How to help smokers quit?

[JohnPlace]

Oh, I can relate to this one!

My wife's family has a history of lung cancer. And my wife has been smoking since she was thirteen, a strong addiction to be sure! My wife is so courageous and has made so many positive changes in her life, but this is one area where she knows she still needs to improve.

She did manage to quit for 5 months once by reading Alan Carr's book "The Easy Way to Quit Smoking." The book sounded too good to be true, but it worked for her.

Unfortunatley, 5 months after reading the book and putting down the pack, she ran into a very stressful life situation and back came the smokes.

The first step in overcoming any addiction is recognizing you have a problem. If the person you are trying to convince has not completed the first step, you can educate, love, support, and encourage. As they say, you can lead a horse to water...

[betlamed]

Originally Posted by Tammy

It was only when I tried to see the world through the eyes of a smoker that I could understand that this is like a disease, that they are victims, that they are in a trance-like state and not doing this with the intention of hurting themselves or bothering others. This has somehow helped me a little bit to feel less angry about what they do. I understand the enemy is the addiction and the cigarette, not the person smoking.

This is noble of you. You will see that you can help those smokers even better now you realize what your anger is, and that you're using it with best intentions. How do you know you're angry? Do you have a mental image, or a feeling, or a smell, that represents your anger?

[Decheron]

Firstly, to Adam; well done and hurray. Every time someone stops smoking then there is hope that I too will beat the demon.
Secondly, to Forest; from July 1st, no one will be able to smoke in UK pubs and restaurants, so your lady will be even more constricted from then on. The woman smokes little now and is doing well, so why don't you focus on that instead of obsessing on what she hasn't achieved yet. Perhaps that will make it easier for you to cope.

Right, about the smoking demon. I've been smoking since I was nine years old, becoming a permanent smoker by the age of sixteen. My father vehemently detested all smokers, especially women. His wife absolutely could not give up and eventually left him for a boorish man - a fellow smoker as it happens. The point being, I don't think either of my parents' attitudes were healthy deterents to my becoming a smoker (my mother gave me my 1st cigarette by the by, but would chastise me if she caught me smoking).

I am much like my mother in terms of addiction. For fifteen years I've been trying to give up cigarettes, an agonising battle while watching my health deteriorate. The effort has made these years the most miserable of my life, feeling like a weakling and constantly depressed by the failures. I hate cigarettes and the monsters who peddle them. This is especially true in the fact that I'm not a natural addict. All other drugs gain no hold over me, whether I liked them or not, and I don't indulge in them, not even coffee or alcohol.

It has been said that cigarettes are more addictive than heroine or crack and the withdrawal many times worse than those nasty substances.

Here's what it's like to stop smoking. The first symptoms are merely anxiety and edginess distracting you from all other occupations. Then the headaches start, raging migraines that last days on end. To this is added physical nausea, stomach churning to a degree you lose your appetite and don't eat for days on end. Periodic cold sweats and tremors add to the burden. At night you can't sleep, always on the edge of consciousness, and when you do get to sleep, the nightmares are horrendous and unrelenting. Coupled with dealing with any normal day's problems, your stress levels are beyond all human bearing. This doesn't go on for days (that magic 4 days the addiction is said to be unbearable) but for weeks and weeks. Months of agony get blown away overnight because you can stand no more. The victim really deserves sympathy and support. Such addicts fail often in the attempt, then have to face others' disappointed reactions. People who are able to "just quit with no trouble" make your life even harder because the nonsmoker uses them as an example and has no idea of the reality. This is why most smokers avoid giving up cigarettes, fear the process and resent being bullied. It has to be in your own time at your own pace, there is no other way.

[jwz]

December last year, I made the new years resolution that I would quit smoking from January 1st 2007. And so I did. Succesfully.

Part 1.) It wasn't really hard to do once I had made up my mind for it. The only effort I had to do was to do something else when the cravings came. Telling myself that it was easy and not counting the days at first was enough to keep me off the cigarettes. When ever i felt a craving, I just told myself that it was a small craving which would go away if I resisted for 5 minutes. And so it did.

Part 2.) In the middle of March month, I started smoking again.
I was on a business trip, working 14 hrs+ per day, having a big thermocan of coffee with me to keep me awake at late hours. (Unhealthy, yes. But I was only away for a couple of days).

When working while I was tired at late hours, I couldn't resist smoking a cigarette to feel relaxed and ready to do another hour of work. Or, maybe I could. All I know is that it started all over because of the first puff.

I've read (can't remember where) that being a nicotine addict is somehow like being an alcoholic. You can quit smoking and keep off the cigarettes for several years and still, all it takes is one puff and youre on it again.

A person who has never smoked in his/her life could take a puff, cough, possibly vomit. That would probably make the person promise himself/herself never again to take another puff.

An ex-smoker led through the same experience, puff, cough, vomit, would probably have his/her brain recognizing that old habit and wanting it again soon. There is no cure (for most people) for being a smoker. All you can do to keep off the cigarettes is... to simply keep off them. Never ever again take a puff.

(sorry about my mediocre english. I'm a native greenlandic)

Something just struck me. This tread, and my thoughts on the topic inspired me to quit smoking from now on, using the information and experience I've gathered so far. It will be a powerful ally in times of bad cravings to have stated here that I am quitting the cigarettes. (cold turkey of course).

I would actually love if people would join me quitting, it would be motivating for all of us.

-Jan

[torilink]

Originally Posted by Tammy

Yeah, perhaps the cancer, the hearth attacks, and hundreds of other diseases lie in the imagination of all of us who don't smoke.

We are not here to judge, we are here to support. Because there IS a problem that lies with people that smokes, and that is that they are slowly killing themselves.

I agree you don't have to judge THEM, because they somehow don't do all this harm to themselves (and other) on purpose.

the very essence of trying to control another persons behavior (even if you mean well) is a judgement that they are wrong and your way is better.

[Liara Covert]

torilink makes a key point. If you're not asked for your opinion and someone you care about refuses to acknowledge any problem, as painful as it can be, the person will choose to learn his or her way.

An example from my life concerns a 65 year old woman, the mother of a very close friend. She had smoked over 35 years and told everyone she had given it up. Yet, suddenly she struggled to breathe and lay in hospital. Turned out she had disregarded doctors' advice and discarded her breathing medications, thinking she was fine. Closet smoking and denial of problems hadn't helped her asthma. She may have developed a kind of emphysema.

It was on what appeared to be her deathbed that she chose to come face-to-face with her inner demons. Since that brush with death, she has been slowly recovering, taking her medications, and doing regular breathing exercises. After her physician said directly that smoking a cigarette would be like suicide, she stopped closet smoking. She acknowledges inner damage has been done, but she also realizes she exerts partial control over her life now. Its been hard to stand by and observe some of her choices that wouldn't be my own, but as a grown woman, she makes her own choices and lives with the consequences.

[Jay Bee]

Originally Posted by dor

BTW has anyone ever tried Allen Carr's methods?
Allen Carr's Easyway Worldwide

he has a one day course which is kind of expensive, and a book, which isn't .
he's supposed to have a high success rate.

I have quit just 2 weeks ago using the Allen Carr book The Easyway to Stop Smoking.

My two sisters and my brother-in-law in England have also quit. My brother-in-law's success was the one that convinced me to buy the book. He had a heart attack about 4 years ago and he still carried on smoking but after reading this book he has been quit for about a month now.

I am 53 and have been smoking regularly since I was about 15. I was smoking 20-25 cigarettes a day and a lot more of a weekend or when I drank alcohol. In all these years I have only ever given up twice, once for 3 months and once for 4 months.

The book was originally written in 1983 and has been reprinted many time, it has sold 6 million copies and been translated into over 20 languages, so Tammy you should be able to pick one up in a charity shop for a few pounds (I see you are in England??).

BTW Richard Branson and Sir Anthony Hopkins both quit using this method though I should imagine they went to the one day course. My sister said that Anthony Hopkins has said that if you haven't quit by the end of the book then you probably haven't read it properly. Allen Carr himself said he used to smoke 60 a day on a good day and 100 on a bad day!!

Of course the whole thing here is that you have to WANT to quit........if you don't then absolutely NOBODY will convince you otherwise, well intentioned as their thoughts may be..........I can personally vouch for that.


Barb

[Love]

Those awful "shoulds." I do remember reading in the TR book that people get MUSTs done, and shoulds only some of the time. If you absolutely had to do something with no room for error, what would you do...sort of question.

I also think that everyone has a hot button. Something that will jerk them into doing something else. I also believe that you can willfully expose people to these hot buttons.

[imagex]

Maybe it will make you uncomfortable,but this method is very effective.

Find a picture of smoke lung,and set it as wallpaper.

[Matthew Shea]

Tammy, if being diagnosed with a life threatening, possibly terminal disease isn't enough to make him quit (lung cancer cure rates are among the lowest in relation to all cancers), as much as I hate to say this, I'm afraid there's not much more you can do. Remember, your uncle is dealing with an addiction. That's much more than a habit and exponentially harder to break. He might figure that the cancer's going to kill him anyway, so why bother quitting now. The problem is that he might be right.

I'd suggest you focus on your cousins instead. Hearing the message "look at what cigarettes took away from you already, now just keep smoking and wait to see what else happens" might be just what's needed to at least prevent this from taking any more lives.

I say this having lost a dear family friend to inoperable lung cancer. Our friend, Rich, quit as soon as he was diagnosed and did everything the doctors told him, including chemo and radiation. At one point, it looked very promising, then 6 months later he was gone, the cancer having spread to his liver, lymph nodes and brain. The world lost a very intelligent person and a great friend when he died. It was a real shame.

[ming]

I used to smoke for a few years at evening time when at home only, in my relaxing time, let´s say.
I started to think that smoking was the cause of my drowsiness all throughout the day, so I decided to quit to put my theory to test.
I asked the universe over a period of a few days to help me quit. Miraclously soon after I stopped. i just came home one evening and had no the need to light up after dinner. Next day I tried to smoke only one and after a couple of puffs it didn´t taste good. and that was it, that simple.
Sometimes I wonder why the universe granted me that wish so fast and no other more important wishes that have been queing for a long time.
I come to the conclusion that as a smoker I have never feared smoking, the bad press about the effects, actually I quite enjoyed it. I don´t think smoking is bad either unless, as with everithing else, you overdo it.
So this lighthearted attitude towards tobacco of mine,may be the reason why the universe delivered my wish so fast.
The drowsiness did not go away with stopping the habit. Finally I realised that the cause of my all-day yawning and lethargic mood was the result of a life without excitement.

[Love]

yeah, take the image of that imagex posted, and stick a picture of the person you want to quit on top so it seems that their body is the one infected, and then give it to them.

(sigh) I am only half-joking. I think one of the issues is that someone could see the image of the destroyed lungs and still feel disconnected from it enough not to make any change. I think when a person could see that lung not just as an destroyed lung, but as their own destroyed lung, it could be powerful.

[Jay Bee]

If you are a smoker you won't even "see" the images. Here in Australia they have pretty graphic photo's on the cigarette packets such as the one you have posted and believe me you DO NOT see them if you are a smoker. I don't know of anybody in my acquaintance that has stopped smoking because of them. And you non-smoker's are going to hate this, but most smoker's even laugh at the photo's.

You have to be a smoker to understand.........

Barb

[newdad]

Forest, I was in your position. When I married, my wife and I were both smokers. We enjoyed smoking. I liked stepping outside of the workload at the office and lighting up for a break. The non-smokers didn't get them. My favorite part of smoking was stepping outside on a winters night and watching snow fall against the dark backdrop of the night. I didn't want to quit and I know my wife didn't, she had other reasons.

But, when we started talking about having a child I was adamant that we needed to quit before the baby was conceived. I took the initiative and quit. I have always been able to quit when I choose. I just pick a day and say that's the last day and then it is so. My wife, didn't quit. She said she did, but she continued to smoke behind my back. I suspected as much, but I tried to trust her. But, I caught her smoking, after we knew we had conceived. I nagged her constantly, I begged her for the sake of our child. And she did quit. She was miserable for a week she stayed on the couch and cried. The cigarettes had such a hold on her.

As soon as the baby was born she was back to smoking behind my back. I caught her again, and I lost all trust in her. I worried like you do, about what she was doing everytime she was out of my site. It did no good. All my worry about her wasn't going to stop her. Nothing I said, could get her to quit.

But, one day she decided she wanted a new home and we found one that was going to cost us an extra 300 per month. I explained to her that I wasn't going to work any extra for that house and if she wanted it she could either go to work or she could quite smoking. Between the cigarettes and the pop she had to drink to help with her dry throat she was spending 300 a month. It was what she needed. She got help from her doctor. Who prescribed Chantix. My wife used it for about a month and had an easy time quitting. She was absolutely shocked by the ease that it offered.

My aunt and my best friend have also quit using Chantix. All three are people that I never believed would quit, but this seemed to work for them. Best of all, most insurances cover it, so it actually saves money.

Okay, this is getting rather lengthy. So, to sum up:

1. Your worries don't help anyone. I didn't like my wife smoking, but I had to accept it or be miserable.

2. Be patient. There are reasons out there for her to quit.

3. When she is ready, there are ways to help. I'm not a doctor, but I've seen three long time smokers succeed with Chantix and I know two of them have failed many times before this.

4. Now that my wife has been a non-smoker for four months, she is constantly saying how glad she is to not need a cigarette anymore.

[forest]

Well things finally came to a head last week, we had a huge arguement and we shouted a lot, it ended in me leaving her!
We then spent the next few days contemplating what had happened.
It was then that i realised that i loved her too much and needed to get my head round things. After 2 friends and this forum made me see some sense we made up.

The thing is i know that i cant make her stop, i hate it more than ever for it getting to this but our relationship is worth far more.

Now i need to start understanding and coping in the knowledge that she is a smoker..

There are a few things that still bug me.
I said i didn't want her doing it in front of me, she says this will drive her into secrecy again and make it worse.
We went out for a lovely meal, 10 seconds after the main, she lit up, i nearly exploded!! She knows how much i really do hate it!
Where's the compromise??? it felt like she was taking the p*** and testing me? Its taking me loads to do this! But she says she's proud of me so perhaps there is a little bit of respect??

In all other arguements in the past about it she said the problem was socially, in only a week now she has changed her, how can i say it, her actions to fit around smoking and not just socially!

I dont know if she realises it, i have noticed loads, the cigarettes control her!

She comes home from work and no longer gets showered and ready for bed, she has to stayed clothed to go outside for one last time before bed.
Excuses, all of a sudden there is a need to go outside, bins, move car, never did that in the last 14 months!
Smoking at work,driving,in the afternoon, before bed, shes gone back to it all in an instant! I think she is over smoking if that makes sense? 1 after the other!!
No sign of helping herself, is this a bit of rebellion now she has the freedom and i won't say anything??
I cant wait for the smoking ban on july 1st but think that it will just divert the smoking to other times and places.
She wont dare ever smoke in front of her mum/grandparents and dont think she will in front of my parents.

Then there is the cost, i dont know how she can afford it, she scrimps on phone bills and shopping, is never extravagant and carefull at home with the utilities, all because she moans about her wages and how its always tight at the end of the month. I dont want to bring this up as its too soon and she will think i'm still hung up on it!
I know she smokes and i wont say anything, i just hope the penny drops and she realises it all for herself.

Sorry to go on, but this site is really helping.

[Dan.Linehan]

I totally disagree with Adam on this one. Quitting smoking is hard but quitting nicotine substitues is pretty easy, you can chew normal gum in place of nicotine gum and step down that way. I used gum and lozenges to quit and I'm not sure I could have done it otherwise.

Also, now if I'm going out drinking or to a party or something where I'll be tempted, I can take the nicotine substitutes with me and chew a piece when everyone else goes out for a smoke.

/Smoked 4 cigarettes in May, and each was a conscious choice.
//Cravings are all but gone. Even after big meals or when others are smoking.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by newdad

She got help from her doctor. Who prescribed Chantix. My wife used it for about a month and had an easy time quitting. She was absolutely shocked by the ease that it offered.

Chantix is good stuff. I've heard lots of good things about it.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by Jay Bee

I have quit just 2 weeks ago using the Allen Carr book The Easyway to Stop Smoking.

Another great way. This book is all about changing beliefs about smoking, its amazing how much changing some beliefs can change your outlook on a whole situation. But I guess thats why we're all at Steve Pavlinas site, huh?

What I did, and there probably won't be much support for this method, was I detoxed myself. I locked my self in my room with lots of snacks, gave my keys to a friend, and watched DVDs and surfed the web for three days.

The withdraw actually physically hurt. I ached for a cigarette, after all, I had smoked for ten years. But after three days that pretty much went away and never came back, even when I smoked socially a few times later on.

Don't assume that nicotine is a weak addiction. If you can find a way to detox for three days or so it becomes much easier from there. I just used the gum after that

[Love]

Forest, it sounds like you're hitting a peak, too. Maybe if you weather through this (putting up with her smoking), as you would wish her to weather through her addiction, maybe she'd see that it can be done? that change can happen?

[Bole]

I didn't read the thread, but I would like to share my story and couple of suggestions.

I started smoking at 16 and was smoking a box per day through my wild years all the way to the age of 22. Then couple of things changed, ... I noticed I didn't enjoy smoking anymore, also my awareness that I am harming myself started to pop up. Now I am cigarette free from New years day 2003.

My suggestion to those who want to quit smoking is do it in a day. Enjoy your last day of smoking ( I smoked around 40 cigarettes on that night ) and then make a cut. Be prepared for struggling, ... you are physically and mentally addicted. Big time addicted. Be aware that the only way to stop smoking is to replace habit with another habit. Mine wasn't so smart and it took me a year to figure that out. I would suggest eating apples and starting cycling. Be prepared to struggle with you desire to smoke. Smell of cigarettes will be one of the most beautiful things in a world. But that will go away. When I think about putting a cigarette in my mouth I get so strong negative emotions today, that it is practically impossible to me to imagine myself smoking again.

Apart method mentioned above you could also try this ( though I wasn't able to thought that way in my smoking days ) Do you like to be a victim ? I bet not. But you are if you are smoking. Tobacco industry has brainwashed you and has put subliminal messages in your unconscious mind. You saw thousands of ads, smoking in movies, "researches" about safe and unharmed smoking etc. Everything just to make you believe that smoking is a solution for your problems. Not really. So if you refuse to be a victim you have strong leverage to quit supporting corrupted bastards laughing at you from Bahamas while you are choking yourself every morning.

[forest]

Update for you,

Me and my girl went out on friday night, her smoking all night, not flouting it in my face but still with me stood by her side!

We had a great night, casino and i won!! Not long till July 1st and i wont smell of the stuff again!!

Well it went a bit wrong when we got home, she went for a last smoke, came in and asked questions about what my parents know on the subject.

I got a big angry as she brought it up and was so defensive which got my back up and we argued! not good.
The outcome was that she says she has struggled for the last 12 months, wants to smoke at work in stessful times and at home and when she goes out. She thinks the ban will not help, she put it into a third person context, saying people will smoke more at home etc (ie her too!)

I said i couldn't wait as i will enjoy my time out with her more socially, mistake i know. She stormed outside for another, remember she had already been for her last, we had been drinking heavily and i shouted outside to her "go on then if that makes you feel so much better", bad i know.

I opplogised for my actions, we made up, i was so angry with myself, i'm suppossed to be controlling myself. She accepted my appology in good terms, i knew it would happen like this at some time, especially after Jack Daniels! no excuse though.

So I had a think, we're back on track again, never want that to happen again as it makes it worse and her feel under pressure again.

Well rant over, we had such a good night as well!!! Holiday next week so time to relax in the sun. Cheers all.