Need help defeating a potentially life ruining sexual habit :(

[Anxious]

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year, and we've had an amazing relationship all throughout that year, yet once again, like many times before, i'm left worried, concerned, and i admittedly, need help before i do something i'll regret.

My girlfriend and I enjoy a healthy sex life, but often we get so swept away that, in the heat of the moment we engage in unprotected sex that afterward has me left worried and disappointed in myself. while nothing has happened so far, i'd rather not wait for a rude awakening and I know I needto do something about this 'habit'. It's not always like this, but at times, particularly 'quickies', protection goes unnoticed.

I'm well aware of the consequences, but when push comes to shove, rationality goes out the window and lust takes over. So what i really want, is how can I change and condition myself to realise the urgency and absolute need of protected sex? how can I convince my mind constantly to at all times be wary of my responsibilities and actions? i've thought about maybe a 30-day trial or intention-manifestation, but i haven't come up with anything concrete.

I just need a way to finally ram it into my brain, that its important, at all times, to be more disciplined and responsible, to have integrity in the moment of choice...

[Zukin]

Why not try visualization?

When you have a few minutes, relax and lie down and imagine yourself about to have unprotected sex. Then, visualize yourself slipping on a condom. Eventually this will condition your mind to associate sex with using protection, just like basketball players will visualize making free throws, which becomes a conditioned response and pays off during a game.

[ZHereford]

You have the ability to make the choice whether to have protected or unprotected sex.

It's very simple. If you don't have protection there is a good chance pregnancy will be the result.

You must be willing to take the risk if you're not doing anything about it. You should ask yourself why.

[Lola]

Originally Posted by Anxious

...but often we get so swept away that, in the heat of the moment we engage in unprotected sex that afterward has me left worried and disappointed in myself...I'm well aware of the consequences, but when push comes to shove, rationality goes out the window and lust takes over...

Hmmmmmm....I used to have this problem. The little "consequence" is 6'2", 210 lbs, and 22 years old now! Other consequences - dropping out of college "temporarily" to get a job in order to house, feed, clothe and provide little consequence with medical coverage, entering the child-rearing arena while I was still little more than a child myself, driving a mini-van when I'm really much more of a little convertible kind of girl , and putting personal life goals on hold to do all the things required of a responsible parent.

Like ZHereford says, I encourage you to seriously evaluate why you're willing to take the risk. Generally we only engage in behavior from which we receive a payoff. What's the payoff here? (Other than unencumbered hot sex, of course!)

As far as how to break the habit - try the visualization thing. Visualize no sleep for weeks on end, visualize being broke most of the time because babies are so expensive, visualize you and your girlfriend haggard and on edge, visualize an infant that cries non-stop and you don't know why, visualize the terror you can feel when you realize there's a little human who is 100% dependent on you, visualize the terror you feel when the school calls and says things like "the paramedics think they should take him directly to the ER", visualize working for less than you're worth at jobs that never fully utilize your potential because you don't have a degree...

I could go on! (Just ask my son about my infamous "It's your sperm" lecture!)

But I will say one more thing - about your title - It won't ruin your life. It just changes it.

[YouseffTheSheep]

If you guys are having sex all the time, in places other than your house, you should probably carry some condoms with you, that's pretty easy.

Also, if you are having sex at your house, I should slap you. You should have a box of condoms within 2 ft of your bed.

Take control of yourself, guide your gear, not the other way around.

[Erin Pavlina]

See if she is willing to use some birth control. There are a lot of options out there now. Safe sex is a two way street and everyone's responsibility.

[C33]

I suggest you do something good for a harried mom and you and your girlfriend offer free babysitting for a whole day...

[Shamou]

This may sound harsh Anxious... but my advice to you is simple, "grow up"...

.

[fourthdan]

lol, i know this isn't entirely relavant, but i found these posters brilliant. they're actually a french advertisement to prevent AIDS through unprotected promiscuity

[Dani]

The Pill. As Erin pointed out.

Most of my ex girlfriends and I wanted to be rid of the condom burden, so they went on the pill.

There is also one for males that will apparently be available soonish. No idea when though...

[Michelle]

Using condoms suck, which is the reason why disease and accidental pregnancy aren't going away.

The pill sucks, too, because it literally changes the composition of your body. It changes who you are, it takes away libido and it is awful for the enviroment. It is literally poison.

Believe it or not there are non-hormonal options out there which are just as effective as hormonal. There are only 6 days per month when a woman can get pregnant. I started using this computer/thermometer a bit over a month ago and am ecstatic about the results. It is a lot cheaper than using the pill (it lasts 10 years), doesn't hurt my body or the environment while offering protection just as reliable as the pill.

[Anxious]

Thank you so much everyone for all the comments, harsh or not, they were all very helpful, so thankyou.

The idea about alternative contraception methods seems interesting and i'll certainly consider talking about it with my girlfriend. thank you in particular 'lola', your insights were very eye opening to the issue and its great to hear from your first hand experience, there were consequences there that... are hard to have ever even considered until its far too late. Visualisation sounds like a great technique, i'll do my best to enforce just how important this issue is and at all times.

I do feel that i need to somewhat grow up to the issue, to be smart and to think/consider my priorities. In fact, that's one of the key things I'm also reevaluating, perhaps i'm not thinking about sex in the way i should be? perhaps instead of some mindless lustful act it should be more of an 'intimate love-making' session that i share with my girlfriend?

thanks again for everything

[Jesse E]

Did you consider that perhaps some part of you wants to have a baby with your girlfriend?