How to make your own decision ?

[Simi]

Respectable Members,
Hello to all,

I am 25 years old girl. I am software Engineer and working outside to my city.
First time I came out so far from home and encounter to my weakness. I wish to share my weakness with all of u to get overcome.

I felt that still I am so young who never see the world. I am good looking but not smart. Anybody make me fool and also I accept it because I don’t have opposing power. Although now I want change my attitude. Please give your suggestion and help me to come out from my weakness. I am ready to go for all the positive changes and to set my mind up.

I could able to go against of anything, anything means anything no matter how important it to my career or life. Infect before today I never feel to do strongly oppose. There are so many light matters that can be either solves or I accept it as solution. But now I feel that this attitude lead others to rule over me and direct me according to them. On few matter they will ask me for suggestion but most of them are pre-decided.

I am quite hesitating or shy girl. I am not able to do negotiation or bargaining during shopping. I don’t want to do discussion with blue-choler worker group. I am also not at all expressive.

My problem is that as till today I accept their solution as final and last one. But now according to my level of understanding I felt that there are better solution or solution can be modify. However I don’t have confidence that whatever be my solution is right or not, even I don’t have strength to say anything about my view to my dears. Actually my attitude never allow me to go against there decision and keep my point in front of them.


Due to my attitude everyone set their mind that whatever they decide I can accept it.
I want to change this vision. I want to change my attitude in such a way that nobody can hurt and I become able to take decision.

I request to the entire experience people please suggest me right way. My especially request to all mother who understand problem of there young girl.


Thanks & Regards

[bellbird]

Pjyothi, I think Simi is thinking more of a parctical answer then getting her brain re-wrired (looks like spamming to me).
Simi congratulations on making the decision to become more assertive and expressing what you want. Just take it step by step and try reacting differently to what you would have done before. By doing so, you will get other reactions from people and will learn by practising. Good on you for making the effort!

I felt that still I am so young who never see the world. I am good looking but not smart. Anybody make me fool and also I accept it because I don’t have opposing power. Although now I want change my attitude. Please give your suggestion and help me to come out from my weakness. I am ready to go for all the positive changes and to set my mind up.

You are most likely not giving yourself enough credit. You have started a thread on this forum already! In the beginning you might find it daunting to give your own opinion, even when it's different from other people's, but try to be true to yourself. Don't let someone 'rule over you' ever. You have your own life to live and you are a strong independant woman who can do anything you can put your mind and heart to.

There is a great thread on the forum at the moment about intelligence. It says that actually from research it has come to light that intelligence can be improved upon by effort and trying over and over. It's not something you're born with as such that it cannot be changed, it can. You can read more about it on Developer's thread:
ww.stevepavlina.com/forums/emotional-mastery/5714-effort-effect.html
I have found it very interesting myself.
By making the effort to stand up for yourself I'm sure you will be happy with how you feel when you do. Good luck!

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Simi
I am 25 years old girl. I am software Engineer and working outside to my city.

Simi… sometimes, in order to change… we have to reach what is called, “the threshold of tolerance…” that is, we have to get so disgusted with a situation that we decide that we will simply not take it anymore… something has to change… and it has to change right now…

You say that you are pretty… and to become a software engineer… you obviously have to be intelligent… so, you are as good as anybody else…

So, my advice to you would be to get really angry… and tell yourself that you will not stand for that situation anymore… and that you will stand on our own two feet from now on… and that nobody… but nobody is going to push you around…

If you get angry enough… and determined enough… you can do it…

At first, it may be hard… because people around you will be surprised at your new attitude and will not know exactly how to react… but after awhile… it will become normal… and, you and those around you will adapt to this new situation… the little kitten will have turned into a strong and determined tiger…

Good luck to you…

.