Bored. So bored.

[Firefly101]

I'm not sure where to post this, so I trust mods will move it if necessary.

Here is my situation:

I have relocated to my hometown after 4 years away and am attempting to rebuild a massage therapy practice. I have some significant financial challenges and not a lot of resources at my disposal. What I have is expertise, as I've been in this field for many years. I left here originally because of feelings of flatness and lack of fulfillment, didn't like the cold winters, etc. Came back for a relationship that didn't last. I'm fine with that. However, I'm noticing that I feel always that I'm chasing my tail. I'd like to do a completely different thing career-wise. I am oh, so incredibly bored with the work I do. The ONLY satisfaction is that I'm good at it. I am not attracting clients as I'd like to and I imagine that's because I am putting out a blah energy about it to the Universe. Even so, I run around faking enthusiasm and willingness, offering my services for free, posting ads, etc. Doing the "fake it til you make it." Not working! What I really want is enough $$$$ to relocate to a warmer climate where I feel I can relax and really breathe and to afford persona/career development along the lines of where my genuine interest is (psychic counseling/mediumship).

This would all be easier to take if I were, oh, in my twenties or thirties.I'm older than that. As it stands, I feel like I have so many talents and simply cannot get my ♥♥♥♥♥ together to make it all work for me. I yo-yo between thinking I need to tough it out for a year, somehow get the money and then leave...and thinking I cannot stand this merry-go-round for one more minute and I have to just get OFF. Plus, I've been on a spiritual path for 25+ years, and I seem to be making zero headway on the $$ front, no matter what I try to do with my consciousness. Other areas of my life shift, but not this one.Every day I'm only an impulse away from just getting in my car and driving south. I think perhaps it WILL all be "fine" financially, with time. If only I could hang on to why I should care, or a sense that I'm doing anything meaningful here with my life. I'm a smart woman. I don't think things should look like this. h-e-l-p.

[Angela]

Do the Landmark Forum and the Advanced Course! That'll liven things up, for sure.

[Angela]

That's funny -- I posted that at 1:01 pm.

[st33med]

Originally Posted by Angela

That's funny -- I posted that at 1:01 pm.

Nu-uh! It was posted at 4:01 pm here!

I would suggest going to a library and pick up books on topics that interest you, like psychic skills or computer skills or even physics. That, or you could check up events around you and see if you are interested, like the Landmark Forums courses. This is you finding your passion. We can't find it for you, but you can.

Much love and peace,
Andrew

[Firefly101]

I don't think I made this clear...there are two parts ot my confusion. 1) Why do I live somewhere I really feel out of synch with, somewhere that feels oppressive and 2) What should I do about my lack of mojo concerning my career and my lack of funds to help myself out of it?
If i move into a more desirable environment, will things shift? Is *that* the first order of business? Am I too old to move again with almost no resources? is the answer to sit tight for 3 years or so until I have some funds (which seems unthinkable from here, but definitely looks responsible).

I am more turned around by the end of the relationship than I care to admit, perhaps....it ended in July and I am feeling very at loose ends, but these themes have been problematic for years.

[Firefly101]

Thank you for your replies. You got them in while I was posting part 2 lol...

[st33med]

Originally Posted by Firefly101

I don't think I made this clear...there are two parts ot my confusion. 1) Why do I live somewhere I really feel out of synch with, somewhere that feels oppressive

You chose to live there. There are many, many other choices for living. You can be adventurous and live on the streets, homeless. You can buy a smaller house/apartment and have more funds.

Why do YOU think you are living there? Safety? Security? Fun?

and 2) What should I do about my lack of mojo concerning my career and my lack of funds to help myself out of it?

My best advice is to find something to gain money on the side. I'm sure you have talents that you can make some money on or some service you can provide for income. While this happens, you can investigate where you want to be.

If i move into a more desirable environment, will things shift? Is *that* the first order of business? Am I too old to move again with almost no resources? is the answer to sit tight for 3 years or so until I have some funds (which seems unthinkable from here, but definitely looks responsible).

Again, this is your choice. You are never to old to move again. Why not find out what you want to do and then move? Or, even better, find things interesting near you to pursue and don't move.
As for your career, think of things you can do to earn more money besides overwhelming yourself with a second job. You can wait 3 years or find ways to make more money on the side.

I am more turned around by the end of the relationship than I care to admit, perhaps....it ended in July and I am feeling very at loose ends, but these themes have been problematic for years.

This means you are ready to change your ways of life.

Love,
Andrew

[Firefly101]

Thanks for the suggestions. I have considered all of the above--and more--and truly feel like in the past two decades that I've simply wound down like a clock...I'm not depressed. I've been depressed and I know the difference. It's hard to put into words. It is as if I've seen so many, many ups and downs in my life, so much fluidity, so many gains, losses, changes of fortune, intellectualized my heart out, and now.....it's just getting harder and harder to strive. It seems absolutely absurd to hustle. I am really in conflict with feeling this way. When I don't strive, I feel serene, connected, in touch with myself and more tuned in to vibration. However. My financial life appears to be falling down around me and I simply cannot bring myself to care. Why don't I CARE? It's like I've temporarily taken my hands off of the wheel. Am I crazy? Lazy? I've spent so much of my life struggling....and in terms of my immediate needs, of course, I'm doing all kinds of trouble-shooting things to address my cash flow. I just don't care what happens and I'm highly aware of that.

Yes, I DO need to connect with my passion. That, too, seems to morph continually, or it's not just one thing.I feel ridiculous even going on about this. I'm not sure what I expect anyone to tell me...

[ssandra]

I love moving (to another city, another apartment, another country) as a way to kickstart a new life.

For me it is energizing and fun.

So from that point of view I'd say "pack your stuff and just go!" you have no idea how much good it can do to be in a place with more sun, different people, different food etc.

[st33med]

Maybe you want to be poor/homeless and see what it's like to not have to worry about finances.

Don't expect anything from us or yourself. Just do what you feel like you want to do and see if that takes you anywhere in your life.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by st33med

Maybe you want to be poor/homeless and see what it's like to not have to worry about finances.

How does someone who is poor or homeless NOT worry about finances..?

Trust me, I've been poor and finances is the only thing you can worry about... Not knowing if you will have enough for your next meal or how you are going to pay the rent...

I assume that for a homeless person it is the same thing... not knowing where the next meal is coming from...

[st33med]

Originally Posted by ssandra

How does someone who is poor or homeless NOT worry about finances..?

Trust me, I've been poor and finances is the only thing you can worry about... Not knowing if you will have enough for your next meal or how you are going to pay the rent...

I assume that for a homeless person it is the same thing... not knowing where the next meal is coming from...

I was assuming that being homeless would remove the burden of paying taxes or worrying about bank loans, etc. There are a few ways to get food without paying anything (dumpster diving comes to mind), but I get your point.

[Firefly101]

I need to:

1) Get outside! Daily! And DO something with my body.

2) Get serious about mental discipline concerning LoA. Enough futzing around.

So, yeah. Thanks everyone for your replies. I appreciate it!