see the unity, the oneness of the ocean" - Rajneesh |
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