Self-Confidence Experiment

[Cochonette]

Hey folks,

I am doing a self-confidence trial/experiment. I have started a new blog and plan to do a vlog. I am going to act as if I am self-confident for the next month.

The plan is to post entries as a spokesperson for self-confidence. Does anyone have any ideas for topics relating to self-confidence? If I can't think of enough topics relating to self-confidence, I will just use other PD topics.

Here is my blog entry.

Thanks,
Self-Confidence Advocate

[elucidate]

I don't really have any ideas right now, I just wanted to say good for you. I think this will be an interesting experiment for you. I did the same thing years ago when I was really shy and would force myself to go out and talk to strangers on the bus...it works wonders. Stand tall, make sure your posture is straight and walk around as though you've been here forever and can handle anything life throws at you.

[Leesah]

Sounds great, good luck

Confidence is something I really need to cultivate too (and quickly!), so I think I'd be interested in your vlogs (I'm finding my concentration span for reading right now is zero).

Will you update this thread when you've posted a vlog? Pretty interested in viewing it.

Again, good luck with your experiment, I hope you get some good results from it.

[ZephyrusX]

If I think of something, I'll post it. Congrats on taking the initative to start a project like this.

[Cochonette]

Thanks for your support, everyone.

I did the same thing years ago when I was really shy and would force myself to go out and talk to strangers on the bus...it works wonders. Stand tall, make sure your posture is straight and walk around as though you've been here forever and can handle anything life throws at you.

Good advice. Do you still talk to strangers on the bus?

Will you update this thread when you've posted a vlog? Pretty interested in viewing it.

Sure will.

[Julia.Ru]

I agree it's really like acting.
So far, my suggestions for the topic would be:
Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem - What's the difference and how are they intertwined?
How to remain self-confident while being attacked by others? (How to learn to resist attacks from others?)
Maybe I'll think of some more..

[Cochonette]

Hey, Leesah. Sorry, but it's taken me this long to actually get some videos up (oops!). I've been blogging the whole time, but the vlogging has been much slower. But I'm not totally absent on that!

Introductory Video - this doesn't really say anything that the intro blog post doesn't, so if you've read that, you can skip this (the blog post is much more interesting anyway)
Declare Your Self-Confidence! (Affirmations)
Smile first!

If anyone wants to give me any tips on speaking/vlogging, that's welcome. If not, it's cool. I'll probably join Toastmasters eventually.

Edit: Okay, I actually don't really like my videos. They seem to say so much less than my blog posts, and I seriously need to work on my public speaking skills. I am looking all over the place and don't know how to look into the tiny camera eye. And I'm slow. I will keep working on videos until the end of the experiment, since I committed to that, but there's a very good chance I will totally drop it after the experiment. I am not sure if I should prepare more for them in advance instead of speaking extemporaneously or work on improving my impromptu. Well, I'm sure I could work on both, but it's a question of which I have the greatest potential at. .... That said, it is good to put myself out there and allow myself to just appear as I am.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

Hey, Leesah. Sorry, but it's taken me this long to actually get some videos up (oops!). I've been blogging the whole time, but the vlogging has been much slower. But I'm not totally absent on that!

Introductory Video - this doesn't really say anything that the intro blog post doesn't, so if you've read that, you can skip this (the blog post is much more interesting anyway)
Declare Your Self-Confidence! (Affirmations)
Smile first!

If anyone wants to give me any tips on speaking/vlogging, that's welcome. If not, it's cool. I'll probably join Toastmasters eventually.

Edit: Okay, I actually don't really like my videos. They seem to say so much less than my blog posts, and I seriously need to work on my public speaking skills. I am looking all over the place and don't know how to look into the tiny camera eye. And I'm slow. I will keep working on videos until the end of the experiment, since I committed to that, but there's a very good chance I will totally drop it after the experiment. I am not sure if I should prepare more for them in advance instead of speaking extemporaneously or work on improving my impromptu. Well, I'm sure I could work on both, but it's a question of which I have the greatest potential at. .... That said, it is good to put myself out there and allow myself to just appear as I am.

So great to see you doing this! You remind me so much of myself in these videos. I also need to work on my public speaking skills and I have a habit of looking around too. For me, its scarier to focus on one thing so I scan my eyes around and this relieves anxiety and discomfort.

A trying, willing spirit is respected and admired. You are making progress

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

You remind me so much of myself in these videos. I also need to work on my public speaking skills and I have a habit of looking around too. For me, its scarier to focus on one thing so I scan my eyes around and this relieves anxiety and discomfort.

Really? I remind myself of an autistic person in the videos. lol I once watched a video of a severely autistic kid who could NOT look into the therapist's face and kept turning away. But in this case I think it's a matter of discomfort with staring at a tiny lens... it's just such a tiny thing to focus on while talking, not to mention unusual and not an actual person. When I'm Skyping I don't have this problem because I can just stare into the computer screen at the other person. Anyway, the way you put it, discomfort, is helpful because I think it really is just a matter of discomfort. I think I just need to focus on that lens and speak into it. I'll try that and see how it turns out. Or maybe I should just try looking at the camera as a whole.

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

A trying, willing spirit is respected and admired. You are making progress

Thanks!

[Brutha]

If I understand right you are at a university. Go to Google scholar and type in self confidence. Read through a bunch of articles and they will give you enough material.

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by Brutha

If I understand right you are at a university. Go to Google scholar and type in self confidence. Read through a bunch of articles and they will give you enough material.

Thanks. That's a good idea.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

Really? I remind myself of an autistic person in the videos. lol I once watched a video of a severely autistic kid who could NOT look into the therapist's face and kept turning away. But in this case I think it's a matter of discomfort with staring at a tiny lens... it's just such a tiny thing to focus on while talking, not to mention unusual and not an actual person. When I'm Skyping I don't have this problem because I can just stare into the computer screen at the other person. Anyway, the way you put it, discomfort, is helpful because I think it really is just a matter of discomfort. I think I just need to focus on that lens and speak into it. I'll try that and see how it turns out. Or maybe I should just try looking at the camera as a whole.

lol, that's funny.

I do not have a hard time staring at someone when they are speaking but when I am presenting, in front of a camera or group, I feel too nervous to look in one spot. I don't have the concentration or confidence.

My past therapist explained to me that the founder of the "Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing" method became aware of her eye movements when she felt uncomfortable. So, perhaps this may explain both of our tendencies to look elsewhere.

For example, when I have tried my inner child therapy I was told to focus on a picture of me as child. Soon enough, I found myself looking away or around the room. It was so dang hard to focus on that image and I soon understood why.

Of course, it may not be this at all but I wanted to pass it along! Discomfort will certainly wane with time and practice.

Let me know how it goes. I am curious!

[Angela]

Cochonette, you are absolutely adorable! You've got lots of charisma and sweetness and it comes through in your videos.

When I am presented with a video, I'll look at the running time, and if it's more than a couple of minutes, I probably won't watch it unless I have some reason to believe it's PACKED with information, insight, or fun. You might want to consider keeping it very short and pithy. Plus it's good practice for being concise and engaged.

You're doing great! Best wishes with your project.

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I do not have a hard time staring at someone when they are speaking but when I am presenting, in front of a camera or group, I feel too nervous to look in one spot. I don't have the concentration or confidence.

Yeah! I suspect that it's a combination of those. For me, it's harder to concentrate while staring into a bunch of people's eyes at once.

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

My past therapist explained to me that the founder of the "Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing" method became aware of her eye movements when she felt uncomfortable. So, perhaps this may explain both of our tendencies to look elsewhere.

I suppose what we could use is a meditative awareness. For me, choosing to be self-confident is quite meditative.

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

For example, when I have tried my inner child therapy I was told to focus on a picture of me as child. Soon enough, I found myself looking away or around the room. It was so dang hard to focus on that image and I soon understood why.

Why is that? It sounds like it could be a confidence issue, indeed. You know, a lot of people have trouble saying, "I am beautiful," and that is clearly a self-confidence issue. Staring at your own photo may be similar: the challenge to face and embrace yourself, you know?

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

Let me know how it goes. I am curious!

I will!

Cochonette, you are absolutely adorable! You've got lots of charisma and sweetness and it comes through in your videos.

Thanks for the sweet comment. ^^

When I am presented with a video, I'll look at the running time, and if it's more than a couple of minutes, I probably won't watch it unless I have some reason to believe it's PACKED with information, insight, or fun. You might want to consider keeping it very short and pithy. Plus it's good practice for being concise and engaged.

That's a very good point. I will most likely prepare some notes in advance of the next one, to make things smoother and more brief.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

Why is that? It sounds like it could be a confidence issue, indeed. You know, a lot of people have trouble saying, "I am beautiful," and that is clearly a self-confidence issue. Staring at your own photo may be similar: the challenge to face and embrace yourself, you know?
.

At the time, I was staring at a picture of me when I was five years old. It was difficult to look at that innocent, sweet face and I felt sorrow. To combat this, I looked away. It was like her staring eyes screamed, "help me!"

If my therapist never told me why I did it, I wouldn't even be aware of it.

This is an example of why I am so fascinated by psychology! It wishes to explain behaviors so that we can better understand ourselves.

[cdavis]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

Hey folks,

I am doing a self-confidence trial/experiment. I have started a new blog and plan to do a vlog. I am going to act as if I am self-confident for the next month.

The plan is to post entries as a spokesperson for self-confidence. Does anyone have any ideas for topics relating to self-confidence? If I can't think of enough topics relating to self-confidence, I will just use other PD topics.

Here is my blog entry.

Thanks,
Self-Confidence Advocate

I think it's extremely hard to act like you have self-confidence. It feels like you're playing an actor in a movie who has self-confidence when you in fact do not. I don't know, it's just something that comes from a place within that is hard to fake. Kinda reminds me of how you can tell if people are really smiling or just fake smiling. The thing that has helped me the most with self-confidence isn't to necessarily just act like I am self-confident but to identify what exactly made me not confident in myself to begin with, and work on fixing that.

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by cdavis

I think it's extremely hard to act like you have self-confidence. It feels like you're playing an actor in a movie who has self-confidence when you in fact do not. I don't know, it's just something that comes from a place within that is hard to fake. Kinda reminds me of how you can tell if people are really smiling or just fake smiling.

Really? Have you actually tried it before?

I may be wrong, but I suspect that you watched one of my videos and are now judging my entire experiment because you think I'm a bad actor. I don't have formal theatre training, so don't expect me to suddenly look like a movie star. I never said I was that.

In any case, you can't tell if someone is fake smiling or really smiling if they're a skilled actor. A skilled actor who is acting a smile probably is really smiling. Life is all about acting/action anyway.

The "acting" part is really to get myself into the mode of willingness to try new things that I might otherwise be holding myself back from. It is not to become inauthentic, but to become playful. I become more authentic, not less.

I started this experiment over three weeks ago, and it's going quite well, FYI. I'll post a write-up about it when it's done.

[Cochonette]

This month marks one year since I did this experiment. I am happy to say that things have just gotten better and better since. This was one of the two most pivotal moments of my life. I have so much hope for the future. Faith would be a more accurate word.

Thank you all for supporting and inspiring me. ^^

I never actually posted a summary of the experiment, but maybe I'll post something at the first anniversary.

[ZephyrusX]

I'd like to hear about your self-confidence experiment. OptimusPrime was also telling me that you are doing some form of coaching? What is up with that?

I might try something similar (I'm talking about the experiment) except focus on some other attribute. I don't think I'm really lacking in self-confidence, but I've been feeling really unhappy lately. Sometimes I just don't have the will to get up in the morning, and if I do, I am just doing it because I feel like I 'have to' (school, work). May be I'll do a 'happy experiment'. Really, all I want in life is to be happy.

I don't know though. Is 'happiness' too vague of a goal? May be it would make more sense to focus on the attribute (or lack of attribute) that is responsible for my lack of happiness. Whatever the hell that might be...

Originally Posted by Cochonette

This month marks one year since I did this experiment. I am happy to say that things have just gotten better and better since. This was one of the two most pivotal moments of my life. I have so much hope for the future. Faith would be a more accurate word.

Thank you all for supporting and inspiring me. ^^

I never actually posted a summary of the experiment, but maybe I'll post something at the first anniversary.

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

I'd like to hear about your self-confidence experiment. OptimusPrime was also telling me that you are doing some form of coaching? What is up with that?

I might try something similar (I'm talking about the experiment) except focus on some other attribute. I don't think I'm really lacking in self-confidence, but I've been feeling really unhappy lately. Sometimes I just don't have the will to get up in the morning, and if I do, I am just doing it because I feel like I 'have to' (school, work). May be I'll do a 'happy experiment'. Really, all I want in life is to be happy.

I don't know though. Is 'happiness' too vague of a goal? May be it would make more sense to focus on the attribute (or lack of attribute) that is responsible for my lack of happiness. Whatever the hell that might be...

Yes, I am coaching on procrastination, mutual coaching! I might try coaching on some other things in the near future as well. Right now I'm just testing it out.

I would say focus on positive mind. That is the same as happiness. The thing is, happiness is just a general feeling... positive mind can be so many things, from a single intellectual thought to a profound emotional experience. It's the same thing I used to become self-confident. Happiness and self-confidence have the same underpinning. You can still make happiness your goal, I would think, as long as you have specific, practical ways to get there. I'd be happy to discuss details with you.

I'll let you know if I post an update on the experiment.

[ZephyrusX]

That might work. There is usually no stressor to my moods. Every now and then I just get my self into a self-perpetuating mental funk and I need to break the pattern I suppose. What sort of specific, practical things do you do?

Originally Posted by Cochonette

I would say focus on positive mind. That is the same as happiness. The thing is, happiness is just a general feeling... positive mind can be so many things, from a single intellectual thought to a profound emotional experience. It's the same thing I used to become self-confident. Happiness and self-confidence have the same underpinning. You can still make happiness your goal, I would think, as long as you have specific, practical ways to get there. I'd be happy to discuss details with you.

Originally Posted by Cochonette

I'll let you know if I post an update on the experiment.

Thanks.

[Cochonette]

What sort of specific, practical things do you do?

Well, I mean like just deciding to think positively is a practical thing. Always thinking in terms of finding solutions instead of worrying/complaining/dwelling on things that just send you in frustrating circles.

Although it's funny, I just now am thinking simply in terms of how I create my own happiness. I think it's getting easier, though, because I've already done a lot of focusing on specific ways to be positive.

[Cochonette]

I did finally write a one-year update, which you can find here.

And I've continued updating the blog as well.

[Apresto]

I don't know if I'm right, but it seems to me that you're looking to be praised in order to feel good about yourself. It is to be praised that you're onto something positive, but in time I've learned that being praised leads to feeling good at first and very down after.

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by Apresto

I don't know if I'm right, but it seems to me that you're looking to be praised in order to feel good about yourself. It is to be praised that you're onto something positive, but in time I've learned that being praised leads to feeling good at first and very down after.

Really? Well, I think that being praised only leads to feeling down if you are solely or primarily basing your experience upon external praise. The Self-Confidence Experiment is about praise (a word I haven't used before in reference to it, but I'll take it) more generally. I looked up the word "praise," and the first thing it says is "expression of approval... admiration." The Self-Confidence Experiment is about expressing approval toward oneself, loving oneself, admiring oneself (definition of admire: "to regard with pleasure, wonder, and approval"). And it is a self-fulfilling prophecy in that this also leads either directly or indirectly toward receiving greater approval from others. Since other people share our same essence, are interconnected with us just as each part of our mind is connected with another, then receiving approval from others is similar - if not equivalent - to receiving praise from ourselves. It is important to internalize this praise, however, as something in good faith, something inalienable. That is what this experiment is about. It includes consciously using the praise of others to encourage the profound internalization of self-praise and self-worth, though it is not solely about that. But it is like listening to personal growth tapes every day - or hanging around friends who are "a good influence" - combined with taking a more active role in influencing and empowering oneself than ever before.

And even though this idea sprung straight from my mind as if it were original, successful people have been saying the same things since long before I was born. Dale Carnegie, who got to be the judge of 6000 speeches per year, lists "acting as if" as one of the keys to developing self-confidence in public speaking. My own public speaking professor also suggested it, though she emphasized practice as #1.

[wanzulfikri]

What I can see that this is a good idea...I am checking your blog right now

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

The plan is to post entries as a spokesperson for self-confidence. Does anyone have any ideas for topics relating to self-confidence? If I can't think of enough topics relating to self-confidence, I will just use other PD topics.

How to "Build Confidence" Profound-Self-Help.com

Help Low Self Esteem - Profound-Self-Help.com

Self Esteem For Children - Profound-Self-Help.coom

"Letting Go"...A Beautiful Quote and The Heart of Profound-Self-Help.com

ADHD Self Help - A Story of Healing - Profound-Self-Help.com