Emotional Progress

[CroMagna]

We hear so many tragic and sad stories in this section of the website. I was wondering what emotional progress people have made since joining the forum.

When I joined, I was working at a job I hated with a mean boss. I was being bullied by the whole office. I was unsatisfied with my weight and ate a lot. I drank hard alcohol everyday to escape. My meds weren't working and my symptoms were awful. I was hospitalized several times. I was in a monogamous relationship with a guy who was mooching off of me and being verbally abusive and we weren't having sex. I lived in the middle of bumblefk Maryland. I was quite depressed and didn't dress well or fix my hair that well. I was extremely stressed out at the job. I had no friends. I was a bitter, misanthropic malcontent who hated the world. I was deeply, deeply bothered by the double standard between men and women and wished I had been born a man, regularly fantasizing about having a sex change. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, going to four different career centers and exploring every possibility from law to finance and banking to computer science. I longed to be a stripper, a pagan goddess in Camille Paglia's words. But I felt I didn't measure up. I was a Satanist.

Now, I love my life. I have a part-time job I love (stripper). I'm finally not unemployed and have something to say to people when they ask me what I do. I live in a major metropolitan area (DC) and go out frequently with my boytoys. I have forgotten about that loser boyfriend. I'm no longer a misanthrope, I go out and about regularly and interact with people. I am in several meetup groups. In fact I'm going to a swinger party with a lover tomorrow. I have clarity on a future career but am open to change. I am almost completely over the double standard thanks to the people around me and Johnny Soporno here, plus everyone else here including Steve and including you, and am glad I'm a woman. I have come out as bisexual and had experiences with women. I'm no longer a Satanist, they're too negative and they're not much different from anyone else. I no longer use religious labels, sometimes I meditate and pray but I'm not sure if there's something out there. If I had to use a label, I would label myself as agnostic. I'm no longer stressed out and refuse to work at a job I hate. I socialize and my best friend confides in me. She is sexually liberated also. In fact, she's going to get a dance from me in a couple of weeks. I have learned to like my body because of all the positive attention and compliments I receive. I take good care of my appearance. I was put on different meds that work now I haven't been hospitalized since. I am truly happy and everyday is terrific.

What emotional progress have you made since you joined Steve Pavlina?

[Merr]

First of all, I'd just like to say that's fantastic. Thanks for sharing your story. Secondly, I haven't been on this forum for long but I've benefited from a lot of the advice and insights from people I have met here. I came to this site in a state of extreme stress about circumstances in my life and now I feel much calmer.

[CroMagna]

Thank you. Congratulations on feeling calmer.

Any other progress reports?

[OptimistPrime]

Hmmm, I usually evaluate my personal growth in terms of fears that I've let go of. So here's a list of some of the fears I've either overcome or made significant progress on as a result of having discussions with people on this forum:

1. My fear of disagreement
2. My fear that I'm bad at phone conversations
3. My fear of rejection
4. My fear of giving people too many compliments, or compliments that are too heartfelt
5. My fear of asking other people to collaborate with me
6. My fear of hearing other people's generalizations
7. My fear of complimenting women on their appearance
8. My fear of letting other people know I'm attracted to them
9. My fear of developing strong feelings for someone before I've figured out ahead of time whether we're compatible enough to have a long-term relationship

There's probably others I'm forgetting.

[ZephyrusX]

Neat idea for a thread. And congrats on your progress so far Cro.

I've found that I have become more relaxed and easy going participating on these forums. If you compare my earlier posts to the posts I make now, there is a big difference in how I approach people. I think it largely has something to do with dismantling my conceptions of others ('unsafe', 'always critical') and my own self-schema (loner, not belonging). More importantly, I've found that this easy going attitude has influence on how I interact with people in other areas of my life, like at work or at school. I'm more inclined to embrace my playful side and my sense of humour and I've discovered that some people actually enjoy my playfulness (I do add value to other people's lives).

I feel more in control of my life. Not so much my environment, but the way that I respond to my environment. It never even consciously occurred to me before that I could change the way I relate to the world, but now I feel free to dismantle parts of me self that do not make me feel powerful.

I've learned that I actually like listening to people and providing them value through the form of advise giving or directing them towards external resources that might help. Lately, I've been entertaining the possibility of doing one-on-one coaching in the future and I actually feel excited about the idea, which is something new for me. I haven't legitimately felt excited about anything for a long time let alone entertained the possibility of starting my own little project and following through with it. This attests to more focus and confidence in my life.

[CroMagna]

Thanks for the congratulations and thanks for sharing.

You and I have a lot in common. I too viewed others as unsafe and myself as a misfit. I too have developed a more easygoing and carefree approach to others.

[Dulma]

I love this thread, thank you.

Since I joined (May), I have..
become more in touch with my body.
become more able to accept my appearance and feel beautiful on a daily basis.
become more honest and direct with others, more able to be naked and fearless in front of them.
become slightly more clear about what my purpose (short term and long term) is.
learned a lot about how to connect harmoniously and genuinely in relationships.
become more selective and frank about who I am willing to befriend or date.
become happy with spending time alone.
stopped lying to myself and others by trying to force myself to enjoy drinking/smoking/partying.
become more accepting of my envious tendencies.
made peace with eating what I want and not feeling so guilty when it's not 110% organic, sustainable, local, raw, fresh, and combined properly.
stopped making spiritual growth a competition and have begun to see that I am neither less enlightened nor superior to others (a strange dichotomy from which I used to suffer).
become all around calm and peaceful even when I'm feeling not calm and peaceful.

<3

[XxNatyxX]

interesting story and congrats to you......

I think i'm still a work in progress... what i can say that since being on the forums i have learned to let go a little bit... I still have my ups and downs. Just taking it day by day

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Dulma

I love this thread, thank you.

Since I joined (May), I have..
become more in touch with my body.
become more able to accept my appearance and feel beautiful on a daily basis.
become more honest and direct with others, more able to be naked and fearless in front of them.
become slightly more clear about what my purpose (short term and long term) is.
learned a lot about how to connect harmoniously and genuinely in relationships.
become more selective and frank about who I am willing to befriend or date.
become happy with spending time alone.
stopped lying to myself and others by trying to force myself to enjoy drinking/smoking/partying.
become more accepting of my envious tendencies.
made peace with eating what I want and not feeling so guilty when it's not 110% organic, sustainable, local, raw, fresh, and combined properly.
stopped making spiritual growth a competition and have begun to see that I am neither less enlightened nor superior to others (a strange dichotomy from which I used to suffer).
become all around calm and peaceful even when I'm feeling not calm and peaceful.

<3

You're welcome. Congratulations on progress. I too have become more in touch with my body. I guess most girls have body image issues at some point. I'd say your biggest progress is living naked and fearless, honest in front of others.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by XxNatyxX

interesting story and congrats to you......

I think i'm still a work in progress... what i can say that since being on the forums i have learned to let go a little bit... I still have my ups and downs. Just taking it day by day

Well you just signed up a few months ago. Give it time.

[ZephyrusX]

Just out of curiosity, why do you use the term misfit? Do you still see your self as a misfit?

Anyway, I think I've made an important breakthrough tonight and thought I'd share it here since I don't really want to start a new thread. I've been operating from the limiting belief that I am alone for much of my life and that has shaped how I saw my identity and relation to my environment. I've reacted towards this irrational fear of being alone in different ways. Sometimes I'd feel compelled to be more intelligent, humorous etc. for the sake of attracting others. Sometimes I'd pretend that it doesn't matter that I am alone because I can take care of my self.

I think the worse thing is that regardless of the level of connection I made with others in the past, I always dismissed it and resorted back to the irrational belief that I am alone for whatever reason. Like, 'Oh, so-and-so doesn't actually love me. He must be off his rocker. I'm alone'.

I keep saying it is an irrational fear as the belief was more or less left unquestioned, and under direct investigation, it actually has no real world basis to it. I basically made a list of all the implications of what it means to be alone (no external source for assistance, no external outlet for having fun, no intimacy, no sex) and they either just don't hold up to the reality of my life or I could easily change my circumstances if I actually wanted to.

Oh well, I've been slowly dismantling this belief for awhile now, and tonight, I feel genuinely liberated. I hope the feeling lasts. Rather than reacting to some unexamined fear, I can just live my life the way I want to.

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Thanks for the congratulations and thanks for sharing.

You and I have a lot in common. I too viewed others as unsafe and myself as a misfit. I too have developed a more easygoing and carefree approach to others.

[Dynamist]

This time around, I came to see the trigger of my panic attacks and why I have done what I have done in this last year and the last few years. The social groups, the self-sacrificing, I came to see what the underlying cause of it was and because of this site and other factors, I feel that I can finally focus more on becoming the best nurse that I can be and the best person that I can be without this unconsciously strong desire to be affirmed by others.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

Just out of curiosity, why do you use the term misfit? Do you still see your self as a misfit?

Anyway, I think I've made an important breakthrough tonight and thought I'd share it here since I don't really want to start a new thread. I've been operating from the limiting belief that I am alone for much of my life and that has shaped how I saw my identity and relation to my environment. I've reacted towards this irrational fear of being alone in different ways. Sometimes I'd feel compelled to be more intelligent, humorous etc. for the sake of attracting others. Sometimes I'd pretend that it doesn't matter that I am alone because I can take care of my self.

I think the worse thing is that regardless of the level of connection I made with others in the past, I always dismissed it and resorted back to the irrational belief that I am alone for whatever reason. Like, 'Oh, so-and-so doesn't actually love me. He must be off his rocker. I'm alone'.

I keep saying it is an irrational fear as the belief was more or less left unquestioned, and under direct investigation, it actually has no real world basis to it. I basically made a list of all the implications of what it means to be alone (no external source for assistance, no external outlet for having fun, no intimacy, no sex) and they either just don't hold up to the reality of my life or I could easily change my circumstances if I actually wanted to.

Oh well, I've been slowly dismantling this belief for awhile now, and tonight, I feel genuinely liberated. I hope the feeling lasts. Rather than reacting to some unexamined fear, I can just live my life the way I want to.

Yes I still see myself as a misfit, especially within my biological "family". I'm the oddball, the sexual deviant. My mom doesn't accept my bisexuality. She thinks it's disgusting and doesn't support it. She tries to manipulate me by saying it hurts her, to make me feel guilty. I see it as who I am, so as far as I'm concerned, she doesn't support ME. I made a decision tonight that I will no longer try to earn her love. I will just be civil, only interact with her if I absolutely have to, until I finally break free of her completely and move out.

I'm a misfit because of my strong sexuality, but I'm no longer a misanthrope. I don't hate people or isolate myself from them. I interact with them and appreciate it when they're nice to me. I cherish my relationships with people who support me as I am.

Although I'm a misfit I don't think I'm alone. I have friends and I have my real family here. I'm glad you've come to that same conclusion.

[ZephyrusX]

Yah, it does sound like we have a lot in common. Thanks for sharing.

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Yes I still see myself as a misfit, especially within my biological "family". I'm the oddball, the sexual deviant. My mom doesn't accept my bisexuality. She thinks it's disgusting and doesn't support it. She tries to manipulate me by saying it hurts her, to make me feel guilty. I see it as who I am, so as far as I'm concerned, she doesn't support ME. I made a decision tonight that I will no longer try to earn her love. I will just be civil, only interact with her if I absolutely have to, until I finally break free of her completely and move out.

I'm a misfit because of my strong sexuality, but I'm no longer a misanthrope. I don't hate people or isolate myself from them. I interact with them and appreciate it when they're nice to me. I cherish my relationships with people who support me as I am.

Although I'm a misfit I don't think I'm alone. I have friends and I have my real family here. I'm glad you've come to that same conclusion.

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

Anyway, I think I've made an important breakthrough tonight and thought I'd share it here since I don't really want to start a new thread. I've been operating from the limiting belief that I am alone for much of my life and that has shaped how I saw my identity and relation to my environment. I've reacted towards this irrational fear of being alone in different ways. Sometimes I'd feel compelled to be more intelligent, humorous etc. for the sake of attracting others. Sometimes I'd pretend that it doesn't matter that I am alone because I can take care of my self.

I used to have that one too.

[ZephyrusX]

*wiggles tail*

Originally Posted by Criseyde

I used to have that one too.

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

*wiggles tail*

Aawwwwwww...