No guts, no glory, right?

[James81]

It seems almost surreal to be finally saying this but:

I am officially giving notice to quit my job tomorrow.

And, funnily enough, the universe/God/whatever is wanting me to take a risk here. I was trying to minimize my risk in whatever ways I could, thinking I'd be able to hang onto my job until the end of the summer. But, I went to orientation this weekend and realized that the schedule for summer classes are going to take up a large portion of the day, three days per week. If I wanted to work part time at my job, I could work Monday's in the mornings, and all day friday (essentially, about 12 hours per week). I thought I'd be having evening classes and would be able to work closer to 20 or 30 hours per week.

But, it officially looks like I'll be giving my notice tomorrow, and that by the end of this month I will be leaving.

And, well, let's just say that I'm scared to death (which is why this is in this forum).

I'm kinda laying it all on the line here. And there's lots of elements here in the beginning that could screw me down the line (like not passing the Praxis test in time is one of them).

This is my life under pressure. And it seems I've done some of my best work under pressure.

When you get past the pressure and the fear, though, there is a little celebration going on inside of me. It signifies a very sharp turn in the road for me, and the ending of pretty much a whole decade of my life in this field.

[curiouslyrandom]

W00t w00t! Go James! You're ready for this next step. It's about time.

[pyrogen]

Good luck to you, James. It seems it's time.

[ChrisGinsburg]

I've shifted gears many times without an apparent safety net. Each time only bigger and better things have occurred for me. No worries James, I swear we are rewarded for our courage no matter how crazy and illogical it may seem.

[Indiana]

Good for you, James. Leap, and the net will appear.

[brendannz]

Someones signature on this forum says that life expands or shrinks in according to your courage...

And so I'm pretty certain you'll look back on your life and won't be thinking "if only I hadn't quit my job" It will be an awesome leap..

gotta trust gut instinct with these things, I think..

[ellie]

It's funny for the first time ever, I did the same thing twice last year. I had no back-up or job to run too...but it backfired with one...they didn't want me to leave, but it worked at really well...they changed things to suit my needs and everything is so much better.

The other place I left, well it was just the right time. They were lovely, but I had done what I needed to accomplish with that job.

There really is something about taking a risk and jumping into the unknown. I just had this huge feeling that everything would work out the way it was meant to.

[Criseyde]

Kiss James goodbye, he's defyyyyyyyyying gravity!

For serious though, that's awesome. Good luck. PS: I think the Praxis will be fine.

[180]

Go James!

Just remember to do it charmingly, you always can use positive recommendations in the future.

[AlmostGodess]

Sounds exciting Let us know how you felt and if your colleagues regret loosing you.

[Mounds]

Good luck, buddy. It's a big step and it should be worth it. Be sure to respect the process and it won't screw you over.

-Tim

[marinik]

Originally Posted by brendannz

Someones signature on this forum says that life expands or shrinks in according to your courage...

You mean mine?

Back to James: I wish all the luck. Change is always good!!!! congrats!

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by marinik

You mean mine?

Yup indeed, couldn't think off the top of my head where it came from

[AKLight]

Congrats, James! I quit my job in March. I know how you feel. I wouldn't trade the fear and pressure I sometimes have now for the security I had two months ago. I'm way too alive now to go back. Kick some ass.

[Divajules]

Good for you, James. I am very proud of you. I quit my job last year so I completely understand how f'n scary it is.

You can do this! Congratulations. You are going to do awesome, I just know it!

[NoJobRob]

Well today's the 3rd... You put your notice in yesterday, right? How'd it go?

[James81]

Originally Posted by NoJobRob

Well today's the 3rd... You put your notice in yesterday, right? How'd it go?

Boss was gone all today and we were out in the field with a group of employees all day yesterday. I'm hoping to get in to talk to him tomorrow.

In other news, it's kind of amazing how, in the beginning of applying for this program, it really reinforced and showed me all my strengths.

Because now, just the opposite is starting to happen. As the weight of this comes more and more onto my shoulders, I'm beginning to feel the little shades of weakness in me surface up. It's exposing the weak spots, the parts that feel like they want to buckle under the weight of this whole thing.

The admissions director got inside my head today, and for a brief instant she made it seem like they were going to eject me already because I had failed the Praxis test. She said she was calling the head of the program to see what is going on. For about an hour, I was thinking that my foray into this thing was over before it even started. And then, a one sentence email from the admissions director saying that the program coordinator said I had to pass the Praxis by August 20th (something I already knew). And then the said "so your admission is provisional." I just have a weird feeling about this particular coordinator. She kinda "came at" me today, throwing doubts my way, and hem-hawing like I hadn't already been accepted. So freaking strange.

Initially it made me angry. Angry that I had been to the orientation already and now all of a sudden it was like I hadn't already been accepted. And then it sort of dawned on me that it appears that the program coordinator sees something in me or else that phone call today would've changed her mind. I think she believes I can do it, when I'm starting to doubt like a mo fo.

I've paid attention to my thoughts today, and it's been about that admissions director. And my initial reaction has been to "run away." Or to apply to another school. And I keep reminding myself that that is just my fear talking. That's my own self doubt and my own perception of what is going on here. That these are great big ole signposts for me that the integrity inside of me has some weak spots. That I've been telling myself for 10 years that I can't do this, and now I've got to find reasons for how I CAN, and lay it on the line, and take the damn risk already.

Been an interesting swirly-headed day here. I log onto facebook tonight and over in the top right corner is the fan pages they suggest based on what your friends like...and the page that was up there was "I can do all things" (was all I could see)...and when I clicked on it it was a christian page actually, but I thought it was really cool that that was all I could see. It was actually "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me".

It's actually kind of a nice page. As I was reading down through some of the posts on that page, I came across this scripture:

Matthew 17:20 | He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”

And, I gotta admit, that made me well up. (that scripture holds a special personal meaning for me that one day I hope to share with the world )

What a nice reminder from the universe for how I used to kick ass academically. It was the faith...the strong confidence that I had what it took to pass any class I took. A confidence and a faith that was shaken from my last experience with college.

I love being reminded of those three words...all things possible. That's coming at me from many different sources these days. All I need is possible.

[Shade]

No gut, no glory...!

Very well said, very well said, bro!

[starlequin]

Originally Posted by James81

I am officially giving notice to quit my job tomorrow.

Yay! I quit my job of five years last month!

Originally Posted by James81

And, funnily enough, the universe/God/whatever is wanting me to take a risk here.

Intuitively I was getting the same nudge. More like shove really. I was a bit doubtful because I have a year of school left to go, but I was definitely getting the endings / its time to go feeling.

Originally Posted by James81

And, well, let's just say that I'm scared to death (which is why this is in this forum).

I channel all my fear into excited and enthusiastic energy. I finally get to do something totally different than I was doing! It's like an adventure. People respond favorably to that energy too. It's great for interviewing if you can have that sparkle in your eye and enthusiasm in your voice.

[Magician]

hey, bro, how are you doing so far, any update for us?

[James81]

Originally Posted by Magician

hey, bro, how are you doing so far, any update for us?

Yes, I've been putting it off all day.

I had no idea that I would have this much hesitation about actually doing this. I thought I would just run and skip and jump from the building.

I'm not entirely sure why this seems like something really hard to do.

[James81]

Originally Posted by James81

I'm not entirely sure why this seems like something really hard to do.

Well, I actually do know why (and it's something that just came to me rather than something to "figure out").

I remember as a kid I was the daredevil. Lots of times I'd get dared to do something risky (like drive my bike down over a steep shale bank for instance) and I was the one who always did it. But before I'd do it, I would just sit there and look at it and think about it and think about it and hesitate, all the while feeling exactly what I'm feeling right now about standing up, walking over to his office, and telling him the news.

And then, out of nowhere, I'd just *decide* to do it and that would be that.

Kind of interesting to see that in play in my adult life. I suppose I could do without all the belaboring and waiting, but if history serves itself, I'm but mere moments away from saying "**** it, I'm doing it".

[beast]

Have you done it yet?

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by beast

Have you done it yet?

I dare you?

[James81]

I hemmed and hawed all week, but the deed is done. And it wasn't too bad. My boss is a pretty good guy.

[cacheborn]

Wish you the best.

In my case the change was gradual. My contract was over in one place and I did not put much enthusiasm in finding a new job.

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

congrats....seems like a lot of pavlinites are making some big breaks lately, and I think this is the beginning of a wave.

[AlmostGodess]

So how did that make you feel?

[James81]

Originally Posted by AlmostGodess

So how did that make you feel?

It feels good. Freeing. I am seeing this place in a new light now, compared to how I saw it before. It's a temporary situation again and not "the rest of my life" and it's amazing the difference that makes.

There's lingering fears and doubts looming, but I feel like I've officially let go of my death grip on this place. You know how you grab a hold of something really tight for a really long time and when you finally let go you feel the aches in your hands residually for a while? That's kinda how it feels. Like I just let go and there's the residual stuff there.

Kind of an interesting feeling. And something that hasn't totally sunk in yet.

[AlmostGodess]

Originally Posted by James81

It feels good. Freeing. I am seeing this place in a new light now, compared to how I saw it before. It's a temporary situation again and not "the rest of my life" and it's amazing the difference that makes.

There's lingering fears and doubts looming, but I feel like I've officially let go of my death grip on this place. You know how you grab a hold of something really tight for a really long time and when you finally let go you feel the aches in your hands residually for a while? That's kinda how it feels. Like I just let go and there's the residual stuff there.

Kind of an interesting feeling. And something that hasn't totally sunk in yet.

You sound a bit melancholic, but this is part of the package I guess. Life will reward you for your courage.