I hate how I look

[scared]

Hello,
I am 66 so should not care about what my body looks like, but I do. It is a constant thought. I am not ugly, in fact when I was young I was very pretty.
I am about 10 lbs overweight but have lost about 20 pounds in last year. I exercise frequently, but my body is not improving at all. I have small breast and heavy legs; to me this combination is ugly. I never cared that much before, but I know have a boyfriend (for the last year and a half). He rarely compliments me but at the same time he is a movie buff and has many pictures of beautiful actresses (mostly from 30's and 40's) we watch a lot of movies and of course all of the women are very thin. I believe that he prefers very thin women. I guess I could starve myself and get real thin but then my breast would be even smaller. (it sounds really stupid but for this reason I don't really try to loose weight). Other people always comment on how good I look now but he has told me I should loose about 10 pounds. He is very thin and comes from a thin family. I come from a family who is bigger boned. I know this all sounds extremely shallow; I wish I could love my body and accept myself. This boyfriend thing is messing me up. Also, what makes things worse is that he is not a good lover, he gives very little foreplay which makes me feel that he is not into me.

I have conquered many obstacles in my life and am ashamed of letting such a trivial matter affect my life so much.

Any suggestions?

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by scared

Hello,
I am 66 so should not care about what my body looks like, but I do. It is a constant thought. I am not ugly, in fact when I was young I was very pretty.
I am about 10 lbs overweight but have lost about 20 pounds in last year. I exercise frequently, but my body is not improving at all. I have small breast and heavy legs; to me this combination is ugly. I never cared that much before, but I know have a boyfriend (for the last year and a half). He rarely compliments me but at the same time he is a movie buff and has many pictures of beautiful actresses (mostly from 30's and 40's) we watch a lot of movies and of course all of the women are very thin. I believe that he prefers very thin women. I guess I could starve myself and get real thin but then my breast would be even smaller. (it sounds really stupid but for this reason I don't really try to loose weight). Other people always comment on how good I look now but he has told me I should loose about 10 pounds. He is very thin and comes from a thin family. I come from a family who is bigger boned. I know this all sounds extremely shallow; I wish I could love my body and accept myself. This boyfriend thing is messing me up. Also, what makes things worse is that he is not a good lover, he gives very little foreplay which makes me feel that he is not into me.

I have conquered many obstacles in my life and am ashamed of letting such a trivial matter affect my life so much.

Any suggestions?

Dump him!

[DANDUNGAN]

now wait a minute, please. It seems to me there may be missing information.

You're looking for suggestions, and I'm wondering if you're clear about your desired outcomes? If so, are you comfortable listing them here?

[ZephyrusX]

Hi Scared

The first question that came to my mind after reading your post is this: Do you want to be around a man that makes you feel unattractive and seemingly does not fulfill you sexually?

I don't think it is shallow to be concerned about your body image, btw. It is very human to be concerned about our attraction and sexuality.

I think the important thing is whether we are satisfying our needs in a healthy way.

[scared]

I guess I am looking for suggestions on how to accept my body as is. In regards, to my boyfriend, I think that he just never really knew how to make love very well, he is somewhat shy. He is very affectionate and is always touching me otherwise. I believe he loves me, he is good to me otherwise, I feel that I love him, but I do not feel that he is into me sexually. I wonder if at my age if I should make it an issue. It is not fun being alone; there is more to a relationship than sex.

[Derelle]

Originally Posted by scared

Hello,
I am 66 so should not care about what my body looks like, but I do. It is a constant thought. I am not ugly, in fact when I was young I was very pretty.
I am about 10 lbs overweight but have lost about 20 pounds in last year. I exercise frequently, but my body is not improving at all. I have small breast and heavy legs; to me this combination is ugly. I never cared that much before, but I know have a boyfriend (for the last year and a half). He rarely compliments me but at the same time he is a movie buff and has many pictures of beautiful actresses (mostly from 30's and 40's) we watch a lot of movies and of course all of the women are very thin. I believe that he prefers very thin women. I guess I could starve myself and get real thin but then my breast would be even smaller. (it sounds really stupid but for this reason I don't really try to loose weight). Other people always comment on how good I look now but he has told me I should loose about 10 pounds. He is very thin and comes from a thin family. I come from a family who is bigger boned. I know this all sounds extremely shallow; I wish I could love my body and accept myself. This boyfriend thing is messing me up. Also, what makes things worse is that he is not a good lover, he gives very little foreplay which makes me feel that he is not into me.

I have conquered many obstacles in my life and am ashamed of letting such a trivial matter affect my life so much.

Any suggestions?

Get with a man that enjoys a thick woman. There are a lot of guys who like woman with something to grab on to. Thats more of you to love. Don't get so broken up about what a guy wants. We guys will forever want something it is in our nature. It's in men's DNA to never be satisfied. We always want because it seems like there is always something else to attain.

As a woman you have to have a bigger voice in the matter. You can't go on quiet as mouse and not tell him how you feel. If you don't express yourself and your feelings to him how is he supposed to know what you want? I notice a lot of women do this. They expect a man to automatically know how to turn them on, make them feel special, and keep them in a constant feeling of coziness like a domestic house cat.

When a woman is too docile it creates an incentative in certain men to push the issue even further. It's like your weakness becomes the smell of blood in a shark tank. I think this is a carry over from the hunter gatherer days when empathy could get men killed. Men do have sensitive sides it's just a little harder to find than women.

You should be more assertive towards him. Start dressing in things that make you feel sexy. Gain some self-confidence. This is a turn on to men. While doing this hold off on sex a little bit. Just keep dressing sexy. No sex. make him beg for your cookies if he must.

Now when you tormented him enough and he realizes that you are more sexy then another inning of baseball then you lead him to the bed. You become more aggresive toward him. You take control of the situation. Make him wonder what the heck has gotten into her. Then you command him to touch and kiss you in the places you like. Continue to tease him a little. Don't just jump at the opportunity presented let him have his way. Make him want you bad. He will have a new found appreciation for what he has been getting for the freebie.

Now as far as losing a few pounds. That shouldn't be too hard. Alright what you can do is if you have cable then you can look for free programs on your cable network system. Usually this is where they have the Movies on Demad section on your cable network stations. Look for an excercise program which are usually free to try. One of the best ones is Jackie Warner as she really gets to your core (mid-section). For cardio and or endurance I recommend Jillian Michael. Stick with it for a month or two and see if you see results.

Another way to lose weight is to eat more vegetables and fruits. In the morning instead of a big breakfast just make yourself some oatmeal and a shake (protein, fruit). Instead of a big lunch eat smaller portions and just have little snacks if you get hungry like berries or nuts.

As far as having bigger breast. You know there are augmentations that you can get done. You can get a good breast job done or you can try pills. The pills are said to give you only a certain amount of volume and fullness. Surgery is of course where you will find the biggest gains at. These are just some of the products that you can look into here.

Other than this. Love yourself first and then radiate that love that you have for self in the directions of others. If you find it difficult to love you and appreciate you then how can you get frustrated at someone else taking up your lead and following suite? Remember we teach others how to love us. Love yourself is the answer. No matter what it takes find out how to love yourself. This will prove very beneficial in your life at this moment. Apply some of things I mentioned too. I hope it helps.

[Laurenaus]

get a good boob job!

[ZephyrusX]

How does he respond to you when you tell him about this? Have you encouraged him to engage in more foreplay? Tell him that you are willing to give him a lesson in foreplay 101.

[Self Exploration]

What is sad about this is that you have chosen to "Hate Yourself".
You never had the right to do that.

[ZephyrusX]

Hmm, I didn't relate that very well to the issue of body image, so I'll elaborate a little. Do you think you are blaming your body image for not getting the sexual satisfaction that you want, and in doing so, avoiding the issue of interpersonal skills and how they relate to the type of relationships you have?

Would you say that you communicate your sexual desires to your partner very well? Does he listen? Has he communicated his sexual desires to you (beyond the losing weight thing)? I don't know... May be this just reflects my naivety on the matter, but I can't see how your sexual relationship will change if you simply lost 10 lbs... or get a boob job... or modify your body in any other way.

May be it is easier for people to change their body in the hopes of controlling their sexuality as it is a relatively easier thing to do than change your way of relating to another human being. (Or may be I think too much )

I don't mean to suggest that physical attraction has nothing to do with sexuality, but I'm assuming you guys must be physically attracted to each other on some level as you are together.

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

How does he respond to you when you tell him about this? Have you encouraged him to engage in more foreplay? Tell him that you are willing to give him a lesson in foreplay 101.

[ZephyrusX]

Just another random thought: If you guys still love each other, but just don't feel that much sexual attraction to each other, how would you feel about discussing an open relationship?

[Orator]

Originally Posted by scared

Hello,
I am 66 so should not care about what my body looks like, but I do. It is a constant thought. I am not ugly, in fact when I was young I was very pretty.
I am about 10 lbs overweight but have lost about 20 pounds in last year. I exercise frequently, but my body is not improving at all. I have small breast and heavy legs; to me this combination is ugly. I never cared that much before, but I know have a boyfriend (for the last year and a half). He rarely compliments me but at the same time he is a movie buff and has many pictures of beautiful actresses (mostly from 30's and 40's) we watch a lot of movies and of course all of the women are very thin. I believe that he prefers very thin women. I guess I could starve myself and get real thin but then my breast would be even smaller. (it sounds really stupid but for this reason I don't really try to loose weight). Other people always comment on how good I look now but he has told me I should loose about 10 pounds. He is very thin and comes from a thin family. I come from a family who is bigger boned. I know this all sounds extremely shallow; I wish I could love my body and accept myself. This boyfriend thing is messing me up. Also, what makes things worse is that he is not a good lover, he gives very little foreplay which makes me feel that he is not into me.

I have conquered many obstacles in my life and am ashamed of letting such a trivial matter affect my life so much.

Any suggestions?

You seem having life full of vitality and fulfillment even @ 66. I must follow your lifestyle, your energy and your dynamism.

This spirited lifestyle can turn hell into heaven. I just imagine how all of us have lived if we had that kind of desire, fiery desire indeed, the flair and passion.

I am younger than you but in you I find a spring of passion every male looks for. You can fulfill anybody despite your aging body but youthful and vital spirit

[SuziM]

I think this is the central thing:

Other than this. Love yourself first and then radiate that love that you have for self in the directions of others. If you find it difficult to love you and appreciate you then how can you get frustrated at someone else taking up your lead and following suite? Remember we teach others how to love us. Love yourself is the answer. No matter what it takes find out how to love yourself. This will prove very beneficial in your life at this moment.

Most of our issues, when they are boiled down, are about self love. A woman who really loves herself is attractive on a very deep level. Self love will also protect us from compromising ourselves, or settling for second best.

You think your boyfriend is "not into you". Are you into you? What things do you love and appreciate about yourself? Start with gratitude for those things, and build on that.

Sending you love

[What3ver]

Hi, I'm a 24 year old young woman with the same body type. Small breasts, thick legs(not overweight, far from it). The only thing I can tell you is that even if you lose weight, your legs will still be very thick. We're just unfortunate to have this body type and in the end there's nothing we can do but accept it.

[Orator]

Originally Posted by What3ver

Hi, I'm a 24 year old young woman with the same body type. Small breasts, thick legs(not overweight, far from it). The only thing I can tell you is that even if you lose weight, your legs will still be very thick. We're just unfortunate to have this body type and in the end there's nothing we can do but accept it.

There could be a finer and subtler proportion in your physical make and I am sure you must be an attractive lady despite your small breasts and nature mus be perfect in carving you in your present shape and size.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Laurenaus

get a good boob job!

I can't tell if you are being serious here or not?

I have a friend who got a boob job because she thought it would make her feel more attractive and confident, but it didn't. All it did was put her out of pocket a few grand and make her feel like an idiot when she realized that it didn't even help change the way she felt about herself.

That takes real work, of the inner kind.

I suppose it works for other people, but just getting silicone isn't gonna change the fact that you find yourself unattractive, because you are internalizing your boyfriends own insecurities that he is dumping on you to make himself feel better, which is what it sounds like is happening with this person.

[Rashid]

I think you should reflect on your life a little. You are in a mature stage of your life and you have to have the confidence to overcome issues of this sort, because you have all the necessary experiences. So be confident and take a bold decision. Good luck and peace be with you.

[What3ver]

Originally Posted by Orator

There could be a finer and subtler proportion in your physical make and I am sure you must be an attractive lady despite your small breasts and nature mus be perfect in carving you in your present shape and size.

Thank you!

[Cochonette]

How do you love yourself as is? Try looking at yourself in a mirror daily and declare that you are beautiful and attractive. Keep doing it until you start to feel differently. When you decide for yourself that you are beautiful, you won't need anyone to tell you that, even though it would still be nice.

[scared]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I think I need to stop thinking about myself and just be grateful for what I have and enjoy life. I know this body of mine has very little importance in this world.

[elucidate]

I find it really helpful to remind myself of how wonderful and amazing it is that I have a body at all to be in on this big blue ball that spins throughout space.

Connecting with your body and really appreciating all it does for us behind the scenes is very helpful to bring perspective back and also value what is real, like our health.

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by scared

Thank you everyone for your replies. I think I need to stop thinking about myself and just be grateful for what I have and enjoy life. I know this body of mine has very little importance in this world.

I am working on that, too, now. Forgetting myself. It's a wonderful thing. I try to think of my weaknesses and such as gifts from the universe that I have been given to take care of, to love myself all the more for, rather than things to lament.

"To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget. " - Arundhati Roy

[Laurenaus]

yeah I was actually pretty serious about getting a boob job. Her small breasts and large legs being an ugly combo was her opinion not her husbands. Breast implants can help balance her figure. Sure she can try saying 100 mantras on how she loves her breasts but that won't always work if she feels like she's lying to herself.

I've known people who have gotten something tweaked on their bodies and it's made a big difference for them so I see nothing wrong with it. People are always quick to blast people about plastic surgery but then they get fake nails fake contacts fake hair and I think it's hypocritical. Either way you're changing yourself the only difference is the degree of change.

I'm an advocate of tasteful plastic surgery if it will genuinely help your self esteem. A few grand isn't all that much when you're making a lifelong investment. Your friend is one person, sorry it didn't work out for your friend. Some girls spend a few grand on a measly purse just cause it's a "brand name".


Bottom line: life is short. if you want big boobs, go get em and then move on.

[elucidate]

My point was not to diss boob jobs, and I know they can work out for some women. The point I was trying to make was that in this ladies case I don't think that a boob job is going to be enough to stop the guy she is with from finding something else to try and make her feel insecure about. Insecure people who are very self-critical will always try and get the person around them to come down to their level so they can feel comfortable.

Originally Posted by Laurenaus

yeah I was actually pretty serious about getting a boob job. Her small breasts and large legs being an ugly combo was her opinion not her husbands. Breast implants can help balance her figure. Sure she can try saying 100 mantras on how she loves her breasts but that won't always work if she feels like she's lying to herself.

I've known people who have gotten something tweaked on their bodies and it's made a big difference for them so I see nothing wrong with it. People are always quick to blast people about plastic surgery but then they get fake nails fake contacts fake hair and I think it's hypocritical. Either way you're changing yourself the only difference is the degree of change.

I'm an advocate of tasteful plastic surgery if it will genuinely help your self esteem. A few grand isn't all that much when you're making a lifelong investment. Your friend is one person, sorry it didn't work out for your friend. Some girls spend a few grand on a measly purse just cause it's a "brand name".


Bottom line: life is short. if you want big boobs, go get em and then move on.

[Laurenaus]

Originally Posted by elucidate

My point was not to diss boob jobs, and I know they can work out for some women. The point I was trying to make was that in this ladies case I don't think that a boob job is going to be enough to stop the guy she is with from finding something else to try and make her feel insecure about. Insecure people who are very self-critical will always try and get the person around them to come down to their level so they can feel comfortable.

wanna take this outside??

jkjk

[DANDUNGAN]

if we go outside, will you show your boob job?

[ZephyrusX]

<3

...

[Laurenaus]

Originally Posted by DANDUNGAN

if we go outside, will you show your boob job?

depends on how much you'll pay me.

Here are my rates:

Lap dances $20
Nakey strip show $175 (2 hour minimum)

[hemahw]

Originally Posted by scared

Thank you everyone for your replies. I think I need to stop thinking about myself and just be grateful for what I have and enjoy life. I know this body of mine has very little importance in this world.

I agree. The way our bodies look have less importance compared to how we feel inside. If we truly appreciated ourselves, others would find us attractive regardless of what we look like.

[neilpage]

I know women that are 10,20 years younger than you that can barley walk or breathe.

66 years old and 10 lbs overweight.......ENJOY IT!
I say your are lucky.

on a lighter note... boyfriend needs a reality check.