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| Emotional Mastery Emotional intelligence, addiction and recovery, grieving, loss, fear, anger, guilt, resentment, frustration, anxiety, depression, happiness, joy, love, kindness, forgiveness, self-acceptance, confidence, escaping the pit of despair, EFT |
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08-05-2010, 12:42 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere
Posts: 9,713
  |  ugly emotions
(I know, title means I'm judging the emotions. Bear with me.) Went through a phase, moments ago, of feeling some very ugly feelings, like intense envy and desperation. Realized I could choose something else, but somehow my mind and emotions aren't always synced up. I had that going on intellectually but not so much emotionally. These feelings I had might partly be a side effect of me acting based on personal values, but somehow the value wasn't being reflected back. I chose to make it mean something about me. But I don't want to keep doing that. This also relates to a lingering lack mentality. All this talk of internal validation. What are specific methods you've used to strengthen your internal validation in the heat of the stinging moment, as you're growing into a new expression of yourself? |
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08-05-2010, 12:53 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,829
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Do you know where these feelings come from? What about getting learning from what they are saying? It's hard to suppress those feelings sometimes, and it's fine. Remember how I snapped in my previous gremlin thread (  )? I couldn't (and didn't) repress my anger towards others and snapped at them. Anger was practically oozing out of me. Why did I do this? Just to find out how I thought and the what the name of my gremlin is. Hope this makes things clearer! Love, Andrew. |
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08-05-2010, 01:06 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Mexico City
Posts: 11,168
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Sometimes I just go with the flow of intense emotions, even if they are unwanted. Taking them to the next level, letting them play out completely. Exaggerating as well. Once I follow them to the root, they are gone. Only the root cause remains and that always means something about me, and never has anything to do with someone else... |
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08-05-2010, 01:06 AM
| #4 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere
Posts: 9,713
| Quote:
The feelings are confirming a pattern of thought that I am working to release. Related to afk friendships. I've been making an effort to reach some goals related to that, and blowing this moment out of proportion, and it's making it harder to continue feeling an inner drive to reach those goals, because I'm making this small thing mean so much. Then again perhaps it is also valid feedback I can use to make some changes. The lesson in these feelings seems to be - this is why internal validation is all the rage. I don't really want to suppress those feelings but I would majorly self-sabotage if I acted on them. I want to reverse engineer the object of envy but that's inappropriate. I want to troubleshoot. I want to not be so upset by small things like this, I want to not use it to confirm a faulty map. However I think this may be the first time I have worked through an experience like this consciously. | |
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08-05-2010, 01:08 AM
| #5 (permalink) | |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Mexico City
Posts: 11,168
| Quote:
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08-05-2010, 01:09 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 22,520
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I'm feeling some "ugly" emotions this afternoon, too, rei, plus I'm dog tired, so I'm feeling resigned about those emotions, like I don't feel like *doing* anything about it. So f*** it. I can't be bothered right now to work through anything. I'm just gonna feel what I feel. And maybe watch "Top Chef."
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08-05-2010, 01:10 AM
| #7 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere
Posts: 9,713
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Grr. I am frustrated about this. I guess I had this idea in my head that being the creator and choosing to shape your life means you don't have to deal with the residue of the old story. Not so, apparently. But it must be progress if I can simultaneously feel the very childish feelings AND watch it all happening from that conscious creator space. Thanks, Sandra. | |
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08-05-2010, 01:12 AM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,829
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Consciously trying to logic through your emotions just suppresses them as well. Your unconscious mind is a little child; it doesn't bow down to reason well. However, once you get to the root of your feeling, you can consciously change your value or belief there. (All of this out of removing a gremlin!  )You can warn the person you are going to snap and to not take it personally what you say. |
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08-05-2010, 01:14 AM
| #9 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere
Posts: 9,713
| Quote:
F*** it sounds like a perfectly valid choice here as well.  It helps to know you're in a similar place, Angela.
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08-05-2010, 01:14 AM
| #10 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Oct 2008
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08-05-2010, 01:17 AM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 12,751
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This is what I have a conflict with in the "choose what you feel vs just feel what you feel" debate that goes on in my head. It confuses me. Like with the other day on the blacko thread. I felt uncomfortable with that comment...that was what I felt as my first instinct. It may mean there is a belief underlying that I may wish to release or transform, but then again...why should I? If that is my first instinct and that is what I feel...what is actually 'wrong'with that. It tells me about my personal boundaries and what feels right for me...which is how I can teach someone else that they have crossed the line with me. Why would I want to dilute that or change it to a more 'pleasant' emotion? It may not be 'pleasant'to feel uncomfortable...but it's real...it's what I'm feeling. It's O.K to feel whatever I'm feeling. That's what I go with. Being scolded for not changing my original emotion to something that pleases someone else better (not mentioning any names here) isn't congruent with being authentic, IMO. |
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08-05-2010, 01:19 AM
| #13 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere
Posts: 9,713
| Quote:
My gremmie usually makes me sad and whiny not angry/feisty. New story, though. In the new story I AM making progress on my goals and I AM resilient enough to KEEP GOING once I nurse the uglies, and I can take a serious look at the approach and make course corrections if needed. In the meantime, ouchola. And complicated by intuition (i.e. from my perspective the meaning I made from it didn't seem like such a long shot really :/). But whatever. Would be nice if I didn't have this self-involved stuff happening right now, but many people naturally do that when they have many many things they are trying to deal with, so I won't beat m'self up about that. Whatever. | |
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08-05-2010, 01:19 AM
| #14 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,829
| Quote:
It's never a bad thing to be lazy. | |
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08-05-2010, 01:22 AM
| #16 (permalink) | |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Mexico City
Posts: 11,168
| Quote:
Wishing you lots of joy and happy feelings again soon!! | |
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08-05-2010, 01:27 AM
| #17 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere
Posts: 9,713
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Yes, Angela, I also wish for you (and me, as another part of You) to just feel what we feel and may that flow into lighter feelings soon. Angela, hope you enjoy your rest God. Ouch. Layer of self-hate just oozed up, wow, did not even know that was there. I have literally hated myself for preferring others' approval instead of being an internal validator in those moments when I didn't get it from others. Ouchie ouchola. Well, at least it's seen the light of day. But see, I am also feeling shame and embarrassment about this, and fear to hit "post" but I will push through it anyway. Wow I did not know that hate was there. Hmm, wonder if Bach Flower Remedies ever contribute to emotional stuff like this... |
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08-05-2010, 01:32 AM
| #18 (permalink) | |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Mexico City
Posts: 11,168
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08-05-2010, 01:38 AM
| #19 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 22,520
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You know the weird thing? I don't wish for lighter feelings, or happy feelings right now. When I read those words, my thoughts were actually "f*** dat ♥♥♥♥♥." which makes me laugh to say. so thanks for being there to read it. I'm just choosin' to feel this ...... stuff I'm feeling. Danger Man just called and said, "just give it up, take a bath, go to bed," and that sounded wonderful. That, and listening to my lesbian rap trio guardian angels, Yo Majesty (warning: repeated and vigorous foul language): YouTube - ‪Yo Majesty 'Club Action'‬‎ by the way, speaking of lesbian rap trio guardian angels, YAY for today's overturning of Proposition 8 for being unconstitutional! |
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08-05-2010, 01:40 AM
| #21 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere
Posts: 9,713
| Quote:
Thank you, I love you.  ... I am feeling anger at the idea that so many people talk about internal validation but I have yet to see anyone describe the process they use to be that way. I have tried a few ideas but in moments like these emotional ones it just feels like a big fat lie. How can I grow into more internal validation without some kind of structure to try? Otherwise it just feels too loose or something. I might have picked the wrong tribe, on top of all of this, however my tribe options afk are a little short unless/until I relocate. Whew. Just let myself feel a lot of anger. That was helpful. I am so embarrassed that I'm writing these things here. Mad at myself for not cultivating enough close physical friendships (since some significant life changes) to do this with afk people. Mad at myself for being so focused on myself. Or this sense that maybe I am doing it wrong - internal validation involves an inward focus doesn't it? I am growing into someone I like more, that is the important thing, and I guess I can just hope I will continue to be accepted here even as I write these things that make me sound like I have made NO progress at all!! | |
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08-05-2010, 01:44 AM
| #23 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Mexico City
Posts: 11,168
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I don't know about internal validation. Sometimes I have it, sometimes I don't. When I don't I go on here and make threads like "I am ugly"... Or I ask my husband. Or I just suck it up. It happens a lot more then I want to, yet a lot less then it used to. The difference? Higher self esteem I guess.. Caring less about what other people think. How? Wish I knew. Higher self esteem seems key here...? |
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08-05-2010, 01:45 AM
| #24 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 22,520
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I never thought of internal validation as a "process," rei. It sort of surprises my brain to hear it expressed like that. Just asking myself now what it is, it's an action. Club Action! the action is: I check inside. That's it. That's the whole process. Is this okay in here? Does this work for me? Hello, McFly? Really just as simple as that. Unless I'm missing something about your wondering? Maybe I am. My head is muggledy puggledy. Is there more? |
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08-05-2010, 01:46 AM
| #26 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere
Posts: 9,713
| Quote:
Tears on my mousepad make it harder to type. (I'm composing a Country Western tune lol) | |
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08-05-2010, 01:53 AM
| #28 (permalink) | |||
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere
Posts: 9,713
| Quote:
Quote:
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I check inside, and I am aligned with my values, but I am still feeling pain based on the outside stuff. Which boils down to wanting to be accepted and see evidence of that. I was acting based on my values before this happened, but the response in my reality didn't reflect the value back to me. So, I dunno, did I answer your question lol? | |||
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08-05-2010, 01:57 AM
| #29 (permalink) | |
| Banned Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 12,751
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From my experience, you can make certain progree whereby you love and accept yourself more and more, and need that external validation less and less...and then out of nowhere, you are right back where you started, needing acceptance and not being ok with yourself. I think alot of growth stuff comes and goes around in circles...which sucks. Quote:
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08-05-2010, 01:59 AM
| #30 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere
Posts: 9,713
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Getting practical. A more appropriate tribe would be a big help, I think, but that will be easier once I relocate. Do I really want to adjust my self-expression to fit into that tribe better? Would be easier than adjusting my self-expression to fit into the majority tribe of the area, for sure. Do I still have a chance to make that adjustment? Only time will tell. This stuff is just really difficult (from the current, changeable perspective) when I grew up with experiences that made me already feel like acceptance/belonging is hard. Make an effort, tentative steps, blammo. Rinse and repeat. I'm ready for experiences to confirm a different idea about acceptance and belonging in physical world relationships dammit! Seriously - the last few days I have played with the idea of somehow forgetting all this conscious living stuff, to live like a zombie whose ideals are based on the bible and tradition and podunk thinking. Would be easier socially to somehow unlearn all these things. I know, sacrilegious. |
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