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|06-26-2011, 03:40 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2011
How to truly let go off breakup with someone you work with
Hello everyone, nice to meet you
I have few concerns about my current emotional state and decided I would ask for advise...
All my questions are basically interconnected and maybe the post is a bit long and confusing.. but I would really appreciate any advise or just an opinion
Thank you in advance!
I recently broke up with someone... someone very dear.
We were not together for very long, but it started out suddenly, developed really fast and we both seriously considered getting married. Marriage is not my ultimate goal but for the first time in my life I could actually imagine being someone's wife and wanted to be a mother for his children. He also felt the same way.
We matched magically in so many ways, and these were truly the best relationships I have ever had.
But things didn't work out, I said something I should have never said and hurt him, enough for him not to be able to be with me anymore...
It has been about a month since we separated and I have done so much thinking and self-search, self-exploring and maybe even grew spritiually. I got all the way from a complete disaster with a punch through hole right in the middle of my chest to positive and actively learning person I am now
Actually I have to appreciate the whole thing happened, it opened my eyes and just had me reconsider my life positions. Even though these were truly amazing relationships, I was not really loving, loving him, loving myself at the first place. And he was not emotionally evolved enough to be able to accept what happened and give me a second chance.
I knew that the most important thing I have to do is to let him go.
Manifesting missing, lack and loneliness is not what I want. It's also great that I found this concept of "unconditional love" I was always a positive person, guess my core belief is that everything happens for the best and maybe the worst thing that could possibly happen is dying, because you won't be able to experience anything then. But this concept gave a much deeper insight and pointed out things in me that I would like to improve.
I don't feel any negativity towards him. I am willing to let him go completely, detach myself.
Of course at the moment I still would like to have him back, but I understand that we both would have to grow first, that letting go of old relationships is crusial, and also that if not him, then there is someone right there who matches me perfectly.
This is my main intention for now I am attracting my ideal relationships.
The whole problem is that we actually work together, and I have to see him often.
What happens is I sometimes get very nervous when I see him or when he passes by. It's not really a negative feeling, I feel more like a high-school girl with her heart pounding at the only sight of her crush..
But it's not truly positive either... I become confused with my feelings....
Since I have started getting involved in the unconditional love concept, I feel like my heart is more open and I am much more emotional than I used to be... I feel I could cry happy tears just by looking at the beautiful flower in some coffee shop window (happened today ) but it also makes me feel so vulnerable and easily agitated when it comes to him....
I don't know how to position myself to these feelings... why do I feel so unstable? is it a fear?
Actually we are having a party planned with colleagues soon, I know he is going to be there... I am afraid I will not be able to relax and just be myself. I feel I could start trying to impress him or get his attention somehow.. not very positive vibe...
Is there something like an emergency rescue technique to center yourself and control emotions...?
With all this events in my life I have learned that I am able to listen to myself.
One more thing that bothers me is that sometimes I have this feeling of tightness in the left part of my chest, where the physical heart is. Right after the breakup that was a very harsh, very physical, full scale pain... unbearable. I experienced a huge relief when I accepted all that happenned and that there is no hope in getting him back.
Now, when it appears sometimes, it's just a subtle feeling, but I have learned it usually reappears when I try to lie to myself or there is some mismatch in my beliefs.
The thing is that when I tell myself that I need to move on and let him go completely, and imaginary cut our emotional bonding (I imagine it as a cord connecting our hearts) I can feel this pain coming back again...
And I don't know what is it... am I having a mismatch somewhere?... did I miss out some important point?
Maybe it's caused by the remains of hope... I know he feels very guilty of what have happened. At work he is known as out-going and communicative person. But I have felt from the very start that he is not so simple. He is very complicated person. He is actually very closed up emotionally and has some traumatic experience in the past, but when we were together he had showed me his inner, loving, brighter side, that he never shows to anyone else.
I know he is trying to avoid any possible interactions at work. We didn't have a chanse to talk since the final talk... when he returned keys to my apartment and I let him know I am accepting his decision.
But there was one time at the office meeting, I cought his eyes ... he was staring at me... and there was so much pain there...
I don't know if I am just imagining all this... am I just feeling the remains of my own hurt ego? ... or is it truly his pain? ...I don't want to see him in pain, I want him to be happy, I feel I want to help....
but then I start to think that maybe it's just a way "hope-to-get-him-back" is playing me around...
How do you really let go of someone? What does it mean? Do you still care for the person, but what if you can't help? What if you try to help, but then find yourself back into "conditional" love...
I am so confused...
Lastly, the third thing that bothers me, is that I sometimes get almost jealous of people around me...
I am 28 and most of the people I interract with are of the same age. It's maybe natural that there are SO MUCH marriage announcements recently... seems like everyone is dating and getting married... what's more, it's mostly stories about a proposal being made after only a few months of dating...
I don't want to feel sad and jealous...
...I want to be happy for those people, since it includes my close friends... I have accepted the breakup, accepted my own actions and there are no regrets and no guilt.... but still... Is there anything else that could cause this negative feeling?
I know I tend to overthink things
But if there is anything you could say about all this, please do so!
Happiness and peace to everyone!
|06-27-2011, 06:36 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Madison, WI
As far as the friends getting married etc. That is about your age group that happens. I would try to think of it this way.... I am willing to wait for the right guy to come along and not settle just because i am afraid to be alone or whatever.
I would also think to myself.. maybe this isn't very nice, but this is just me. That many of marriages aren't going to last long because they aren't built on a solid foundation.
As for being nervous, try not to worry about what other people think, just focus on yourself. Do some deep breathing.
|06-28-2011, 05:17 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2011
Yes, I guess I just have to change my point of view, it's rather easy when I'm alone, and I know it would take a greatest effort to be able to think positively when someone is all excited about marriage preparations right next to you, but I can do that. Guess love is truly the answer....
|06-28-2011, 05:21 AM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2011
that is something I have heard of, and actually feel that it's true. The first time I have tried it, it hurt so much... and I have realized that the next step once you unplugged the cord would be healing the wound with love...
this is what I'm learning now ..
thank you for the resource!
|breakup, letting go, unconditional love|
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