Attention Slut (for lack of better terms) - How to break the addiction?

[Dave Kaminski]

Hey Everyone!

You might've seen me around the forums, I don't post much over here.

I'm having issues at work and in social friendships in which I need/want way more attention than I should. I find myself drawing attention to myself, not in a negative way, but it looks completely narcissistic, and I have to answer every question in training etc. I try to help other people, but because of the whole Attention Slut disorder that I feel like I have, it seems like it's completely self serving!

Should I meditate on silence, seek counseling, or what? It's a disgusting flaw as it seems to circulate negative energy around me and I'm not a fan. Thanks for your help guys!

Dave

[Brutha]

I'm having issues at work and in social friendships in which I need/want way more attention than I should.

How says that you should need less attention?

[RT Wolf]

Different people have different needs, so I'd like to ask why you believe you're an attention slut. Some people are like hardy plants, they don't need much sunlight or attention, while others need more. One isn't wrong or right or better or worse as long as both are healthy.

You haven't given us many specific situations, but you might have a belief (unconscious) that your happiness depends on other people and their evaluation of you. Raising your self-esteem might, help, too.

Check out a counsellor and see what they say. It can't hurt, can it?

Accept yourself. Accept that you wish to change, but do not be disgusted or hate it. It is a part of you, as much as the good things are and your wish to change it is also a part of you.

HTH.

[NathanSII]

Attention slut - never heard of that term before.

I would say try some solitutde or meditation to sort of "curb" your desire for attention - in other words, try to find the root cause of why you do it.

[Isis Kali]

You just may be charismatic. That could be natural for you. Don't hate it!

[Alex2007]

Its good to want attention. But if you need attention and you get crazy without it, is a painful experience....In this case you will need to find out what is missing in your life.... Is it security? etc

Alex

[InJoy]

Maybe you could try "acting as though" you don't need the attention in little situations. Say you are a meeting and you have the urge to jump in with your opinion or answer to a question. Clamp your teeth shut for thirty seconds and decide to allow someone else to answer. (You can use your desire to help others to your advantage here by considering that they may benefit from the opportunity to answer a question or two.)

If you stop yourself from acting upon the desire for attention a few (or more than a few) times, you might start to feel more comfortable allowing the attention to be on someone else. You might also learn something new by placing yourself in the position of the (listening) student rather than that of the (speaking) teacher.

One other thing. I don't think it serves you one bit to label yourself as "flawed" or your habit as "disgusting". It places negative energy upon those things that you wish to change, and therefore draws those things closer. Focus instead on how you would like to be, and I believe you will have better results.

[Truefire]

Whatever is going on, it will take a lot of self knowledge, self awareness, and self control to figure it out and deal with it. In my opinion, meditation is a very effective solution, provided you devote yourself to the practice every day. Vipassana ("insight" meditation) is particularly well suited, in fact its defined by becoming more personally aware.

A quick tip: when in conversation, really try to cultivate a feeling of genuine curiosity and empathy for others. Ask about what's going on, and relate and paraphrase, so you're sure you understand what's being said on all levels. People like talking about themselves, as you seem to know all too well . So use that knowledge to your advantage. Conversations feel most natural when both parties contribute about 50%.

[lindeelou]

Seems like you are trying to get validation from other people which perhaps stems from an insecurity complex. Believe me, i know, because i am a classic at this same sort of behavior. I have to be "funny" or "outrageous"
(remember the old saying, the tears of a clown, when there's no one around?)
That says it all...
Wanting attention and being liked by others is normal to a degree, but if you are taking it to the extreme, making yourself and perhaps other people uncomforable, then yes, go talk to a therapist and maybe gain some insight
from a professional.
You also don't want to get "bad" attention, aka people rolling their eyes everytime you start to answer another question or offer advice.
The notion of not saying anything and listening to others talk is a good one, begin to build your self awareness and controlling your impulses will be a great exercise. Be interested in others and you may find out by only doing that, you will get them interested in you in return. Problem solved. LOL

[dulaney0330]

I agree with the above posters. From a personal viewpoint, individuals who are constantly wanting attention are probably very insecure and suffer from low self-esteem. Like the one poster said... the individual may be experiencing feelings of validation from these individuals, and thus he or she is placing the locus of control on the external, rather than the internal.

I sometimes struggle with wanting more attention but I ask myself, "what is lacking within myself that I am constantly trying to receive from others around me?" When I am very self-aware and honest with myself, I realize that I just want to feel important and special from the external, and I neglect self-acceptance and self-love.

I would recommend readiing "Breaking the chain of low self-esteem" if you struggle with it and maybe seek out a therapist.

Hope this helps!

[Red Stone]

Originally Posted by Dave Kaminski

It's a disgusting flaw as it seems to circulate negative energy around me and I'm not a fan.

Why do you think that seeking attention circulates negative energy around you?