A Powerful Self-Love Exercise! Mirror Technique

[relaXman]

RELAXMAN NOTE : A lot of problems is caused by not loving yourself, so ,following tecnique is to teach "loving yourself" . for support to this tecnique , you can stick " I love you sticker" on your sink room mirror.

A Powerful Self-Love Exercise!
By Mary Knebel

I first learned about this exercise last year when I attended Jack Canfield's Breakthrough to Success conference in Scotsdale, Arizona. Most of you will be familiar with Jack Canfield as one of the co-creators of the mega-popular Chicken Soup for the Soul series. Jack is phenomenal, and if you ever have the chance to see him speak live or present at a conference, I highly urge you to take that opportunity! Jack taught the following self-love exercise, and does it himself on a daily basis. This was the one piece of homework we absolutely had to do every single night of the conference. I figured if someone as successful as Jack Canfield does this every day, then I should do it too! I've since seen variations of this exercise in several popular self help books, including Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life.

The exercise is called The Mirror Exercise, and you'll understand why. Every night before you go to bed, preferably after you've washed your face, brushed your teeth, put on your pj's, etc., find a mirror in your home that you can stand in front of undisturbed for a few minutes. If you're married or have a roommate, you'll want to ask them to give you a few minutes to yourself because you should do this exercise alone to get maximum results. So find a mirror, either in your bathroom or bedroom, and stand in front of it by yourself.

For the first few seconds, just stand there and really look at yourself, deep in your eyes. Chances are you've never done this before, so it will probably feel very uncomfortable or awkward, and you may find yourself turning away from the mirror! Rest assured that this is normal, and simply direct your gaze back to your eyes and send yourself as much love and acceptance as you can. Really look at yourself and see what you look like to the outside world. Look at your eyes, your skin, your forehead, your nose, etc. and if you're standing in front of a full-length mirror look at the rest of your body, too. (If you're brave enough to try this exercise naked, go for it! But it's not required to get powerful results...)

After you've really looked at yourself for a few seconds, say out loud to yourself "I love you" and then your full name. So for me I would say, "I love you, Mary Knebel." Again, you are saying this out loud, and this may bring up uncomfortable feelings. Do your best to just stick with any feelings that come up, whether positive or negative. They are just feelings and you can accept them and allow them to be.Then you want to reflect over your day, and think of things that you are proud of yourself for accomplishing. These can be big or small things, but aim to find 5-10 things that you did during the day that you can appreciate yourself for. Here are some examples, "I'm so proud of you for eating a healthy dinner." "I'm so proud of you for finishing the memo you said you would finish." "I'm so proud of you for reading the kids a bedtime story before bed." You get the idea! The idea is to acknowledge and appreciate yourself for things you achieved during the day. Again, aim for 5-10 things and remember you are saying these things out loud to yourself!

While continuing to look at yourself in the mirror, flow love and compassion towards yourself as best as you can. Now you want to find things that you love about yourself and acknowledge those qualities. For example, "I love that you have such pretty eyes." "I love that you are such a loyal friend." "I love how creative you are." "I love how toned your arms are." You can focus on things you love about yourself that are either physical characteristics or that have more to do with who you are as a person. The key is to find things about yourself that you can truly love and appreciate and acknowledge yourself for.

Finally, to finish this exercise, look yourself deeply in your eyes for a few more seconds and then say out loud one last time, "I love you" and then your name. So for me it would be, "I love you, Mary Knebel." Really be with any feelings that come up, whether positive or negative, and just allow them to be there. Loving yourself means loving ALL of you, feelings and all.

And that's it! As I mentioned above, this will probably feel uncomfortable or even awkward the first few times you do this. However, I guarantee you that this is normal and that you will get over it if you keep practicing! Here's the catch: You should do this for 40 days straight, without skipping a day. If you skip a day, start over from Day One and do the 40 days all over again! After 40 continual days this will become a habit in your subconscious mind, and you will notice how much better you feel about yourself and how much more comfortable you are in your skin. The world will seem to become a much more loving and accepting place towards you, but in fact it's your thinking that has changed the world around you. Remember, your thoughts become your reality... so the more loving thoughts you have within, the more loving the outside world will be towards you. Give this exercise a shot, and let me know how it goes!

Article Source: Mary Knebel - EzineArticles.com Expert Author

[mikej]

i think everyone would benefit from doing this exercise

[relaXman]

Originally Posted by mikej

i think everyone would benefit from doing this exercise

yes it makes people feel bizarre emotions,
I recommend evebody practise and write their experiences in this thread.

[spacecadetglow]

I did mirror affirmations like this one for awhile and was surprised by how well they worked! Nice post.

[t4488]

I think I will try this but I might leave out the achievements part. It almost seems like making self love conditional on achievements, IMO.

[sharshar89]

Originally Posted by t4488

I think I will try this but I might leave out the achievements part. It almost seems like making self love conditional on achievements, IMO.

not if achievement is small?
like finishing dinner.. lazing around..can also be considered as achievements

[supertom]

I'm gonna try this

[NickTunes]

i am going to try this too,,, I worked written and mirror affirmations for a while, but i wasn't as comfortable with myself as i am today... I didn't understand the power of accepting the feelings that arose when i did this,,

i didn't stick with it long enough last time to see great results, but i did notice subtle changes in the little time i worked my routine...

i am going to give it another shot since you posted this, thanks!

[ZephyrusX]

You could always make faces at your self in the mirror RM Laughter heals the soul.

I'm curious about the 'accepting the emotions' as the arise thing, so I might try it.

[sharshar89]

what if im seeing someone i hate and yet saying i love you..does that change the hate to love?same or the mirror method..

[sharshar89]

im jus confused how to love part of yourself that you hate and whether saying that i love myself will reduce the hate

[lifeforce]

This is a seriously, Seriously, powerful exercise. I´ve been doing this exercise for a couple of years now, and it really creates a strong sence of self-worth, self-appreciation, self love, self-confidence, self-respect, and basically makes you extremely comfortable in your own skin. A general way of well-being. We´ve all met people who seem to just light up the room with their presence. This will make you that person. People wanna be around these kinds of people and life just gets easy. This was big for me since I had basically been depressed or dissatisfied for the past seven years. Talk about making a complete 180.

I do it in the morning as it seems to set up the whole day in a good way.

The first two weeks was very uncomfortable for me. It was like a tennis match in my head. "I love you (no you don´t, yes I do, I´m too fat, this is stupid, etc)". But after a couple of weeks, the uncomfort went away and I got to neutral with no internal dialogue battling me. Continuing the exercise, I started to feel a deep loving feeling towards myself. As I became more loving towards myself, I begun being more fun and loving towards others. People always act friendly towards me, I got more friends, girlfriends and my "luck" have been in my favor since then. My mom always comments on how life seems to work out for me and how lucky I am.

What you´re doing is actively up-rooting some deep subconscious beliefs that for some reason you´re not good enough. "I´m not tall enough, I´m too fat, I have a bump on my nose bla bla bla". I hate this and that about myself, I´m not successful enough, I don´t deserve to have what I want. The list is endless. People have all kinds of negative beliefs that hold them back and make them feel like crap.

Truly loving yourself brushes all that away, cause it just doesn´t matter any more. It´s a none issue that you don´t even think about. Believe me, when you start the exercise, your subconscious will give you 500 reasons to hate yourself. And then you´ll really see how much your holding yourself back and how bad of a self image you do have. Stay consistent and change your life with 10 minutes a day.

[relaXman]

lifeforce ,

I congratulate and thank you, because you applied this exercise succesfully and expained us in detail ,
Also I started to use and after one months I will inform to forum as you did ,

main point is

Remember, your thoughts become your reality... so the more loving thoughts you have within, the more loving the outside world will be towards you. Give this exercise a shot, and let me know how it goes!

[Leesah]

Thanks for sharing this exercise, relaXman, I'm going to give it a try

[lifeforce]

Originally Posted by relaXman

lifeforce ,

I congratulate and thank you, because you applied this exercise succesfully and expained us in detail ,
Also I started to use and after one months I will inform to forum as you did ,

main point is

Remember, your thoughts become your reality... so the more loving thoughts you have within, the more loving the outside world will be towards you. Give this exercise a shot, and let me know how it goes!

Another one thats really powerful, is "Hey, It´s okey to let go...now". Sedona inspired. It´ll make you the most relaxed, comfortable, fun, open, enthusiastic person and really unleashes your creativity. It feels liberating. Makes you feel freedom! If you want to experience it, just do ten minutes of each. You´ll be so in the moment it feels like five minutes

Again, it is a process. Day by day, it warms you like sunrays. Life is beauty. This is the cure all to any unhappiness, cause you get a new perspective on things. Life becomes fun. Life become good.

[relaXman]

Originally Posted by lifeforce

Another one thats really powerful, is "Hey, It´s okey to let go...now". Sedona inspired. It´ll make you the most relaxed, comfortable, fun, open, enthusiastic person and really unleashes your creativity. It feels liberating. Makes you feel freedom! If you want to experience it, just do ten minutes of each. You´ll be so in the moment it feels like five minutes

Again, it is a process. Day by day, it warms you like sunrays. Life is beauty. This is the cure all to any unhappiness, cause you get a new perspective on things. Life becomes fun. Life become good.

Thank you lifeforce ,

I love people who make practice regularly and share their experinces with others. I also use the " let go " expression ,that is why I am relaxed

[relaXman]

Originally Posted by Leesah

Thanks for sharing this exercise, relaXman, I'm going to give it a try

thank you Leesah for your interest and appreciating.

[Anthoneee]

Too powerful, I feel great just after the first try. Thank you for sharing.

[jellyfishgiang]

Hurray, such a great thread. Gotta try this right this night
"Hey, it's Ok to let go now" feels so good :xxx
Thank you :xxx

[marinik]

Thanks relaXman I love this and will do it on a regular basis!

[supertom]

Im on my 15th day of doing it and only now I can actually say it without hitting a emotional block/dead end. I feel now the emotions are flowing and I can say it with my heart.

[Cheese96]

When my ex wanted me to feel better about myself he would make me stand in front of a mirror and tell myself I'm beautiful. I'm semi-familiar with this excersie but it was so akward I couldn't handle it. I want to try this and ride it through until it becomes a habit. Thanks for posting this relaXman.

[designAlignment]

This is just what I needed!
I saw this thread 2 days ago and started with the process (once last night and again this morning).

I've been working on self-love recently and had forgotten about this technique.

I first learned about it in "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay and I tried it for a while but drifted from the practice.

Currently I'm in a place where I can say, "I love you" while looking into my eyes in the mirror without feeling any negativity, but I don't feel very strong positive feelings either (more of a slight glow).


I've been thinking of trying online dating recently and all sorts of fears started surfacing. After doing 15 mins of mirrorwork this morning (just looking into my eyes in the mirror and silently repeating a stream of self-love affirmations) I felt "The Lift" while driving to work.

"The Lift" is what I call the experience of "being happy for no reason" but where I know it to be the result of inner work I had previously been doing. I felt good about myself and my life, optimistic about the future, confident I could meet someone I'm a match to, etc.

Of course, it didn't last the drive to work (), but still, it was the first I've been in that "zone" in many months. I also noticed that all of the fears I previously had became non-issues when I was in that state. So this tells me that the key is to keep focusing on self-love, and not to worry about the fears that are just expressions of its absence.


Lifeforce, thank you for sharing your experience with process, I found it really inspiring!

I'll be trying out that affirmation as well ("Hey, it's ok to let go now").


Some other affirmations I want to work into this:

All is well.
(For general well being and releasing resistance, though I think this would have the same effect as "Hey, it's ok to let go now.")

Something wonderful is going to happen to me today.
(For increasing positive expectation and open the door for more magic to come into my life.)

[evelynlim]

The mirror technique has worked for me too. At first, it felt awkward. But as time went on, it just got easier and easier. Thanks for sharing the article, relaxman.

[designAlignment]

Update:

I've kept up with this - done it twice a day since I started, about 20 mins each session. Once before heading off to work and once before going to sleep.

For a comparative scale, let's say you think of self-love on a scale of -5 to +5, with -5 being strong self-loathing even looking at yourself in the mirror, 0 being no emotion felt, and +5 strongly loving/appreciating/adoring yourself when you look into your eyes.

When I started this on the 15th, I was about a 0.5 or a 1 - very slight warmth, just above neutral.

Right now, I'm about 3 to 3.5.

I find myself looking forward to these sessions and it's one of the best parts of my day. I've realized tonight that before I started doing this, I hadn't really genuinely smiled in years, and seldom smiled "full out" when interacting with others (much less while looking at myself in the mirror). I always felt awkward and self conscious expressing happiness, even when I felt it strongly. That is pretty much gone now.

Tonight, I noticed myself spontaneously projecting love, as an energy, through my eyes. Not sure how to describe it or how I'm doing it, but I can feel/sense it in my eyes when it's happening and when it's not happening. My eyes have connected to my heart somehow, perhaps through resonance or some energetic path.

I think I remember Dan Millman writing about this in No Ordinary Moments (should revisit that...).

Anyhow, it's really pretty cool, and I hope I can reach the point where I can maintain it.

[dreamlearner]

i am going to try this technique

[pinky3]

So simple. Thanks for the thread! Another thing to help me be more myself every day!

[Rafael Perez]

it's an amazing thing to look at yourself and hit yourself up for some positive feedback and love... it's great!

I usually do it when I see my reflection in anything... I've come a long way since the days when I would say "I love you" and the mirror would just break... leaving me sad and alone.

Since then my reflection has come around and says "I love you" back

Great post!!!

[FeelGoodNow]

I totally forgot about this exercise - thanks so much for sharing Mary, great timing for me!

[relaXman]

it is very nice that this exercise has been beneficial to many friends..