I honestly don't know what to think of myself

[Thales]

I've recently realized I'm more afraid of myself than anyone else, I mean the critical aspect of me.

I went to a psych, and while he described me as "very intelligent and hyper-vigilant" I'm still on the fence about myself. He said I could score 135 upwards on an IQ test, but he said anxiety could impair my cognitive functioning/performance.

I've been attempting to improve my intelligence regardless, with teaching myself intro algerbra/reading up on various other subjects (that I am not used to). But in my personal math training, I am seeing how deficient I actually am in that area. I've seen improvements, but earlier I was working on a particular problem and, with the answer at hand, I still had issues figuring out how they came to that answer, I eventually gave up with a vague understanding of how they did it.

Even with me being lauded at work, I still feel stupid. Just taking one person's comment "You're the smartest person back here" and how I internally and outwardly responded to it, gives you an idea.

How do I start peeling away the layers of doubt and find my real level of capabilities, whether for good or ill?

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Thales

How do I start peeling away the layers of doubt and find my real level of capabilities, whether for good or ill?

So what will you do, after you determine your "real level of capabilities"?

Eg you determine that "I am extremely capable" or "I have average capabilities" or "I am an incompetent idiot".

Then what next?

[Catlady72]

It sounds like you maybe need to experiment a bit if you want to know about your greatest capabilities and where they lie...I think everyone has different forms of intelligence, some are good at maths, some at english, some at art...

But also sounds like you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure, you sound smart anyway and you were given a brilliant compliment at work - maybe you're analysing it all too much...

Sounds like your self-esteem is a little low if you feel stupid - because you do not sound it at all to me...

As to how to peel away layers of doubt and find your real capabilities, again I would suggest trying new things - that way you will discover what you are good at...go to new places, try new things, meet new people - then you will gain more of a sense of identity I think and more belief in yourself...

I hope this helps a little...

[Thales]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

So what will you do, after you determine your "real level of capabilities"?

Eg you determine that "I am extremely capable" or "I have average capabilities" or "I am an incompetent idiot".

Then what next?

Good question. If it is the latter, I might just jump off a building! Dark humor, or maybe not

Originally Posted by Catlady72

It sounds like you maybe need to experiment a bit if you want to know about your greatest capabilities and where they lie...I think everyone has different forms of intelligence, some are good at maths, some at english, some at art...

But also sounds like you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure, you sound smart anyway and you were given a brilliant compliment at work - maybe you're analysing it all too much...

Sounds like your self-esteem is a little low if you feel stupid - because you do not sound it at all to me...

As to how to peel away layers of doubt and find your real capabilities, again I would suggest trying new things - that way you will discover what you are good at...go to new places, try new things, meet new people - then you will gain more of a sense of identity I think and more belief in yourself...

I hope this helps a little...

Hey there, Catlady72. I want to find out my general intelligence level, which is extremely difficult to do when high levels of trepidation, combined with somewhat diagnosed ADD stand in the way, perhaps even if those things weren't there I'd still be a bumbling idiot. I have no idea.

You have some good suggestions, though, and I've wanted to try them for quite some time, but my aforementioned anxiety (more social phobia than anything) is preventing me. I'm going back to school, but my ingrained behavior halts my social progress.

I know, I'm a highly frustrating person!

[Jay S]

I think you are heading in the right direction by writing your thoughts out and discussing them on this forum. Writing and talking to others are great tools to better understanding yourself.

In addition to writing on the forum, you may consider making a habit of journaling if you don't already. I find journaling helps me sort through my thoughts and helps me to better understand myself.

I would suggest that you be patient with yourself. Even the most talented people struggle when they are learning a new concept or idea. It takes practice and hard work to grow as a human being. I think it is important to accept yourself completely as you are right now before stretching yourself to grow to a new level.

Even if you discover that you have deficiencies, remember that there is almost nothing that hard work over time cannot overcome.

[Thales]

The journaling thing is a really good idea, actually.

[Parthon]

Adam Jones, the musician, once said "I'm my own worst critic and I think everyone in the band is a perfectionist.", and it applies to everyone. People think more harshly of themselves than anyone around them. If this gets too bad it becomes delusional and self-destructive. I just wanted to highlight these:

Originally Posted by Thales

But in my personal math training, I am seeing how deficient I actually am in that area.
Even with me being lauded at work, I still feel stupid.
is extremely difficult to do when high levels of trepidation, combined with somewhat diagnosed ADD stand in the way.
You have some good suggestions, though, and I've wanted to try them for quite some time, but my aforementioned anxiety (more social phobia than anything) is preventing me. I'm going back to school, but my ingrained behavior halts my social progress.
I know, I'm a highly frustrating person!

Wow! That's quite negative right there. I'm guessing you don't think about other people in this kind of way. But if you do, you might want to change that as well.

The truth is that you are the way you are at the moment, and thinking poorly of yourself just limits what you can do. You feel badly about yourself, because you think poorly of yourself. You sabotage your own progress because you think you aren't capable.

But you already knew that right?

The solution is to simply stop negative thoughts. Notice them and stop them. That's it.

If there's a tonne of reasons why it can't be done, or why it's so hard, or how *exactly* it's done, it's all part of the resistance bullcrap. You do it. That's it. It's not complicated, it's not hard, it's not tricky. You notice thoughts, and you stop those thoughts. *That's it* If it looks like it's not working, then do it more. If it *really* isn't working, then *really* do it more.

Over time, you'll just stop thinking poorly of course, and start seeing your results for what they actually are. You'll stop putting yourself done and get back in touch with reality. Then you'll find out you are just ordinary like everyone else, and that's a fantastic thing, because anything is possible then.

[AaronB]

It seems you have a built in assumed correlation between intelligence and value, or intelligence and happiness, or intelligence and something that you really want, and perceive having intelligence as the only way to get it. Whatever it is intelligence can't give you that. There's a difference between noticing that your brain doesn't process certain material well and feeling emotionally threatened by the possibility of being stupid. As long as any thought is capable of bringing up that feeling of being emotionally threatened, consider that you may have come up with a fantastic work around, a lovely way to avoid the real problem. But in reality if you experience any emotional pattern related to your intellectual capability then you are not completely free.

Do you want to be better trained to not get the electric shock, then look for ways to convince yourself that you are smart.

Or would you want to disable the electric shock altogether? Then you have to remove the limiting thought pattern.

[Thales]

Originally Posted by Parthon

Adam Jones, the musician, once said "I'm my own worst critic and I think everyone in the band is a perfectionist.", and it applies to everyone. People think more harshly of themselves than anyone around them. If this gets too bad it becomes delusional and self-destructive. I just wanted to highlight these:

Wow! That's quite negative right there. I'm guessing you don't think about other people in this kind of way. But if you do, you might want to change that as well.

The truth is that you are the way you are at the moment, and thinking poorly of yourself just limits what you can do. You feel badly about yourself, because you think poorly of yourself. You sabotage your own progress because you think you aren't capable.

But you already knew that right?

The solution is to simply stop negative thoughts. Notice them and stop them. That's it.

If there's a tonne of reasons why it can't be done, or why it's so hard, or how *exactly* it's done, it's all part of the resistance bullcrap. You do it. That's it. It's not complicated, it's not hard, it's not tricky. You notice thoughts, and you stop those thoughts. *That's it* If it looks like it's not working, then do it more. If it *really* isn't working, then *really* do it more.

Over time, you'll just stop thinking poorly of course, and start seeing your results for what they actually are. You'll stop putting yourself done and get back in touch with reality. Then you'll find out you are just ordinary like everyone else, and that's a fantastic thing, because anything is possible then.

That's just it, I don't even know what "reality" is (as far as a realistic perception of myself goes). Maybe I need CBT or something, hah!

[VinceG]

I honestly don't know what to think of myself

If you honestly don't know, then allow me to tell you what you should think of yourself.

You're great!

[Thales]

A lot of people like to fool themselves by thinking that--I'm neutral, well teetering on the edge anyway.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by Thales

That's just it, I don't even know what "reality" is (as far as a realistic perception of myself goes). Maybe I need CBT or something, hah!

Saying "I don't know what reality is." is another part of the resistance bullcrap.

You don't have to know what reality is. Reality is what arises when you stop compulsively judging and comparing everything around you. To get there you just stop thinking the false thoughts. If you have a thought and you catch it and you are unsure of it's authenticity, just see if you can find proof of it in reality. A tree is a tree, a house is a house and you can point to them. Try point to your anxiety issues and ADD.

Originally Posted by Thales

A lot of people like to fool themselves by thinking that--I'm neutral, well teetering on the edge anyway.

Vince is telling the absolute truth!

Everyone has the potential to be great. So all there is to do is aim for it. Thinking you are great when you aren't is also delusion, but being great when you know you can be, that's pure honesty.

[Caria]

Originally Posted by Parthon

Saying "I don't know what reality is." is another part of the resistance bullcrap.

You don't have to know what reality is. Reality is what arises when you stop compulsively judging and comparing everything around you. To get there you just stop thinking the false thoughts. If you have a thought and you catch it and you are unsure of it's authenticity, just see if you can find proof of it in reality. A tree is a tree, a house is a house and you can point to them. Try point to your anxiety issues and ADD.

Vince is telling the absolute truth!

Everyone has the potential to be great. So all there is to do is aim for it. Thinking you are great when you aren't is also delusion, but being great when you know you can be, that's pure honesty.

I agree... You need to tell yourself that you are great, and be honest with yourself...

[Starby]

Originally Posted by Thales

I've recently realized I'm more afraid of myself than anyone else, I mean the critical aspect of me.

I went to a psych, and while he described me as "very intelligent and hyper-vigilant" I'm still on the fence about myself. He said I could score 135 upwards on an IQ test, but he said anxiety could impair my cognitive functioning/performance.

I've been attempting to improve my intelligence regardless, with teaching myself intro algerbra/reading up on various other subjects (that I am not used to). But in my personal math training, I am seeing how deficient I actually am in that area. I've seen improvements, but earlier I was working on a particular problem and, with the answer at hand, I still had issues figuring out how they came to that answer, I eventually gave up with a vague understanding of how they did it.

Even with me being lauded at work, I still feel stupid. Just taking one person's comment "You're the smartest person back here" and how I internally and outwardly responded to it, gives you an idea.

How do I start peeling away the layers of doubt and find my real level of capabilities, whether for good or ill?

Gosh I can so identify with this.

I think the more intelligent some people are, the more perfectionist they become. I think someone else said it's easy to equate intelligence with value. Also, people who are very intelligent analyse a lot and can see multiple possibilties in idea or situation. It can also be difficult knowing what to do with our lives when the possibilties seem endless, and whatever we do it never seems to quite match up to our potential. I think intelligent people see the world as a whole, ponder over its meaning, which can lead to feelings of being a grain of sand on a beach etc, depending on the mindset used. These things sometimes cause me to feel a failure or worry about everything I do.

I think it's about grounding with the true self and remembering that while the mind is a gift, it's not where our real value lies. Creativity and self expression is about freedom, not restriction by our mind. All human beings are given the gift to create and choose the life as they wish. We can use intellect and learn from mistakes, experiences etc, but our minds don't define who we are.