Is this selfish?

[arrogantlyinsane]

Hi there...

I've been having a rough two weeks lately. My mom has basically put me on solitary confinement for the next six months; I can't talk to my best friend as much as I did two weeks ago; I can't leave the house, etc.

Over the weekend, she confronted me and things escalated and in the end, I was an emotional mess. I was somewhat suicidal and extremely depressed. I couldn't stop crying for two days.

After that, I sent an email to my best friend, just to vent and explain what happened because I thought he had a right to know because my mom's whole problem revolves around me talking to him. So, I vent and vent. We talk. And, now we haven't been talking lately. AT ALL. I'm afraid to talk to him because I feel as if I bug him with my constant problems and that he's just going to get tired of listening to me rant.

Then, at school, I talked to my other best friend and she explained alot to me; yet, I have so many unanswered questions and emotions, and I want to just...vent. However, she has also been distant lately, maybe because i've been so down-in-the-dumps, I don't know. Because of her 'distance' I'm hesitant to talk to her as well.

Is this selfish? Wanting to talk through my problems with someone? Am I being too self-centered?

[scotthegeek]

I take it your a teenager. things can be hard at any age but things do get better. I'm not sure what to say about vetting to friends. but if your feel depressed and somewhat suicidal I'm glad your talking this is a safe place and people are supportive here.

Scott

[AaronB]

What's wrong with being selfish? Yes it's selfish. It's looking out for what's best for you, what would make you happy. Your mother doesn't sound too happy, perhaps if she thought about what would really help her enjoy her life, then she could relate better to you without all the drama.

Venting is really good. Sometimes you don't want to bother trying to find a solution, if you've accumulated too much stress, just vent and vent and vent away. There's plenty of room on the Internet. Normally though venting keeps you focused on whose fault it is that you're miserable. When you're ready to thoroughly enjoy your life, regardless of what circumstances life throws at you, this particular site is very good. It's a mixed bag. Some people will still valiantly claim that life has a power over them to make them miserable and that they need to fight it. But others have realized that true peace comes from the inside out and can be maintained under absolutely any circumstance reality can throw at you. Then circumstances become a path to greater peace with less need to control things.

[arrogantlyinsane]

What's wrong with being selfish?

I feel there is alot of things wrong with being selfish. I come from an Indian background, where selfishness is deemed wrong. Everything is about your reputation and making other people happy.

However, that's not my problem. I guess I'm afraid that they'll get sick of me venting and leave and i'll be all alone. And, because of that vulnerability of needing them more than they need me, I'm afraid to talk to them.

This site is awesome. I've read some threads and people here really know how to make someone feel better

[AaronB]

Originally Posted by arrogantlyinsane

I feel there is alot of things wrong with being selfish. I come from an Indian background, where selfishness is deemed wrong. Everything is about your reputation and making other people happy.

However, that's not my problem. I guess I'm afraid that they'll get sick of me venting and leave and i'll be all alone. And, because of that vulnerability of needing them more than they need me, I'm afraid to talk to them.

If selfishness is deemed wrong by a bunch of people, then you will have whole bunches of people trying to impress each other so they can look good to each other. Their whole reason for not wanting to be selfish is so that they look good. In your case you are afraid that venting might not look good. Then people might leave you. If you want to look good, then just do your best to act like everybody else and not disturb anyone. Then everyone will love you and you will have a wonderful reputation. But you will know that it isn't really you. It is just you making other people happy so that you can have a good reputation.

Most people live their entire lives trapped by trying to make little impressions on all the little people that surround them, so they can live a happy little life. Only as you become free from trying to look good do you begin to discover who you really are.

[arrogantlyinsane]

But you will know that it isn't really you.

It's not me, yes.

I'm afraid that they'll just think I'm a complainer and whiner even though I just want to talk about everything.

Most people live their entire lives trapped by trying to make little impressions on all the little people that surround them, so they can live a happy little life. Only as you become free from trying to look good do you begin to discover who you really are.

So, I should talk to them without caring if they think I'm complaining?

[AaronB]

Originally Posted by arrogantlyinsane

I'm afraid that they'll just think I'm a complainer and whiner even though I just want to talk about everything.

So, I should talk to them without caring if they think I'm complaining?

It's probably not all in your head. I bet you have often had the very real experience of saying how you feel about something and being told that it is complaining. Then you start to really believe that anything you say that contradicts the fixed beliefs of others is "just a complaint."

It really helps to talk to people who are interested in your well being, your happiness, you finding a way of living life in a way that makes you feel totally alive and energized. If you seek sympathy, you will find many people who will offer it to you. By sympathizing with you they just agree with you that you are a victim of circumstances. There is some value here, that at least you get to feel like you're not crazy. But when your focus is on how other people should change to make your life better, you are putting yourself on a short leash.

It would be impossible to talk to them without caring if they think you are complaining, because at this moment you do care. I think it would be valuable to be very clear about what you hope to achieve by talking to them. Do you want them to see things from your perspective? I think it is really valuable to share perspectives, but I've also met a lot of people who are highly motivated to not see things your way. They will bend over backwards not to understand you. The more you try to explain yourself the more exhausted both of you will become.