An empowering quote for people who have look based fears

[Weena]

I was thinking about Roxy and this came back to me: i was sixteen years old at the time and had become best buddies with an American exchange student. One day we were in the bathrooms and i was putting on make up, and said to her i noticed she never wore make up...and she said...

"That's right Weena. I am me. If people don't like what they see they can always turn their head the other way!"


I felt this quote was accurate and empowering. Hope it'll help anyone who is obsessed by getting validation to feel they are okay.

[secrets0stolen]

I love it! Makeup can become something to hide behind, but it can also be for some women a form of artistic expression. That said, the only makeup I wear is eyeliner about twice a year...

I just love the idea of empowering quotes, I may just start a thread all for that.

And this quote in particular, is awesome.

[shasah]

Sometimes it's not just makeup but attitude. When I was younger, I decided for a while to wear my hair pulled straight back and in a pony tail. I had to use hair spray to keep it in place. One day, I walked up behind a couple of guys talking and they were talking about how ugly I was At the time, my self confidence wasn't at an all time high anyway and this really made me think I must be ugly. I told them that "If you're that shallow, don't look". It took me many years to realize it wasn't my looks that caused them to think I was ugly but rather my attitude. I turn heads all the time nowadays. Has nothing to do with looks, it has everything to do with attitude.

[Weena]

I think the issue is this: if you do not accept yourself, people can tell you a thousand times you are pretty, their validation still does not help, it's a quick ego polish that soon wears off and the need for validation comes back. So how about inner validation? That's what that friend, Carol did. "I am me". And boy was she gorgeous! Because she was confident (so yes i agree with your point about attitude Shasah). SOS: cool idea about the thread!

[Criseyde]

Thanks, Weena.

[xfactor]

Originally Posted by Weena

I was thinking about Roxy and this came back to me: i was sixteen years old at the time and had become best buddies with an American exchange student. One day we were in the bathrooms and i was putting on make up, and said to her i noticed she never wore make up...and she said...

"That's right Weena. I am me. If people don't like what they see they can always turn their head the other way!"


I felt this quote was accurate and empowering. Hope it'll help anyone who is obsessed by getting validation to feel they are okay.

I think it's a slight exaggeration. It's surely bad when all you love in a woman is makeup, but I can stop brushing my teeth tomorrow based on the same reason, right?

However, if you take more general life values - I agree 100%. You are not here to live up to someone's expectations.

[Elfwing]

Originally Posted by xfactor

I think it's a slight exaggeration. It's surely bad when all you love in a woman is makeup, but I can stop brushing my teeth tomorrow based on the same reason, right?

Wrong.

That's like comparing a bath to wearing certain clothes instead of others. Brushing your teeth helps your hygiene. Wearing makeup doesn't.

[ZephyrusX]

That's like comparing a bath to wearing certain clothes instead of others. Brushing your teeth helps your hygiene. Wearing makeup doesn't.

lol - I don't quite get the comparison either. Are you assuming that people who do not wear makeup do not practice basic hygiene? (Look at my shiny teeth buddy! And weep at their brilliance!)

I think the idea is meant to target women who feel that they literally have to wear makeup while in public. I use to feel this way in highschool; I wouldn't leave the house without makeup on because I was constantly thinking 'what will other people think!'. But I gradually realized that people are not going to bite my head off if I didn't wear it. I haven't worn makeup for... 5 or 6 years now... And it is because I feel comfortable with my self and rely on my own internal validation. Yes; that involves accepting that some people are going to say negative things, but as far as I am concerned, I don't want these people in my life. Most people don't seem to care though; I get attention (romantically and non-romantically) through my personality and confidence.

[Weena]

Originally Posted by xfactor

I think it's a slight exaggeration. It's surely bad when all you love in a woman is makeup, but I can stop brushing my teeth tomorrow based on the same reason, right?
However, if you take more general life values - I agree 100%. You are not here to live up to someone's expectations.

That's the point that was made. Live to your own expectations, wear make up if you like make up, brush your teeth if you care for your own health.

It would be lovely to see people not buying into that mediatised silliness about what it is to be "beautiful" (subjective to say the least since all people have different likings) or "thin" or blahblahblah and try to get others to tell you if your image is good enough based on that criteria. And needing it a lot since you don't validate yourself to start of with.

So it would be lovely once again to see people looking happy and healthy and confident that they are just what they are meant to be. If you exercise and like to look good so much the better so long as it is for yourself and not to adhere to a distorted image because you think people will value you more if you do.

[xfactor]

Originally Posted by Elfwing

Wrong.

That's like comparing a bath to wearing certain clothes instead of others. Brushing your teeth helps your hygiene. Wearing makeup doesn't.

OK, then I'll stop cutting my hear,shaving and buy new clothes. Plus, some researchers say that brushing your teeth forces the bacteria to build resistance to toothpaste components, so I'm not so sure it helps hygiene either

World, here I come!

[Elfwing]

Zephyr - no. I was saying that comparing wearing makeup to brushing your teeth was absurd, because it's like saying that not wearing makeup is neglecting hygiene - which it isn't. At least, that's how I perceived it.

I'm a girl who doesn't wear makeup. I was turned off it when I was in primary school - we used to wear makeup for stage plays that the kids' mothers brought in, and that was the ONLY circumstance you ever saw me wearing makeup. The smell has always made me feel ill since, so I never wear it, and I've always thought the women around me looked more beautiful without it.

[Weena]

*weeps at Zephy's lovely teeth*

*gives Zephy non-romantic attention*

[Elfwing]

Originally Posted by xfactor

OK, then I'll stop cutting my hear,shaving and buy new clothes. Plus, some researchers say that brushing your teeth forces the bacteria to build resistance to toothpaste components, so I'm not so sure it helps hygiene either

World, here I come!

A woman does not have to wear makeup to be clean. Yes, she needs to bathe and take care of herself, but she does not have to wear makeup to be clean.

Otherwise, why the heck aren't most men wearing any?

[Weena]

Originally Posted by Elfwing

Zephyr - no. I was saying that comparing wearing makeup to brushing your teeth was absurd, because it's like saying that not wearing makeup is neglecting hygiene - which it isn't. At least, that's how I perceived it.

Zephyr was with you on that one

[Weena]

Originally Posted by Elfwing

Otherwise, why the heck aren't most men wearing any?

Cause they are little piggies?

J-J-J (you're Aussie so you get this?)

[Elfwing]

Originally Posted by Weena

Zephyr was with you on that one

Oh yes, I see that, I just wanted to clarify.

[Elfwing]

Originally Posted by Weena

J-J-J (you're Aussie so you get this?)

*Peers at*

*Turns head sideways*

Alas, no.

[Weena]

Originally Posted by Elfwing

*Peers at*

*Turns head sideways*

Alas, no.

Just a joke Joyce

(apparently: Melbourne saying by Graeme Kennedy)

[Elfwing]

Originally Posted by Weena

Just a joke Joyce

(apparently: Melbourne saying by Graeme Kennedy)

Ahh. I've never been down to Melbourne.

[ZephyrusX]

*weeps at Zephy's lovely teeth*

*gives Zephy non-romantic attention*

lol - Its my teeth isn't!

[xfactor]

Originally Posted by Elfwing

A woman does not have to wear makeup to be clean. Yes, she needs to bathe and take care of herself, but she does not have to wear makeup to be clean.

Otherwise, why the heck aren't most men wearing any?

First of all, some of them do (they are called "metrosexuals" I believe). Second, because historically women wanted to attract men to create a family. I'm not saying you should wear a makeup, especially if it makes you feel ill, but I don't see anything wrong with that.

Why men aren't wearing makeup? Because we have been assigned a different role both biologically and socially, although I must admit that lately our social position was made pretty equal to women's.

Who knows, maybe in 20 years guys will be wearing makeup (some of them are painting nails even today, and I ain't talking about gays), but personally I'm just too darn old fashioned for that.

[elucidate]

Another one I like to use is " I AM PERFECT JUST THE WAY I AM AND IF OTHERS CANNOT SEE THAT, IT IS THEIR PROBLEM, NOT MINE"

This is the truth.

[ssandra]

My personal favorite lately is:

What others think of me, is none of my business

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by ssandra

My personal favorite lately is:

What others think of me, is none of my business

I love this one too

[Elfwing]

Originally Posted by xfactor

First of all, some of them do (they are called "metrosexuals" I believe). Second, because historically women wanted to attract men to create a family. I'm not saying you should wear a makeup, especially if it makes you feel ill, but I don't see anything wrong with that.

Why men aren't wearing makeup? Because we have been assigned a different role both biologically and socially, although I must admit that lately our social position was made pretty equal to women's.

Who knows, maybe in 20 years guys will be wearing makeup (some of them are painting nails even today, and I ain't talking about gays), but personally I'm just too darn old fashioned for that.

Yes, I know some do, that's why I said "most."

I apologise if I misinterpreted. It seemed to me like you were saying that women who don't wear makeup are unhygienic and should wear it, but I can see now that's not the case.

[roxyruby]

this was unexpected, how lovely, thanks Weena, it's a beautiful message, and true, thanks.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

lol - I don't quite get the comparison either. Are you assuming that people who do not wear makeup do not practice basic hygiene? (Look at my shiny teeth buddy! And weep at their brilliance!)

I think the idea is meant to target women who feel that they literally have to wear makeup while in public.

Funny! Yes, this idea that women must start wearing make-up as soon as they're, what, in high school? I think it really IS collapsed together in many people's minds as basic hygiene, like a not wearing make-up does occur as *awful* as brushing one's teeth or bathing. How many women I've heard saying they won't leave the house without mascara, or that they think they look SICK without it? Insane thinking; twisted and manipulated on purpose to sell products.

[Federer]

Well, i believe and accept myself as handsome man and honest with myself. I am unique. No doubt what others think about me.

[roxyruby]

Originally Posted by Angela

Funny! Yes, this idea that women must start wearing make-up as soon as they're, what, in high school? I think it really IS collapsed together in many people's minds as basic hygiene, like a not wearing make-up does occur as *awful* as brushing one's teeth or bathing. How many women I've heard saying they won't leave the house without mascara, or that they think they look SICK without it? Insane thinking; twisted and manipulated on purpose to sell products.

Yeah you're right. Maybe it is just selfish of me though, but when I'm with my boyfriend I feel that wearing makeup will enhance my attractiveness to him, by the appearance of deeper and longer eyelashes etc

Many people I think may want to be seen as attractive by other people, and for women, they may think this involves wearing makeup

Sure, if I could do a survey with everyone out there in society and they told me that they think I look just as totally acceptable /attractive to look at while wearing no makeup as when I'm wearing makeup, or more than when I'm wearing makeup, then I probably wouldn't wear makeup

[Angela]

Originally Posted by roxyruby

Yeah you're right. Maybe it is just selfish of me though, but when I'm with my boyfriend I feel that wearing makeup will enhance my attractiveness to him, by the appearance of deeper and longer eyelashes etc

Many people I think may want to be seen as attractive by other people, and for women, they may think this involves wearing makeup

Sure, if I could do a survey with everyone out there in society and they told me that they think I look just as totally acceptable /attractive to look at while wearing no makeup as when I'm wearing makeup, or more than when I'm wearing makeup, then I probably wouldn't wear makeup

I don't think it's selfish of you to gussy up for your boyfriend. It's your choice, and it's fun! It's when you are afraid to be seen by him without make-up that it limits your freedom, power, effectiveness, and joy.

It's interesting that you would base your choice to wear make-up on other people's evaluation of whether you look acceptable and attractive, which is living very much at effect. Not to feel able to be accepted, if you're not wearing make-up? Wouldn't that be something worth looking at in your work on social anxiety, both for yourself and for others? I ask because when you say that, you give me the impression that you feel the same way about others -- that THEY may not be worthy of your acceptance or attraction, depending on how they look without make-up. I may not be worthy of your acceptance or attraction, depending on how I look without make-up, and I'm certainly not as dewy as you are! So, that way of being powerfully generates exactly what you don't want for yourself -- a feeling of being unacceptable or unattractive.

Isn't that wild?