leaving judgement behind

[learningtogrow]

I realized recently, that I had a big problem with judging people. MAJOR when it comes to infidelity, lying, and disloyalty. I think for so long I've tried to be "loyal" to others and when it isn't returned, I would take it personally (another issue:-), judge, and whatever else I do that literally ties my stomach up in knots.

I'm trying to come to a way of thinking about these people that doesn't create anxiety and stress in me b/c i do realize I'm the only one I'm affecting with these thoughts. Apparently I thought my opinions might matter to them (wrong)? Maybe I thought if I ignored the situation it would seem like I condoned their behavior?

I've decided to look at individuals with a detached/observer mentality at this point. Is it o.k. to just let it go and believe that their karma will take care of it? Or would that be judging as well. I think if I believe that it's o.k. for the universe to judge and not "me", that will bring peace for me. However, since I am the universe, am I still doing the judging?

[Lychee]

It's good that you've choose to look at people from a detached point of view. Judgment won't get anyone anywhere since we are not the one to judge. But I disagree with the idea that you are the universe. You aren't doing the judging - you do not have the knowledge or capacity to understand someone since your perception is limited. I don't think the universe itself judges anyway just don't care about anyone else's problems and trust everything will be handled as it should be.

(Ironically, I've learned to do that too but now I feel like I lack an opinion. If someone does something bad or wrong I just let it go while others just upset over it. It's a weird feeling.)

[Akashic_Librarian]

basically I TRY not to judge others because I know that one day, they might start judging me for my wrongs, I am not perfect, right? So I don't judge. When I am perfect, then I will judge. How can a blind man judge you for not seeing clearly?

[bellbird]

Possibly you could view yourself as being a part of the universe. Maybe it doesn't matter one way or the other. What your response is to things that happen, is and how you deal with them in future. I recognize what you're saying. How not to 'judge'? What hits you hardest in 'what others do to you' is something you're struggling with yourself in some way. You therefore could say you choose to be hurt by their behaviour. (It sounds all like philosophical stuff and obviously in real life it's not always straightforward and explanatory). If particular people get on your nerves, ask yourself why. Looking from their point of view can help, what their situation is and how they think. I found it very helpful in some cases to let their issues or remarks stay with them. I could see why they said it. In other words, return it to sender. I don't mean to say that you ignore what they are saying/doing, but it helps to see why they do what they do and understand them better. I then usually choose to either stay clear of them by letting them be or have a neutral approach. (It works with my boss too ) Naturally if I do get worked up I need to figure out why to help me forward.

I don't think it's likely that these others are affected by your opinion etc unless they choose to be themselves. Being 'right' doesn't mean anything. It's about understanding. People that are closest to you have most impact on you so things like infidelity and loyalty hit home big time. If people have been disloyal to you you can either ask them why they have been and also you can ask your self whether you have been true and loyal to yourself. Have you? Have you judged yourself a lot lately?
Certain themes and events are likely to re occur intill you've grown from it and learnt what you needed to. (I mean that generally speaking) I wish you all the best. I hope my input may be of some help to you.