Help dealing with accepting help/compliments

[blueflame]

I grew up in a family that was pretty big on "tough love". We always teased/playfully insulted each other as a sign of affection. We never really used compliments. I've found that I'm particularly bad at accepting them without looking like a jerk. They're just so unexpected sometimes that I'm not sure how to react. At first I would even forget to say thank you, stare at the person, and usually take some time to gather my thoughts. By then, when I'm ready to react more politely, I usually have made the other person lose interest because they think I'm being rude. I'm also pretty bad at accepting help, and I will almost never ask for it. A lot of times I don't even think or realize that help would make things easier. It has gotten better as I've worked on it, but its still difficult for me to ask. I'm not quite sure how to correct this behavior and haven't gotten very far in changing it. Anyone know any way at all to deal with this? It's really getting to be an issue, especially when I really need help.

[Shamou]

Hello blueflame...

When receiving a compliment... you should simply say, "Thank you" smile... and get on with the conversation as if nothing had happened... that is the way that a person with self-confidence would react...

I'm also pretty bad at accepting help, and I will almost never ask for it.

When accepting help from someone... you are actually paying a compliment to that person... you are effectively saying to that person that he or she knows more about that subject than you do... so... they will be pleased and flattered...

Not being able to accept help is misplaced pride... there will always be someone who knows more than you do about a certain subject... so, there is no shame in accepting help...

BTW - could you lend me $20.00 that would be a great help...

.

[Jill]

We also have a previous thread on this topic which may interest you:
Accepting Compliments

[Freelancer]

You might try vizualizing somebody giving you a totally unexpected compliment, than imagine yourself responding with a smile and a thank you.

If you do that often enough it should get integrated into your subconscious to the point when someone gives you a compliment you smile and say thank you and THAN you proceed to think about it.

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Freelancer

You might try vizualizing somebody giving you a totally unexpected compliment, than imagine yourself responding with a smile and a thank you.

You might even want to practice live if you have a good friend who will help you.

You might feel like a bit of a dill, but that's exactly what you're practicing to get over.