Anger: two viewpoints?

[SrKen]

I have often read that is good for us to get angry, and to let it all out. I agree with the last part; get it out of your system, blast away! But my personal feeling is that if we avoid anger in the first place we will eliminate all that anguish and hostility, on both sides.

A Chinese proverb advises; "He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves;" and old Confucius; "To be wronged or robbed is nothing unless you continue to remember it."

Peace or confrontation?

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by SrKen

I have often read that is good for us to get angry, and to let it all out. I agree with the last part; get it out of your system, blast away! But my personal feeling is that if we avoid anger in the first place we will eliminate all that anguish and hostility, on both sides.

A Chinese proverb advises; "He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves;" and old Confucius; "To be wronged or robbed is nothing unless you continue to remember it."

Peace or confrontation?

I think blasting it out is certainly better for you than keeping it simmering in your mind for a long time. But, I think the best is to avoid anger in the first place with assertiveness, expectation management, enough sleep, personal development etc.

[ssandra]

I believe anger is a "cover up" emotion to hide something deeper.

By all means, if you feel angry, don't hold it in. That leads to stomach problems and high blood pressure But better yet, find what the emotion underneath is, and deal with that one, so the anger just disappears...

[larkok]

Try this if you're having anger issues or trouble expressing it.

Talk to yourself. Find a quiet place and just have a conversation out loud. If it helps, you can imagine speaking to a deity or a consciousness but the real purpose of this exercise, is to bring the repression out into the open and explore it's meaning. Also, after a while, you will find it's difficult to be dishonest about your emotions, needs and concerns.

Why are you angry? What could you do to make yourself less angry? What is the purpose of holding onto this emotion? Does it fuel you, or does it leave you feeling empty, exhausted and insecure?

A few things to ponder. While you're conversing with yourself

[Miss Yesi]

I belive peace is the way to go. Sure its good to let it out but its better to talk it out in sted of blowing up at someone.

~yesi~

[AaronB]

I have not found a simple answer to releasing anger myself. Being peaceful has often lead to repression. I much prefer to express it. I have personally found a lot of inner harmony restored through acting out anger in a hostile way. Though through my hostility it is important that I watch myself. After I yell at people I would often tell them that there is nothing they need to change, but I find it helpful to express how I feel so that I can recognize how I feel.

If there were a way to release anger without expressing it that would be my first choice, but I haven't found that yet. Though I have found that there are more mild ways to express it. This can be helpful, but if the thing that I'm most afraid of is my own intensity when I'm angry, the only way I'm aware of to release that fear of intensity is to allow myself to be intense. I have not found a way to be intense mildly. Once I learned it was okay to be intense, the fear of intensity dissipated. Right now I feel very little anger in my life, but this occurred after a few years of occasionally expressing very intense anger.

[pinky3]

It's funny that you post this right when I'm discovering that a lot of my inner arguments with myself lead to anger. It can start off as hurt, it can start off as forgiveness even and somehow end up at anger! I was just asking myself today "is it more beneficial to try and stay calm or is it better to let it all out?"... if you see my post on "the sedona method" in "social and relationships" I have been trying to release the emotions, like anger. So acknowledge them but neither hold in or let out. Just release them. It's proving pretty tough.

From my experience with people, when I do get angry it doesn't help anyway?? When I hold it in I end up freaking out inappropriately, which is actually really funny afterwards! But really embarrassing!

[MagicalRealist]

Originally Posted by SrKen

Peace or confrontation?

Both, in their proper measure.

Getting angry can be a powerful positive force for change. Political reforms and social justice movements get their start in anger at prevailing conditions. Anger is also a powerful catalyst for individual change, too--get mad enough at the cheating spouse, your idiot boss, the guilt-tripping family member, or your own self-sabotaging ways, and anger leads you to say "no more!" and finally mean it.

Many of my own greatest periods of personal growth were sparked by anger at someone who wronged me, or told me I couldn't possibly be, do, or have certain things. The first big wave of anger was like the massive rockets used to achieve lift-off--I couldn't launch myself to new heights so efficiently without it.

Staying angry, however? That's a different thing altogether. There is enormous energy in anger, but it needs to be allowed to burn itself out. Keep tending that fire and let live on as hot coals of resentment, and it will only end up consuming you.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by SrKen

Peace or confrontation?

Transformation.

That is: get the message that the anger is there to give you.

I'm strongly pro-getting-the-message FIRST, before you choose to confront, because you're in a much better position to get the results you want out of the communication -- and less likely to create a mess that you'll have to clean up later.

That's just me, though; some people enjoy the mess!

[taylor]

I remember reading a Louise Hay book where she talked about being loving and grateful as much as possible.

But every week she would set aside a period of time for getting angry. She'd take a pillow and beat it and scream and yell at it just to get it all out. Then she'd go back to being sweet and kind. Poor pillow.

[SrKen]

My personal experience has been that sometimes I have greatly regretted being angry because; I had over reacted, was unforgiving or I was just plain wrong. Also we don't often know what's behind the cause of someone's hostility. They might have serious health, family or other background issues. I used to have no sympathy for criminals and have had some change in that regard. After hearing personal accounts of children brought up in poor and cruel home environments faced with abuse, drugs and other criminal acts I realized they never had a decent chance.

[goldberg]

Originally Posted by SrKen

My personal experience has been that sometimes I have greatly regretted being angry because; I had over reacted, was unforgiving or I was just plain wrong. Also we don't often know what's behind the cause of someone's hostility. They might have serious health, family or other background issues. I used to have no sympathy for criminals and have had some change in that regard. After hearing personal accounts of children brought up in poor and cruel home environments faced with abuse, drugs and other criminal acts I realized they never had a decent chance.

I think the letting anger out when it comes is helpful for certain personality types, who if they held it in would just let it build and build until they finally explode. But if you are the kind of person that once the anger has passed you have forgotten it then there is no harm in suppressing the anger I feel.