Untitled: Mild Sadness & Confusion

[Dynamist]

Partially a vent...

At this point, I'm dealing with my relationship with others. Almost everyone believes that they're actions are just or try to justify their actions. So it's hard for me sometimes to decide what's really right. For someone like me, someone who's searching for truth and finding that almost nothing is true, it can be unpleasant for me.

The short story of it is that I'm beginning to lose my faith in people. I've lost faith in collective spiritual paths, psychology...I use to think that if I was truly good to people, truly kind and loving, then they'd reciprocate and that's not necessarily true either. I live my life with Love, Faith, and Hope in the hopes that others would reciprocate and I'm going to continue to lead my life with love, faith, and hope. I wanted positive, uplifting friendships. And now I deal with this every.single.day. More so around my menstrual cycle. I wake up full of hope, love, and faith that today will be a better, brighter day. And it usually is. But not with people. For the life of me I don't understand.

Sometimes I wonder if God naturally created me to be separate from the rest of mankind. :/ But if that were true then i'd be damn near elated to be so separate. But I don't. Instead I feel angry, sad, furious that this is occuring. Something feels wrong and I don't have an answer as to why. I knew I wasn't created to be depressed just like I know I wasn't created to feel so uncomfortable around others. But this has been happening my entire life. I'd come out being myself, happy and positive, and at some point in life, relationships would change. "You're too perfect", "You're a goodie goodie", "You did this", "You did that" and if I EVER hurt or offend anyone I'm more than willing to apologize for doing so and make amends so that they don't move through life with a grudge and so that things can continue to be amicable between us but that never happens. It gets worse and then we end up parting ways.

I can live my life. I can do all the things I want to do and find success (or not find success and come back from that) but I am always having problems with people. I don't even know what to do anymore. If I EVER succeed in developing comfortable relationships with people I'd CRY with JOY!

[Merr]

Originally Posted by Dynamist

Partially a vent...

At this point, I'm dealing with my relationship with others. Almost everyone believes that they're actions are just or try to justify their actions. So it's hard for me sometimes to decide what's really right. For someone like me, someone who's searching for truth and finding that almost nothing is true, it can be unpleasant for me.

The short story of it is that I'm beginning to lose my faith in people. I've lost faith in collective spiritual paths, psychology...I use to think that if I was truly good to people, truly kind and loving, then they'd reciprocate and that's not necessarily true either. I live my life with Love, Faith, and Hope in the hopes that others would reciprocate and I'm going to continue to lead my life with love, faith, and hope. I wanted positive, uplifting friendships. And now I deal with this every.single.day. More so around my menstrual cycle. I wake up full of hope, love, and faith that today will be a better, brighter day. And it usually is. But not with people. For the life of me I don't understand.

Sometimes I wonder if God naturally created me to be separate from the rest of mankind. :/ But if that were true then i'd be damn near elated to be so separate. But I don't. Instead I feel angry, sad, furious that this is occuring. Something feels wrong and I don't have an answer as to why. I knew I wasn't created to be depressed just like I know I wasn't created to feel so uncomfortable around others. But this has been happening my entire life. I'd come out being myself, happy and positive, and at some point in life, relationships would change. "You're too perfect", "You're a goodie goodie", "You did this", "You did that" and if I EVER hurt or offend anyone I'm more than willing to apologize for doing so and make amends so that they don't move through life with a grudge and so that things can continue to be amicable between us but that never happens. It gets worse and then we end up parting ways.

I can live my life. I can do all the things I want to do and find success (or not find success and come back from that) but I am always having problems with people. I don't even know what to do anymore. If I EVER succeed in developing comfortable relationships with people I'd CRY with JOY!

I haven't read the entire post but I've highlighted the poin I find most relevant. One problem is that you expect people to reciprocate. Once you let go of the idea that it is necessary for people to reciprocate to feel happy, you will feel joyful. In terms of giving, it sounds like you're giving a lot to others and not that much to yourself. Be a little kinder to yourself and value who you are, regardless of what other people tell you.

[Clint Cora]

The law of reciprocity is still alive and well ... in some people. There are definitely those out there that only take and not give. However, there are enough good people out there that still believe that there should be give and take. You just have to find them and be among those types of people. Forget about those that take only.

[Dynamist]

Originally Posted by Merr

I haven't read the entire post but I've highlighted the poin I find most relevant. One problem is that you expect people to reciprocate. Once you let go of the idea that it is necessary for people to reciprocate to feel happy, you will feel joyful. In terms of giving, it sounds like you're giving a lot to others and not that much to yourself. Be a little kinder to yourself and value who you are, regardless of what other people tell you.

Hey merr!

I can agree with you on that. I give as much to people as I give to myself.