advice needed desperately

[LillyoftheValley]

My dad is on intensive care right now. He had an almost-stroke yesterday and his heart also failed twice this night. He can only move his eyes at the moment. His heart is still on machines.
I'm going to see him in a few hours, and don't know how to keep cool.
He so afraid right now, and I want to tell him not to be.

Can EFT keep me keep calm?
I tried, but the fear seems greater.

Is there anything of any help I can do right now?
I'm not ashamed to say I feel discouraged at the moment.
There's four of us kids, and even my older brother is scared, not to mention my two older sisters. I want to be the firm one, but feeling keep getting in way..

[Rebecca]

I'm so sorry to hear about your father's illness. I can understand your desire to tell your father not to be afraid. I can understand that you and your siblings are fearful, too.

I have recently learned a new way of addressing my fears that I am finding helpful. It is a very simple process of questioning your stressful thoughts and then considering the opposite. It is called The Work (http://www.thework.com http://www.byronkatie.com).

Once you identify the stressful thought underlying your fear, you could ask these 4 questions about that thought:
Is it true?
Am I absolutely sure that it's true?
How do I react when I believe the thought?
Who would I be without the thought?
Then turn the thought around--consider opposites and examples of how the opposite may be as true or truer than the original statement.

There are free written resources on The Work website, a free hotline to call, etc. On the ByronKatie.com: The Official Blog for The Work of Byron Katie website, there are videos showing Byron Katie doing The Work with people on stressful thoughts such as "my father shouldn't have died." "I want my cancer to stop growing."

I wish you and your family peace.

Rebecca

[soccer7]

What is EFT?

So to say you are scared, your father is scare, and you want to be strong to lift the fear off your father and brothers, wheather deep inside you fear or not. Is that correct?

Well, if i was in your shoes, i would be scared, but this is a natural reaction, i would try to ease off a chunck or two of fear by listening to music or perhaps going somewhere alone to relax and think things through so i can collect myself and find a way to subdue my fear or hide it.

This of course takes time, this must be hard for you, but you should remember that no one expects you to feel no fear or suffering from this traumatic event, so if you still can't find the courage to hide your fears, then plan b) would be to just let them know, i mean even your bigger brother is scared, so its ok.

Try to think positive when you can, use the law of attraction to bring healing and health to your dad, and meditate to calm your mind. Seriously, people underestimate the power of meditation, including myself sometimes, but i know better now.

Hope this helps.

[Jack Woods]

Thanks for the link to "The Work." I am exploring that website. It looks great!

[nownow]

Its not good to deny your feelings or to try to overcome them, rather try to accept the situation, accept the fear and everything else that may come up. There is nothing wrong with being scared in this situation. Let the emotions come and go like they will but try to maintain your focus on your father's well being and the rest of the family. You can find peace through acceptance and in so doing you can be of the most help to your family.

Wish you and your family the best.

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by nownow

Its not good to deny your feelings or to try to overcome them, rather try to accept the situation, accept the fear and everything else that may come up.

Very good advice. Feel what you feel and express what's inside you. You will not help your father or family if you withhold your feelings.

[LillyoftheValley]

Thank you all, for the advice and kind words.

I feel better after seeing my dad, even if it's not a pretty sight.

Rebecca - Thanks for the quick answer. I'll look into The Work.

soccer7 - yes, that's what my plan is. EFT is a great thing, you can find information about it here on forums, or google it. The problem with me was I tried it while so emotional it didn't work.

nownownow / Dharma- I know your advice is good and reasonable, but I'll have to learn to do it, at least with these feelings. Acceptance I'm OK with. Thank you neverthless.

I'm not sure why I looked for advice, cuz what happened was, my long practiced mechanism of hiding sadness and fear just turned on automatically. The whole family is actually this way, for we have a long history of misfortunes. I learned not to let a tear pass my bedroom. I manage to stay calm, keeping others focused on his recovery.

Oh, this doesn't sound good. Nor feels. I'll have to learn to deal with the feelings too.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

Lilyofthevalley,

Use EFT constantly while you're going through this time. You can use it without words and without planning, just tap the points when you're upset. Whatever you are feeling, just tapping the points from the top of your head to your armpit will help you calm down very quickly. Then you can do it more formally if you need to. I've used this method when anyone is upset, just to allow them to calm down and think more clearly.

Check my homepage for a quick guide on the shortcut process and where the points are, but ANY tapping is good.

Oh and don't forget you could try EFT on your father as well, if he's willing.

Much love to you, I hope your father improves quickly
Hazel

[LillyoftheValley]

Thank you Hazel, I didn't know you can tap without sentences and still get a result. You can't really locate or define this unpleasant feeling that can appear in these situations.
I hope to have an opportunity to show dad EFT, but for now he's critical and I'm not allowed to touch him.

[taylor2]

i am so sorry about your dad.that is a hard one. maybe don't worry about how u should be acting but just give off love and hugs to all.he may make it thru.u never know.so u probably don't want to think there is no hope.my dad had a triple by-pass at 49 and he made it thru to live another 10 yrs. u just never know.they know alot these days to help people.hugs and take care.

[Gary Lee Avery]

Hello, L-O-T-V.
My wife's mother suffered a stroke on top of a heart attack.
After the therapy's and medications and constant monitoring, she remained paralyzed on one side of her body and lost the ability to speak.
L-O-T-V, your father is apparently in the place that can do him the most good. What can you do? What is in your power?
I would say understand that your fathers situation and condition is not of your making, be open and honest with him. He is your father, he will understand you and your family's fears. One of his jobs has been taking care of his family. This role will be changing.
After all is said and done, you and your family will need to help him adapt to the changes he will be facing.
You and your family have an opportunity to tell him how much you love him and to help take care of him by spending as much time with him as you folks can.
If he ends up in a full-care facility please monitor his care to make sure he is receiving the attention and quality care he will need.
Upon my mother-in-Laws passing on we felt relief. During much of her incapacitation, she underwent a lot of pain and suffering.
I wish your father, you and your family well.