Death of a message board member?

[Tempest]

One of my long-standing message boards just experienced the death of a forum member. She had been there for enarly four years, well-known by everyone, including the newbies who she went out of her way to make them feel welcome. We have about 1500 semi-active to active members. Any advice, anyone? I'm dealing well, but then again, no one else on the board has the same views on reality and death that I do.

[ZHereford]

Even though we know that life is transitory, it's always a loss when someone dies and it leaves a void for those who loved them and appreciated their presence.

The best tribute we can pay them is to remember what they meant to us and share what we learned from them with others.

My belief is that we pass on to other dimensions so I think the person always moves on to a better place. For those who don't share this belief you can let them live on in your heart.

Hopefully this wasn't a tragic death that took people by surprise making it difficult to accept.

[Tempest]

Originally Posted by ZHereford

Hopefully this wasn't a tragic death that took people by surprise making it difficult to accept.

She was 26, and alive 24 hours ago. Killed by someone who thought it would fine to get behind the wheel drunk, drive off the road onto country paths, and hit a young woman who was horseback riding. Killed the horse, she was thrown off and broke her neck. I'd classify that as tragic.

I was asking for advice to pass onto the board members. I noted that the board and I do not share the same views on death, and if I post something about other dimensions, my arse is going to get roasted with cries of insensitivity and woo-woo. This is when I hate being a mod.

[RT Wolf]

Make a thread and ask people to share their memories of her, if there isn't one already.

Perhaps ask some people chip in to buy flowers for the family/friends. Find out if they need any help with any costs involved.

You may want to put up a link to donate to a favourite charity of hers in her name, or to donate or something to do with preventing drunk drivers. Maybe have a baby horse (I dun remember what they're claled) named after her or something. Essentially, help the members feel like they can do something to help.

[InJoy]

To add to RT Wolf's idea, maybe you could start a Celebrate Her Life thread. Ask posters to contribute inspirational or funny stories about her. As people to share what they loved about her, or how she contributed positively to their lives. Leave the mourning or outrage posts for another place. I think, in this way, you will honor her life and associate positive feelings to her presence on the board.

[Akashic_Librarian]

OHh congratulations on the newly passed on.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by InJoy

To add to RT Wolf's idea, maybe you could start a Celebrate Her Life thread. Ask posters to contribute inspirational or funny stories about her. As people to share what they loved about her, or how she contributed positively to their lives. Leave the mourning or outrage posts for another place. I think, in this way, you will honor her life and associate positive feelings to her presence on the board.

Agree 100%.

[Likes 2 Read]

Prayers for/condolences to her family and friends from both offline and online.

Along with the great ideas that have been offered, especially the suggestions to support her/her family's favorite charity and creating a thread to celebrate her life, here are a couple more ideas.

If it's logistically possible for forum posters to attend her funeral or memorial service, I'm sure it would comfort her family to know that she was highly regarded by her online community of friends. On the same vein, if someone could offer to receive forum posters' emails to the family, print them, and make a booklet of them for the family, I'm sure her family would appreciate the gesture. Or maybe the thread celebrating her life could be what is made into a booklet for her family. I hope it will comfort them to know how many people's lives she touched.

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

OHh congratulations on the newly passed on.

You certainly have a nack for redirecting threads.

Do you think your post helps these persons?
(serious question, no sarcasm and no hard feelings here )

[Akashic_Librarian]

Does any post help them? I was merely stating my opinion.

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

Does any post help them? I was merely stating my opinion.

I just send you a PM regarding this, I don't want to clutter this thread with a seperate discussion.

To the OP;
I wish the best to you, I am sure that you will find the best option.

[zeloc]

The real enemy here is drunk driving. Everyone needs to stand up for their beliefs in this area, both in personal situations and regarding legislation. Think of what could have been if there had been some reforms in the year prior to this tragedy occurring, think if this could have been prevented, and I'm not saying that it is through more strict laws because there are many possibilities, just one example would be changes in driver education with more personal exposure for the new drivers to the consequences of drunk driving, but something has to be done and the real tragedy is that there are so many preventable situations occurring every day.

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by zeloc

The real enemy here is drunk driving. Everyone needs to stand up for their beliefs in this area, both in personal situations and regarding legislation. Think of what could have been if there had been some reforms in the year prior to this tragedy occurring, think if this could have been prevented, and I'm not saying that it is through more strict laws because there are many possibilities, just one example would be changes in driver education with more personal exposure for the new drivers to the consequences of drunk driving, but something has to be done and the real tragedy is that there are so many preventable situations occurring every day.

The main kind of reform I see making a real difference in this area would be auto-piloting cars so that a person's level of intoxication would no longer be of great concern, or inspire people to largely get drunk within walking distance of where they'll be sleeping that night. Or ... create/legalize a party drug that doesn't affect driving ability so greatly.

Prohibition doesn't seem to work very well, we have to provide positive alternatives rather than solely negative reactions if we want a long term solution. Also, driver fatigue is just as dangerous as drunk driving, so if this is an important issue to you, you might also look into that.

The mention of providing more information is good though. I'd like to see people having access to Breathalyzers at bars so they can know how they rate before heading out on the road, even if it'd mostly help people avoid DUIs when they feel fairly sober but are technically drunk (.08 BAC can be a fairly low level of intoxication for a lot of people). One limitation is that most youth likely aren't getting drunk at bars.

The high drinking age and prices at bars/pubs may actually make responsible drinking more difficult for many young people (they're left to drinking at parties where they may not even know what they're ingesting, without having a chance to develop good drinking habits growing up first, making binges more likely).

[Ree]

Tempest, I'm sorry about the loss of your friend and especially the tragic way in which she died. There were many great ideas given for ways to honor and memorialize your friend. I know her family will be touched by your show of support.

I agree that drunk driving is a huge problem. Recently I heard some discussion among a group of attorneys who regularly defend drunk drivers that there is a piece of equipment being developed which can be placed on the steering wheel of a car and the prospective driver must pass a breathalyzer test right there on the spot before the car can be started up and driven. It would be used on the cars of repeat offenders of course.

[Livgivare]

Everyone should be a teetotaller infront of the driving wheel...it is sick to drive while you are drunk. I know it sounds harsh but I feel that this is the truth. The car is a weapon and connected to alcohol the weapon becomes even more deadly and evil...

Love Leelene

[zeloc]

Originally Posted by openeyes

The main kind of reform I see making a real difference in this area would be auto-piloting cars so that a person's level of intoxication would no longer be of great concern, or inspire people to largely get drunk within walking distance of where they'll be sleeping that night. Or ... create/legalize a party drug that doesn't affect driving ability so greatly.

Prohibition doesn't seem to work very well, we have to provide positive alternatives rather than solely negative reactions if we want a long term solution. Also, driver fatigue is just as dangerous as drunk driving, so if this is an important issue to you, you might also look into that.

The mention of providing more information is good though. I'd like to see people having access to Breathalyzers at bars so they can know how they rate before heading out on the road, even if it'd mostly help people avoid DUIs when they feel fairly sober but are technically drunk (.08 BAC can be a fairly low level of intoxication for a lot of people). One limitation is that most youth likely aren't getting drunk at bars.

The high drinking age and prices at bars/pubs may actually make responsible drinking more difficult for many young people (they're left to drinking at parties where they may not even know what they're ingesting, without having a chance to develop good drinking habits growing up first, making binges more likely).

Auto-piloting cars is so far in the future that it isn't a practical solution for today's problems. I'm not convinced about making breathalyzers available at bars because I cannot see that as being sanitary. I once read about a program where people learning how to drive were taken to a hospital to see people involved in drunk driving accidents. Seeing one person who is a bloody mess because of alcohol is enough to create a permanent impression on the mind. I think it would be good if more programs tried this. With breathlyzers in cars for repeat offenders, I think it's a good idea, but I wonder how many people cause fatalities during the first episode where they are caught? In other words, they have driven drunk many times before but never got caught and so no one put the mandatory breathalyzer in their car.

I really don't know who are the main causes of drunk driving accidents, whether it is underage people or not. If it is, maybe the people who acquired the alcohol for that person should be charged with a crime. That way people are going to be very careful with giving alcohol to those they know are underage. In any case, all of this involves legislation and there should really be someone at the national level working on this problem.

[Andrew Brunelle]

People can live on through your memories. People will die, but if you can preserve the memory of who they were, then you've done something that will show just how immortal everyone can be.

[hazerfazer]

I am just wondering, how did you find out that she had died?