Being taken advantage of.

[freddy]

Looking for advice on how folks on here handle situations like this.
I had a tenant who, I tried to work with for months helping her with the rent being late.
Well I finally took action to have her evicted. She fought the eviction and finally moved. Now I’m trying to get a judgment for rent and damage she caused to my property and realize I will not likely see this money because she judgment proof. And she seems to work the court system to always favor with her with; I’m disabled and a single parent crying angle.(not completly true) She did this with a recently custody case. My hope is to get it a least on her record to hopefully affect her credit and make future landlords aware of her ways.
But I find that this is very draining and stressful for me but I don’t like being taken advantage of.
So In one way I’m trying to understand this from a “what am I suppose to learn from this if I have attracted this to myself”.
What would you have done differently if you were to the point of being taken advantage of, and what actions would you do and not do. That may help me in the future? Do you just lick your wounds and hope that karma catches up with this person? Any comment?

[2Logical]

I'm sure for every girl who will lie and skip out on rent there are dozens more who pay their rent on time and are honest.

I think trying to track this person down or give them a worse reputation than they earn for themselves is too much energy spent on something negative - you need to be free of that negativity and move on.

[scotthegeek]

sometime things go wrong don't be so hard on yourself. its still best to have the believe that most people are basically good. it just so easy to remember the times when things don't work out.

if there is anything to learn is trust you intuition but if you did not get any red flags in gut before hand let it go. I like what Forrest Gump said "s**t happen "

[freddy]

Originally Posted by scotthegeek

sometime things go wrong don't be so hard on yourself. its still best to have the believe that most people are basically good. it just so easy to remember the times when things don't work out.

if there is anything to learn is trust you intuition but if you did not get any red flags in gut before hand let it go. I like what Forrest Gump said "s**t happen "

I think I still have an open mind in giving people in general a chance. I'm comming from the feeling of. Do I carry on with the eviction to the point that the law allows.
I think to just walking away is not really a good idea, From the stand point of with this type of thing on her record, it may save someone else in the same postition as I was in when I rented to her. Had I seen a eviction on her record prior to renting to her. I would not have rented to her in the first place.
But from an SR prospective. Why would I attract this type of person into my life.
And as far as taking her to court on this matter. I feel as if there is no consequence to some law breaker action, then they keep on doing wrong to others. So that is part of the reason for wanting to take her to court on this eviction.
I mean if I would walk into a store and steal something. And each time they just waved at me, but did not take court action to have me fined or jailed. Why would I ever change my actions in that type of case.

[AaronB]

Originally Posted by freddy

I think I still have an open mind in giving people in general a chance. I'm comming from the feeling of. Do I carry on with the eviction to the point that the law allows.
I think to just walking away is not really a good idea, From the stand point of with this type of thing on her record, it may save someone else in the same postition as I was in when I rented to her. Had I seen a eviction on her record prior to renting to her. I would not have rented to her in the first place.
But from an SR prospective. Why would I attract this type of person into my life.
And as far as taking her to court on this matter. I feel as if there is no consequence to some law breaker action, then they keep on doing wrong to others. So that is part of the reason for wanting to take her to court on this eviction.
I mean if I would walk into a store and steal something. And each time they just waved at me, but did not take court action to have me fined or jailed. Why would I ever change my actions in that type of case.

Just keep on punishing and punishing. Don't let the drudgery work of the court system wear you out, because all this punishing is a valuable contribution to society. Maybe after this tenant has been punished severely and often enough, she will realize that she is a bad person and will then change to become a good person.

Though if you were to look a little under your motives, you'd see that you think very little about what would actually benefit the person you are afraid of. You live under the illusion that punishment leads to greater freedom, where in reality punishment leads to constraint. When people feel constrained, they delude themselves into thinking they are powerless and consequently are often seen to be taking advantage of others.

In my world it would make no sense to be taken advantage of, so it doesn't happen. I don't own anything that I value, so nothing can be stolen from me. I've given away my car, my moped, all sorts of things that when seen through often result in more fear than freedom just by owning them.

No one in the entire world can take advantage of me, so no one ever needs to be punished. Until you realize that all the stuff you are worried about losing is worthless, you will be forced to feel resentful towards those who interfere with your little delusion.

[rei]

Honestly it sounds like that tenant has some issues and high stress. Sounds like there might actually be some validity to her story, as disgusting as you may find it.

It also sounds like you feel duped and of course, that's a crappy feeling. Maybe this is less about the tenant and more about your pride. Maybe you're really angry at yourself for choosing to allow this particular tenant.

I don't know. I'm not you. (But I also am. I love you.) I don't think I would want the trouble of a legal crusade over this. Doesn't sound to me like this person was intentionally taking advantage. It does sound like you ended up feeling that way and now you're mad at yourself.

[scotthegeek]

Originally Posted by freddy

I think I still have an open mind in giving people in general a chance. I'm comming from the feeling of. Do I carry on with the eviction to the point that the law allows.
I think to just walking away is not really a good idea, From the stand point of with this type of thing on her record, it may save someone else in the same postition as I was in when I rented to her. Had I seen a eviction on her record prior to renting to her. I would not have rented to her in the first place.
But from an SR prospective. Why would I attract this type of person into my life.
And as far as taking her to court on this matter. I feel as if there is no consequence to some law breaker action, then they keep on doing wrong to others. So that is part of the reason for wanting to take her to court on this eviction.
I mean if I would walk into a store and steal something. And each time they just waved at me, but did not take court action to have me fined or jailed. Why would I ever change my actions in that type of case.

sorry I was not more clear, I was making light of things. to let go of the emotions you may have toward yourself or the lady. I'm not saying what to do about the lady that totally up to you.

Scott

[freddy]

Originally Posted by AaronB

Just keep on punishing and punishing. Don't let the drudgery work of the court system wear you out, because all this punishing is a valuable contribution to society. Maybe after this tenant has been punished severely and often enough, she will realize that she is a bad person and will then change to become a good person.

Though if you were to look a little under your motives, you'd see that you think very little about what would actually benefit the person you are afraid of. You live under the illusion that punishment leads to greater freedom, where in reality punishment leads to constraint. When people feel constrained, they delude themselves into thinking they are powerless and consequently are often seen to be taking advantage of others.

In my world it would make no sense to be taken advantage of, so it doesn't happen. I don't own anything that I value, so nothing can be stolen from me. I've given away my car, my moped, all sorts of things that when seen through often result in more fear than freedom just by owning them.

No one in the entire world can take advantage of me, so no one ever needs to be punished. Until you realize that all the stuff you are worried about losing is worthless, you will be forced to feel resentful towards those who interfere with your little delusion.

So how do you learn to get to this way of thinking? Like your avatar by the way.

[freddy]

Originally Posted by rei

Honestly it sounds like that tenant has some issues and high stress. Sounds like there might actually be some validity to her story, as disgusting as you may find it.

It also sounds like you feel duped and of course, that's a crappy feeling. Maybe this is less about the tenant and more about your pride. Maybe you're really angry at yourself for choosing to allow this particular tenant.

I don't know. I'm not you. (But I also am. I love you.) I don't think I would want the trouble of a legal crusade over this. Doesn't sound to me like this person was intentionally taking advantage. It does sound like you ended up feeling that way and now you're mad at yourself.

I think your right that the person did not do this intentionally. But things happened, and now I, and not the other person is taking the finacial beating. So yes I'm a bit mad about choosing this person. Not sure how the pride point
I have the paper work to go forward on the court direction. I really enjoy getting all this advise on here. I'm on the fence as to what to do right now.
What are the top three reasons to just letting it go?
And how do I convince my head that is the think to do? Whats in it for me, I guess is the Question?

[AaronB]

Originally Posted by freddy

So how do you learn to get to this way of thinking? Like your avatar by the way.

Thanks!

Number 1 think to realize is to take 100% responsibility for how you feel about everything. Once you decide that some other person is the cause of how you feel, then you have no choice but to try and correct others, and you leave yourself at the mercy of all the people you have not yet trained.

When you imagine this situation with being taken advantage of, I'm sure a very uncomfortable emotion shows up. This is very different than recognizing on your excel spread sheet that the profit margin for renting out an apartment is not as high as you'd like. If these emotions weren't in your way, you could actually look into what other people have done that get good tenants. Where do they advertise? What kind of questions do they ask. A tenant that provides revenue loss does not have to be seen as an emotional incident. It really isn't. It's entirely a financial incident.

Realize that without being emotionally disturbed you could also understand the situation very well if your goal is to maximize income. You have been believing that this emotional pain is protecting you, but it really isn't. Once you realize that you don't need to struggle emotionally to conduct business effectively, then you will realize that this person did not control your emotional state in any way, you did. And you don't need to. Once you are seeking how to be free from your own emotional demands, then you are seeking in a direction that can bring you a sense of freedom beyond which you could have ever imagined. You no longer will feel threatened by all the things in the world that you have no control over, because you realize those things have no control over you.

[Indiana]

Nobody can take advantage of you unless you allow yourself to be taken advantage of. Helping your tenant out with her late rent was a risk you took, because it had potential rewards for you (hoping you would retain a longer-term tenant, making you feel like a good person, etc).

If you continue the court battle, you may eventually get your money back, but as you say, you may not. Is it worth continuing the stress and ongoing cost on what may be a worse-than-50/50 proposition? Will it send a message to your tenant that cannot be achieved by simply writing to her and clearly expressing your disappointment and outlining the consequences to you of your lost funds? Is getting the money back the most important thing, or is everyone learning the lesson the most important thing?

Landlording is a business transaction. It does not make you a bad person if you stick tightly to the rules of the transaction to protect your investment. Perhaps the lesson for you is to learn how to avoid this situation in the future (vetting tenants more thoroughly, learning how to be assertive with negligent tenants). In the long run, is that not more valuable than the money you have already lost?

I once had a tenant who left owing rent. I pursued it as much as possible but did not go to court, as I could not afford to. I left my tenant a message on his mobile explaining this, and also explaining to him that just because I owned a property, it did not mean I was rolling in money, and that the money he had left unpaid would have a significant impact on me. I said that I was disappointed he had not lived up to his part of the tenancy contract, but perhaps I had not vetted him well enough, and that was my mistake. I then left it at that.

A year and a half later, after I'd forgotten all about it, he came back to me and said he regretted what he had done. He had been going through a bad time, and now wanted to make amends. He paid me back the money in full. You never know just how things will work out.

[freddy]

Originally Posted by AaronB

Thanks!

Number 1 think to realize is to take 100% responsibility for how you feel about everything. Once you decide that some other person is the cause of how you feel, then you have no choice but to try and correct others, and you leave yourself at the mercy of all the people you have not yet trained.

When you imagine this situation with being taken advantage of, I'm sure a very uncomfortable emotion shows up. This is very different than recognizing on your excel spread sheet that the profit margin for renting out an apartment is not as high as you'd like. If these emotions weren't in your way, you could actually look into what other people have done that get good tenants. Where do they advertise? What kind of questions do they ask. A tenant that provides revenue loss does not have to be seen as an emotional incident. It really isn't. It's entirely a financial incident.

Realize that without being emotionally disturbed you could also understand the situation very well if your goal is to maximize income. You have been believing that this emotional pain is protecting you, but it really isn't. Once you realize that you don't need to struggle emotionally to conduct business effectively, then you will realize that this person did not control your emotional state in any way, you did. And you don't need to. Once you are seeking how to be free from your own emotional demands, then you are seeking in a direction that can bring you a sense of freedom beyond which you could have ever imagined. You no longer will feel threatened by all the things in the world that you have no control over, because you realize those things have no control over you.

Most people are emotional people by design? We see some one get hurt in a car crash and we have feelings of wanting to help. So how do you turn into this robot type person you are describing to me?
Looking back on this rental contract. I do see where I made mistakes. I let kindness and compassion slip into play. When If I had of just followed the letter of the contract. I would have not had to deal with this much of a loss. However I know for myself there are times when I needed a little help to get on my feet, and that is what I was trying to do here with her.
So if I accept 100 percent responsibility for this situation. In this case, I had an emotional disturbance (feeling)
I went about correcting (shorting) this feeling by evicting her. Is this the correct way to move forward on this issue?
So for the future events, if I feel an emotional feeling come into play in any life situation. I either allowed myself to become compassionate in the event. And maybe face the hurt feelings if things don’t turn out like I would have hoped. Or I operate in an all business type mode, no exception, no bending the rules.

[AaronB]

Originally Posted by freddy

Most people are emotional people by design? We see some one get hurt in a car crash and we have feelings of wanting to help. So how do you turn into this robot type person you are describing to me?
Looking back on this rental contract. I do see where I made mistakes. I let kindness and compassion slip into play. When If I had of just followed the letter of the contract. I would have not had to deal with this much of a loss. However I know for myself there are times when I needed a little help to get on my feet, and that is what I was trying to do here with her.
So if I accept 100 percent responsibility for this situation. In this case, I had an emotional disturbance (feeling)
I went about correcting (shorting) this feeling by evicting her. Is this the correct way to move forward on this issue?
So for the future events, if I feel an emotional feeling come into play in any life situation. I either allowed myself to become compassionate in the event. And maybe face the hurt feelings if things don’t turn out like I would have hoped. Or I operate in an all business type mode, no exception, no bending the rules.

My state of mind is seen by many to be quite robotic. Someone hurt in a car crash would have very little impact on my day. Me in a car crash would probably have very little impact on my own emotional experience. I see there is very little for me to get out of reality, and very little to lose from it. So I am perfectly safe here.

There was a time when I was about 26 that I nearly died in a diving accident. But I didn't. And in two years my neck healed up completely. I remember deciding that on that day I died, tragically at 26 years old. My being here now is more or less a fluke. A divine accident. Now all the time I have here is freetime. After all, my time was up 8 years ago now.

As I began to see each day as just extra, an added bonus that wasn't required, I begin to see life more clearly for the first time. That I wasn't owed any of it. If I were to die tomorrow the thought would be, That was such a fun extra 8 years I had! Though to be honest up until 30 my life was quite miserable. If I was given the brochure for life, and I'm some intergalactic being or whatever, and I was shown the life of Aaron Biddle from the ages 0 to 30, I wouldn't take it. I'd say that looks like crap. I'd give somebody else my free coupon to a not that much fun sounding life.

But after 30, things started going crazy. Life started becoming amazing. Each day brings with it a sense of fullness and wholeness and completion rather than emptiness and lack and not quite enough of some vague criteria that was never quite reached.

When life feels empty to you, it is natural to see other people as a possible source of your own inner pain. It is natural to punish others for your misery when an opportunity comes up. This is part of the universal human experience. But once your feeling of emptiness and misery is replaced with brightness and joy and celebration and satsifaction that is with you every moment, it would be really really difficult for you to take anything anyone says or does to you all that personally, even if you wanted too. You'd give up. You'd be like, I want to be hurt and angry right now, but... I'm just not feeling it.

[freddy]

Originally Posted by AaronB

My state of mind is seen by many to be quite robotic. Someone hurt in a car crash would have very little impact on my day. Me in a car crash would probably have very little impact on my own emotional experience. I see there is very little for me to get out of reality, and very little to lose from it. So I am perfectly safe here.

There was a time when I was about 26 that I nearly died in a diving accident. But I didn't. And in two years my neck healed up completely. I remember deciding that on that day I died, tragically at 26 years old. My being here now is more or less a fluke. A divine accident. Now all the time I have here is freetime. After all, my time was up 8 years ago now.

As I began to see each day as just extra, an added bonus that wasn't required, I begin to see life more clearly for the first time. That I wasn't owed any of it. If I were to die tomorrow the thought would be, That was such a fun extra 8 years I had! Though to be honest up until 30 my life was quite miserable. If I was given the brochure for life, and I'm some intergalactic being or whatever, and I was shown the life of Aaron Biddle from the ages 0 to 30, I wouldn't take it. I'd say that looks like crap. I'd give somebody else my free coupon to a not that much fun sounding life.

But after 30, things started going crazy. Life started becoming amazing. Each day brings with it a sense of fullness and wholeness and completion rather than emptiness and lack and not quite enough of some vague criteria that was never quite reached.

When life feels empty to you, it is natural to see other people as a possible source of your own inner pain. It is natural to punish others for your misery when an opportunity comes up. This is part of the universal human experience. But once your feeling of emptiness and misery is replaced with brightness and joy and celebration and satsifaction that is with you every moment, it would be really really difficult for you to take anything anyone says or does to you all that personally, even if you wanted too. You'd give up. You'd be like, I want to be hurt and angry right now, but... I'm just not feeling it.

What did you do to bring about the change after age 30?
Is the trouble I'm having in this eviction situation comming to me because I mix emotions feeling with the business dealings?

I guess if I was listening to a friend of mind telling me about this same issue and it was his problem. I would answer him in a more direct point without the emotion and feelings included.

[AaronB]

Originally Posted by freddy

What did you do to bring about the change after age 30?
Is the trouble I'm having in this eviction situation comming to me because I mix emotions feeling with the business dealings?

I guess if I was listening to a friend of mind telling me about this same issue and it was his problem. I would answer him in a more direct point without the emotion and feelings included.

Around 30 is when my world fell apart. It was my dark night of the soul experience. It was when I realized that none of my dreams are coming together, that nothing I've been seeking has fulfilled me yet. It was my realization that I'm out of gas and so far I've got nothing to show for it. It was the time when I gave up on my life, my dreams, my ambitions, everything that mattered to me.

There was something beautiful in giving up all these things. I could rest for a moment where I was. I could just stare blankly at a wall and not feel like my life wasn't enough. I stopped being disappointed because I had given up everything to be disappointed about. That's when a new life began forming. One where right now was already okay. Where I wasn't looking for something to give me a meaningful life.

The only trouble is your emotions. There is no other problem. Unless you feel like there is a problem, how would you even know you had one? Where you are right now is where you get to be, and then you get to decide what to do next. The idea that you shouldn't have gotten here in the first place is where the problem resides. Once that idea is gone, you can look at where to go from here, completely unencumbered by the past.

As far as seeing it from a friend's perspective, that can be very valuable. When we take things personally we can become very weighed down by painful emotions. Once you learn to not take yourself personally, then you can see situations you are engaged in much more clearly without your adrenal glands doing the thinking for you.

[freddy]

Thanks for your help, I see I need a lot of work to be able to drop the emotional reaction that seems to be the default. Thanks Freddy