what to do about social anxiety?

[nube]

I have this really strong fear about getting attention, not really in small groups of people I know, but whenever in a formal situation like in class, a course etc. Something about the pressure. I am afraid I will faint or start crying or just get a panic attack. Sometimes I feel like I cant breathe. Today I dropped my drawing course since we were going to take turns being drawn and sitting in the middle, and I don't know anybody there. This problem has caused me to drop my education before, but I have now found a way around it (lectures, smaller classes etc) I know it is not rational but I still get overwhelmed by this feeling I am going to faint etc. It helps if I am in smaller groups and know the people. Maybe I am just out of training? I have never liked it but as a teenager I could go through it. But ever since I finished high school ( I am now 25) it has been a big problem. I am used to working outdoors and travelling a lot so I easily feel trapped in a room with strangers, when I know I am stuck there for the time the lecture etc lasts.
I am otherwise very social, and have many new and old friends. The only thing I fear is this of performing in front of people I dont know (or often, even worse, people I do know, because then the humiliation will be closer to me and I cant escape it afterwards), whether it is talking, dancing or just being.

[cheesedip1]

Join the club.

Anyways, maybe you're an empath and your empathy is always turned on.
To solve this, get the book "Become the Most Important Person in the Room" by Rose Rosetree.

Or it may be caused by some trauma. For this , I would recommend getting a cord cutting session with Anna Conlan or possibly trying other things.... (energy work, healing, EFT, shamanism, past life regression.)

There's never a guarantee that any one solution will work, but it's always worth a try!

(PS. I got a cord cutting session by Anna Conlan and while it didnt remove all my anxiety in my energy body, it helped somewhat )

[Horizons]

Originally Posted by cheesedip1

Join the club.

(PS. I got a cord cutting session by Anna Conlan and while it didnt remove all my anxiety in my energy body, it helped somewhat )

Can you explain more about this? Was it that she cut one specific chord which had an influence on a particular relationship? Or did it work in a more general sense, changing your relationship with people in general?

[Leec]

Originally Posted by nube

I have this really strong fear about getting attention, not really in small groups of people I know, but whenever in a formal situation like in class, a course etc. Something about the pressure. I am afraid I will faint or start crying or just get a panic attack. Sometimes I feel like I cant breathe. Today I dropped my drawing course since we were going to take turns being drawn and sitting in the middle, and I don't know anybody there. This problem has caused me to drop my education before, but I have now found a way around it (lectures, smaller classes etc) I know it is not rational but I still get overwhelmed by this feeling I am going to faint etc. It helps if I am in smaller groups and know the people. Maybe I am just out of training? I have never liked it but as a teenager I could go through it. But ever since I finished high school ( I am now 25) it has been a big problem. I am used to working outdoors and travelling a lot so I easily feel trapped in a room with strangers, when I know I am stuck there for the time the lecture etc lasts.
I am otherwise very social, and have many new and old friends. The only thing I fear is this of performing in front of people I dont know (or often, even worse, people I do know, because then the humiliation will be closer to me and I cant escape it afterwards), whether it is talking, dancing or just being.

Hi, I have felt the same in a classroom situation when I was in my twenties ( now 43). I would speak and then find the muscles in my neck tighten and my voice had a vibratto that was rather like I was about to yodel! This was alleviated after watching a video of myself dealing with a scenario during a course for work. I did not look or sound the way that I thought I did, the scenario was completely different watching it back compared with how I felt. So for me a sudden revelation, others see us differently and do not always notice when we feel uncomfortable, as a result I became confident within a classroom setting and now lecture for a university for most of my working week. I hope offers a little comfort? P.s, this is my first post on a forum of this type so p,ease be gentle with me, now a smiley face I think, mmm let me see, ahh there it is..

[Acting Like Godot]

I am very introverted by personality - the kind of person who could live happily all day without talking to a single other person. I had the same kind of problems as you - perhaps not so severe, but the same kind.

21 years ago, I realised that this kind of behaviour was going to be disadvantageous to myself. At the same time, I realised that it was not going to be easy to change what, after all, was a rather fundamental part of my personality.

I took a step-by-step approach. I didn't aim for a big improvement overnight. What I did was that I constantly looked at my life circumstances, and identified recurring situations where I could build up my skills of communicating with other people in big groups.

When I was 19, I had a job writing for a magazine. The job involved me constantly going out to meet and interview people. Usually these were one-to-one interviews, sometimes one-to-two, but I used these as opportunities in learning how to talk to strangers.

When I was in college, in every year other than my freshman year, I volunteered to help out in freshman orientation activities. This basically meant a lot of talking to large groups of freshmen, telling them where to go next, and what to bring, and what's their next activity.

Also in college, I took the bold step of auditioning for one of the lead roles in a musical. And I actually got it. The experience turned out to be very stressful and yet ultimately very enjoyable and memorable, culminating in two nights of performing in front of several hundred people.

Then I got interested in poetry. I wrote a lot of poetry, stuck with this for many years (and I have been published many times now) ... But the main point is that I often got invited to read my stuff, at poetry readings (average audience, say, 20+ people) and if I had the time, I would go.

After graduating from law school, I chose, as my first job, a role as deputy public prosecutor. This was a role that frequently and regularly got me in court, to argue my case in court against the defence lawyer, and in front of the judge. For some cases there was basically no one else in the room, while for other cases, there would be people sitting in the back (journalists; relatives of the accused person; interested members of the public etc).

In that first role, back in the office, I was, by chance, "volunteered" to be the emcee for an internal event - which was basically a Christmas lunch or something, for the entire department. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal, but it fell into my plan of learning to be confident in front of a crowd. So I prepared for it, and did a very good job. After that, I just somehow became the permanent emcee for the entire department. Whenever there was a seminar, social event, conference etc ... I would be trotted out as the emcee.

Then I had something of a good reputation as an emcee. At this time, I was in my late 20s and many of my peers and friends were at the stage of their lives where they were getting married. Yep, I got asked several times to be emcee at their wedding dinners, and I accepted all these opportunities.

Now I am in my late 30s - I work in a very corporate sort of environment now.

I often attend big meetings, with many people representing different departments and coming with different agendas and points of view. My skills acquired over the years is standing me in good stead, in getting my voice heard and noticed.

I also conduct training sessions once or twice a year, where I have to give lectures to a group, of say, 20 people at a go. Additionally, I was invited to speak at two regional industry conferences this year. These are things which I can handle with ease, aplomb and confidence nowadays.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Acting Like Godot]

Now, here's something to share with you.

By now, I have acquired all this experience and skills. And I have no difficulty at all with the idea of standing on stage and addressing a large audience.

But guess what .... I am STILL very introverted.

Which means I can still be quite happy being by myself, all day along, doing my own things and not talking to anyone else.

The important thing is - I am not DISADVANTAGED by any fear of being in the spotlight. If I have to, or if I want to, I have no problem picking up the microphone and spontaneously saying a few words to the audience, or raising my voice in a meeting room, and making my point loudly and confidently to everyone present.

My points to you are as follows:

1. Being comfortable in the spotlight is a SKILL. Since it is a SKILL, you can learn it.

2. You SHOULD learn it, because it is a very important practical skill.

3. At the same time, do not EVER dislike yourself, for who you are. It's not productive. You're an introvert, you're born that way, there's nothing wrong with that (introverts have their own strengths which extroverts do not).

[Acting Like Godot]

I am also the father of two children. A boy and a girl.

They have quite different personalities. The girl is extroverted, bold and sociable. She mixes easily with people of all ages.

The boy is shy and quiet, around people he doesn't know well. He is so shy and quiet that he has problems in situations like these (just for example):

- We are in a shopping mall. A guy is dressed up as Santa Claus, handing out free balloons to children. He is (of course) surrounded by kids, all of whom want a balloon.

- Both my children want balloons too. The girl runs straight there, pushes into the crowd, raises her hands, waves enthusiastically, smiles widely and calls out loudly; "Me! Me! I want a balloon! I want the red one!". Of course she gets it.

- The boy hangs around at the edge of the crowd. He doesn't call out. He doesn't wave. He lets other kids push past him. He hopes that he will be noticed.

- Santa Claus fails to notice my son. Although my son has been standing there waiting for a long time. Santa Claus gives out all the balloons, and he has no more. He walks away. My son doesn't get a balloon.

Unfortunately, this has been a recurring theme in my son's life.

One day, he comes back from school. He's been crying. I ask him what's wrong. He says that there was a math quiz in school, he knew all the answers but he didn't get any prize.

I find out that the teacher has been asking lots of math questions in class. First kid who raises his hand and gives the right answer gets a sticker. The teacher asks lots of questions and gives out lots of stickers.

My son (who regularly gets top marks in maths, by the way) is shy and hesitant to raise his hand. He doesn't know how to shout, 'Me! Me!'. Therefore although he knows all the answers, he never raises his hand, or if he does, some kid does it faster than him.

----------------

This unfortunately is the plight of the shy and quiet. When you are a kid, you miss out on the balloons and stickers. When you are an adult, you miss out on other sorts of things - such as being recognised for your work contributions, or getting your good ideas noticed and accepted.

So if you have that kind of problem, it is important that you take steps to address it.

The way I have tried to help my son is to enrol him (and also my daughter) in a kids' Speech & Drama class. In this course, they get to recite poetry, practise speaking in front of a group, learn to project their voice, learn how to read expressively, do a bit of acting etc.

Hope it helps him .....

[nube]

thanks a lot for lots of support and tips, it does seem to help when i keep putting myself in these situations and go back even if I fail sometimes. I feel like I get more and more comfortable, like it is some kind of mind training.
/cheesedip1 yes I have heard many times that I am an empath. never heard about the book, will check it out. thanks
leec thanks for the support I have heard that too, that one seems less nervous than one are. THanks for reminding me.
acting-like-godot. yes that is what I will do, I will try to put myself in these situations more and more. and i really recognize myself in your son. I feel really overwhelmed by extreme extroverts sometimes too. I hope the speech drama class is good for him and doesnt make him feel more shy.
I feel like I am in between very introverted and very extroverted. Like you say, I enjoy spending some time alone and an equal amount of time with others. I am taking a new course now, and it is strange because all the others there are so shy I am the one that is really extroverted.
THanks again for all the support