Fear or just worried?

[dacanay]

Hi there,

For years i have been suffering from i dont know if its fear of death or worry or maybe like someone said in another post that 'iam not afraid to die, i just dont
WANT to" well anyway, iam 17 right now and i dont wanna die until iam atleat 80 and have done the things i want to with life, i still have goals and dreams i want to accomplish and i am afraid/DONT WANT TO die in the process of achieving my goals.

An example, what if you worked really hard for something and you finally get it.
wouldnt you be afraid to die? coz if you do you wouldnt be able to enjoy that ting you have worked so hard for. What do you guys think of this? How bout you succesful people or you people working towards your goals? arent you afraid of dying and not being able to enjoy the things you love anymore?;

Can anyone tell me how to deal with this or anything that could help me get over this..


thank you very much

[rene_stpierre]

Hi,

Being afraid of dying, in a way, can be good if you get diagnosed with a bad disease (like cancer). Your fear of dying might help you to win your battle against the disease.

However, I really think you need to find a way to let go of that fear. Otherwise it might hold you back in the pursuit of your goals and dreams.

You need to focus on things you control. I don't think anyone controls the time or circumstances of our death, aside from suicide.

Focus on what you need to do to reach your goals and achieve your dreams ... things you control and let go of fears you don't.

René

[dacanay]

Originally Posted by rene_stpierre

However, I really think you need to find a way to let go of that fear. Otherwise it might hold you back in the pursuit of your goals and dreams

René

Yes, it is precisely what i need to do..thats why i posted here, you gave really good points but what about dying at an early age? iam just worried about that, i guess its more of a worry.. what if i die and i dont get to live my life anymore? Dont successful,rich people worry about that? like dying and losing everything you have and achieved or not having the chance to achieve them?

[Angela]

Dacanay, I think that no matter how old a person is when she dies, for the most part it strikes her as an early age to be dying.

You are not alone in your fear of death. Of course it's scary, and we can all comfort each other in that fear of dying and losing everything we "have" and "have accomplished." Please remember, though: who your are is not what you have, and who you are is not what you have or have not accomplished. Who you are is not the goals you wish to reach, and you are not the children you have born already or have only dreamed about. Who you really are is not the scared thoughts.

Who you are is: Right Now. (and right now, and right now.) Who you are is: the consciousness that is aware that there's a you thinking the scared thoughts. The more you identify with the thoughts you have, worrried, happy, whatever, the tighter you hold onto them, they more you think the thoughts are who you are, and the more worried you get. That's why sometimes the richest and most "successful" people are the ones that are the most frightened of death -- they think they "are" their success, or their belongings, or their status. When will the be ready to let go of all that? When you will be ready? Don't get me wrong: you can have all the goals and success and property and status you wish for, but how free would you be if you realized that they don't make one iota of difference to who you ARE?

Some wonderful person posted here awhile ago: "Live like a dog." A dog is completely clear and unfettered by worry, because she's too busy living right here in the moment. "Fear" to her means immediate threat or intuitive drive to action (grrrrr...) Would living like a dog make a difference for you? I know it would for me.

Lots of love to you, and remember we're all in this together.

Angela

[dacanay]

Good point,

But what about people who dont really care about the fact that tommorrow might be their last day. I just want to get to a point where i wouldnt care whether or not i die tommorow and just not be worried or afraid of death.. can anyone help me there?


thank you

[Lychee]

Your focus is on dying. What about focusing on living? You said you want to do many things before you die and that you have many goals. Imagine yourself with those goals. How would it feel to have it now? What would you want to do to achieve your goals...after your goals are achieved?

If you look back on your life, I'm sure you can see instances where everything that happened, good or bad, happened for a reason. Look at this period of an extreme fear of death as the same. This is happening for a reason and it will pass. Maybe it is happening for you to understand the importance of living and life.

You asked "What if you worked really hard for something and you finally get it. Wouldn't you be afraid to die?" No, because every soul will taste death. No human is immortal or has ever been immortal. Death is inevitable, it is not a choice. But what is a choice is what you do before you die. Are you going to live in the fear of the inevitable? Or are you going to accept it and choose to live a good life?

[dacanay]

i see, thanks for the replies. They really helped me get a better perspective. Though i still dont understand how people can just not be worried about the fact that tommorow might be their last. Or do they just not think about it?

[CoachChar]

Dacanay,
What do you think or expect will happen after death? You seem very concerned with losing what you think matters when you die. I believe that all that matters will remain after death. There will be god and there will be love. Everything else will fall away, being no longer useful. Kind of like the wooden sticks that I used to learn arithematic as a small schoolgirl. Those sticks were a key tool in my math lessons, but once I learned the addition and subtraction I did not keep the sticks. They were mere tools of learning and once I learned my lessons, they ceased to be of value to me.

I believe that we have come to live our lives as physical beings so that we can learn (or remember) the true nature of god. In life we play and experiment with matter and energy, all the while learning about god and love. Then life expires and our souls return home to their source, where I'm hoping that each soul has an opportunity to reflect on this life experience and to harvest wisdom and understanding. For this reason, I'm able to see death as another important part of a good life. When my time comes I'll be ready. One way to stay ready is to live fully in the here and now so that I have no need for regret when it's time for this life to end. I expect death to be such an amazing and profound transition that everything I've created and enjoyed during my life will be quickly relinquished without a moment's hesitation or sadness.

Why do I believe all these things? Because of the reading and research I've done in which credible sources describe near death experiences which emphasize the experience of complete joy, unconditional love, deep compassion and great understanding. Also, there are some really good, reputable psychic mediums like Erin Pavlina (Steve's wife) who have shared a lot about life after death and what they say aligns with what I've read elsewhere.

You're probably wondering, "Well, what if they're wrong?" Then, I'll deal with that when I die. As it is, I'm 34 years old (exactly twice your age ) and wouldn't it be at least a little bit of a shame if I'd spent at least 17 years worrying about death when I could have been thoroughly enjoying life? I think so! And since most (none?) of us knows when we'll die, why not just choose to believe it will be OK and make the most of every moment you have to live?

I'm not even suggesting that you share in my beliefs about death. If you want to believe in purgatory, heaven, hell, fire, brimstone or anything else, that's totally up to you. My main point is that whatever you choose to believe, do what you can to live a life you can feel good about no matter when you die. Something tells me that whether someone is headed to a lake of fire for eternity or a big school/paradise in the clouds that the last thing they're going to be concerned about is the relatively mediocre "stuff" and accomplishments they created and accumulated while alive on earth. There's bigger fish to fry in the great scheme of things.

[CoachChar]

Originally Posted by dacanay

...i still have goals and dreams i want to accomplish and i am afraid/DONT WANT TO die in the process of achieving my goals.

An example, what if you worked really hard for something and you finally get it.
wouldnt you be afraid to die? coz if you do you wouldnt be able to enjoy that ting you have worked so hard for. What do you guys think of this? How bout you succesful people or you people working towards your goals? arent you afraid of dying and not being able to enjoy the things you love anymore?;

One thing I've learned through my experiences is that while it's sweet and great to cross the finish line and actually achieve a goal, the most rich and valuable part of achieving the goal is the actual process of getting there, not the end result. Please don't misunderstand me, I enjoy savoring the moment of victory and celebrating an accomplishment, but honestly, the most interesting parts of my story are the parts when I'm climbing life's proverbial mountains, not the parts when I'm standing on the proverbial summit and taking in the view. Think about the plot of a novel or film. Which parts are the best pageturners, or the part that you definitely don't want to miss? Isn't it the part BEFORE everything is all resolved that is most exciting to experience? That's the journey, not the destination!

One thing you may notice about successful people is that they always have another challenge ahead; another mountain to scale. Therefore, if you intend to be successful, you probably WILL die while in the process of achieving certain goals. And if that happens, you'll be in great company!

I encourage you to view success as a journey or process, not a destination or a discreet event. Most people never "arrive" because in life the road is endless.

[dacanay]

Ok, Thank you very much for all your advice. Though i still havent grasped the concept of no giving a damn that tommorrow might be my last day, i got some good insights that made my mind clearer.
however what would you do then if you found out theres nothing after death? like you just cease to exist..how would you live your life then? believing theres nothing after death.


i would very much appreciate more comments and thoughts from other people also.

[CoachChar]

I'd live as fully as possible because that's the best way I know how to use any moment, be it my first, last or only. One thing I have NOT heard is that worrying about it will somehow make it better.

I can't remember what the blog post is called, but Steve Pavlina wrote about life after death. Can anyone help us locate that post about what happens to our consciousness after we die?

[dacanay]

Yea i know about that post "life after death" and what iam trying to figure out is the thoughts of people on what If our lives end with option two? We just cease to exist, you people wouldnt be worried about this because? of the same reasons you gave me above or would there be new ones now?

After reviewing my feelings and thoughts, i realized iam scared of dying at an early age. Before having enjoyed life, I know Angela said that no matter how old one is, It always strikes them as an early age to be dying. Well i dont mind dying at 80-90 years old. I just dont want to die young, any thoughts on relieving me of this worry and fear?

[YouseffTheSheep]

Dacany, I'm going to be completely honest with you:

Every single person on earth is going to die. Some WILL die young, and some will die old. It is ok to have some fear of death, but once you worry about it all the time, you have crossed a line.

What you need to do is logically talk this out with yourself.

WHAT IF you die? WHAT IF you are really happy, and then all of a sudden you just DIE?

Do you not see something wrong with those questions? 'What If's' are usually not the most productive question.

After you've done all that, try focusing on something important. I'm guessing you have some other problems besides death that need your attention about now anyway, even if you don't see them as "problems".

[Angela]

Originally Posted by dacanay

Well i dont mind dying at 80-90 years old. I just dont want to die young, any thoughts on relieving me of this worry and fear?

We'll check in with you when you're 80 and see if you still don't mind dying!

Seriously, imagine yourself at age 80, on your deathbed, thinking back over your life. Will you have thought it was time well spent, worrying about "what if I die young?" Or will you prefer that your younger self spent those precious seconds thinking thoughts that made you feel good, or using that time to make others feel good?

You are going to die. You can accept that, or you can resist it. Choose! and live the life you have to your utmost. As for ceasing to exist, for billions of years before you were born, you didn't exist. That wasn't so bad, was it?

[bettyboo11]

Dacany,

Hello sweetie.. I see you are having a hard time accepting what other people have said here, even though it's all good advice. I just thought I'd share my experience in case it helps too.

First of all, everyone has their share of fears that they need to overcome in life, so don't feel like a freak for having this fear of death. I have an unnaturally high degree of fear for some situations.. if I am really honest with myself, this is true. But it's all part of the journey to overcome life's challenges, right?

I think a person's fears also change when they grow older, too. I know personally that my set of fears have changed since I was younger. Even though I'm not much older than you (I got 5 years on you tho! =P) When I was really young, I was scared to death of my parents dying or getting sick.. I was just terrified they would leave me because they were my whole world.

Then when I was a little bit older, I was scared of pain. I didn't even mind dying as long as I didn't experience a lot of physical pain.. there are so many ways to suffer.. and all those violent/torture movies in the mainstream don't help either.

Then when at the height of my adolescent ambition, when I wanted to conquer the entire world (mostly for material and social gain, which wasn't the right track anyway).. I was afraid of death too. Death is EVERYWHERE, on the news, around the world, in your neighborhood..even in a prosperous country like the US, it seems like so many people are dying from disease, car and freak accidents, etc.

I'm not sure if I experienced the same level of fear that you did, but eventually these fears just subsided when I realized that thinking/worrying about what if's just isn't productive.

Here are some questions for you to think about:

Are you scared of death in general, or any particular way of dying? Ie disease, car accident.. I suspect those are the most likely ways for an American to die these days. I doubt you are living a high-risk lifestyle.

Are you scared of death because you aren't sure about what happens in the afterlife?

You don't want to die before you "enjoy life." What does this mean to you? Material success? Happiness? Traveling the world? Having a family?

Enjoying life is on a day to day basis. Someone told me once, "How you spend your days is how you spend your life." I know of some people who have lived relatively short lives, but those lives burned with an intensity and passion and they left with a sense of peace. History knows many examples of people like that. You also hear of people who live long lives but are miserable for most of it. Old age alone doesn't mean that someone is enjoying life.

Is this fear/worry of death holding you back in anyway? Are you 'enjoying' life right now? Would you like to spend 80-90 years here feeling the same way you do now? Maybe your worry stems from the fear that you will die before you really start to enjoy life, ie you have a lot of work to do on yourself, development-wise.

Anyways, whatever the case is, I really encourage you to work through it and reflect on it..and overcome it! Life is very precious here, and you are so lucky to be given the chance to live.. good luck!

[dacanay]

Angela, by that time i wouldnt mind at all, i know i have lived my life the way i wanted to I just dont want it to end in an early age before achieving all i want to. But yes i have learned valuable lessons from you as well no doubt about that.

Bettyboo,

Ok, lemme answer your questions. But first you saiod when you were at the height of ambition you were scared of death too. I am very much convinced that iam in that phase you went through, we're basically feeling the same way. So how did you get rid of it?

Iam not sure if i have to answer these questions here but anyway...

Scared of death in general, Iam not scared of dying from accidendts, disease.. its about not having the chance or losing the oppurtunity to do what i want in life.

I dont really mind or care what will happen in the afterlife, all i care about is living a good life HERE.. It wouldnt matter if we just cease to exist

Success, Happiness, contentment, Not before all of that.. Its more of not wanting it to happen before attaining all those, not really fear, Its Not attaining all of those due to death

[Michael Clyde]

I went through some of those phases that bettyboo discussed. I spent many nights crying in my bed at thought of my parents dying. After that phase, I wasted several years terrified of my own death. Death anytime, not just while I am young.

I would worry about my demise several times a day, every day, for years. Say from about 18 to 30 years of age. Some days were much better than others. I like to call these my "Dark Ages." Even though I had this mild depression, I had a lot of ambition and motivation to accomplish my goals. I am still ambitious now, at age 34, without the extreme fear of death. Even though the thought of dying still passes my mind occasionally, it does not bring me down and I dismiss the thoughts very quickly. Okay.... maybe the underlying fear is just as present as it always was, I don't know, but I feel much more hapiness in my life. I know in my heart that this vast increase of hapiness is either from repressing the fear of death, or actually decreasing this fear.

The way I changed is this..... I reached a point in my life (30 years old) where I was totally- fed up with the constant nagging of this worry/fear. I started researching personal development at this time, and worked on changing my thoughts. As mentioned already, focusing on something else really helps. More importantly, you have to totally be aware of your thoughts. When the thought of dying crossed my mind, I immediately cut that thought off at the n*ts and forced other thoughts in my mind. It took some practice, and sometimes thinking about death and another thought at the same time, but it eventually worked. I noticed a difference in a week, with vast improvements in 3 to 4 months. You can't continue life like that, and you can't just sit there and entertain thoughts, ideas and contemplate what ifs. YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

[JerryS]

I think Steve Jobs said that death was the best invention of life - so go for it all! You've only got one shot. Make it count!