Healing-Is NLP making matters worse or better for me?

[danas]

I started working with an NLP therapist 5 weeks ago.
After a week I injured myself, and have been in physical pain and slowly healing, but not yet moving around.
Anyway, due to many factors I am very emotional and sensitive at this time. And yes, fear and worry too.
My body needs time to heal. And its not as fast as ppl expect but I know I am getting better, few weeks ago I couldnt move at all. and now I can hop in my car and drive and go to places as long as it doesnt involve walking more then a few steps.

I am doing my best to raise my vibration and be focused on joy.
And this is what I do, I am focusing on joy and I feel excited about the future. I can literally get myself so high and so full of love I can explode.
Watching inspiring films and meditating and working on my vision board.
And still working on my career, making major moves, and doing my best to make money too, as well as connecting to friends in a deeper way as I am in such a vulnerable place.

But then the NLP practitioner comes and takes me to the places of pain.
So much pain. Also bc I am in a lot of physical pain at the moment, and I cry so much and I do not know if this is what I need right now. Maybe this is not helping me heal right now, all this focus on pain....

She claims I need to find the source of pain and deal with it.
While Im thinking that in this time of healing I need to focus only on what makes me feel good now.
What do you think?

[VinceG]

I think you're right and she's wrong. Break off your sessions until you're feeling better.

[Angela]

Ditto. That doesn't sound like any NLP I've ever worked with. The beauty of NLP is, in fact, in that you don't EVER need to go to the source of pain, deal with it, focus on it, or relive old trauma. Listen to your intuition and focus on feeling good.

And I'm sending you my special voodoo green healing vibes -- and wishing you a speedy recovery.

[danas]

thanks.

Originally Posted by Angela

The beauty of NLP is, in fact, in that you don't EVER need to go to the source of pain, deal with it, focus on it, or relive old trauma.

really?
I dont want to be running away from my issues. I want to deal with my insecurities so I can attract a healthy relationship.

Heres one example of what we did.

I met myself at age 7. Except some quarrels with siblings I was quite happy.
When the little girl looked at the grown me now, she was happy with how I looked, and that I had managed to turn the little girl's wild imagination into an exciting career, BUT she was not happy that the grown me wasnt yet married. She was very upset about this and didnt get what my problem was. What went wrong along the way...?

So this made me cry and cry to the point where I asked the practitioner to leave bc the following morning I had to present my work infront of some of the worlds leading ppl in my field and could not afford to be such a mess.
Obviously all these tear weaken my body too...

So I realized from this session that I am very critical of myself.
Yet still I dont know if this is the way to deal with it. or rather to shift my focus onto things that will make me feel more confident, rather then facing my insecure self....
She claims that once I deal with certain things they will no longer bother me in my life....
Am I running away by quitting the therapy?
Or is this really not doing me good?
The first sessions with her were fun. Until she started "digging"

[Mounds]

Once in a while, I go NLP crazy. I run all sorts of patterns, go through big change and then I don't touch it for six months. What Angela said is the exact reason that I love NLP. NLP does not care about the why, it cares about the result.
I'm currently in one of my NLP phases at the moment. It started when my mom told me how to change my time line, which instantly resulted in a much more organized me. I make a to-do list every morning which usually has 3-6 items on it. Usually half of those items carry over from the day before. After changing my time line, there were 15 things on the list.
Anyhow, maybe read into NLP for yourself and get an idea of what it entails. I'm extremely sensitive to it and I do all the patterns on my own. It's pretty worthwhile if you like it.

-Tim

[Brutha]

really?
I dont want to be running away from my issues. I want to deal with my insecurities so I can attract a healthy relationship.

The NLP community doesn't really believe that you have to address events that happened in the past to produce chance in the future.

If the NLP toolkit is used in such a way it can produce false memories of events that never happened.

[danas]

Originally Posted by Brutha

The NLP community doesn't really believe that you have to address events that happened in the past to produce chance in the future.

If the NLP toolkit is used in such a way it can produce false memories of events that never happened.

Yes this is what I thought it would be like and thats what attracted me to it in the 1st place.....

[Illuminatus]

Originally Posted by danas

But then the NLP practitioner comes and takes me to the places of pain.
So much pain. Also bc I am in a lot of physical pain at the moment, and I cry so much and I do not know if this is what I need right now. Maybe this is not helping me heal right now, all this focus on pain....

She claims I need to find the source of pain and deal with it.
While Im thinking that in this time of healing I need to focus only on what makes me feel good now.
What do you think?

I think this is the right path. Healing is a time for processing pain, physical and emotional.

You are crying, which is right. But are you accepting all the things you are crying about, fully and without judgment, so that they can be drained from your body? If you are crying from a "woe is me" perspective these things will hang around. Instead try crying from a "this happened. I'm letting it go" perspective. When you fully accept something, you'll feel it as a drop in your stomach. Feel it all there, let it pool, then feel that energy rising up to become tears. Do this until it is entirely gone; but don't focus on getting rid of it; focus on feeling it in your core and letting it move up naturally to tears.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by danas

thanks.



really?
I dont want to be running away from my issues. I want to deal with my insecurities so I can attract a healthy relationship.

Heres one example of what we did.

I met myself at age 7. Except some quarrels with siblings I was quite happy.
When the little girl looked at the grown me now, she was happy with how I looked, and that I had managed to turn the little girl's wild imagination into an exciting career, BUT she was not happy that the grown me wasnt yet married. She was very upset about this and didnt get what my problem was. What went wrong along the way...?

So this made me cry and cry to the point where I asked the practitioner to leave bc the following morning I had to present my work infront of some of the worlds leading ppl in my field and could not afford to be such a mess.
Obviously all these tear weaken my body too...

So I realized from this session that I am very critical of myself.
Yet still I dont know if this is the way to deal with it. or rather to shift my focus onto things that will make me feel more confident, rather then facing my insecure self....
She claims that once I deal with certain things they will no longer bother me in my life....
Am I running away by quitting the therapy?
Or is this really not doing me good?
The first sessions with her were fun. Until she started "digging"

What did your therapist do when you started being up set and started crying? She just let you cry??

Doesn't sound like an NLP therapist to me. Maybe a normal therapist who has done an NLP course... but not someone who bases her therapy on NLP....

I'd suggest having one session with Angela, even if it is a short one, so you can feel the difference.

Although the process (for me) of seeing what I'd been creating in my life was difficult, when the session ended I felt GREAT! I felt on top of the world, I felt amazing! And that is how you are supposed to feel, I think....

[danas]

Originally Posted by ssandra

What did your therapist do when you started being up set and started crying? She just let you cry??

Doesn't sound like an NLP therapist to me. Maybe a normal therapist who has done an NLP course... but not someone who bases her therapy on NLP....

I'd suggest having one session with Angela, even if it is a short one, so you can feel the difference.

Although the process (for me) of seeing what I'd been creating in my life was difficult, when the session ended I felt GREAT! I felt on top of the world, I felt amazing! And that is how you are supposed to feel, I think....

The therapist kept asking questions but it didnt help. I quickly got up and told her that I cannot afford to get into such a state when my health is so weak anyway, a day before I have such an important presentation. and she left the house.
If anything this session shattered my confidence rather then strengthen it. She said she wanted to guide me out of the state I was in, but I didnt give her a chance, which is true, I didnt see a way out and I was so nervous about the presentation.
Angela has helped me , but yes, I intend to do a proper session with her as soon as I feel a bit better, (just worried that my wifi doesnt always work at home to do skype calls...)

[DanFromSeoul]

Hey Danas,

I feel your pain - there you are trusting a professional and it's hurting you more!

What she was doing I think is 'pacing and leading'. She was making sure you were acknowledging the pain and from there moving you towards a happier state (as opposed to denying it, perhaps.)

From your response it sounds like it's not working so yeah, I would look for a new therapist.

Understand that the 'biggest mistake NLPers make is miscalibration' (just my frame.)

I hope you heal well.

Dan

[danas]

Originally Posted by Illuminatus

I think this is the right path. Healing is a time for processing pain, physical and emotional.

You are crying, which is right. But are you accepting all the things you are crying about, fully and without judgment, so that they can be drained from your body? If you are crying from a "woe is me" perspective these things will hang around. Instead try crying from a "this happened. I'm letting it go" perspective. When you fully accept something, you'll feel it as a drop in your stomach. Feel it all there, let it pool, then feel that energy rising up to become tears. Do this until it is entirely gone; but don't focus on getting rid of it; focus on feeling it in your core and letting it move up naturally to tears.

thanks.
If you read above it wasnt past pain I was crying about. but current pain.
So its not about accepting the past and moving on. its accepting the present, which is not always easy bc I am in the present now.

but I agree healing is a time for processing pain, physical and emotional. I have been healing a lot of emotional pain in this time too. Not sure how much is thanks to working with her, or working with myself.
Ive been writing, EFT, brainwashing myself with inspirational videos etc... thank god for youtube!, after all Ive hardly left the house in a month.



@Dan, thanks what does miscalibration mean?

I actually am feeling better. been doing EFT which is helping a lot.
Last night I went out of the house after dark for the first time in a month.
Was so great to see ppl. life! Still with a walking stick...

I havent decided whether to continue with her, something about the thought of that makes me close up...

I think another thing that bothers me with her is that she is trying to be my friend and is sharing more of her own personal problems that I want to hear, she does this without noticing. not when we are working, but before we start. I understand that she is only human...but still. I am very sensitive at this time and I take it all in...

(I never knew her before this, she worked with a friend of mine.)

[Illuminatus]

Originally Posted by danas

thanks.
If you read above it wasnt past pain I was crying about. but current pain.
So its not about accepting the past and moving on. its accepting the present, which is not always easy bc I am in the present now.

but I agree healing is a time for processing pain, physical and emotional. I have been healing a lot of emotional pain in this time too. Not sure how much is thanks to working with her, or working with myself.
Ive been writing, EFT, brainwashing myself with inspirational videos etc... thank god for youtube!, after all Ive hardly left the house in a month.

Apologies if I misunderstood your post; I'm going through a lot of emotional pain myself at the moment because of a breakup, and pain, present and past has a way of bubbling to the surface during these times. My advice still stands. I am doing it that way, and I don't need any other way, because it's the natural way. Using your mind-body's own coping mechanisms. Yes it's sad. Yes you will get through it. But don't distract yourself from the pain. Work with it.

Stop using EFT -- it's just a distraction. It's a mind game you use to tell yourself the pain is gone. For the next 5 or 10 minutes. Till it resurfaces and you have to do it again.

Also scrap the NLP woman. From your own posts I can see you know she's not working for you.

Get well soon.

[ssandra]

I would say again; trust your instincts. You are a smart woman, you are very conscious in who you are and why you are a certain way. If you instincts say not to continue with her, DON'T.

She might be a wonderful, amazing therapist for someone else. But she is not for you. And that is what matters.

Don't feel like you are judging her or making her seem like a bad person or anything like that. It is just a matter of compatibility. You are not compatible with her so it is time to move on.

And regarding the regrets about not being married, I'd suggest Time Techniques. A very non invasive, non painful way of letting go of past emotions that are still holding you back in the present.

[Dan Adrian]

Hey Danas. I can assure you that's not how a good NLP session is supposed to go. While NLP processes usually don't try to uncover the deep causes of our emotions, they do work at a deep level. The idea is to allow the subconscious mind to find a better way of dealing with the negative emotions, or to find out what the positive intention behind the emotion is. One of the aims of NLP is expanding your range of options, because when we have multiple choices, we can make the best choice.

I really hope you will find the right kind of support to help you get through what you're going through. Let us know how things go! Good luck!