Method to turn off negative work experiences when you get home.

[Lantana]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but it feels like an emotional mastery issue.

I have been working very hard to find a way to turn off negative work experiences of the day when I get home. I work a very stressful job, mostly owing to dealing with some difficult situations with people at my job. Coming from private industry, I've been working in a government agency for the past year. This is not my dream job, but in difficult economic conditions we are in right now, I've been trying to learn to deal with this and make it work. I have worked to so hard to learn to do one simple thing, which is being able to turn off what I experienced during the day when I get home. There is nothing positive that comes from brewing over the days events, turning them over and over in my head, and ruining the evening. I work very hard to keep conflicts from happening with occasional people at work and over this year, the situation has improved dramatically. Not because I was able to change anyone else, but more dealing with how I can keep them from happening from my end, dealing with them in a positive way when they do, and just not letting it get to me while it's happening.

My habit is to go into a conference room at lunch (I work in a cube) with books that deals with handling these issues from a positive, more "eastern" way - inspirational reading. I sometimes meditate to stay calm, or just gaze out the window breathing, emptying my mind, and trying to regain my sanity to go out and face the rest of the afternoon. But government jobs are VERY different from my experience in private industry where people are expected to pull their weight, act professionally and not expect special consideration due to their political pull, and always prepared to play the discrimination card (which is leverage that I've never seen in private industry).

Although my ability to deal with it all in a positive manner, I find that I cannot let go of the anxiety or negative feelings about it when i come home. I need to come home to peaceful thoughts, relaxation, and realize that what happened that day is done. Let it go that evening, get some rest and relieve myself on the negativity of the day. I've tried meditation, but I'm so wound up, this is hard to do. Xanax works pretty well but that is NOT a solution. My goal is to tell my ego to just release it for the evening and deal with it the next day - when I'm getting PAID to deal with it!

Can anyone give me some ideas or pointers on how they have been able to shut of their brains for just a few hours? Basically how to "leave it at the door" when I come home so that I can enjoy my evening. I'm getting better at doing it, but am no where near "there". I can't understand why I can just tell my brain to let it go, and have it obey me!! The ego is truly a relentless maniac at times. Any ideas would be so greatly appreciated!

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by Lantana

Basically how to "leave it at the door" when I come home so that I can enjoy my evening. I'm getting better at doing it, but am no where near "there". I can't understand why I can just tell my brain to let it go, and have it obey me!! The ego is truly a relentless maniac at times.

I wanted to suggested meditation but I see you're too wound up to do it after work. How about doing in the morning? I see now you do it also in the conference room.
If meditation after work doesn't work, how about going for a walk (riding a bike?, any other type of exercise that you'd enjoy?) I know it can be difficult to make yourself do something if you're tired and stressed,but physical activity always helps me get that stress out of my system.

Do you have any hobbies? So when you get home, you have some fun and positive things to focus on!

In the meantime, when those negative feelings come up, try no to think you have to suppress them, just acknowledge them and then shift your attention on something else,don't be angry if they crop up again, simply keep catching yourself when you think them and then focus on something else.

Hmm, maybe ayou could also relax in a warm bath?

[ellie]

Well for me, what has helped is having a hobby/passion/business.

I'm concentrating on creating my own online business, so that keeps me really focussed, and actually makes me less concerned about all the other "issues" in my life.

It just enables me to be hyper focussed on the end goal. So if I don't have a good day in my job, I just say, "oh well, that doesn't concern me, because I will be rid of this in the near future, so focus on what's important".

[180]

I think it might help if you can tell us specifically what's bothering you.

I'm also into "Eastern" philosophy and mindfulness, meditation, etc.

But being of a "western" mindset. I think dealing with the problems at work are always better. Like are they actual work related problems? Not meeting deadlines? Too much work?

Or is it like... people. It sounds like it's people from your post.

I've had a lot of ... people problems at work but I've learned to deal with them and that's made me MUCH happier. In my very first workplace I had this like... absolute animosity with one of my co-workers (and quite frankly I also thought it was a race issue. She didn't warm up to me ever, even though we went to the same college and graduated under the same major)

She hated me with a passion, ergo I returned the favor. Initially I tried to avoid all confrontation but I reached a limit and had dreams of pushing her out of our high rise cubicle building into the streets below. It was never resolved. But subsequent jobs I've learned how to deal with people much more effectively and now... I'm loved by everybody (Which is exactly how it should be damnit ^_^ )

Work relationships are always the hardest. And it's the cause for a lot of people's unhappiness. I tried using eastern philosophy to dissolve it away, but I find it better, and more fulfilling to actually understand why it's happening and to change the relationship rather than.... "Forgetting it" and "flowing" in a Buddhist manner.

Don't get me wrong though. I love meditation and I think it has amazing benefits, but this doesn't sound like a problem solvable by meditation.

[robcartoons]

One thing that I have found to be very helpful is juggling. If I start juggling then I simply can't focus on anything else apart from the juggling.

Of course it doesn't have to be juggling, it could be any activity that has the same effect to give your mind a bit of space.

What I find it that after a few minutes of juggling, my concerns aren't as intense as before and I can look at them more rationally. You don't even have to be good at juggling to give it a try! In fact it's probably more effective if you're not!

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by robcartoons

One thing that I have found to be very helpful is juggling.
Of course it doesn't have to be juggling, it could be any activity that has the same effect to give your mind a bit of space.

Ha, what an interesting method!
But I can see how it can work...

[Illuminatus]

Trauma recovery!

Use this method:

Thoughts don't generally create emotions; they are generally reactive TO emotions

Lantana, working hard all day is considered by the emotional brain as a trauma. You definitely need to turn off when you get in so you can get on with things you like doing in the evening. I do the exact method in the post above EVERY NIGHT when I get home from work. Sometimes it only takes me 10 minutes to fully recover.

[Lantana]

After feeling angry and anxious about the day (it was a bad one), due to this work relationship problem and the environment that I work in. I went to bed thinking that I'd feel better the next day. I did actually until I got to work. Then fell into a deep depression - the likes of which I rarely experience. As the day wore on I just sank deeper and deeper into it, isolating myself as much as I could beyond the people that I had to speak with - which of course made it worse because everyone noticed. My manager told me the day before that in this conflict with this person, that I hadn't done anything unreasonable or wrong and that he would speak to the manager of that person in the morning and straighten it out. So fast forward to today - - he didn't. Nothing happened. When I realized this, that's when the depressing began, feeling very hopeless about everything and angry at him and unsupported by him. I felt any trust that I had for him slipping away throughout the day. Taking some vacation time tomorrow just to not have to be there the entire day.

I know I'm in the wrong work environment for me as it's been an extremely difficult year for me just making myself be there, working so hard to force my attitude not to suck or show. Today I just gave up hope, and feel very depressed. This kind of depression is not a normal state for me, so not sure what to do about it and it feels like it's going to stick around for awhile. I know depression can be a warning that you need to take notice of something that you need to change. I think I just kept thinking that if I could just change myself enough, that i could endure it. Clearly, that's the wrong tactic here.

Still, thanks for all your thoughtful replies. I've tried all of it at one time or another, and some of it has been very helpful. Just not now. I think it's just gotten too big and coming home in a nasty mood has happened far too often from this job.

[2achieveyourgoals]

Try meditation and visualization, these help a lot. Do you have a goal in your life? If you do, just concentrate on the fact where you are going to be next year when you achieve your goal.

Also, you need to change your job if you don't like it much. Make plans and improve your skills so you can get the job you want and love. Do you have plans? If not, then you need to make some.

[Obtuse Bruce]

[QUOTE=robcartoons;598676]One thing that I have found to be very helpful is juggling. If I start juggling then I simply can't focus on anything else apart from the juggling.

Of course it doesn't have to be juggling, it could be any activity that has the same effect to give your mind a bit of space. [quote]

My first line of action to relieve stress is meditation. Once I get to the hypnagogic imagery stage, I feel very centered.

My second line is exactly as quoted: find an activity that won't allow extraneous thoughts to creep in. For me, it's musical instruments.

Best of luck - I hope you find your peace sooner rather than later!