Leading a "normal" (American) life

[duhshuh]

I wasn't really sure what category to put this post in, but it had to go somewhere, so here it is...

2004-2005 I did a 1 year military tour in Iraq that completely changed my life. Involuntarily, my life perspective changed. Since I have been home (approx. a year and a half) I have found it increasingly difficult to readjust to living a "normal" life. The values, beliefs, attitudes, assumptions, and way of life of most Americans greatly disturbs me. As you might imagine, this makes me feel like an alien living in a foreign land. I find it nearly impossible to connect with most people. On top of this I am on-edge a lot of the time and easily startled. As a result, I have become withdrawn and busy myself with work to minimize my interaction with the outside world.

Before all of this I was an overly optimistic, happy person. Now I find my myself easily irritated and pessimistic. I've talked with various counselors/psychiatrists, attended group help sessions, and tried just about every prescription under the sun that might possibly help--all with no real improvement.

Does anyone have any advice for someone in my situation?

[JJP]

Let's see... what about looking at your situation through subjective reality? Imagine for a second that the values, beliefs, attitudes, assumptions, and way of life that disturb you are yours... instead of the normal american's. If you go with this, you might be able to look at what it is about you (what parts of your consciousness) that you need to process, accept, love, etc.

I don't know, I think you might do good reading this article from Steve if you haven't yet:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...ctive-reality/

[Radical]

That's the same way I feel at the moment. After a lifetime of education I've become institutionalized - now I have to find a job. Many people coming out of prison have exactly the same problem too.

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by Radical

That's the same way I feel at the moment. After a lifetime of education I've become institutionalized - now I have to find a job. Many people coming out of prison have exactly the same problem too.

The difference is that in prison they don't try to wash your brain... hehe...
That (just after ending education) was a terrible period for me. I was totally lost... "What the heck I'm supposed to do now? All that I've learnt is useless... They told me I would have a great future after the faculty and I only can get into silly and ridiculous paid jobs"
that's was the time when I started to wonder about everything and I figured theories that know I now many people share and others have written...
Like IM and other things. Well, at least was a good time for thinking, I had plenty of time then.
Now I'm unemployed, the good on that is that have learned a lot about personal development, (I called it then "autosuperacion"=personal improvement or so, the "better, better, better, yeah!" from Hey Jude). I'm learning things everyday, some of them here, or in other parts of the Internet, and some other that I elaborate and test.


Funny that when I go back to work I'll stop learning... and will only be "producing"...

[Adam]

I know what you're going through... I had PTSD after Sept 11th, 2001, while I was in the military. (I'm sure that you're really tired of seeing that acronym by now... It's not a description of a problem, it's a label so that people in power don't have to deal with individuals.) Obviously, mine was minor, since I wasn't in direct combat, but I still understand.

What you need to do to get back to 'normal' will take time... You have a lot of habits that you developed while you were over there, and you lived under a constant blanket of fear for a year. It will take some time to work through them, so if things seem like they're going slowly, don't worry.

First, recognize that you are the only person who can affect your emotions. Just making that realization is probably the most depressing thing that you can do... You're putting yourself into your bad moods, and that isn't very good news, now is it?

Fortunately, the next step is to realize the other side of that same coin... Since you're able to put yourself in bad moods, you're also able to put yourself in a good mood. You have a power that nobody else has. Sure, technology can move mountains and destroy cities, but only you have the power to change your mood... and when people realize that, it is an awe-inspiring power indeed.

It takes practice to change your mood, though. First, just concentrate on figuring out what makes your mood change... Spend a month watching your emotions and try to figure out what happened that you allowed to change your mood. Once you have that down, start experimenting... Instead of letting your adrenaline get the better of you when you're surprised, calm yourself down... Inject a moment of pure logic and reason between outside stimulus and your response.

Obviously, this isn't very handy on the battlefield, because you have to pause, hesitate again, decide which emotion to use, then execute... but once you get the hang of it, choosing a different emotion becomes your default habit, and comes as quickly as jumping in and out of foxholes.

[placebo]

I'm from Croatia, maybe you know 1991. we had war in our country. Since then many people said that they have PTSD.
When i say many i mean around 50000. Generaly, the worst cases are unemployed people with no perspective in their heads. My advice to you is try finding new challenges in your life. Find job that is fullfiling you, find new hobbies , anything that will occupy your mind. After 6 months or a year maybe you'll get bigger picture of your experience.

Americans and their views on world are not so popular here in Europe. So come and live here,you'll feel better. I guarantee

[Alvin]

Hi duhshuh,

I don't have any experience in your area, my only time in the service here was an admin clerk (2 and a half years). But I've read someone that vets have problems adjusting back to society after their combat experience.

Maybe you could seek out other vets who have adjusted well, meet them or read their experiences?

[duhshuh]

Thank you for all the replies and suggestions!

Alvin... I've read several books by vets that have re-adjusted and I found them reassuring--reassuring in the sense that I am not alone in my struggles. My problem seems to be that I just don't know how to get onto the road to recovery. I've tried many suggestions that I've read and also suggestions from the counselors/psychiatrists, but none of them seem to be the magic bullet. I do feel comfortable in the company of soldiers who have similar experiences, but not with the general public.

Adam... I have come to both realizations, but haven't found a way to effectively control my emotions. If I am only slightly anxious, nervous, or irritated I can usually keep my emotions in check, but once it gets past this point I find it very difficult gain control again. Usually periods of extreme uneasiness will last days, weeks, or months until I completely crash and I sort of reset myself.

placebo... I like your suggestion to find new challenges. I have been pushing myself to do just that lately and it seems to help some. I don't know if it's only because I am suppressing my feelings while I am focused on the task at hand, or if it really is helping my situation. Like I said, I have been doing much more work here lately and including more variety in my work as well. I have become what you could call a workaholic. The problem with this is... I only want to be productive. When my significant other wants to just relax for a while it actually irritates me. Not only do I wish I could relax but, at the same time, I also want to occupy my mind with something challenging.

Before all of this happened, I was one of those people who would tell someone like myself to just get over it and that it is all controllable. So, I find it very ironic that I am on the other side now. I just wish I could find a way to effectively control this and start enjoying life again.

Thank you again for your replies!

[JJP]

I think you should look into meditation, also.

[duhshuh]

As a follow-up... What are some stress-relieving strategies that work? I've tried everything from deep breathing to EFT, with little success. I find it very difficult to focus on relaxing without anxious feelings creeping in.

I know JJP recommended meditation... I haven't formally tried this, but I do have a book/DVD package that I intend on trying.

[placebo]

When your wife wants to lie down and relax, do it. If she's not talking to you use that time to visualize your plans and goals. I do that all the time when watching TV with someone. I'm totally absent from watching that stupid box but nobody knows that, plus they remain silent. So, actually you're doing two things at the same time, socializing and visualizing.

[duhshuh]

Originally Posted by placebo

When your wife wants to lie down and relax, do it. If she's not talking to you use that time to visualize your plans and goals. I do that all the time when watching TV with someone. I'm totally absent from watching that stupid box but nobody knows that, plus they remain silent. So, actually you're doing two things at the same time, socializing and visualizing.

Good idea! I'll let you know how it goes...

[joanmhe]

For relaxation, try taking a good yoga class. I find it easier to meditate after moving through the poses.