Afraid of Death

[BitterFlower]

For most of my life, my reaction about death was slightly sad, yet, I felt like "they are in a better place". I was afraid of my parent's deaths and my own, but I felt like I would cross that bridge when I get there.

However, that slowly started to change after my dad died 3 years ago. I was a practicing Christian then, so I felt that, oh, I will see him when I get to heaven and got some comfort in that. But when I visited his grave, I felt nothing, like his spirit wasn't there. I was haunted in my dreams by someone that looked like my dad, but acted more wooden. This wooden figure would make me think that my dad was still alive, but when I wake up, I would realize all over again that he was truly dead.

I slowly became and athiest because of his death and other reasons. I started to believe that death is more like being unplugged from the matrix. Like, how in the movie, the people in ship were unplugged while still in the matrix, and they just fell out and died. I stopped believing that "it was his/her time" or "they are in a better place". Whoever is dead is just randomly dead--they go back to dust.

This also troubles me because I also had a near death experience (NDE). I stopped breathing and had to be brought back with CPR and during the time, I felt that I fell into nothing. I didn't even feel my husband banging on my chest or my daughter screaming. That was pretty scary and now I'm terrified of randomly falling into nothingness. I'm even scared of my daughter and husband dying. I wanted more children, but now I don't want any more and regret having my daughter because I don't want them to die.

My mom had a health scare this year, and visiting her made me realize she too is afraid of death and feels the emptiness of my dad's death. I'll be honest, my memories of him (or much of my life) is fading fast and I'm more sad that he's simply not on this planet moreso than for a specific memory or action.

My husband is not much help with this. He acts pretty non-chalant about death. He even claims all the time "I wish I could die so I can get this life over with" and "I'll be so happy when I die". His dad died when he was 9, and his step-dad that raised him died when he was 19. He said that he cried after when his step-dad died, but, to me, his step-dad's death doesn't bother him much at this point, almost 10 years later.

My husband harps on the fact that I must accept the things I can't change, especially my own eventual death. I do accept that my dad is dead, and even stopped dreaming about my dad for a while when I realized I really didn't want him showing up in my dreams because it upset me. I also accept that I will one day die, but my NDE just haunts me in that it will be some random event that I can't control and that I will fade into nothingness.

I feel that I was better off thinking there was some heaven or someplace to go after death, but now I just feel we all turn into dust and this consciousness that I have now is just a blip and possibly meaningless.

This has been actively bothering me for months. I can't talk to my husband about it anymore because of how his nonchalance about death. I don't know what advice you guys can give, but I appreciate anything you can give.

[scorpio1980]

Well I don't know what to tell you on how to not be afraid, except like your husband says don't stress over what you can't change. I happen to believe we are energetic beings. When we die our energy(soul) leaves the body, and returns back into the infinite universe(god). We live multiple lifetimes, coming to earth(school) to learn lessons, and just experience things in a more restrictive manner. We have spirit guides that contact us if we will listen, and they guide us in different ways, mostly in dreams. Spirit guides can be spirits you knew from other lives, knew before you even lived on this planet the first time, or spirits from the current life that have moved on. God is nothing more than the energy we all were created from, and just like energy it is ever expanding. In a way we are pieces of God, we are creator created it gods likeness. We choose to create our reality. You are living what you have created! Your Dad could possibly be one of your spirit guides, and could of been trying to convey a message to you, but maybe you weren't ready to listen. Before you go to sleep ask for your spirit guides to come through tonight with a dream(message) to put you at piece about death. I lost my "dad" 7.5 years ago at the age of 22, so I know the feelings involved. The best thing I did was realize we are not beings created for one lifetime, we are for eternity, but their is no punishment, their are only lessons that you resolve each lifetime eventually leading to "enlightenment". Take it or leave it those are my basic beliefs. Good luck! P.S. Their is a cd to listen to if you get the chance. It's called the field by Lynn Mctaggert(spelling?). Science as in quantum physics is starting to really support the basics of the beliefs i'm talking about. Check it out if you would like to know more.

[ZephyrusX]

I feel that I was better off thinking there was some heaven or someplace to go after death, but now I just feel we all turn into dust and this consciousness that I have now is just a blip and possibly meaningless.

Well, I don't believe in life after death. Once we die, I think we basically lose our individual consciousness. My dad died when I was 13, but I had more trouble accepting the way he died more so than his actual death. Part of the reason why I can accept death is that I am grateful for the time we do have with each other and the opportunity to experience human consciousness even if it is only just for a 'moment'. To say that this opportunity is 'nothing' seems strange to me and I cannot accept that view point. Also, after growing into an adult my self, I've realized that so many aspects of my father live on in my self and my siblings. The way I see and feel about nature can be attributed to my father and all those camping trips he brought us on. My reserved nature and problems with expressing emotion can be partially attributed to my father. In realizing this, I understand that I too will go on living in the consciousness of those that I leave behind, and preferrably, I'd like to leave something positive behind.

[Dan Adrian]

The fear of death is sometimes all that keeps us going on the path to self-discovery. Otherwise we could conclude we are so smart and enlightened we don't need any liberation. But the constant fear of death makes us want to know we are more than this body, this individual self, right?

I can only recommend, with all my heart, that you listen to these wonderful beings. If anything will help, I believe those videos will.
Gangaji - Facing Death on Vimeo
YouTube - Last Breath: You're Not Going to Die ~ Satsang with Mooji
YouTube - Conquer Fear, Panic, & Death ~ Satsang with Mooji

[BitterFlower]

Thank you guys so much for your words! I really appreciate it!

Originally Posted by scorpio1980

Your Dad could possibly be one of your spirit guides, and could of been trying to convey a message to you, but maybe you weren't ready to listen. Before you go to sleep ask for your spirit guides to come through tonight with a dream(message) to put you at piece about death.

Sometimes I think that it is a spirit guide situation, as my dad appeared in my dreams during interesting times. But I wasn't sure, and it just really made me upset more than anything, so I asked a psychic about it and he said just ask for my dad to stop apprearing. So I did and he hasn't popped up since around December until now. But it made me more afraid of death during this time.

I had a dream last night that my dad was still alive, but was at the hospital, which was up the street. And he kept saying all I had to do was visit him, he's right up the street. And I visited once and called a few times. The ironic thing is I now literally live up the street from the hospital he was in before he died. But when I woke up I was so upset when I realized he was actually gone that I couldn't sleep and decided to start this thread.

Originally Posted by scorpio1980

It's called the field by Lynn Mctaggert(spelling?). Science as in quantum physics is starting to really support the basics of the beliefs i'm talking about. Check it out if you would like to know more.

I will, thanks. My husband is really into quantum physics and watches a lot of documentaries like "The Universe" or something. It's quite boring to me. But I do give it a shot when a show comes on. I think that's why he's calm about death because I think he too believes we just change energy. It's still a little to much for me to grasp right now, though.

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

To say that this opportunity is 'nothing' seems strange to me and I cannot accept that view point. Also, after growing into an adult my self, I've realized that so many aspects of my father live on in my self and my siblings.

That's true, I guess when I typed I was a little upset, because it brought on other unrelated enemies. My family keeps a lot of secrets and I don't know about a lot of people in my family. I don't even know who my grandfather is. I guess when I get upset and overanalyze what if my daughter doesn't know me and all the information about me is lost. But I guess it's a moot point in the scheme of things: I can influence, but can't control what happens to my legacy after I die.

Originally Posted by Dan Adrian

I can only recommend, with all my heart, that you listen to these wonderful beings. If anything will help, I believe those videos will.
Gangaji - Facing Death on Vimeo
YouTube - Last Breath: You're Not Going to Die ~ Satsang with Mooji
YouTube - Conquer Fear, Panic, & Death ~ Satsang with Mooji

Thank you for the recommendations! I will definitely check these out in the next couple of days.