How to achieve happiness is a wrong wrong wrong question

[srikant]

What is the magic cure for happiness. Is it the finding of your soulmate, is it the dream job, is it helping make a change in the world. Blah and more Blah. A mind focused on achieving happiness ensures that it doesnt get any. First the desire for happiness is created, then it doesnt measure upto expectations, then frustration sets in. Life is unfair, sad bleah bleah.

What if for a moment we drop the search for elusive happiness and instead focus on what makes us alive. Maybe that can be a cathartic thing also. Right now if you vent your frustrations out in a loud defeaning scream ,you will definitely feel alive. Isnt it. What if i were to say your house is on fire, so run as fast as you can. That intense movement of the body will give u a tremendous feeling of aliveness.

Even animals are more alive than us. The sedentary lifestyle, the social conditioning has made man's activities and thinking so mediocre that he asks from other people "please tell me the secret for happiness" . Why doesnt he ever ask himself "What makes me truly alive?" . Maybe he knows the answer. Maybe he loved dancing in the childhood. But someone passed a snide remark that u cant dance well. After that he stopped dancing altogether because he wasnt good enough. The thing that made him most alive was to be abandoned simply because someone judged him unworthy of dancing. Maybe he loves cuddling . But he is too afraid to say so cuz people might think he is a wimp, has issues. So he starts thinking that since so many people are saying things it must be true and i have to enjoy life based on their expectations and boundaries.

But as he is now grown up, the man can realize that he is not tethered to a rope anymore. And why shud he care what others think. Maybe he is not a good dancer. But thats what makes him feel alive. Maybe he is not good at academics and wants to pursue his time fitness building. It makes him grounded, centered and vital. He can understand that he always had something to enjoy which made him forget what time of day it was and he has simply buried it in the past. He can dig it out and fully embrace the person he really is without any guilt or shame.

He was born a beautiful person with full potential for enjoyment but he had to forsake the potential to fit in with the society. Now as he realizes that the social formality has given him nothing but misery , he can go back to his adorable childhood self and do the things he enjoys most intensely. Maybe it is just collecting stones on beaches or chasing butterflies. Who knows. But one thing is for sure. Once he starts reliving his buried childhood, he forgets to ask others "what is the cure for happiness"

[WisdomDome]

I think that most people search for happiness not because they are trying to find happiness but because they can't escape misery. If people would stop being miserable for 15 minutes by shutting their mind off then they would be happy - but most people simply don't know how to turn off their brain or to live for what they want to live for instead of living for what everybody else thinks is ideal.

I suppose there are many contributions to misery, but people would be happier if they simply stopped being miserable.

I know it sounds simple, and quite silly, but it's true. Stop trying to find happiness and instead work on not being miserable.

[srikant]

Originally Posted by WisdomDome

I think that most people search for happiness not because they are trying to find happiness but because they can't escape misery. If people would stop being miserable for 15 minutes by shutting their mind off then they would be happy - but most people simply don't know how to turn off their brain or to live for what they want to live for instead of living for what everybody else thinks is ideal.

I suppose there are many contributions to misery, but people would be happier if they simply stopped being miserable.

I know it sounds simple, and quite silly, but it's true. Stop trying to find happiness and instead work on not being miserable.

Great. I have observed that sometimes. Sometimes when i am sad or down, i just ask my mind "Is this really what i want to think and make myself more miserable" . And all of a sudden my mind agrees with me and drops the thought

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by srikant

He was born a beautiful person with full potential for enjoyment but he had to forsake the potential to fit in with the society. Now as he realizes that the social formality has given him nothing but misery , he can go back to his adorable childhood self and do the things he enjoys most intensely. Maybe it is just collecting stones on beaches or chasing butterflies. Who knows.

I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss the desire for human interaction. Maybe when he is walking along the beach, he wants a lover beside him for companionship. Maybe when he chased butterflies as a kid, he chased them with other kids.

There really isn't anything wrong with social formality, until and unless it starts forcing you to do what you really don't want to do, or starts stopping you from doing what you really do want to do. Social formalities can definitely have that kind of effect, but there are also plenty of situations where they don't have that kind of effect.

The disadvantages of social formalities/conventions in themselves probably don't justify an extreme withdrawal from other human beings. It can be meaningful and worthwhile to be with other human beings, and it often is. You may enjoy dancing more with a partner than by yourself - but you do have to learn the steps ("the social formalities") so that you don't repeatedly end up stepping on her toes ...

[srikant]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

You may enjoy dancing more with a partner than by yourself - but you do have to learn the steps ("the social formalities") so that you don't repeatedly end up stepping on her toes ...

LOL , yeah the purpose of the thread was not to isolate oneself from other humans ,but to do things that make one alive either with urself or with a partner