Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

ProjectX · 02-11-2011, 04:18 AM

Currently my life feels like a nightmare and I feel like I cannot do anything about it.
My job sucks so much and I hate my boss. It makes me miserable. I hate where I live. I have no prospects and I feel like I can't find another job.
I have no friends or family. I screwed up in college and wasted so many opportunities and years in my life.
I royally screwed up my life and I feel like I can't change anything or make it better. It seems like I have to suffer more and more as each year passes by.
I try to figure out ways, I read Personal Development all the time but I just don't see way out of this hole called my life.

supertom · 02-11-2011, 04:25 AM

Having job is a good start. I think you have to face the truth. The technique in it is a very good,
Overcoming Depression
and also forgiving yourself
The Secret to Forgiving Yourself

If you cant change anything than i think the best choice is to starting feeling good. The answers and solution are there you need to start feeling good if you want your life to be good.

NoJobRob · 02-11-2011, 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ProjectX

Currently my life feels like a nightmare and I feel like I cannot do anything about it.
My job sucks so much and I hate my boss. It makes me miserable. I hate where I live. I have no prospects and I feel like I can't find another job.
I have no friends or family. I screwed up in college and wasted so many opportunities and years in my life.
I royally screwed up my life and I feel like I can't change anything or make it better. It seems like I have to suffer more and more as each year passes by.
I try to figure out ways, I read Personal Development all the time but I just don't see way out of this hole called my life.

I see a lot of my former self in your post. Been there before. Can you still laugh? If you can still laugh then there is still hope. I've had problems with depression in the past and it didn't go away until I fixed the root cause of it, which was all situational. I hated where I was geographically, career-wise, relationship-wise, financially... and then my family moved away. LOL

In addition to what supertom said, I think it would be wise to keep looking for a new job. Working a job you hate is pretty hard to do. What do you do for fun? I used to go see a lot of local bands play at the bars, have a few drinks, and hang out. Events like that are good for making new friends, especially since you all have a common interest: music (and more specifically that type of music).

I think having hope is crucial in life. One always needs to see that light at the end of that dark tunnel that we find ourselves in from time to time. I think you need to do something that will give you hope of some sort, whatever it is. My light at the end of the tunnel was the idea of being my own boss, and not being at anyone's mercy anymore. That gave me a goal, and I worked hard to get there. Having a goal is good too.

Sorry my post sucks. I'm tired and I think I'm getting the flu. LOL

MichaelAnthonyVet · 02-11-2011, 06:43 AM

Big holes call for big moves.

"I read Personal Development all the time but I just don't see way out of this hole called my life."

That's your first mistake. You don't just read personal development, you live it. If you want to make a drastic change, then you need to take drastic measures. If things are really bad, then taking an hour or two to read a book isn't going to change your life. You need to do something big, something grand. Join the military. Go back to school. Quit your job and move. Stick with your job and find a new career. Take a drastic step. And quit reading personal development and start getting out there.

Check out a seminar or something. A lot of successful people recommend the Landmark Forum.

You're not going to find your answer in a book, and even if you did, it's not as easy as finding an answer, you've got to be willing to take the necessary steps.

Quit reading, and just do something. Do something big. If doing A and B have gotten you to where you are, then try doing C and D or E and F, etc, etc.

Good Luck!

dreamlearner · 02-12-2011, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ProjectX

Currently my life feels like a nightmare and I feel like I cannot do anything about it.
My job sucks so much and I hate my boss. It makes me miserable. I hate where I live. I have no prospects and I feel like I can't find another job.
I have no friends or family. I screwed up in college and wasted so many opportunities and years in my life.
I royally screwed up my life and I feel like I can't change anything or make it better. It seems like I have to suffer more and more as each year passes by.
I try to figure out ways, I read Personal Development all the time but I just don't see way out of this hole called my life.

hey that's my situation.I have also stopped looking at future.Some things cant be changed in life.I wont offer cliches but just go through life.Nothing else works.

letoilenmoi · 02-12-2011, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ProjectX

Currently my life feels like a nightmare and I feel like I cannot do anything about it.
My job sucks so much and I hate my boss. It makes me miserable. I hate where I live. I have no prospects and I feel like I can't find another job.
I have no friends or family. I screwed up in college and wasted so many opportunities and years in my life.
I royally screwed up my life and I feel like I can't change anything or make it better. It seems like I have to suffer more and more as each year passes by.
I try to figure out ways, I read Personal Development all the time but I just don't see way out of this hole called my life.

Not to trivialize your situation but I think what brings us all to this forum is that at some point or another, we felt the same way. I am currently in the same situation, I feel like I have really messed up a huge opportunity for myself. But in my case I have no job, tons of debt. No prospects...completely hopeless. But its just not true. I don't know if you are still there, but here is the advice I would give myself:

Dear self , hehe: Life is meant to be an incredible journey, and you are in the driver's seat. You are here to live your best life. There are no limitations or boundaries, unless you erect them yourself. There are few people who are brave enough to see whats beyond this whole game called life. Be bold and continue your search for love and truth. There are no dead ends. People come back and live life fully again after years on drugs and alcohol, crushing debt, disabilities, illness etc. Be bold and have faith.

Be the architect of the life you want...use your imagination! Because what is reality anyways?

Broderick · 02-12-2011, 09:10 PM

Yep...been there, and I second Steve's Overcoming Depression article. That along with listening to the extra DVD commentary on The Secret jump started life in a completely different direction.

What I liked about both of those sources was that they began with feeling good and didn't call for any real consistent physical action like changing my diet or exercising or looking for a new job or pushing myself socially. Those solutions might work, but the only problem was that when I was feeling depressed, I didn't feel like doing jack squat.

adambenedetto · 02-15-2011, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ProjectX

Currently my life feels like a nightmare and I feel like I cannot do anything about it.
My job sucks so much and I hate my boss. It makes me miserable. I hate where I live. I have no prospects and I feel like I can't find another job.
I have no friends or family. I screwed up in college and wasted so many opportunities and years in my life.
I royally screwed up my life and I feel like I can't change anything or make it better. It seems like I have to suffer more and more as each year passes by.
I try to figure out ways, I read Personal Development all the time but I just don't see way out of this hole called my life.

I am sorry you feel like this. It does help to remember that placing your past into your future is not real. You future is open and clear. What is holding you back is your attachment to your past. Your past is your past. See it as that. Life is not repititive. It really isn't. I know that it may seem like it is at times but it is only our minds that see it that way. Your future has limitless possibilities. Once you really become present in this very moment without holding yourself in the past, you will see this.

paul1057 · 02-17-2011, 11:50 PM

You have to find a way to interupt the pattern you keep playing over and over and over. Firstly get a little perspective. Can you breathe on your own without help, do you have all of your limbs, can you afford to put food on the table? If you can, great, think about all of the things you can be greatful for instead of all the things that are rubbish.

The only people who don't have problems in their lives live in graveyards. I know it's hard to think of the things you can be greatful for but if you could what would they be.

Secondly write a list of all the things you've always wanted to do but never got around to doing and go out there and do them. Trust me on this it'll be the best thing you ever do.

When I was suffering from depression this is what I did. I started singing lessons, drama classes, martial arts, parachuting, I went quad biking and did a bungee jump. You don't have to do these things but you do have to do something. Action is key, your depression won't go away on its own you have to make it go away.

Joyous · 02-20-2011, 01:21 PM

It can be a physical issue. It can be. Many illnesses create tiredness inside. Maybe tiredness you feel inside causing these feelings. You may be not aware of it.

Otherwise it can be start of depression. maybe that's why you get turned off by everything.

I suggest you two things.

1) Exercise (try for 7 days and check what is happening)
2) Consult therapist

JessicaRose · 02-21-2011, 04:27 AM

Setting goals for yourself is always a good start. Find your interests! The best advice I can give you is do things that you enjoy and make you happy! For example, maybe you love to dance but never learned how. Then join a dance class once a week. It will be something you have to look forward to and it will make you feel like you have purpose. As well you are bound to meet people with like interests and maybe you guys can go for drinks after class

that way you can surround yourself with people you enjoying being around. As well maybe start taking some night classes it is NEVER too late to go back to school! DO SOMETHING that you are passionate about and I promise everything will fall into place. Somewhere inside of you you know what you are meant to do and what your purpose is so fallow your heart and ask God for a little guidance. You may have taken a detour in your life but once you find your way back you will be on the main road in no time! You just have to want it bad enough, you choose the person you want to be and the life you want to live. If you don't like it then change it, start small, you will get there!

Mynder · 02-21-2011, 06:37 AM

You say: "Its hard for me to see a positive outlook in my future".

To me, it being hard implies it is possible. That alone is something you can attach yourself to. If something is hard...it is possible. Otherwise it would not be hard but completely impossible.

Yes, there are times when everything seems unmanageably hard. But that is temporary, and by just putting one foot in front of the other TOWARDS a goal (not away from something!), you can get to a very different place before long.

Porphyos · 02-21-2011, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ProjectX

Currently my life feels like a nightmare and I feel like I cannot do anything about it.
My job sucks so much and I hate my boss. It makes me miserable. I hate where I live. I have no prospects and I feel like I can't find another job.
I have no friends or family. I screwed up in college and wasted so many opportunities and years in my life.
I royally screwed up my life and I feel like I can't change anything or make it better. It seems like I have to suffer more and more as each year passes by.
I try to figure out ways, I read Personal Development all the time but I just don't see way out of this hole called my life.

Sounds like someone I know. The good thing is that you actually see some kind of future, but it's up to you to make it turn from a negative future to a positive one. Everyone has more than 1 chance in life, regardless of whether you screwed up in college and wasted many opportunities in life. The trick is to grasp the opportunities when they arise next time - carpe diem!

Instead of just reading personal development, why don't you take the techniques that you've read and put it into action? Knowledge isn't power. Taking action on the knowledge that you've gained is.

ProjectX · 02-22-2011, 01:42 AM

I tried to take action to improve my situation but I see all these obstacles and it all seems so hopeless. I feel so stuck.
I want to get a new job but I don't have the qualifications. I don't have the money and time to do it. Its like this catch-22. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

AlmostGodess · 02-22-2011, 05:06 AM

Take a day to swear at your life, express all your anger and discontent, swear it all. Then make a vow that from that day on you will ONLY focus on what you want instead of what you don't want. Reprogram your mind. Instead of thinking about obstacles, think of opportunities. Supervise your mind and your vocabulary and give up words that don't serve you, like "I screw up". In time, your mind will not invest energy into creating more obstacles, but into creating challenges.

I have seen happening so many times, I am sure it will work out perfectly for you too

Mynder · 02-22-2011, 07:04 AM

AG's advice is good. However, if you don't feel up to that kind of motivation yet, give this a shot:

Really wallow in your self pity for a while. Give it a good shot. Try to make it as bleak and hopeless as it can be. Play sad music and cry yourself to sleep, until you feel no longer depressed but simply drained and empty.

Then just remain quiet, and don't allow those worries to get a hold on you again. Think about: if you had all the money in the world, and all your problems were solved, what would be the thing you would love doing right now, if you had the freedom to do whatever you wanted?

That's your first goal. Forget everything else, and think of one way that you can either immediately reach that goal, or get even just one step closer towards it.

Work from there.

Important: choose something you really want to do, and give a **** about whether it makes you money or solves any of your problems!

ProjectX · 02-24-2011, 03:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mynder

Then just remain quiet, and don't allow those worries to get a hold on you again. Think about: if you had all the money in the world, and all your problems were solved, what would be the thing you would love doing right now, if you had the freedom to do whatever you wanted?

That's your first goal. Forget everything else, and think of one way that you can either immediately reach that goal, or get even just one step closer towards it.

Work from there.

Important: choose something you really want to do, and give a **** about whether it makes you money or solves any of your problems!

Ideally that would sound great, doing what I love. But money is always a issue. Paying for a roof over the head and food on the table is important.
I guess doing something that is enjoyable and pays well would be good though.
I'm just wary of not caring about money, since alot of my life's misery and my situation now has to do with a lack of money.

Mynder · 02-24-2011, 06:03 AM

I know the drill. I've got a wife, and two kids, and am in the best position of all of us to sustain us financially. At some point, though, you have to also take into account yourself. If you keep doing what you don't live, you'll dig your hole that much deeper, and be that much unhappier with it.

So, if making money is the big factor, look at how you can reduce it. What expenses can you cut? What do you NEED as opposed to what is just nice?

Once you can eke out a percentage of income that you don't have to supply anymore as a necessity, you can either put it towards something you prefer, or work less and spend the time in a way that will give you the chance to clear your head and reach your feelers inside to become calm, and rediscover old and new joys. There must be something you like doing, right? Go do it. Not forever, perhaps, but break that cycle of trudging on.

Do it regularly, if you can manage that in any way (trust me, if you feel you can't, it's probably that you're ignoring ways because you feel they come with too much of a consequence. simply become aware that these choices are valid, and do exist, and that you have the POWER TO CHOOSE, even if you prefer not to at this time).

ProjectX · 03-17-2011, 07:07 PM

Well lately I've been working on a resume and thinking about moving towns. My place has a room I could possible stay although I don't know yet. I'm also working on my resume trying to make it look good as possible. I've bought a book "Resume for Dummies" to help me out.
But even when I do all this I feel really discouraged. I feel like its hopeless and it won't work. There are just too many factors.
However I do hate my current job so much and my boss and where I live. All I think about is I want to Get the **** out of here.

Entelechy · 03-17-2011, 09:20 PM

When things don't go "right" in life, it's easy to focus on the negative and feel powerless. At the same time, it's hard to look at things objectively... which is actually what you need to be doing more than ever.

So, let's take a look. You've wasted time and missed opportunities. Who hasn't?

When you dig yourself into a hole, the first step towards getting out is to stop digging. Only then can you truly focus on (re)building your momentum.

In other words, stop freaking out, stop beating yourself up, and reevaluate your life. Once clear objectives are formed are you are committed to accomplishing them, success becomes virtually inevitable.

If you don't do this, they'll remain a dream forever that gets more faded as time goes by. Most successful people invent themselves during a "do or die" moment. Naturally, this is generally the catalyst that humans need to make monumental changes in their lives.

Now, it's up to you whether or not you want feed the fire of your ambition or let it die. Lots of hard work will ensue either way.

02-11-2011, 04:18 AM	#1 (permalink)
ProjectX Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 539	Its hard for me to see a positive outlook in my future Currently my life feels like a nightmare and I feel like I cannot do anything about it. My job sucks so much and I hate my boss. It makes me miserable. I hate where I live. I have no prospects and I feel like I can't find another job. I have no friends or family. I screwed up in college and wasted so many opportunities and years in my life. I royally screwed up my life and I feel like I can't change anything or make it better. It seems like I have to suffer more and more as each year passes by. I try to figure out ways, I read Personal Development all the time but I just don't see way out of this hole called my life.

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02-11-2011, 04:25 AM	#2 (permalink)
supertom Banned Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Homeless Posts: 3,548	Having job is a good start. I think you have to face the truth. The technique in it is a very good, Overcoming Depression and also forgiving yourself The Secret to Forgiving Yourself If you cant change anything than i think the best choice is to starting feeling good. The answers and solution are there you need to start feeling good if you want your life to be good.

02-11-2011, 06:43 AM	#4 (permalink)
MichaelAnthonyVet Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Boston Posts: 176	Big holes call for big moves. "I read Personal Development all the time but I just don't see way out of this hole called my life." That's your first mistake. You don't just read personal development, you live it. If you want to make a drastic change, then you need to take drastic measures. If things are really bad, then taking an hour or two to read a book isn't going to change your life. You need to do something big, something grand. Join the military. Go back to school. Quit your job and move. Stick with your job and find a new career. Take a drastic step. And quit reading personal development and start getting out there. Check out a seminar or something. A lot of successful people recommend the Landmark Forum. You're not going to find your answer in a book, and even if you did, it's not as easy as finding an answer, you've got to be willing to take the necessary steps. Quit reading, and just do something. Do something big. If doing A and B have gotten you to where you are, then try doing C and D or E and F, etc, etc. Good Luck!

02-12-2011, 09:10 PM	#7 (permalink)
Broderick Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Garland, TX Posts: 79	Yep...been there, and I second Steve's Overcoming Depression article. That along with listening to the extra DVD commentary on The Secret jump started life in a completely different direction. What I liked about both of those sources was that they began with feeling good and didn't call for any real consistent physical action like changing my diet or exercising or looking for a new job or pushing myself socially. Those solutions might work, but the only problem was that when I was feeling depressed, I didn't feel like doing jack squat.

02-17-2011, 11:50 PM	#9 (permalink)
paul1057 Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: UK Posts: 27	You have to find a way to interupt the pattern you keep playing over and over and over. Firstly get a little perspective. Can you breathe on your own without help, do you have all of your limbs, can you afford to put food on the table? If you can, great, think about all of the things you can be greatful for instead of all the things that are rubbish. The only people who don't have problems in their lives live in graveyards. I know it's hard to think of the things you can be greatful for but if you could what would they be. Secondly write a list of all the things you've always wanted to do but never got around to doing and go out there and do them. Trust me on this it'll be the best thing you ever do. When I was suffering from depression this is what I did. I started singing lessons, drama classes, martial arts, parachuting, I went quad biking and did a bungee jump. You don't have to do these things but you do have to do something. Action is key, your depression won't go away on its own you have to make it go away.

02-20-2011, 01:21 PM	#10 (permalink)
Joyous Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 87	It can be a physical issue. It can be. Many illnesses create tiredness inside. Maybe tiredness you feel inside causing these feelings. You may be not aware of it. Otherwise it can be start of depression. maybe that's why you get turned off by everything. I suggest you two things. 1) Exercise (try for 7 days and check what is happening) 2) Consult therapist

02-21-2011, 04:27 AM	#11 (permalink)
JessicaRose Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 13	Setting goals for yourself is always a good start. Find your interests! The best advice I can give you is do things that you enjoy and make you happy! For example, maybe you love to dance but never learned how. Then join a dance class once a week. It will be something you have to look forward to and it will make you feel like you have purpose. As well you are bound to meet people with like interests and maybe you guys can go for drinks after class that way you can surround yourself with people you enjoying being around. As well maybe start taking some night classes it is NEVER too late to go back to school! DO SOMETHING that you are passionate about and I promise everything will fall into place. Somewhere inside of you you know what you are meant to do and what your purpose is so fallow your heart and ask God for a little guidance. You may have taken a detour in your life but once you find your way back you will be on the main road in no time! You just have to want it bad enough, you choose the person you want to be and the life you want to live. If you don't like it then change it, start small, you will get there!

02-21-2011, 06:37 AM	#12 (permalink)
Mynder Family Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Northern Germany Posts: 2,659	You say: "Its hard for me to see a positive outlook in my future". To me, it being hard implies it is possible. That alone is something you can attach yourself to. If something is hard...it is possible. Otherwise it would not be hard but completely impossible. Yes, there are times when everything seems unmanageably hard. But that is temporary, and by just putting one foot in front of the other TOWARDS a goal (not away from something!), you can get to a very different place before long.

02-22-2011, 01:42 AM	#14 (permalink)
ProjectX Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 539	I tried to take action to improve my situation but I see all these obstacles and it all seems so hopeless. I feel so stuck. I want to get a new job but I don't have the qualifications. I don't have the money and time to do it. Its like this catch-22. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

02-22-2011, 05:06 AM	#15 (permalink)
AlmostGodess Banned Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: France Posts: 6,053	Take a day to swear at your life, express all your anger and discontent, swear it all. Then make a vow that from that day on you will ONLY focus on what you want instead of what you don't want. Reprogram your mind. Instead of thinking about obstacles, think of opportunities. Supervise your mind and your vocabulary and give up words that don't serve you, like "I screw up". In time, your mind will not invest energy into creating more obstacles, but into creating challenges. I have seen happening so many times, I am sure it will work out perfectly for you too

02-22-2011, 07:04 AM	#16 (permalink)
Mynder Family Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Northern Germany Posts: 2,659	AG's advice is good. However, if you don't feel up to that kind of motivation yet, give this a shot: Really wallow in your self pity for a while. Give it a good shot. Try to make it as bleak and hopeless as it can be. Play sad music and cry yourself to sleep, until you feel no longer depressed but simply drained and empty. Then just remain quiet, and don't allow those worries to get a hold on you again. Think about: if you had all the money in the world, and all your problems were solved, what would be the thing you would love doing right now, if you had the freedom to do whatever you wanted? That's your first goal. Forget everything else, and think of one way that you can either immediately reach that goal, or get even just one step closer towards it. Work from there. Important: choose something you really want to do, and give a **** about whether it makes you money or solves any of your problems!

02-24-2011, 06:03 AM	#18 (permalink)
Mynder Family Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Northern Germany Posts: 2,659	I know the drill. I've got a wife, and two kids, and am in the best position of all of us to sustain us financially. At some point, though, you have to also take into account yourself. If you keep doing what you don't live, you'll dig your hole that much deeper, and be that much unhappier with it. So, if making money is the big factor, look at how you can reduce it. What expenses can you cut? What do you NEED as opposed to what is just nice? Once you can eke out a percentage of income that you don't have to supply anymore as a necessity, you can either put it towards something you prefer, or work less and spend the time in a way that will give you the chance to clear your head and reach your feelers inside to become calm, and rediscover old and new joys. There must be something you like doing, right? Go do it. Not forever, perhaps, but break that cycle of trudging on. Do it regularly, if you can manage that in any way (trust me, if you feel you can't, it's probably that you're ignoring ways because you feel they come with too much of a consequence. simply become aware that these choices are valid, and do exist, and that you have the POWER TO CHOOSE, even if you prefer not to at this time).

03-17-2011, 07:07 PM	#19 (permalink)
ProjectX Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 539	Well lately I've been working on a resume and thinking about moving towns. My place has a room I could possible stay although I don't know yet. I'm also working on my resume trying to make it look good as possible. I've bought a book "Resume for Dummies" to help me out. But even when I do all this I feel really discouraged. I feel like its hopeless and it won't work. There are just too many factors. However I do hate my current job so much and my boss and where I live. All I think about is I want to Get the **** out of here.

03-17-2011, 09:20 PM	#20 (permalink)
Entelechy Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 185	When things don't go "right" in life, it's easy to focus on the negative and feel powerless. At the same time, it's hard to look at things objectively... which is actually what you need to be doing more than ever. So, let's take a look. You've wasted time and missed opportunities. Who hasn't? When you dig yourself into a hole, the first step towards getting out is to stop digging. Only then can you truly focus on (re)building your momentum. In other words, stop freaking out, stop beating yourself up, and reevaluate your life. Once clear objectives are formed are you are committed to accomplishing them, success becomes virtually inevitable. If you don't do this, they'll remain a dream forever that gets more faded as time goes by. Most successful people invent themselves during a "do or die" moment. Naturally, this is generally the catalyst that humans need to make monumental changes in their lives. Now, it's up to you whether or not you want feed the fire of your ambition or let it die. Lots of hard work will ensue either way.

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