Living in my own world

[dreki]

Hey everyone..

I need some feedback on my state right now.. I would appreciate any answer...

Today I have been in a state I really hate being in.. I have always had trouble concentrating especially when talking to people or reading a difficult, sometimes easy, text. I become so absent minded and it feels like a have this big universe inside myself that I prefer being in.. I have been told my whole life that I live inside my own world.. And I hate it. I feel so weird...! I'm really social at times and love to talk to people, but I have a difficulty sustaining a normal relationship and I have never been together with a person I'm in love with.. it is difficult for me to handle big emotions especially when I'm at my worse.. It's like they are too intense.. I feel either too little, giving to little to people, because I'm so introverted.. or feeling too much as when I'm feeling really deep emotions, I just fly off to the sky.
Six months ago I began on self development and it has been working a lot! I have gained a lot, but I just still keep failing.. and end up at point zero sometimes.. But I am more conscious of it now, and that's positive, but still... Sometimes I get lost...

Today I lost focus, I couldn't concentrate at all when being social.. and spent a lot of energy to act "normal", but was thinking a lot about what other people think of me and so on... I just couldn't keep a contact and I felt like staring in the air...

I just hate when I'm in this state.. I know I have a lot of issues.. But some days feel worse than others.. And I want to become better at dealing with my introvertedness... Help....

[Akashic_Librarian]

In my humble and very biased opinion it looks as though you have trouble accepting yourself, so what I suggest is that you learn to accept who you really are, instead of what you think you should be.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

.... it looks as though you have trouble accepting yourself......

Dreki, I think Akashic_Librarian has a point. The first order of business is to accept yourself. No one is perfect and we all have aspects about ourselves we need to work on. You seem to be hyper-sensitive to being introverted and how you may appear to others.

The good news is that you are working on self-development. For all of us, that's a life long project and a worthy one at that.

Keep at it and even though you may not notice on a day to day basis, you are making progress.

All the best to you.

[Lychee]

Well, we are pretty much the same. I am introverted too. At first I was upset because I thought I was being impractical or rude, and people have even told me that I should concern myself with how it is in the world (which I agree to some extent). But I'm still not "normal" and I've learned to accept myself. I've been in socials situations where I felt like I didn't fit in, but I was able to find peace within myself because I accepted myself. It's so uncomfortable if you don't, since you are not receiving acceptance from either side (your own company or the world).

Be easy on yourself. If you really want to change this part of you, you must accept it. Don't hate it. If you don't, that's fine, too. Not everyone will like you and some people will always find fault in you.

[Shamou]

Hello dreki... it would help a lot if you told us how old you are... life is not the same at sixteen that it is at sixty one...

.

[Andrew Brunelle]

It's not about being "normal," it is about being yourself. Let your real self shine. I went through a period where I was completely introverted, painstakingly so, and then I had brain cancer, and that changed my whole perspective on life. If you spend your whole life not talking to others and just sitting off to the side, what will your life be? I needed a life-altering experience to allow myself to learn this, but through enough conscious work, you can overcome this. Just be yourself, and if someone does not like you for who you are, then move on to someone else. Accept yourself, and then others will accept you. Simple as that.

[Shamou]

Beautifully said Andrew Brunelle... and, thanks for sharing that with us...

.

[CAlex6977]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

In my humble and very biased opinion it looks as though you have trouble accepting yourself, so what I suggest is that you learn to accept who you really are, instead of what you think you should be.

This is the key. Life is only what you make it and if you try to make it what others want and not what you want then things turn into an emotional struggle within yourself that you dont need.

Chris
Good Luck in all that you do!
Visit my personal blog space at Life as I know it

[dreki]

Thanks for all your replies...

I'm 23 and I'm strange hehe... Have been strange my whole life... I think I'm finally acknowledging and accepting that I suffer from a mental illness... Some days are better than others, but the bad days I really want to be alone.. I have been different my whole life, and been very alone (although I'm really social).. I met some people that have been through the same and who understand me.. But it's like knowing them have made me more weird hehe.. cause I'm accepting who I am.. finally.. but it's tough.. It's tough cause a lot of people don't know what it's like..

I don't think that this can be cured completely, but I will try to keep my head up and stay strong.

[elfly]

That's all you can do. I feel the important thing is to actually realise and connect with the fact that we are all alot more similar than we think. I feel we often use the idea that we are so different and no one understands us to hide/deny taking action and dealing with other more concrete aspects of our life that we are dissatisfied with. Take a long look at ourselves and see what areas of our life are not working, relationships, money, self esteem. They are all areas where we often look for an easy excuse rather than taking the hard road of changing our actions and thought patterns. I have ben in similar thought patterns and I am the same age as you. Maybe try some physical exercise to connect you and your body. You sound to be a extremly mental person like myself and the benefits I have found from hitting the gym, running and yoga have been really grounding and worth their weight in gold. Stay strong.

[dreki]

Hey elfly..

thanx for your response. I like being physically active.. I'm doing yoga right now and thinking of starting at some other sport. Being active and being busy helps me a lot.. I have trouble staying still, I get very restless or either my mind takes control and I end up on an emotianal rollercoaster...

Do you think meditating helps? And what about raising ones consciousness?

[Sunnybayes]

I lost focus, I couldn't concentrate at all when being social.. and spent a lot of energy to act "normal", but was thinking a lot about what other people think of me and so on... I just couldn't keep a contact and I felt like staring in the air...

Hello, I had the same feeling yesterday as I was hittin the clubs with my friends. I am more of a creative personality. I am both introverted and extroverted. It takes time for me to do a transition from one to another.

Creative Personality

Creative people trend to be both extroverted and introverted. We're usually one or the other, either preferring to be in the thick of crowds or sitting on the sidelines and observing the passing show. In fact, in current psychological research, extroversion and introversion are considered the most stable personality traits that differentiate people from each other and that can be reliably measured. Creative individuals, on the other hand, seem to exhibit both traits simultaneously.

If I feel like it, then I can be the happiest guy on the planet just being alone listening to music and thinking about ai. OR as I am doing write now as I am writing to these forums. And I can do this for a week straight.

However, as much as I enjoy being alone, (you can actually get pleasure from thinking about things, well, for example the idea of the light bulb going off in your head, or if you are a person who enjoys doing math problems, or even listening to music), nature has built into our DNA that we must be social with people, or else will become lonely and depressed. I recognize this and therefore make myself go out to be social. Well, its also fun of course (once I've warmed up)

But it is entirely a different setting. Sitting at my computer for 8 hours a day, vs hanging out at a bar chatting with your friends. Your brain uses quite different mental circuits in these settings. Therefore, you have to "warm up" with being social. Your brain has to rewire its circuits to be able to handle the different sensory input.

For me, when I am at home thinking about things, I use almost entirely intuitive thinking. I rarely vocalize my thoughts, except when writing things down.

Yesterday, I was going out, it was the first time in about 2 weeks. To get back in the state, when I started to get uncomfortable, I had to go walk around and just sit and stare... and let my mind do its intuitive thinking, with the intent of feeling more social. I also would feel like I was recharging, and closing out any other issues that occupied my mind. I also visualed myself being social.

And then, because I am an intuitive thinker when I am introvert, I made sure to vocalize all my thoughts very loudly in my head, non stop, about anything that came to mind, about any observation, and was like "I don't know what to think... why don't you know what do think? I don't know because its just, heck what should I think about" basically any kind of rambling I could do. I just made it an exercise to warm up my language centers of my brain by using them nonstop. This also helps you to bring yourself in the moment thinking about the environment around you. I did that for about 10 minutes, of loud internal vocalization.

And then finally, when I was in the bar, I had to sit alone for about 15 minutes, just looking like a total outcast. But I did not care that I was an outcast. "yea ok fine. i'm an out cast. so what. I know I'll be up and jumping and very chatty here in a moment, my mind is just not ready yet, but I'm not going to slow this transition by trying hard and caring. I'm just going to let it come." [no I did not vocalize that thought, that was an intuitive thought/feeling] I knew that I was being quiet because I had been that way for the last 2 weeks, and I know that my mind is not going to be able to instantaneously change modes. It needs some time to adjust, just like an apple needs to fall down if nothing is holding it.

And you can just feel your mind and body starting to feel more social... yea I didn't explain that well...

and then some other people might have come around and say... "you look sad and quiet" or something like "Are you okay?". I'd just say to them "yea I'm cool, I just become very quiet when I get tiered." And I say it like it does not bother me that I'm quiet, because I it honestly doesn't bother me, but you know, I still want to be social because it is more fun that way.

And then I was still stuck, so the only way I could close the transition was by repeatedly saying the affirmation to myself clearly in my mind "I'm don't give a ****" and you say it in way to yourself with a tone like you don't give a ****, not in a snobbish way, but more in a laughing joking manner. kinda like if you where shrugging to someone with a smile with a slight laugh. And then I started internally laughing and saying to myself "yup, defiantly don't give a ****", and I was happy with that and internally laughing, and when that happened I knew I was ready. That probably took about 10~20 minutes or so.

The "I don't give a ****" means several different things to me at once:
Don't give a **** about what I say, what other people say, what they think about me, what I think about myself. All that matters is that you say it in a fun way, with expressive body language (well maybe just a nod of the head, and a smile)


But then I was ready, and I joined the girls, and started vibing with them. The point of vibing is not to care what you talk about, but its just enjoying that you are talking.

[Kayceezharold]

Dreki,

It is a dis-ease with your introverted self that you seem to be fighting against. I know cos I went through the same when I was in my teens till mid-twenties. On the one hand you know within yourself that you can be sociable, but outwardly, you seem to feel concerned that people may think negatively about you.

How I overcame this introvertedness was I embarked on a mission to understand myself better, as in what my own strengths are, and also what my weaknesses. Knowing myself better, I began to increase my self-confidence and I saw that actually there is nothing wrong about me. In fact, I'm as good as the next person!

You may want to try the same - do a review of what your strengths and weaknesses are. Continuously remind yourself and draw on your strength but not allow your weakness to overcome you. Next is to be your natural self, especially when you are with people. Nobody is watching your every action - really! Whenever you think this is happening, remind yourself so. I am still doing this to this day and it helps...

Kayceez
The World Thru Kayceez Eyes
MtC1

[Sunnybayes]

Here's a pretty good page that I found about social vibing:
Social Vibing

[YouseffTheSheep]

dreki,

I know what you are going through...

Whenever this happens to me or anyone I know, I remind them that it resurfacing is kind of a "good thing", because it let's you know that before this you where doing really good, that you where making progress. You might have even forgot that you could sink back down into feeling that way :-P.

Push through and know that as long as you are trying, you will get better, and before you know it, you're going to be in a better spot. Work hard through the tough spots, and you'll end up being happy.

[dreki]

Thank you so much for all these answers! They are really good and I feel much better! I have come a long way I think since I began on self development and I have made much progress. The last couple of weeks I felt like I was at point 0 again..(I fell in love and it wasn't going so well so I had some relapses)... and it's probably normal, but it felt as though I was stuck again.. But yeah, like youseffthesheep is writing, I have to stay strong and keep my head up and try and one day everything will be going a lot better. Patience! hehe.. One of the virtues I have to remind myself of all the time.. sometimes I panic.. hehe.. and I've come a long way I think, I have to focus on the positive and not the negative.

Thanks for your help

[sarahsarahsarah11]

Dreki,

I've gone through the same EXACT thing, word for word.

I know you want to be present, but there is also a part of you that doesn't. What you need to ask is this: Why don't I want to be present? What am i afraid of? the answer may be very complicated, or it may be very simple but difficult to handle, but once you ask this question, you will be on the right track.

there will be ups and downs, and sometimes you'll feel like you're just back at square one. But, trust in your Higher Power, alway ask guidance, and I promise you you'll come of it. For certain. And get human support too! Go to psychologists, go to psychiatrists, sometimes medication can help you one step of the way - I was on medication for a little while until I felt like I could move beyond it.

Here is a list of books that have helped me come out of it, and I still read them to keep myself present: the Power of Now, A New Earth, Wayne Dyer books, The Breakthrough experience by John Demartini (this is a must have), any books by Demartini.

I wish you all the best, my prayers are with you, I know how hard it is, if you need anything, please feel free to drop me a line.

Take care,
Sarah

[placebo]

hi dreki and all of you guys !!!

Last weekend i was feeling miserable and thinking the same dreki wrote here. I just nedeed some kind of explanation and you gave it here. Thank you for that. As i can see, there are many people feeling this way or felt in the past. It so much easier when i see that, especially when i read their answer. They write in very empathic, creative and inteligent way that being one of them now looks like a reward not a curse.

About six months ago i started to writing a journal and few days ago i read everything i've written. Pure horror. I have emotional rollercoasters like you, dreki. Few days i'm OK and everything is cool and then three days of total darkness, unable to think clear and postive, introverted and fully unsocial. Still i didn't find a way to make good days a bit longer or dark days to disappear. What i believe is that i need some kind of stability in my life and it could be only one positive person. So i've decided to find that person and love her best i can. I know everything will be allright then, she'll make me become a better person. Till then my sleaves are up and i'm fighting against myself.

(BTW this thread sounds like a Fight Club, movie you must see)

[AdamUK]

similar problems here too, when people would say just be yourself. I would think how can i be myself when i dont know who i am!

Im not a keen writer, however i must say keeping a journal has been very useful. I find it a good reflection tool to learn about who i am. Also i write down any good ideas and intentions for improving myself.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by AdamUK

similar problems here too, when people would say just be yourself. I would think how can i be myself when i dont know who i am!

AdamUK knowing yourself is of primary importance. Until you know who you are it's difficult to know what you want or where you are headed in life.

Take a look here Know yourself.