Mental Suicide

[ZenFender]

I was just looking at the categories for this forum section, and I saw "escaping the pit of despair" as being one of them. This is exactly what I need right now.

To be honest, I don't even know why exactly I'm feeling this ♥♥♥♥♥. My life is fine- got loads of good friends, doing alright in school... it's just my girlfriend...

I've been going out with her for over a year, and the relationship itself is great. It's just that I torture myself constantly and as a result, I've never been truly happy for long. I would worry about breaking up, or cheating or whatever. After one thing is over, my mind just invents another thing to be worried/unhappy about. It's almost like there's a little guy in my head that doesn't want me to be happy in a relationship!

I'm getting REALLY fed up with myself now!!! Why do I sabotage and torture myself like this?!?!? I know that I'm attached to my her, but isn't it normal for a boyfriend to attach to their girlfriends? I don't see my clinging and attachment as any stronger than my friends or those around me. Of course, I don't want to lose her and want to be with her, but this is going too far…I just want to "turn off" that stupid voice in my head! And the worst thing is, by worrying and being so anxious, I'm actually inhibiting the relationship. We would have so much more fun, and I would be a much better boyfriend if I could just shut my mind up!

Can anyone here help me? I've been trying many things to help myself- rationalizing my worries away, trying to "just watch my thoughts," distracting myself...can there be an end to this self inflicted madness?

Thank you