How would one go about bring up repressed memories from child hood of dead mother?

[russianrocket]

my mom died when I was 6. I literally only have one memory of her, and barely. No one ever talked about the past, because we came from the hell of soviet russia, and my dad wanted to repress it himself.

So now I'm left with a void. It's been 20 years now, and I have no idea how to bringg back any memories. Just doesn't seem right that I can't remember ANYTHING about my own mother, yet have so many other memories of 6 years old, and even going all the way back to 3. Clear vivid memories.

[elucidate]

Does your father have any photos, or did he get rid of them when she died?

Is there anyway you can trace her relatives, or friends? They might have photos which could trigger memories for you?

[ssandra]

I'd try hypnosis. But in this case I'd go to someone and see that person in person. There is a reason the mind represses memories and that is to protect you. That protection can be unnecessary now (it could have been about protecting your dad as well), but just in case, being with someone in person, in case you have a bad reaction is something I'd strongly suggest.

[russianrocket]

I just realized, that every girl I've ever gone out with... has had a mother die when she was roughly the same age as when mine died.

Cept one, who said her father died. Only to later have me learn that she lied, and her father left cause he was a drunk. But that relationship was a huge lie all around.


Still weird tho, right?

[russianrocket]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Does your father have any photos, or did he get rid of them when she died?

Is there anyway you can trace her relatives, or friends? They might have photos which could trigger memories for you?

Photos yeah, but it hasn't helped much at all. I see them but don't feel or remember anything. I don't even remember or feel love for her

[elucidate]

That sounds sad, but I'm inclined to agree with sandra. The mind represses things for a reason, and perhaps it's best not to force anything, regardless of how much you want to?

Eventually things will surface when they are meant to.

[supertom]

Originally Posted by russianrocket

I just realized, that every girl I've ever gone out with... has had a mother die when she was roughly the same age as when mine died.

Still weird tho, right?

Did you know about their mother before you decided to date or did it come up after?

A good hypnotherapist will be able to decide if its OK to bring these memories to the surface.

[garentee]

I lost my mother early and have few memories as well.. I have tried many different things with minimal success.. I mentioned this to a therapist and he said that sometimes its a good thing to not have those memories.. when you are ready they may well come up..

[RobbiePringle]

Originally Posted by russianrocket

my mom died when I was 6. I literally only have one memory of her, and barely. No one ever talked about the past, because we came from the hell of soviet russia, and my dad wanted to repress it himself.

So now I'm left with a void. It's been 20 years now, and I have no idea how to bringg back any memories. Just doesn't seem right that I can't remember ANYTHING about my own mother, yet have so many other memories of 6 years old, and even going all the way back to 3. Clear vivid memories.

Obviously this is something that's going to bother you for a very long time.

Unless, that is, you one day decide you're going to feed your attention on who you are outwith your story. Because, really, whether we're running away from what we don't like - what is hurting - or facing up to it, in the hope we can change it, fill in the gaps, see it in a diffferent light etc. we're still dealing with cans of worms and is there happiness there?

Maybe if we stop imagining what it is in us that needs to get fixed we can be happy?

Maybe if we can stop worrying about who we are, and where we have been, we can see what is passing us by?

Maybe in the seeing of what is here in the now, we can relax and be at peace with the world?

At the end of the day it's all down to resolve: what do you want?

If you were wanting to know more of your mother, out of simple curiousity, then there's no harm in looking, you've got to keep looking. But voids are tricky things to fill and maybe your mother's memory would be better served by just letting go.

Think about it. You die. You leave your children behind. Would you rather they mourned you forever, or that they chose to be happy by simply enjoying their everyday life?

Hurts heal through just letting go; there's nothing needs fixing but the idea that something needs fixing.

[russianrocket]

I don't wanna mourn forever. I just don't like that I repressed it. There is nothing hiding that will upset me. I have never greived, and would like to do so, and once I'm done with that, I move on. Who knows what my memories might hold, that could tell me why I am the way I am. I don't think releasing them is gonna hurt me tho.

Just because my mind repressed it, doesn't mean it knows what's best for me right?

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by russianrocket

I don't wanna mourn forever. I just don't like that I repressed it. There is nothing hiding that will upset me. I have never greived, and would like to do so, and once I'm done with that, I move on. Who knows what my memories might hold, that could tell me why I am the way I am. I don't think releasing them is gonna hurt me tho.

Just because my mind repressed it, doesn't mean it knows what's best for me right?

It always is for your best interest. However, that interest might (MIGHT) be outdated.

For example; you could have repressed it because it hurt your dad too much to think about this so your mind protected you from something that your dad though would hurt.

I'm not saying to let it go. I think it is only natural and normal to want to know more, especially if your dad isn't talking.

The only advice I give is to do this with a professional. Hypnosis (I think) will work best because the memories are in there somewhere, the problem is accessing those memories.

But do it with someone who is trained to know what to do if you get a panic attack, huge waves of grieve etc. None of that may happen, but if it does, it is safer for your mental health to be with someone who can handle that.