My son's father

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Sain Outre Longfang

They have magic wands these days called "guns".
I would suggest you pick one up and let him know about it.
Lions only respect other lions. If he thinks you are an easy target, he'll keep after it LakS. You don't have to shoot him, but let him know you would.
Or maybe a taser?
Pissing his pants would make him sober-up i'll bet.

I agree that it's wise to let him know that you are to be respected Lakshmi. I know it's not easy to know how to communicate with someone when you are stuck in a pattern like this, and obviously your self-esteem has taken a battering as well. Learning about assertive communicating is a good start towards changing the way he perceives you.

[mikej]

Originally Posted by Sain Outre Longfang

They have magic wands these days called "guns".
I would suggest you pick one up and let him know about it.
Lions only respect other lions. If he thinks you are an easy target, he'll keep after it LakS. You don't have to shoot him, but let him know you would.
Or maybe a taser?
Pissing his pants would make him sober-up i'll bet.

it might also inflame an already volatile situation.

violence begets violence as the saying goes. picking a gun up and pointing it at someone is hardly an act of peace.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by mikej

it might also inflame an already volatile situation.

violence begets violence as the saying goes. picking a gun up and pointing it at someone is hardly an act of peace.

I don't think the father of Lakshmis son is too concerned with peacefulness at this stage of the game, given his penchant for beating up women...neither, for that matter, is sain outre longfang

Would you suggest she offer him a flower instead?

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by mikej

it might also inflame an already volatile situation.

violence begets violence as the saying goes. picking a gun up and pointing it at someone is hardly an act of peace.

I agree.

Originally Posted by elucidate

Would you suggest she offer him a flower instead?

I would. Violence begets violence.

I know guns. My dad was career military and I was taught to clean, handle and shoot various handguns and semiautomatic weapons when I was in my early teens. I am against guns, I will never own one or use one.

And yes, I know what can befall me, I've experienced more violence firsthand than most, and I STILL will NEVER use a gun.

I know how it feels to be cornered, I swear on everything that is holy that I will never make another human being feel that feeling.

[mikej]

Originally Posted by elucidate

I don't think the father of Lakshmis son is too concerned with peacefulness at this stage of the game, given his penchant for beating up women...neither, for that matter, is sain outre longfang

Would you suggest she offer him a flower instead?

no i'm suggesting that fuelling a fire that's already raging isn't a particularly good idea. that's all.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by mikej

no i'm suggesting that fuelling a fire that's already raging isn't a particularly good idea. that's all.

I can understand that. I'm not one for guns either.

[Sain Outre Longfang]

Originally Posted by mikej

it might also inflame an already volatile situation.

violence begets violence as the saying goes. picking a gun up and pointing it at someone is hardly an act of peace.

Fair enough. But i've never seen an abusive personality become reformed because someone wanted them to be peaceful.

Peace would be if he was so scared, he would never bother her again. (Seen that in action)
Or, if somehow he feels soo bad that he hurts her that he never does it again. (Psh,i've heard that before )

"Violence in the right vital points begets eternal peace."
-S.O.L-

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

I agree.



I would. Violence begets violence.

I know guns. My dad was career military and I was taught to clean, handle and shoot various handguns and semiautomatic weapons when I was in my early teens. I am against guns, I will never own one or use one.

And yes, I know what can befall me, I've experienced more violence firsthand than most, and I STILL will NEVER use a gun.

I know how it feels to be cornered, I swear on everything that is holy that I will never make another human being feel that feeling.

That's a pretty human, normal outcome for someone who has known true hell, and to not want anyone else to suffer it. It says a lot about your character Laks.

Transforming this pattern is the best way to go, I just hope you can find somewhere far far away from this guy to be able to. It isn't running away, it's making yourself and your son safe and creating the best possible environment for you to be able to do the work that needs to be done.

[Sain Outre Longfang]

Originally Posted by elucidate

That's a pretty human, normal outcome for someone who has known true hell, and to not want anyone else to suffer it. It says a lot about your character Laks.

Transforming this pattern is the best way to go, I just hope you can find somewhere far far away from this guy to be able to. It isn't running away, it's making yourself and your son safe and creating the best possible environment for you to be able to do the work that needs to be done.

That sounds even better than popping the guy.
.......but my way would be cheaper.

[Hemlock]

Well I'm glad you two split at least. When I was younger I was best friends with someone who had that same type of father. She loved him at first, but as she got older she quickly matured further than he had and ended up hating him, or basically thinking her real father was dead, and the shell left behind from the alcohol and more wasn't something she needed to feel affection for.

She wasn't abused herself, just had to see her mother get abused and be present for her father'sinsane rants and yelling. Basically I see a lot of parallels. Her and her sister both ended up developing serious social phobias and low self esteem. Her brother has learned how he should treat his girlfriend and child from his father and become similarly bad to be around.

One abusive alcoholic in a family can really mess the people in it up. My friend has trouble not hating her mother who wouldn't just move away. her mother could have, but didn't and so until my friend got away for college she was in a place she despised.

This stuff is really hard on kids. It tends to lead to them becoming abusive, paranoid, and full of social phobias, not to mention depression. If you really think you can keep your child from seeing the abuse, yelling and hardship then that's dandy. If not I would think more about the effects the father will have on the kid then about your personal growth into someone who can better deal with the father.

On a related note the mother never really got her strength back to deal with the guy until he was put in the hospital for a long time so she didn't have to deal him. An abusive relationship (and it is still one of those even if you aren't married, you have a, father of my son, relationship) is not a good environment for growth, it's one of the worst.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Sain Outre Longfang

Fair enough. But i've never seen an abusive personality become reformed because someone wanted them to be peaceful.

Peace would be if he was so scared, he would never bother her again. (Seen that in action)
Or, if somehow he feels soo bad that he hurts her that he never does it again. (Psh,i've heard that before )

"Violence in the right vital points begets eternal peace."
-S.O.L-

That's one way too. Some people only understand one language, and that's violence. If you don't speak their language then it's like anyone who doesn't speak the native language...they don't get the message, they don't understand.

I'm not an advocate of violence, but I think with some people (not most thankfully) it is necessary. I'm not able to know if this guy is one of those people or just someone with an abusive pattern in him that he acts out unconsciously...so I can't say?

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Sain Outre Longfang

That sounds even better than popping the guy.
.......but my way would be cheaper.

How so? Guns and ammo cost $. Transforming her pattern only costs her time in meditation and the will to overcome and transform lead into gold...unless Lakshmi decides to get some NLP done with Angela of course?

[Sain Outre Longfang]

Originally Posted by elucidate

How so? Guns and ammo cost $. Transforming her pattern only costs her time in meditation and the will to overcome and transform lead into gold.

Edit: Oh! I see now. lol
I'm a goober..... -_-;

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Sain Outre Longfang

Edit: Oh! I see now. lol
I'm a goober..... -_-;

Oh PHEW! I just typed out this long retort, only to have it delete itself without me having a say in it (those mischievous faeries)

[James81]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

I agree.



I would. Violence begets violence.

I know guns. My dad was career military and I was taught to clean, handle and shoot various handguns and semiautomatic weapons when I was in my early teens. I am against guns, I will never own one or use one.

And yes, I know what can befall me, I've experienced more violence firsthand than most, and I STILL will NEVER use a gun.

I know how it feels to be cornered, I swear on everything that is holy that I will never make another human being feel that feeling.

Are you against guns? Or are you just against shooting people?

I always got more enjoyment out of shooting targets/clay pigeons than I did actually shooting an animal while hunting.

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by James81

I always got more enjoyment out of shooting targets/clay pigeons than I did actually shooting an animal while hunting.

Mainly the shooting of any living thing. We would take milk jugs filled with water and various large pieces of fruit. The fruit was disturbingly meaty, if you know what I mean. I kept envisioning body parts exploding like that.

my bro in law had a "shootin' car" outside of the warehouse he had out in the country where he rebuilt cars and motorcycles. Oh, shootin' car. You're nothing but a chassis now.

[Sain Outre Longfang]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

Mainly the shooting of any living thing. We would take milk jugs filled with water and various large pieces of fruit. The fruit was disturbingly meaty, if you know what I mean. I kept envisioning body parts exploding like that.

my bro in law had a "shootin' car" outside of the warehouse he had out in the country where he rebuilt cars and motorcycles. Oh, shootin' car. You're nothing but a chassis now.

Yeah, it's not pretty.
But you and your son's safety should be higher on the list than how this guy's feeling. I admit, it takes a couragous person to stand up to their attacker though. If you do stand up to him, you'd best be prepared to do some damage, or it will get ugly.
Get the law involved if nothing else. Court scares guys as much as getting shot sometimes.

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by Sain Outre Longfang

Yeah, it's not pretty.
But you and your son's safety should be higher on the list than how this guy's feeling. I admit, it takes a couragous person to stand up to their attacker though. If you do stand up to him, you'd best be prepared to do some damage, or it will get ugly.
Get the law involved if nothing else. Court scares guys as much as getting shot sometimes.

He's been white knuckling it since July not drinking. When he doesn't drink he doesn't get aggressive.

I just realized that the way I worded the first post made it seem like he did this yesterday, but that's not the case. I started looking at these forums in August and right before my join date, this incident occurred where he was banging on the door calling me crazy.

I just wanted to clarify.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

But I know in my heart that until I find a way to forgive, this pattern will repeat itself.

Sweet Potato, I would like to invite you to start by forgiving yourself.

Just like everyone else, in any moment, you are doing the best you can with the resources you have available.

You are magnificent.

[Sain Outre Longfang]

Originally Posted by Angela

Sweet Potato, I would like to invite you to start by forgiving yourself.

Just like everyone else, in any moment, you are doing the best you can with the resources you have available.

You are magnificent.

On that, i'll agree.
I still think you're most awesome........except with your horrible choice in the men you hang with.
I hope you can find an easy route through this.
-Bona Eternus-

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by James81

Are you against guns? Or are you just against shooting people?

I always got more enjoyment out of shooting targets/clay pigeons than I did actually shooting an animal while hunting.

I think some people are not meant for guns... when I tried to shoot with one, it was just a pellet gun (or however you call them) and wouldn't kill anything.. we shot cans... but it left me completely shaking

Bow and arrow on the other hand, I did that once and I loved it and was moderately good at it (for it being my first time).

Weird stuff

(although if the Zombie apocalypse would have arrived I'd get over my aversion and do whatever it takes to protect my family...)

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Angela

Sweet Potato, I would like to invite you to start by forgiving yourself.

Just like everyone else, in any moment, you are doing the best you can with the resources you have available.

You are magnificent.

I second this one...

I have a question for you... (You don't have to answer here on the forums btw)... what is your inner most, true opinion about yourself? And why do you think that?

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I have a question for you... (You don't have to answer here on the forums btw)... what is your inner most, true opinion about yourself? And why do you think that?

It's no problem. My life is an open book of insanity cubed. lol

The word I thought of was "better". But in a judgmental way. I could be/do better. It's that Jesuit training in me - always striving, never attaining. I remember reading that in Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, when Joyce was talking about his youth in a Jesuit Catholic school in Ireland. Of course the only other passage of that book I remember is him pulling weevils out of his collar and rolling them between his fingers to kill them. *stares off into space momentarily with an expression of revulsion

James Allen is tripping me out right now. He says "the outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state." That's where the saying "when it rains, it pours" comes from. Another part, "man is where he is that he may learn that he may grow; and as he learns the spiritual lesson which any circumstance contains for him, it passes away and gives place to other circumstances."

So the theme of forgiveness comes again and again to the hot spots of my conscious mind, and it really is forgiving and accepting myself.

I create my own reality.

Do I forgive myself by forgiving others? Or will others be forgiven when I forgive myself? I feel like Winnie the Pooh. Think think think

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

I create my own reality.

Do I forgive myself by forgiving others? Or will others be forgiven when I forgive myself? I feel like Winnie the Pooh. Think think think

I can answer that one... you can forgive others, but nothing will truly change until you forgive yourself.

and at the same time

You can forgive yourself, but nothing will truly change until you forgive others.

It is not a choice between the one or the other... both are needed to grow and to continue.

If you have trouble accessing forgiveness, how about trying gratitude first? All your actions and choices have led you to be here at this moment right now.

Your body has given you trouble and difficulties, but it is also the one that sustains you and allows you to see, touch and feel the world around you. You can start by forgiving your body and work up to forgiving yourself...

[James81]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

So the theme of forgiveness comes again and again to the hot spots of my conscious mind,

What is there to forgive?

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

I just realized that the way I worded the first post made it seem like he did this yesterday, but that's not the case. I started looking at these forums in August and right before my join date, this incident occurred where he was banging on the door calling me crazy.

I just wanted to clarify.

Thanks for that - I did think this was very recent behavior. I thought when you said, "Right before I came to this forum" that you were talking about that post you were making right then, not when you joined the forum.

That makes a HUGE difference!

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Your body has given you trouble and difficulties, but it is also the one that sustains you and allows you to see, touch and feel the world around you. You can start by forgiving your body and work up to forgiving yourself...

This is insightful, sandra. Did you know I have had a muscle injury from practicing yoga of all things? It's not the first time. I am being aggressive to my body by trying to force it myself, even in my meditative practice.

Originally Posted by James81

What is there to forgive?

fear.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

fear.

Why fear?

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by James81

Why fear?

Fear is weakness. Weakness is not acceptable and cannot be tolerated. That which is unacceptable must be punished.

Oooo boy that is a crazy deep script I have running there. It was weird to write it out for the first time because I didn't think it was OK to think that.

The thing is this is like a parenting style that I am really against. I guess I was really against it for a reason, since it's what I do to myself. Sometimes I do get angry at my son and that's usually when I say time out was more for me than him, because I spend his time out in time out, myself.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

Fear is weakness. Weakness is not acceptable and cannot be tolerated. That which is unacceptable must be punished.

Now, consider the idea that these thoughts are attached to your identity (the way in which you view yourself) in some way.

"Weakness is unacceptable and cannot be tolerated"....what does that mean about YOU? What do you feel about yourself? (It's going to look like some sort of "I am ___" statement.)

You willing to take a look?