Self Respect

[Artelus]

I've decided to dedicate this summer to the concept of self respect.

To be blunt, I haven't been very good at it.

So can someone mentor me, and tell me what to do, so I can master this concept called self respect?

[AaronB]

Respect is an approach that prohibits unrefined forms of expression. The alternative is to allow free range of all expression, which can be offensive. This board for instance requires a certain amount of respect in how you choose to express. While you can express any concept, it must be expressed in a format that is not too offensive.

In this sense, respect has no restriction on the content of what is expressed, but does impose a restriction on how it is expressed. This is beneficial in establishing effective communication.

If I want to learn self respect, this does not impose any restriction at all on what I say to myself, but it does impose restriction on how I say it.

[MarkBrooks]

Meditation is a great tool for personal development.

If you are trying to master the virtue of self respect first intend to become completely independent of the good or bad opinion of others.

Learn to love yourself. Respect and love goes and in hand

[taylor]

I'm amazing. I'm incredible. I'm gorgeous. I'm super smart, funny, fantastic, wise, great, focused, disciplined, interesting. Practically everyone else thinks I'm amazing too.

I can say this kind of ridiculous stuff plainly without bringing up any "nu uh" thoughts. That's self-respect.

Stop criticizing yourself. Stop beating yourself up. Don't compare yourself to others. This is easier said then done, because it takes vigilance to do this when you're used to thinking negatively often throughout the day. You probably don't even realize how much you beat yourself up. That's the first step, see how violent you are with yourself.

A good way to help speed up the process is with affirmations just because they bring up the opposite if you have a limiting belief. If you say "I'm amazing." and part of you goes. "Not really because you're lazy." then you've found your limiting belief. Now you can choose to replace the lazy thought with the amazing thought. Replace self-attack with self-love, self-acceptance.

[ssandra]

Another good question to ask yourself would be;

"How would I treat my very best friend /brother?"

Often, we have more respect for others then we have for ourselves. Asking yourself how you would react (or advice) if it is someone else gives you the answer on what action to take that comes from self respect.

The more you do this, the more it becomes natural to take good care of yourself.

[scotthegeek]

If you have trouble with self respect it might be easier to start with self compassion.

Scott

[sacredtiger]

Originally Posted by Artelus

I've decided to dedicate this summer to the concept of self respect.

To be blunt, I haven't been very good at it.

So can someone mentor me, and tell me what to do, so I can master this concept called self respect?

I would say start with being honest to yourself and understand that everything is neither good nor bad. Positive and negative are things we tend to add labels to. Start off being honest and sift through what you may label to yourself as positive/negative and relinquish the title that you tend to associate with it. For instance if there is something you like about yourself keep it intact but things you feel you need to work on in terms of characteristics reinterpret them to keep your thoughts about yourself from being negative. Self respect is not earned but more or less realized and once you're at that state that you undeniably respect yourself it only tends to grow from further experience.

[Carey Herbert]

Hello Artelus,
I'm Carey, and I believe that I have a little something to share. It's from my upcoming e book. I still don't have a title, but oh well, I think it fits here.

The Merging Of Success And Honor:

Success is in the blood. There are men whom fate can never keep down. They march forward in a jaunty manner, and take by divine right the best of everything that the earth affords. But their success is not attained by means of corruption, or ill-doing. They do not lie in wait, nor scheme, nor fawn, nor seek to adapt their sails to catch the breeze of popular favor.

Still, they are ever alert and alive to any good that may come their way, and when it comes they simply appropriate it, and tarrying not, move steadily on.

That's where I'm at, and I truly believe that success and self mastery is attainable by anyone, within their own means, and what it means to them.
I've come to the realization that success, self esteem, personal development, and the setting and achieving of goals, are all tied together, and one affects the other. With me, I have GREATLY noticed that my self esteem goes up by NOT focusing on self esteem, but by diving in with my whole heart into my goals, and a bigger picture that I've laid out for myself.

When I accomplish a new goal, my self esteem is reinforced. On the flipside of that, I have the confidence to achieve success BECAUSE of my self esteem, and that is something that IS achievable by anyone. It's kind of a cycle. I'm not trying to convince you of anything, because that would be pointless. Just trying to share a little here, so that you can realize it for yourself.

Thanks,
Carey

[C33]

The Merging Of Success And Honor:

Success is in the blood. There are men whom fate can never keep down. They march forward in a jaunty manner, and take by divine right the best of everything that the earth affords. But their success is not attained by means of corruption, or ill-doing. They do not lie in wait, nor scheme, nor fawn, nor seek to adapt their sails to catch the breeze of popular favor.

Still, they are ever alert and alive to any good that may come their way, and when it comes they simply appropriate it, and tarrying not, move steadily on.

That's where I'm at, and I truly believe that success and self mastery is attainable by anyone, within their own means, and what it means to them.
I've come to the realization that success, self esteem, personal development, and the setting and achieving of goals, are all tied together, and one affects the other.

This is such a great concept!

It might help to think of self-respect as being self-honoring as well as honorable in the world.

[Pandorous12]

Self-respect means you take care of yourseft and don't let anybody hurt you.

When you found yourself in a negative situation, you will want to get out of it, such as abuse, dispectful people, bankrupsy - that is called sef respect.

People with self respect will not tolerate negative situations. People will not harm theirself. They will not smoke, drink or get high, because they do't want be in self-destuctive patterns

It is about taking good care of yourself.

[Hampshire Girl]

Hi Artelus,

If you let us know what you don't respect about yourself, that might be a good starting point and help focus any forthcoming advice from this board.

1) Can you give us 3 examples that you think summarise your own lack of self-respect?

2) Describe how you want to feel about yourself if you attain your goal of increasing your self-respect

HG

[meanttobehappy]

Self respect is the fruit of other things. I don't want rapists to feel self-respect. They lack a core that is respectable. Self-respect is also about the way we treat ourselves and how we allow others to treat us. Here are a few thoughts on the issue:

1. Live your life worthy of respect. Develop those traits that draw respect from others. There are reasons why the Gandhis of the world are respected almost automatically and the Hitlers are not, and shouldn't be.

2. Assuming a certain degree of decency in you, focus on that as the defining element of who you are. Our mistakes and shortcoming rarely are the dominant part of us. So work on the shortcomings and focus on the higher parts of your character as the defining qualities of who you are.

3. Get involved in a group or with a cause that blesses others. It could be an environmental group or a group that serves runaways or recovering addicts or whatever. Living a life of meaning and purpose adds an element of respect to that life. Again, that's why we think the way we do about Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. and Mother Theresa and the like.

4. Require others to speak to you respectfully. Speak to yourself using the words and tones of a person worthy of respect. Set that standard and enforce it with grace and dignity. Over time, you will feel what at first may seem contrived and artificial.

Hope something here helps!