How Should I Deal With This Person?

[iry]

Hi, I’m not so sure why I always run into communication problems and please help me to deal with this situation. I engaged a project with a part time freelance programmer. After 3 months of progress, the project is about 70% completed.

Long story short, here is an email that I received from him about the project progress this evening.

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I am not bothered to give you anymore consultation as
my advice seem to fall on deaf ears ( one example I think would be he prefer error validation message appear in pop up while I don’t as I prefer messages appear consistency on the web page. I am quite concern about the user experience in the portal) , besides you seem
very well knowledgeable
development ( I think he is teasing me about as I’ve about 1 year experience in portal development while he has about more than 5 years). Furthermore your client seems very well
knowledgeable in software flow as well. I'm just
clearing the excell issues.

whether we meet tommorrow let me check if i have
nothing better to do first ( o ya.. as if I’ll always available).

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There are some issue that I request for his advice and he replied with “You can think abt it and let me know later.“.

How should I deal with him if he appears anti “me”? Should I prompt him to clear our doubts? Or should I just let it be? I think he is a nice guy but dealing with me doesn’t make him pleasant. One reason that I could think of is because in the initial state, we try to rush off the project, so without any screen design, we start off to develop the project and consequently that’s lot of changes being made. It’s a wrong start, but how I can really fix the problem? I would really hope to get your advice.

[DarkSociologist]

Are you paying him based on the project or by the hour?

It gets really frustrating when you initially think that a project will take x hours, but because the client doesn't have a clear idea of what they want, it ends up taking 3x hours.

It can be especially frustrating when the client has a little experience in your field, but thinks that they are an expert. When this happens, then you begin to think "if you are such an expert, then why don't you do it yourself?"

If you actually know what you want, then you should create what is called a requirements document. It out lines exactly how things should look like, what they should do, and what they intereact with. If you don't know exactly what you want, then you should have him write one. If you don't agree with a part of what he writes, have him explain why he chose to do it his way, rather than how you propose.

Once you have the requirements document down, then all he has to do is go through it. Remember that you sought him, so you should respect his advice. If not, then you should get rid of him and get someone else.

[iry]

yea... i did give him the user requirements document but the user requirements didn't document down every single fields . In the beginning of the project, the project is being delayed due to his usage of time ( sick, office team building vacation, working on the other projects an etc. ) So if the project is being delayed, I don't think i want to blame myself solely.

Another thing is i believe if i listen or follow your consultation or advice about 50-70% most of the time, it doesn't mean that i'm a "bad" listener...

The issue that i've mentioned previously has not been an issue until recently..like the one i mentioned in first post.. from the beginning...

I really want to ask your advice , perhaps steps on deal with this person.

Thanks...

[DarkSociologist]

Please excuse me if I seemed to be more on the other person's side than on yours. I have had some clients that have a vague idea of what they want, but they don't have the communication skills to help me understand.

I guess some steps (in no particular order) that you can take are:
1. Ask yourself if you really need this person. Is it worth the time and aggrivation of working though all the problems that the two of you have?

2. Buy this guy lunch and have him talk about the frustrations that he is going through. It is very important that you don't get defensive and remain calm. People often operate on the assumption that the other person is annoying them on purpose. Let him know that there are problems and you want to know from him ways that you can fix them.

3. Let him know that you don't know. If there is something that he did and you don't agree with it (like the pop-ups), let him know that you don't understand and ask him for his opinion about why he chose to to do it that way. If you still don't agree with him, try asking him if other solutions might work instead.

4. Create performance goals and schedule regular progress meetings. If you are paying him, then you should expect an appropriate amount of professionalism from him. It is important for you to convey the appropriate level and make sure that he understand what you expect from him. Be sure to work with him when creating these goals and meetings, so he can give his input as to what he is capable of.

I hope some of these recommendations help you. I sure hope that you aren't using a friend's child or anything like that.

[bellbird]

Great suggestions, DarkSociologist! Good stuff. For some reason Iry you have ticked this guy off. Lunch seems a great idea. Possibly there's no point going into the nitty gritty detailing stuff straight off and 'who did what and when' talk, but to focus on how you agree how to work together to start with. get whatever grievances out of the way. Obviously he's not a very happy chappy at the moment and if you want to continue working with him it's time to let the man speak out. Think about what he says before reacting. As it's teamwork the two of you need to work it out, but now wrestle it out
Good luck

[iry]

hi DarkSociologist, thanks for your suggestions and here are some of my thoughts.

Originally Posted by DarkSociologist

1. Ask yourself if you really need this person. Is it worth the time and aggrivation of working though all the problems that the two of you have?

The project is already half way through and i think the best is still stick with the same person...

Originally Posted by DarkSociologist

2. Buy this guy lunch and have him talk about the frustrations that he is going through. It is very important that you don't get defensive and remain calm. People often operate on the assumption that the other person is annoying them on purpose. Let him know that there are problems and you want to know from him ways that you can fix them.

normally we meet at evening, so i might probably buy him a dinner...but i wonder if i suddenly buy him a dinner (which we never did that before), will he think that i am sarcastic like “buy me dinner only when problem arise?”

Originally Posted by DarkSociologist

3. Let him know that you don't know. If there is something that he did and you don't agree with it (like the pop-ups), let him know that you don't understand and ask him for his opinion about why he chose to to do it that way. If you still don't agree with him, try asking him if other solutions might work instead.

For this matter, it's really chicken and egg and really more on personal peferences based on past working experiences. But i will try this method in other matters.

Originally Posted by DarkSociologist

4. Create performance goals and schedule regular progress meetings. If you are paying him, then you should expect an appropriate amount of professionalism from him. It is important for you to convey the appropriate level and make sure that he understand what you expect from him. Be sure to work with him when creating these goals and meetings, so he can give his input as to what he is capable of.

I'm not sure sometimes how can i make him hold his words. For example, he said he will sent me the updates on the weekends but now's already monday morning here, and i still not yet hear from him..


I try to invite him twice out for a chat last week, but he refused. Should i give him another day before calling him again for a chat and the updates for the project or i should just wait until he get back to me? I try not to potrait myself as too pushy..

p/s: i'm trying to learn here how to deal with people... so bare with me..

[DarkSociologist]

Originally Posted by iry

I try to invite him twice out for a chat last week, but he refused. Should i give him another day before calling him again for a chat and the updates for the project or i should just wait until he get back to me? I try not to potrait myself as too pushy..

I would give him a few days and see if he gets back to you. In the mean time, I would seriously think about alternative solution in getting your project done. If you continue to rely on him, then you are at his mercy. :T It's important to remain courteous, but it is also importain to remain in control.

[iry]

Originally Posted by DarkSociologist

I would give him a few days and see if he gets back to you. In the mean time, I would seriously think about alternative solution in getting your project done. If you continue to rely on him, then you are at his mercy. :T It's important to remain courteous, but it is also importain to remain in control.

hi DarkSociologist, we will meeting up tmr. But I've a very ill feeling about tmr meeting judging by the way he sent out the "invitation" email and without the project excel updates sheet list.

My guts feeling telling me that he might be nasty tmr and he might even trigger a stop order on this project.

The reason i feel this way is not because i wanted to attact "it" to happen but i want to prepare on how should i re-act if it does happen. ( Should i just agree on it or try my best to persuade this guy using all the theories that I've learnt from the self help books. ) Applying a "theory" wouldn't be easy especially dealing with people.

When we meet tomorrow, if he is really being nasty or whatever, should i say something like "OK,I know your frustrated and I'm sorry that it happen between us, but i really hope that you can continue the project as is already 70% done". (hm..sounds good? )

I would try to be nice with him and control my temper. However, if he want me to compromise everything with whatever he say, probably I need to find the alternative solution.

You are right about i'm at him mercy as I think that it's still the best solution if he can complete the project.

It's important to remain courteous, but it is also importain to remain in control.

thanks.. this give me something to think about..

[DarkSociologist]

Originally Posted by iry

When we meet tomorrow, if he is really being nasty or whatever, should i say something like "OK,I know your frustrated and I'm sorry that it happen between us, but i really hope that you can continue the project as is already 70% done". (hm..sounds good? )

Hi Iry,

I hope things went well. Just one minor adjustment in the way I would approach this guy. If he says something nasty, then I would listen to everything that he had to say. I would then try to address his issues one by one and see if we could work things out. I would try not to push the part about the project being 70% done because that would cause low grade work just to get it finished and it may make him more upset.

I know that it is difficult decision to cut someone out of a project that has done most of the work, but let me tell you about something I learned in my accounting class. There is a concept called sunk costs, where what you paid for in the past will not affect what happens to you in the future. Since these have no affect on the future, you should not pay attention to them when making decisions now. Look towards the future, no matter how much you put into something in the past. Will you benefit from continuing with your relationship or can you do better?

It's always difficult working with someone who is upset with you. The only thing you can do is figure out what are your choices in dealing with this person and pick the one that you think is best.

[iry]

Hi DarkSociologist,

Everything did went well except that he chose to stop provide any suggestions or feedback on the project. He also chose not to listen to my explanation and refused to convey any problems between us. He just chose to shut up. Not sure it’s a good thing but I’m glad that the project is still going on. Of coz at the same time I definately feel stress.


Thanks for your suggestions along the way. I really appreciate it.

[DarkSociologist]

Hopefully you'll be able to get through the project without too many more problems and get on with both of your lives.

[Kayceezharold]

Was reading through the posts....

I have a thot:

In all interactions, a relationship is established. When a relationship is established, there will definitely be exchanges. If the two parties are of their same ethnicity and race, there will be less communication problem.

However, I seem to get the impression that you and the person you have engaged are of different origins? Perhaps different race? If this is the case, one possible reason could be misperception arising from differences in culture? Your ways and comments and words may be misinterpreted as being inconsiderate or rude in his culture. And so, he reacts coldly or negatively because his feelings have been hurt.

Maybe you wanna think about having a session with him - not to talk about the project - but just to "lay everything on the table" and discuss about expectations - where you are coming from and attempt to understand where he is coming from; why it is that h is reacting such way.

Just my thoughts... about poss cultural differences. Of course I may be wrong if you are both of similar / same cultures... if so, wanna enlighten?

Good luck in your attempts to sort this out...

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Kayceezharold
The World Thru Kayceez Eyes
Earn As You Learn