I Am My Past

[Cado]

I've experienced a number of upheavals as of late, the details of which do not belong on a public forum. However, I'll share this much:

There was a deep, pervasive belief that nothing I can or will do matters as much as what I've done. As the the thread title states, "I am my past." I'd been fighting it since I was too young to have a past. The notion that I would become the things I hated terrified me for as long as I can remember.

Then came a breakthrough. "I concede; I am my past." What I realized is that my fear was drawing from snapshots of my life as opposed to the whole picture, and while I'd counter it with examples to the contrary I was unconsciously responding from desperation. I had to prove it wrong. It never occurred to me that the same belief structure which caused me to torment myself could be turned to my advantage.

For every instance where I was weak-willed and ineffectual I can name a situation where I held my ground or exceeded expectations. Indeed there's one moment in particular that proves I have always possessed the raw materials to be the person I want to be-I was in a church on stage as a preacher proclaimed "these children are being moved by the spirit!" and one by one the others who'd come with me fell into the arms of the adults behind them as I stood there, dumbfounded as to why I felt nothing. They told me to play along but I refused until one of my parents came up to get me.

Now that's my anchor. Whenever self-doubt rears its head I shout back all the louder, citing moments where I proved my worth.

It's still a limiting belief that will need to be changed but I've come to realize the important thing is not that I adopt the "correct" frame of mind but that I gain ground as rapidly as I can by whatever means are necessary. I am many things, my past included, and so long as I remember to continuously expand my perception there's no danger in admitting this-

I am my past.

[Angelique]

How does that make you feel?

[veloci]

I acknowledge that you are a result of your past: a combination of genes and experiences.

I acknowledge that your interpretations of your past experiences and events made who you are today.

You are but your interpretations. A being who used to succumb to fear now overcoming his fear by proving his worth. Congratulations. You found a method that works in your favor to change your interpretations!

I am happy for you mate! =]

[taylor]

Originally Posted by Illustro Cado

I was in a church on stage as a preacher proclaimed "these children are being moved by the spirit!" and one by one the others who'd come with me fell into the arms of the adults behind them as I stood there, dumbfounded as to why I felt nothing. They told me to play along but I refused until one of my parents came up to get me.

You little rebel you!

That means there has always been that courage and integrity in you just waiting to express itself at the opportune time. You've been preparing for your destiny your whole life and even in the dark aspects of your past you were learning how you don't want to be in the future. It was all a part of your growth process which is accelerating in you now.

[Cado]

Originally Posted by Angelique

How does that make you feel?

Like this.

[marinik]

So sorry you had go through all that and so young. Those years are meant to be free and careless.

And there is a lesson for me to I needed to hear. Yes I have held my ground much more often than not.

Love m

[scotthegeek]

I think what we do in the present determine our future but it dose seem that if we are not careful our present is determine by our past.

Scott

[Angelique]

Originally Posted by Illustro Cado

Like this.

Awesome! I wish you well.