Being too humble

[jedi]

I sometimes feel that I'm being too humble when talking about myself. I tend to be realistic and humble to recognize my deficiencies. But then I realize that others around me don't do that. I feel like I humiliated myself, later. How do I balance?

[Akashic_Librarian]

Practice. Iron Will. Confidence.

[Keith]

It is good to realise your deficiencies. That lets you work on improving them.

But unless you also recognise your strengths you're not being humble, you're just being unfair to yourself.

[Michelle]

Making yourself weaker or "less" has nothing to do with humility. Humility is standing before and accepting the truth just as it is regardless of how you think it should be.

[RT Wolf]

There's a fine line between being truly humble and just being self-deprecating. You're sure you're on the right side of the line (for your values).

Why would you feel humiliated about feeling humble, especially after comparing yourself to other people? This seems like a pretty important question.

[jedi]

I often unfairly criticize myself. Underestimate my knowledge about a subject.
This is related to my low self-esteem and confidence.

So I guess my problem is with harsh self criticism rather than humility.

When I share this harsh self criticism with people, I feel embarrassed some time later.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by jedi

I often unfairly criticize myself. Underestimate my knowledge about a subject.
This is related to my low self-esteem and confidence.

So I guess my problem is with harsh self criticism rather than humility.

When I share this harsh self criticism with people, I feel embarrassed some time later.

Just some friendly advice... don't do it anymore...

.

[ZHereford]

Jedi, you say you know that you are being harsh and unfair to yourself, which means intellectually you understand that your thinking is erroneous or wrong.

So, you have to change your "thinking".

Start by being fair to yourself and recognize all of your positive qualities (we all have them) and change the ones you don't like about yourself. Of course this is easier said than done but you have to start somewhere.

Accept and be patient with yourself. We are all human, not perfect, but capable of reaching our full potential.

Good luck! You can do it!

[Simmiah]

I can understand where you are coming from Jedi which is funny because right now as I was looking, the "trouble accepting compliment" thread was right next to this one & I thought they were quite similar.

I also was very self-critical for a long time naively thinking it was making me a better person. I unintentionally never gave myself enough credit & it inadvertently allowed others to overly criticize me reflecting my own internal reality right back at me. Heh.

I read this the other day in my Hawkins book but I've read it elsewhere.

It said be kind to everyone & this includes yourself. I believe that very much though I will be honest I don't always still practice it but I am getting better. I hope it improves for you!

[Erock]

Being humble in my opinion is basically looking at everything objectively and with ultimate perspective. It has nothing to do with "how much you talk about your accomplishments," or "how well you can take a compliment." To me those are effects, but not the cause, which is basically your perspective on yourself and the world.

Erock

[AnnaC]

I think a lot of people will only value you to the extent you value yourself (you've probably heard this before, but in my experience it holds true, and I guess you could say it's just an example of whatever's inside manifesting externally). This is why I think it's good to bear in mind your positive qualities and not pay so much attention to your negative qualities (unless they are holding you back in a serious way in which case you should do something about them, but I bet that's not the case anyway for you).

There is no need to deny they exist, but why lend energy to negative thoughts about yourself, which will only reinforce them, when you could be telling yourself how great you are

Also, I don't think you should feel humiliated, but it's true that it's better to talk to people you really trust about these things (and someone who knows you well) because they will always humour you when you want to have a moan about yourself and will never forget your true worth.

[jedi]

Thanks all
Every answer was very helpful!

[Gene]

Originally Posted by Simmiah

I can understand where you are coming from Jedi which is funny because right now as I was looking, the "trouble accepting compliment" thread was right next to this one & I thought they were quite similar.

I think that, "Thank you!" is often the most appropriate response to a compliment or a criticism, especially when it induces an emotional response in me. I then have the opportunity to think about my reaction to the comment and re-frame my thoughts and beliefs.

[ethereal]

True humility is to accept the facts as it is. If you're the greatest person in the world, well that's that -- you accept your position and responsibility as who are you are. To do otherwise is just denial

However, one must renounce and surrender the feelings of superiority or entitlement or pride, as this only distorts the truth. Once you renounce the "juice" you get out of whatever it is, then all that remains is the acceptance and pride of the fulfillment of your potential, and there is no need to compete or struggle to keep your attachments to being "better" than others. What is, is.

Don't fall into the trap of pseudo-humility, which is to paradoxically take pride in one's humility as a spiritual pose