SOS on LOA vs. Grief/Depression

[Candace]

Hello Forum, I will like to see what others know about applying LOA from The Secret when going through the grief of loosing your Parents compounded with chemical/emotional depression. I am trying to apply the steps to the LOA with some success in improving overall state of mind. However, finding that there is depression and grief just under the surface that rises to the top compounded with anxiety. The happy feeling associated with "thinking" positive thoughts turning to happy feelings is present for a little while and then flashes of saddness loss and greif.... almost like a subconscious uncontrollable mist that takes over. I am wondering if LOA works only when people are NOT going through natural losses or times of crises that are beyond their control.

[Hilary]

Hi Candace,

I am really sorry about your parents. I can relate - my Dad died a few years ago, and my Mum followed him last summer. You have my sympathy.

My take on this is probably not 'LOA orthodoxy', but never mind. I would say the only 'law' you need worry about is the law of your own spirit. That will tell you what you 'should' be feeling right now; no-one else can. Of course you grieve your parents - how could you not? (And anxiety - or outright panic - is a normal part of grieving.) Sometimes you'll be able to feel positively, sometimes you won't. Sometimes you'll think you're 'coping well', other times you'll think the bottom's fallen out of the world.

I don't believe there is anything 'wrong' with this, or that trying to make yourself feel a certain way is going to help matters. Your whole self will decide, from a deep place your conscious decisions cannot reach, when it's time for happiness. (And sometimes that decision manifests directly in a change of mood, sometimes in a profound resolution to do what it takes and get what help you need to bring about the change.) I do believe you have a deep wisdom that knows the best way to travel through this, and it's not anything you need to worry about controlling.

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by Candace

The happy feeling associated with "thinking" positive thoughts turning to happy feelings is present for a little while and then flashes of saddness loss and greif.... almost like a subconscious uncontrollable mist that takes over.

Let yourself feel what you feel and be very present with it. Keep your thoughts in the moment. When a worry comes in or a thought that has nothing to do with what is in your surroundings, refocus on what is going on.... which may be nothing from the mind's point of view. (You could be sitting on the couch feeling sad -- feel that sadness! Experience it fully. Cry if you need to cry. It may seem illogical to just burst into tears, just do it.)

At this point don't let the tenants of LOA/The Secret interfere with your grieving process. Feel what you feel, and keep your thoughts in the moment, remember to breathe.

[NDavid]

Hey Candace,

Sorry to hear about your loss. There's no shame in feeling grief, in fact I think it's an important part of the healing process. Let yourself feel what you feel, but realise that they're now at peace. Everyone grieves for lost loves ones, but if you're getting sudden uncontrolable periods then maybe there's some underlying issues that need resolving? Look within yourself and try workout if their is deep issues that need resolving (maybe something left unsaid to your parents, something you need to forgive yourself for etc). I think once you solve the underlying issues, while you'll still miss them, it will be easier for you to accept what happened and move on. Then, when you feel yourself thinking about them, try focusing on the things that you loved about them. These memories and the effect your parents had on your life are things that can never die. Draw strength from all the good things you remember about them and use that to help you move on. Allow yourself to miss them, but remember that the lst thing they would want is for you to grieve forever.

Best wishes :-)

NDavid